I missed the part about THE LETTER.

What LETTER are you talking about?

It's NOT RECOMMENDED to send your WH another letter.

That is SO TOTALLY what I was trying to say. Writing it is fine. Spewing all you want is fine. Venting and saying every hurtful thing you want is fine. Expressing your hope is fine. BUT DO NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES SEND IT!!!!!!!!

Ladies, PLEASE....

Have FAITH in ME. This letter was NEVER going to be sent. Just written, read to my sponsor and destroyed.

The only letter that might get sent is the PBL again, but even that one I don't know about. We can look at that in a couple of months.

I have almost a whole page done, but I need to keep writing. I was crying so hard and so emotional last night, I just put it down and went to sleep and talked to G-d.

Now I am heading out to go walk. Will be back..

Wait a sec? You dont' think hateful, angry spewing venom letter isn't what I should send him? Darn... it

Nope.. These Boots Are Made For Walking ..I think you need Nancy Sinatra's boots..... A little more info on 'Boots'


Then, there is the whole Boots of Hullabaloo!!!!!

Hi Cinders, I'll listen to the posts you just gave me in a little while.

I went walking, and have been rearranging and cleaning my apt getting ready to go back to work next week. I want to get everything deep cleaned so I can take the weekend off and really work on my tan one last time for the year.

I feel so violated today. I feel like I just want to take a gun and shoot WH dead or at the very least make him understand what he has DONE to this family. I know of course there isn't anything that can be done, he isn't a human being, but I'm tired of having no where to put these feelings. I want them at him. I want to scream and shout and hit him and get him to wake up.

I've gained weight, and I'm angry and sad because I don't have money to buy food that is really on my food plan, I'm stuck eating cheap carbs and walking 4 miles a day doesn't seem to be stopping the weight. So I'm unhappy with myself.

I called the A, the state about the money and pretty much there is nothing I can do. WH owes me the money and won't get out of paying me, but in terms of when it shows up, who knows.

I've just lost hope. I'm moving on, building a life, moving farther away from my H and I have no other choice but to keep going.

You are still wanting to CONTROL HIM...YOU want MAKE HIM understand???? Then, you say that you know that there isn't anything that can be done. Not true. YOU want to do SOMETHING to CONTROL HIM. Right?

Remember: YOU CAN ONLY CONTROL YOURSELF.. CONTROL your own need to CONTROL...CONTROL your OWN EATING PATTERNS..


This is not HOPELESS...This is HOPEFUL that you have this option...

Just stopping by to give you a hug.

(((((((((((((QUEENIE)))))))))))))))

NO, I want to do something that will help me to move on and strip him out of my life. I want this to be OVER. I want the burning bush that tells me it's time to D him, he's NEVER coming back and there is no HOPE for recovery.

I DON'T WANT TO CONTROL. I hate to control. It's just something I always did. I HATE it, I know I have NO control over anyone but myself. I KNOW IT.

What I want is to simply STOP FEELING and NOT CARE.

Because I'm SO MIXED up inside and I haven't a clue WHAT I WANT. I just don't WANT THIS...

Hi tst,

Please say hi to your special wife for me, ok?

Thanks for stopping by.

((Queenie))

I actually see knowing what you don't want as an important step to figuring out what you do want.

I also think your anger is a step forward, in that it is the first time I recall seeing you really angry at your WH. Usually you save that kind of anger for yourself. Go ahead and beat on some pillows!

Hi Exodus,

I'm ANGRY all right. I'm angry that he has responsibilities and he just walks away and leaves me to figure it out. I'm angry that there was NO CHOICE for me in ENDING my M. He stole it and threw it away.

I'm ANGRY that I fell in love with that man and believed him that he loved me, that he would always be there.

I'm ANGRY on how STUPID I was to believe his LIES and DECEIT and to TRUST HIM. I HATE this WH. I HATE him and want him gone from my life. I

I want this to be OVER. I want to be HEALED, happy and with someone who I can love because I have learned to love myself and I can be proud of what I have done to walk through this.

