Hope, my husband was gone for a little over a year and we got up to the day before the divorce was final, when I filed a non-suit. Boy was he mad! He still didn't come home for awhile after that. But what I'm saying is it may LOOK bleak right now, but you have no way of knowing what might happen. If you truly want your marriage, then fight for it tooth and nail. While he's a WH, you HAVE to protect yourself. I know you know this.

BTW, you can also tell your attorney not to go there... to simply state... Mrs. Hope will not discuss or entertain any negotiations concerning a loan. We're here to find out why WH hasn't paid his support and nothing more.

I'm glad you told me that...its very encouraging....

I know what I have to do in order to protect myself and the boys but I keep thinking it will lower our chances of getting back together..I just have to be strong and what will be will be...
I do want my marriage although it feels like I'm flogging a dead horse!!!

I'm glad things worked out for you Princess.....

Glad you are standing firm. Don't give up. I'm expecting big changess in your situation.

Believer you always make me smile and I do look forward to you encouraging words..I don't know what I would be like emotionally if it wasn't for all you guys!!

When I'm sitting in my lawyers office tomorrow I will have your"VOICES" in my head..reminding me of what I have to do!!Isn't the internet amazing...we've never met yet somehow a bond is formed....

Believer,I'm not trying to sponge positive affirmations from you but I can't understand how you can be so optimistic about WH.The divorce is what he wants..any haggling over divorce issues will make him turn away from me more and him and OP will have me to blame for their problems....my kids are pretty ok going to spend weekends with him too..he will HATE me when he doesn't get the loan.If anything his pride will prevent him coming home...

Why would he want to come home?Maybe I haven't been around MB long enough..time will tell..LOL.

Because affairs are all fantasy, and when reality hits, they end. And they almost always end. Reality is starting to hit hubby and OW. Let it HIT them, and stay out of it.

Well I am emotionally tired...I was at the lawyers office 21/2 hours!
Here are the positives;
1.She got WH to pay me the outstanding money for the 4 months.She asked him what was his excuse for not paying me!!said WH was visibley embaressed.
2.told WH in no way must he discuss divorce issues with boys,his lawyer agreed,WH said he doesn't,to which my lawyer told him he was lying and rapped him over the knuckles for causing emotional stress to boys.
3.told WH he was solely responsible for the cause of the marriage break-up.
Here are the negatives:
WH has offered a generous maitenance package and says we can stay in the house for 3 years(by than both boys will be finished school)I won't have to work full day and will be comfortable.The boys will be happy..BUT I must sign for loan...the house will be sold after 3 years and his half will go to repay the loan.

If I don't agree to loan the house will be sold ,WH wants me to sign an agreement stating that the house is in the process of being sold to take to the bank so he can get the loan straight away.If I don't he can go to the high court to force this.I will only get maintenance for boys and will have to work full day and have large morgage to pay off.

WH wanted an answer today.I said no to the signing of the loan
straight off.I didn't realise that he could force me to sell the house before we are divorced..he will get his money quicker than I thought..
My lawyer told them to put all offers in writing and we will think about it.

WH LIED TO ME!!When my lawyer asked him about the short time period he had to close this deal(told me at the end of june he said he only had 5 days!..and that the bank will repossess the house end of july!!)he said I misunderstood him!!cr@p Says he has I think a month.
Also said we had a HUGE fight and thats why he stopped giving me money.also cr@p!!
He has paid $10 000.00 as deposit for the franchise which is refundable..oh but he has no moneyZ!!!must be his provident fund his job paid out.Says he only has $50 000.00 left..shame!!!
My lawyer is still waiting for his retirment annuity and pension statements...she had sent 3 letters in the past asking for this.

Lawyer said I must eave emotions out of my decision and think of the boys future,she is also worried that they will resent me for trying to prevent WH starting a business especially if he cant get job etc.He lied when she asked him why can't he just get a job..said he had applied for 2 and didn't get them..don't believe it for a second that he even applied...DS18 told me OP's company offered him a job....

