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Bugsmom Offline OP
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Good news.

It appears that the immediate danger has passed 'for now' - as long as he does not have another attack while they get his meds adjusted.

Praise God & thank you All for your prayers!!

It is still one day at a time but the Dr went from 'prepare' yourselves and "if" he gets thru today TO saying he has good 'hope'.

We will take it as it comes and expect the Best.

I had to call Drac yesterday. First to ask him to plan to p/u kids. He immediately said yes, of course. Anything you need, you just have to tell me. He even called me Babe.

Later he left a vm letting me know he was going to p/u the kids and asking for any news. He then sent an email, too.

I called & talked to Ladybug and then to Drac - just after I had gotten very 'grave' report from Dr. I fell apart on the phone. He was very supportive. Offered to do anything I needed, even to bring the kids here if I wanted

He then said, 'I know it does not mean much, but you and your entire family are in my prayers'. So, I lost it even more!

Later I sent email saying 'although I could not say it at the time, what you said meant a WHOLE lot to me. Thank you'

Later I called and had to leave a message. I just said 'hi guys, it's Mommy. I just wanted to say I love you very very much'

He sent email later that said 'sorry. I took the kids to a movie as I did not thin you would be talking to them again. Hope things are better. You are in our prayers"

It was nice of him to send that, but I DO wonder who he meant when he said 'our' prayers'

I sent a brief reply and asked that Ladybug call me this a.m. She did. I have had no message, call, or email from him today.

So, he is much better than he was last year when my nephew passed - so for that I am thankful

I am just very thankfull all the way around right now.

I will try to update again later.

Thanks, again everyone!


BS (me)
ExWS -Drac
DD 9
DSS 15
D Day 11/06
Divorced 10/01/07

"You Can't Fix Stupid" - My Mom
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Prayers for you and your dad, Bugs. Hang in there.

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I know it CAN'T BE and SHOULDN'T BE No. 1 on your list BUT..get that STEVE HARLEY APPT ASAP!!


I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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First, {{{{{{{{Bugs}}}}}}

I'm glad the news on your dad is better and I will keep you and him in my prayers.

Second, I have to agree with Mimi, make that call asap.

You NEVER know what G-d is working in our lives for the good and sometimes the most awful situations are exactly what G-d is putting into place.

And least the hopeful ME believes so.

How are YOU doing?


BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
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(((((((((BUGS)))))))))))


Just popped in to get caught up (weekend with the kids and work have kept me away so far) and saw all this going on.. not a lot to add, but wanted to pass on a big hug, and let you know I'll be chattin up my friend God for you.



PS. I know it's not the time.. don't dwell on his reactions now, but I think this is the first time an active (or recently active) wayward I've read about honestly trying to meet some EN's for the BS.. Maybe a call to Steve once the dust settles will be in order.


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Bugs, I'm relieved for you. I lost my dad in 1983 after several "this is it" trips to the hospital. It's pretty scary. I'm so glad your dad is better and hopefully they can fix this so he'll have a few more years left to share with his family.

As to this:

Quote
So, he is much better than he was last year when my nephew passed - so for that I am thankful

What a big difference it makes when the wayward is not an active wayward. I could almost hear his compassion (a strange emotion to a wayward) in his interactions with you. I think he meant "our" as in he and the kids when he said "You are in our prayers." At least that's my read.

Call the Harleys.


Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
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“In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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(((BUGS))))

Yep, call Steve. Remember - "narrow path" here. Good luck....


BS - me 56
XWH - 57

12/25/06 - Dday - WH promised NC. Plan A in effect. Thought we were in recovery.

6-3-07 - Dday#2 Found out NC never took place and A never ended. Found MB NC promised again, but WH would not write NC letter.

9/07 - Dday #3. Still lying and sneaking around. Plan B implemented
WH wants nothing to do with me

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Thats great news about your dad. Hopefully things will continue to improve.


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Bugs, this is a natural opportunity for you and Drac to get closer (not opportunity as in something to try to take advantage of, or something that he will try to take advantage of--just something that is).

Like the others have said, you need to call Steve as soon as you can.

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Yep..I REALLY think there's a CRACK..that needs to be handled with KID GLOVES...


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SO Bugsss....

cue music here: "Who ya gonna call?"


Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
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Bugsmom Offline OP
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Hi everyone.

I'm home. Have the kids. Am sitting poolside while they are playinng. Feels GREAT!

Dad is doing soo well. It really is a miracle. This time last night, we thought we were losing him. Now, it's a question of when he is coming home.

Yes, he has congestive heart failure. Yes, that is serious. Yes, this IS something we can deal with. Every day we have him here is a GIFT. With some diligent precautions, who knows how many of those days we will be blessed with?

So, on the way home I called for an appt. with Steve. Their summer office hours are only from 8am til noon, so I wasn't able to book anything. I left my cell number and hope to hear from them tomorrow.

I sent Drac an email letting him know that I was on the way to pick up the kids. He replied and said, "Ok. If you do not mind, please keep me up to date".

I started to call him, but changed my mind. I am thinking of waiting til kids go to bed and emailing. Perhaps it might open an exchange? We'll see.

