Before you go on recording her you need to make sure you're in a one or two party state.

You can't just go recording people.

Then again, you could record just to confirm your suspicions.

She doesn't use your home computer?

I asked the questions about you having kids for very good reasons.

There are many of us here who don't believe a marriage is worth saving when there are no kids in the picture and you're young as you are.

Yes, it is a Marriage Builders website. We'll stand by you and support you if you try to save your marriage.

Many of us, with kids, will tell you that as young as you are you should seriously consider bailing if she has had a PA and crossed that line.

It's hard for someone without kids to understand, but I would have nothing to do with my ex if I didn't have kids with her and tons of others here feel similarly. We wanted to save our marriage to be with and near our children. It was the only real motive. Yes, we loved our spouses, but love can be found elsewhere. It was the family that can't be replaced. Coming home to your wife and children is difficult to describe if you don't have kids. It's family. It's hard to put to words the beauty of going to bed at night knowing your children are sleeping just down the hallway while you lay in bed with your wife.

You don't have the kids. So some of us might tell you to count your blessings that you're young and to dump the cheating woman and find yourself someone who won't do that.

But you want to save your marriage, so we'll support your efforts there.

So the next step for you is to get more evidence. Check your financial records and spending records. You'll find stuff there. Check cell phone records as well.

A voice recorder for the car is fine as is a GPS. If you're married to an attorney, I'm assuming you have funds available. Hire a PI and get him/her to get confirmation.

Affairs are the lifeblood that sadly keeps them in business.

I'm sorry to tell you, bro, but your WW is likely having more than just an EA. We would love nothing more than to be wrong, but we've seen this movie many times and lived it to think otherwise. But we'll be hoping we're wrong. It's the one thing we're happy to be wrong about on these forums.

The biggest thing you need to know is that you must be strong. Women don't respect doormats.

So??? That doesn't make him judgment proof. I've been in the legal field for a long, long time... but not an attorney. I have to tell you though, just the THREAT of an AOA being filed against an "ethical" attorney would not be good for business for that attorney. That's not something they want in the public record for clients, potential clients, and especially potential employers to find.

I've seen many sexual harrassment suits settled quietly by law firms before they get to court for that very reason. You don't think an AOA suit because of adultery wouldn't cause the same reaction? I'd say the fact that they're both attorneys is in your favor.

Don't let the fact that they're both attorneys scare you. You just get a bigger, meaner attorney.

Do a call out for Mr. W. He's an attorney. Let him give you his take on this.

I've checked our financial records, and there is nothing out of the ordinary. At this point...I'll have to see what happens this weekend.

Do this. What do they say? If you want the truth, the truth shall set you free?

I need to add my voice to the chorus! PLEASE listen to and follow the advice you receive here.

I, too, had a loving, honest, Christian, professionally educated and moral wife who would NEVER, EVER DO SOMETHING AS DASTARDLY AS HAVE AN AFFAIR (EA/PA)!

I was wrong...

And so are you...

Hang in there!

VW - my w was involved in a brief EA over a year ago which was a seminal event in the near dissolution then dramatic rebirth of our marriage. True I was naive and I did not recognize how her relationship with another man was confusing the picture. Not recognizing and dealing with this aspect of our conflict made fixing things harder than they had to be. But, I feel differently than some of the posters here. I think that even if your wife is involved in an EA or more - her getting her needs met by someone else is not the main problem in your marriage. Yes, that needs to stop completely. But rooting out an affair will not solve your marriage problems. You need to focus most on the illness in your marriage (depleted love bank), not the symptoms (affair).

You need to become an EXPERT in meeting her ENs and avoiding love busters. You need to simultaneously make your marriage one your wife wants to come back to, something she would choose if she could choose all over again. Yes, do all the investigation and exposing and all that. An ongoing affair will make marriage building impossible. But do not allow your hunt for an A to overshadow your efforts to become the best spouse you can to your wife. I"m not saying ignore the EA ?PA. I'm saying do both. If you don't do both at the same time, why would she come back? Come back to what? The same unsatisfying relationship she's been in for years? Why would she?

To me unmet needs are like a pit in your yard. As long as the pit exists, there is danger. You can put up fences and signs, you can keep people from falling in with your constant vigilance - but why not just fill in the pit? You eliminate the danger AND think of all the great things you can do with your yard now.

Have you read up on withdrawal in marital conflict?
States of mind

Withdrawal

Interesting how your wife was in the state of conflict where she was actually telling you how she felt and what she wanted a year ago. Now she is done. She likely feels like she's tried and you are a lost cause. She likely feels your marriage is a poor investment. Prove her wrong this time. This time you need to do it right my man.


Good luck. Keep us posted. Devour Harley's site. Get and read all his books. Don't expect to be able to fill this pit over in a few weeks. It took you years to get here. You wife has to see that you are different and your changes are for real - not dependent on her reciprocation. You change for you with no expectations.