Anyway I now have a decision to make ..
Now that WH can force the sale of the house and get his money quicker than I thought is it of any benefit for me not to give him the loan?I know I am still liable for the loan but only for 3 years.IF I did give him the loan I would make it clear to him its only for the boys sake that I'll do it.I am not going to be rush into this
For him to go to the high court will cost lots of money I think...
Fire away your ideas please!!
I really hate this...

oops...WH says he only has $50 000.00 left should be $5000.00!! to many noughts..

I am emotionally drained,I got a bit teary talking to my lawyer ut otherwisw was ok...kept thinking of you guys and praying too..
On my way to the lawyers office I saw a beautiful rainbow..maybe a blessing..all my friends were praying for me so I really hope I make the right choices...its hard when you want to save your marriage and secure your future and your childrens...
Whatever I decide WH will get his money and sadly his affair will blossom more than likely...although a new business can bring with it a lot of stress...
Its late here and I'm not going to think about it anymore..maybe tomorrow I'll be feeling better.I hate that WH seems to always win and its not fair...when is he going to feel the fallout from what his done?

Oh...my lawyer told WH that I'm much stronger now than I was 6 months ago and holding on to the house is not important to me anymore..

WH was unaware that I wasn't going to sit in on the meeting..I didn't see or hear him..was great..I waited 5 mins after he left just in case I would bump into him outside.I purposly didn't look for him in case he saw me!!LOL I haven't seen him now for 4 months..a record for me...darkest I've ever been...

And of course I looked like a GODDESS!!

DS15 is going to WH tomorrow till the weekend and DS18 is coming home tomorrow and his weekend away has been cancelled so hopefully he will stay here with me.

(((HOPE)))

Your WH fallout has come, your boys don't respect him like they have in the past, and there will be more fallout for him.

My thoughts are with you.

Hi jlr..it doesn't seem like it to me but than I haven't spoken to him.I think you're right about boys losing respect for him though.
They do miss him especially DS15.
Because I don't know what happening in WH life emotionaly I assume its ok..My lawyer actually asked me how strong was the affair now and I told her I didn't know..
How things in your life jlr?

{{{{{{HOPE}}}}}}}

I don't have any words of wisdom except to let you know I care and am thinking about you.

Thanks Queenie..I'm following your thread too...hang in there..

I'm trying, I'm really trying....

You are really doing awesome and this is so tough.

I don't feel like I'm winning any ground in my marriage...
just trying to move forward however slow that might be..
I couldn't have dealt with today a year ago though..what ever happens I will be a different person a better stronger person.People say I'm so strong now..its funny cos I realise I must have been REALLY bad before...

Its 11.30pm here and I'm exhausted will pop in tomorrow..

I understand those feelings. I hate Plan B. But I also get there was no other choice.

I'm so proud of your strength and your willingess to keep moving forward.

You take care and sleep well.

As I told someone else early today...

Life is good.

I appreciate you asking.

Just stick to your guns and do not settle.

We'll all keeping thinking good thoughts for you.

How you doing Hope?

Yesterday WH bought DS18 home and DS15 left to spend a long weekend with WH,he wanted WH to help him with a school project that had to be handed in today.I was feeling good about myself SO while the boys were talking to WH outside the house I took WH's mail out to him.I knew I looked like a GODDESS...I walked up to him and said "hi,here's your mail".He was shocked to see me and said 'oh,thanks'.I smiled and walked back inside the house.I know I was being naughty but I just had to flaunt myself..LOL

Today my lawyers secretary phoned and wanted me to make an appointment for monday..I don't want to yet,will stall if I can..
I am swaying towards accepting his offer which is REALLY good cos WH will get his money relatively quickly anyway.Also I don't want the boys to resent me..

What happens if the business fails and your home doesn't go up in value in three years?

What if the business doesn't make enough money for him to pay you monthly support? Most business' lose money for the first several years. They always say that you need that much in savings BEFORE you start a business.