Queenie,

So glad to hear that your spirits have been lifted. You are doing so well and I'm so proud of you.

(((Queenie)))

From me, too!

Today was just as wonderful as last night in services. The songs, the melodies, the being with my "family". I was able to go there and not be all sad for the loss or feel like "he" was missing so much.

I was able to just be there with me and G-d. And that was so nice. The rabbi brought Torah to life and I confirmed with a lady there that for sure we are going to Israel next year.

I feel like though I am staying in today, I have something to look forward to versus just living a day. And that's nice to have. I know how I can come up with the money, from the sale of the house and I found out that my children can get go to Israel for free, I just have to get them to New York. So I am planning on figuring that out, sending them to Israel, if they want to go at the same time and meeting up with them while we are there.

I left services, went to meet my lady friends from work and then came home, took a little nap and went to a BBQ and AA meeting.

All in all it was a nice filled up day for which I am grateful.

Tomorrow I am meeting with my AA sponsor to finish working through the 12th step and then meeting with my possible sponsee and then my meeting tomorrow night.

It was so weird how the lady I am planning to go to Israel with said to me last night, I have to come back. She understands that need to go there. It's a pull that has always been there and if it werent' for my son still being in high school. I wouldn't come back.

But I can always move there after he graduates, or how about I just stay in today and get through it today.

I am so happy you are doing better! I love this new side of you Queeenie!!!

I would love to go to Israel but it so expensive to go out there. But who knows one day I might be able too!

And great news in working thru step 12

Hi Pretty,

How are you doing? Are you taking care of yourself and getting enough rest lately?

I know it's hard, but anything you get is good.

Thank you for your support. Israel will be expensive, but with the sale of the house I think that its one of my best shots to go and do this for me.

This has been a desire of mine for my ENTIRE life. I really could just move there and live out my life and maybe meet a man one day who shares the same values in life that I do.

For now, I just get to experience who I am and know that I belong.

You are so RIGHT, who knows, one day maybe you can go. Anything is possible if we let G-d give it to us or lead us.

I'm excited to keep working through because now I get to start on my alanon steps. Lucky me...

Congrats again my friend!

I have had some rest. Tomorrow is my day off so it will be nice. I plan to do nothing, not lift even a finger !!!

We have had our ex babysitters oldest here the past few nights and its been wild but not to crazy. He keeps my oldest happy and entertained!

I get register Ethan for school on Wed Hes my baby boy I dont want him to grow up.

Thanks Pretty,

I'm glad you are getting rest. I worry about you. It's not good, but then again it's life and you will get through it. No one has ever died from being tired, but its' a rough place to be in.

I know, it's never fun to have our last baby grow up on us, but when you are there and present in their lives then you know that you are doing what G-d wants, which is to take care of his children and set them free so he can guide them like he does you, his other child.

I agree with you 100 percent.

We got some of the rain from Dolly but she finally moved out this morning. Its nice and humid here. Take a shower at home go right outside and boom you have another one

Queenie,

Sounds like you are doing great!

Keep it up.

((((((((((((QUEENIE))))))))))))

Hi Luna,

I am doing better. I keep building my life each day. I am getting ready to go back to work next week so that's going to be nice.

The times I think of him are limited and I am better able to shake them away. He is sick and gone. My sponsor really wants me to write that angry letter before I go back to work and since its supposed to be rainy this week I should be able to get that done alone with doing one more deep cleaning in my apt.

As it turns out, my house still hasn't sold. The contractor is feeling the crunch, so I might entertain trying to get help funding it to get back in there.

I think having a trip to plan for next year will be good for me. I need something to keep me forward and looking to my own future. Though it's just today, it's still going to be fun to plan.

There is a part of me that really just wants to run away, forget my life here and just begin again and find someone new, no baggage in our relationship, just the ability to practice MB principles and live out my life.

That certainly doesn't need to be decided today. I just need to be the sun GODDESS and go lay out while I have time.

Hi there:

Sounds like you're doing WONDERFULLY!!

sounds like you are doing great I am glad Q.

Right now its not a salers market. With the gas prices driving high and so on. Ours is on market and hasnt moved either.

Hi Mimi and Pretty,

Thank you for the words of encouragement. I am doing better and that's a good thing.

Today, I went on a 4 mile walk with my sponsor. I had a harder time because I hadn't gone since Thursday, so the huffing and puffing was heavier, but I made it in the same amount of time.

I came home, napped for a bit then went to the pool for the afternoon. My sponsor came, brought us lunch and we had a nice time.

Then I went to an all women meeting, that included a potluck. It's a very intense, honest, meeting. I have a hard time in that meeting as I don't want to really share myself, but I'm trying and that's ok.

My sponsor noticed in me that the two times she has been around me at the pool and someone comes she notices that I become more friendly, loud, talkative etc and she was wondering what that was about. And then she said she noticed it tonight when everyone was around and I seemed to become more comfortable. She isn't saying if that is bad or good, just I am different.

I hope everyone is having a nice evening. I am going to check on other threads and try and get that letter started. I know, I keep putting it off. But maybe I can pray for the willingness.

Its all good And the new you is coming out!!! Im very very proud of you Q.

I get loud sometimes too. I think its all natural.

Thanks Pretty,

I'm so glad you shared your story with us. I felt that heartached you two have been through. I hope one day you get to know my WH and can help him walk through his journey.

thank you.

I feel a bit better about putting it all out there. I put bits out over a yr ago but nothing like that.

You two are amazing and such inspirations.

Pretty, I'm really scared to write this letter. And I'm really scared that I'll never talk to my H again because he is long gone.

I'm really trying to be so strong and keep walking, I just dont' know what to do with these feelings.

Ah, I know... let me write the letter and pray to G-d.

Q, I bet if you start writting you wont even realize it and be done with it.

I have written so many times about whatever and I feel so much better. Its another way to handle things if someones not right there to talk to at the moment.

Queenie, you know, you might not need to send the letter after you get it written. You might choose to burn it or tie it to a balloon and release it to the universe or G-d. Or bury it. Or float it down the river. You don't have to give it to him. Just getting all that out of you may be very liberating, though.