I agree,,,,,this is possibly looking like an 'opportunity' of sorts that has presented itself out of a really bad situation. He certainly is more the H than the Drac during these last few exchanges. However,,,I AM keeping in mind that for him, it may be the basic concern of the sort he'd have for say an employee and nothing more? Who knows?

I am going to try to enjoy the night and rest of the week of 'vacation' with the kids. Tonight is a bit of a challenge, as DSS did not get his meds this morning (he forgot to take them to Drac's last night).

Oh, almost forgot that Drac brought my trash can and recycle bin back up by my house for me last night. A small thing, but a nice gesture.

Gotta run for now,,,,,Thanks again everyone. I promise to try to catch up with everyone's threads soon!!!



BS (me)
ExWS -Drac
DD 9
DSS 15
D Day 11/06
Divorced 10/01/07

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Keep it SHORT and SWEET until you talk to STEVE.

Let HIM make the MOVES.


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Ahem....

Quote
He's trying to show you what a good guy he is.

I believe I told you this 2 weeks ago. This is an opportunity for him to shine.

How does it feel having a WH trying to meet your needs? LOL


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Bugsmom Offline OP
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Duly noted Miss Lexxxy!!

Quote
Ahem....

Quote
He's trying to show you what a good guy he is.


I believe I told you this 2 weeks ago. This is an opportunity for him to shine.

Yes, I think he is trying to show me what a good guy he is. He's done a right fair job of it the past couple of days.

Quote
How does it feel having a WH trying to meet your needs? LOL


Well, IF that is what he's trying to do,,, the truth is it's a bit scary! I question IF that's what he's up to,,,,

And IF that is what he is up to, then WHY?


BS (me)
ExWS -Drac
DD 9
DSS 15
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Oh, I sent him a brief update on Dad and mentioned not being able to sleep.

His reply, "You are on vacation. If you can't sleep, atleast get some good rest. I know we do not talk, but I am here if you need anything."

I about fell on the floor.

I did NOT bite on the 'I know we don't talk' comment. Not going there for sure until I talk to Steve. I did think it interesting, though, that he brought it up. As he did raise it,,,I think I can raise it up again later if/when the time comes.

Uh oh - - Ladybugs just woke up. Need to get her back to bed.

Hope I can get some sleep, too!


BS (me)
ExWS -Drac
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DSS 15
D Day 11/06
Divorced 10/01/07

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Originally Posted by Bugsmom
His reply, "You are on vacation. If you can't sleep, atleast get some good rest. I know we do not talk, but I am here if you need anything."

((((((BUGS))))))


Good Lord I know I'd be awful confused by this myself were it to happen to me... and I know I gotta stop putting myself in your shoes here, as these days your sitch is looking way more hopeful than most.

IMO though, it's time to take inventory.. not just because you're looking to talk to Steve, but take inventory of how what he's doing is making you feel. I don't THINK he added the 'I know we do not talk' bit to be a barb here.. I don't think it's evil wayward manipulation here.. but I DO think that he's at least thinking about your PBL, and is knocking on the door... only negative I take away from this is that he's trying to shove the ball back into your court to see how you're going to play it.

I'd almost see this as an opening to gently restate your boundaries in a way that lets him know (if this is what you want) that while you -want- to give him back the keys to the kingdom, the path he must follow in order to make you feel secure enough, and to be able to start to believe in him again after all you and Ladybugs have been through.. that path is laid out for him.. that's the path at this point for him to meet you half way.. you're already waiting for him at the crossroads.


Just my $.02 here, and how I'd likely approach it.. certainly though I'd get a conversation in with Steve.. but if you must reply before then, keep it brief, and remember to thank him for the kindness he's shown in recent days.. if it's genuine, that should be enough to encourage him along the path until you have a PLAN.


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Bugs:

Great news on your Dad. I hope you get alot of extra time with him!

Watch out for more H sightings.

I would wiat for the plan with Steve, however, you may not be able to get that info before "this moment" has passed.

Because Drac is still crawling the night looking and trolling. If the bait he is dropping you doesn't work, than he still has other pools to fish.

"we don't talk"

Well DUH.

As Mimi said, let HIM lead. You just respond in a subdued, but positive fashion. Sort of Plan A-.

LG

PS: Hope your MOM and DAD continue to do well.


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So glad to hear that Dad is doing well. I lost my dad in '99 and although we were never close, there is the loss of what "could have been". KWIM?

I hope you have many more years to enjoy him.

As for the rest: WOW!

I don't really have anything more to add. I'm thinking of you and hope that all turns out as it should.

You deserve Drac's best efforts and his undivided focus.

I sympathize with another sleepless night. Since WxH called and asked for a little financial mercy, I've had a few restless nights, too.

Hang in there and know your net is being held, too.


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His comment was nothing more than a knock on the door.
And he'll keep at it, as long as you don't slap him back.
I think you are safe keeping him at arms distance until you can talk to Steve.

This also serves a second purpose for him besides knocking on your door. It is also a demonstration of how he wants you to treat him in his next crisis.

Its also an emergence of H rather than WH. I assume this is more the "character" and actions that you saw in him pre-fog?
He's de-fogging.

His pride won't allow him to be vulnerable and approach you with an apology. So he's just going to be nice, friendly, and demonstrate what a good guy he is. As long as no barbs, slaps, or verbal jabs come his way -- he will feel safer and safer.







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