You know what, I wonder if there are not more serious problems here if she has told him several times to stop and he won't stop? That reaches a level of very purposeful DISRESPECT that needs to be addressed in a more serious manner, IMO. If he is that disrespectful about THIS, he surely is about other things. That is the kind of behavior that quickly erodes love.
aeri, he is normally disrespectful to you?
MelodyLane--thanks for your help....
Normally disrespectful? No...normally, he treats me very well. He's a good Husband...
I told him to stop this behaviour at Christmas, but it only got worse....
He is Scandanavian...I think. She can correct me if I am wrong.)
I realize that bad manners shouldn't have cultural borders, but I cannot help but wonder if it could.
edit: He is what my family would call "petted". When he was young, he almost lost his life (not sure of the particulars) and his family doted on him during that time..and continued to do so after he survived. When he subjects her to the silent treatment, I see a child holding his breath til he turns blue, because someone hasn't been "nice to him". I think he has carried on this type of 'spoiled rotten' to his marriage.
Aeri..hope you don't mind that I added some info from previous posts. If it's inaccurate...let me know.
Hi again, Committed...I don't mind you adding some facts...all are correct except he's not Scandanavian--he's Dutch.
Hey JosieJones--I remember you when you were weaver!
Aeri, do you think your husband might have a little abusive streak?
Why are you trying to figure out ways to make you husband feel love for you again. All you tried to do was tell him that it hurts you and your family the way he treats your mom, and even then you worried about how to say, even beginning with "I love you" so he wouldn't get angry.
Do you think he could possibly losing respect for you, not love.
It is pretty mean to tell someone they have no friends. I think that is a very hurtful thing to say to your wife.
I think regaining his respect by not putting up with his immature meaness, and sulleness may go along way.
If my husband treated my mother that way, well it would only have happened once. Me, I gotta big mouth, so I probably would have said "don't you ever badmouth my mother or treat her poorly again" end of story. Nothing to discuss. Your family is way kinder than mine to come to you and ask you to speak to him. My siblings would have stopped him immediately. Mel, (who is more diplomatic than me) appreciated her husband telling her nicely, yours didn't. Big difference.
How he handles other peoples reactions to his very poor and hurtful behavior is his problem. That's part of growing up.
edited to add: a tad bit abusive is probably not the right word. maybe immature is a better word.
I don't know if it's abusiveness or immaturity. Others have suggested that he's controlling. Sometimes I question why he can be so cold to me...for instance--he promised that I could have a cat when we moved into our house. I waited 2 years and when we finally bought the house, he flat out refused to allow a cat into the house....no reason except that he doesn't want a cat. I've negotiated every way I know how (even suggested one of those ultra-ugly hairless cats) to no avail.
don't think you should get in the habit of allowing him to stonewall you either. Stonewalling is very cruel (refusing to speak to you, withholding affection, etc).
I get in fights with my husband, and I won't let him stonewall me. That hurts me more than anything.
Me, I'd be right there in his face until he talked to me about it.
How do I stop him from stonewalling me? I've tried pursuing it, not allowing him to walk away and it doesn't work. If I stand in front of him, he'll move me. If I keep talking he'll watch TV and completely tune me out...AND, the longer I keep it up, the longer he'll stonewall me in the end. It's a never-ending circle....