And I am ANGRY at me because I believed in good, in happily ever after and that commitment was something you honored and kept working at no matter what.

I'm STUPID and NAIVE for even believing that M was something special between two people. That love would conquer all. That family was the most important thing in life and when you made that commitment you just frickin kept trying to make it work.

I'm not ANGRY about the A, I'm ANGRY he just LEFT. I'm ANGRY at this disease of Alcholism because I KNOW how it destroys and there it NOTHING, NOTHING that can be DONE.

I'm ANGRY because STUPID me though I had control. WHAT A LIE. I didn't control anything and I WASTED SO MUCH TIME and ruined so many LIVES because I THOUGHT I could CONTROL.

I'm ANGRY on how STUPID I was to believe his LIES and DECEIT and to TRUST HIM

You weren't stupid. The stupidity was his... he is the one that lied, he was the one who was deceitful, and he is the person who broke trust.

So since you now recognize you had much less control than you thought you did, why not forgive yourself? You do have that control.

There is nothing wrong with much of what you believed.

Yes I WAS. He gave me the ILYBNILWY line back in Sept 06. I sensed within a couple of weeks back in the summer of 06 that he was different, I called him on it, I asked him multiple times if he was having an A. But STUPID me could NEVER believe he could do this.

How frickin sure of myself that he would love me that we would always have our M or at the very least, if we ended it we would end it together. NOT JUST BE THROWN AWAY.

How cocky of me to not act on what I suspected. But I was too caught up in my EN's not being met, I ignored the OBVIOUS and now he is GONE.

Because I'm not a wayward living in a fog. I live in reality and see the destruction and damage that has happened in this family and it's almost TOO MUCH for me to bear.

May be not wrong, but certainly not what most people think and therefore I dont' really fit in this world. I don't fit in this world where lives, marriages, etc are thrown away because life becomes to challenging or hard.

Really? Did you really know that ILYBINILWY meant he was having an affair, or is that something you learned after you got here? We can only work with the information we have at any given time. You have learned a lot since all of this began. Would it have been great if you had known it 5, 10, 20 years ago? Absolutely! But you didn't, and that makes a case for not having the experience or information you needed... not stupidity.

No it was after I came here and learned so much.

But I knew, I have known for years he was struggling in his soul. I TRIED everything to make him happy. I'm ANGRY because I thought I could FIX it for HIM and I know today that I COULDN'T. My H is hurting deep in that soul, there is NOTHING I CAN DO, FIX, or TAKE CARE OF.

And because i was such a CONTROL freak, I didn't seek G-d for HELP and ask him what I could do to support my H.

BTW,

I'm getting closer to putting the 2 x 4 down on myself and just somehow TRUST G-d that there is something better for me on the other side.

And just hold onto my FAITH.

Not done yet feeling sorry for myself, but I am finding my sense of humor inside and I am getting up, walking around and cleaning.

I had to do this, didn't I. I had to face the depth of anger that is inside of me so it could be released and let go of.

I really did do the best I could. And I would have really simply laid down my life for him. I loved him the best I could and I tried my hardest to make him happy.

But like you say Mimi, I have NO CONTROL and I couldn't FIX his LIFE or make him DO ANYTHING, not keep trying, no STAY and work on things, not even be a father to his kids.

I just have to pick up and move forward and ask G-d where to next. And that's all I can do.

We can only fix what we know is broken. The reason you didn't know is because you weren't given the information you needed to address the problems. You weren't able to give him the information he needed to address the problem. You're human! Once you found a better way, you were willing to try it. He isn't. I understand your anger, but at some point you are going to have to forgive yourself.

Do you stay angry when children make a mistake, or do you cut them some slack because they don't know any better? Some of the stuff you are holding against yourself was simply a case of not knowing any better at the time.