Niss, if you could not stop it in the past, then why would you be able to stop in the future? If I were your husband and you told me you had no power to stop an affair, then I would not consider you a safe person as a spouse. What is your husband supposed to do if another affair happens to you in the future and you have no power to stop it?

How can he ever feel safe with you?

You know sometimes you need an awakening slap. You can say I got it.
Till the time my BH was not aware of it I was not experienced to the outcome and knowing is very different than experience. Now I am experiencing the outcome and I will never let it happen again.

it is something very important for BH to know how may affairs did u have. how may times u have been in bed with other people if any...in this way there will be nothing more new he may be knowing form outside...this may help him from more pain in life.....u both are still sleeping sepretaly...
it is something very import for u to think...r u satisfied with ur husband all the time ....this may be the reason (primary) why ladies go for affair and is ur husband satisfied with u too.

I have already told him about everything else. you know nothing else could be more harsh than having sex with OM even when you are married. I always tried to keep this from him. When he knows all about it than there is nothing left to keep as a secret and apart from this I never kept any secret from him. He knew most before our marriage. Means what ever contacts I had, whoever i was talking to if anyhting was left I told him in between all this conversation.
I have nothing to tell him now.
Yes I have been satisfied with him and I hope same from him.
But yes I will ask him this once we have some fruitful conversation whether he have been satisfied by me.

I really do not know what to say him. I can not look in to his eyes, How to say him just to believe me once.

this is nice that u do not any thing else to hide now...this will help you a lot....u do not be in contant worry what if other thing comes up in future...where r u now days.....have u ever meet with OM after BH came to know about all this...if u and OM can talk about it it will be nice because u know him 5 yrs so he may help u with some sugesstions according to ur personality u r and it will help u

Establishing NO CONTACT with the OM is an absolute must in order for the M to be saved. No meetings or discussions with the OM during the recovery process - that would be very hurtful and insulting to your BH!

Pls do not suggest anything like this. I really do not know why you are suggesting such thing. I will never contact that person again. this is the matter of trust between me and my BH. I have already betrayed him not again. I have promised to myself and my BH that I will never get in touch with him again.


Well I am a few thousand miles away from OM and I have never contacted him since I promised my BH that i will never contact him and I am not trying to think about it even.
If I want to make it a past I must not contact him in any ways

ok...then do not talk with anyone about this matter at all...except counceller...is ue BH redy for going there

I m not able to talk to him about anything. Once I asked him about it and he said I do not need ay counselor you do. I do not know what to say him. I am not talking about it with anyone.

I do not know where to start from.

I guess I should give him some space and time.

Hi all, I had a discussion with my BH yesterday. I have got the a chance to revive our relationship.

Thanks to you all.. Out recovery process have started.

Hey Niss,

Glad to hear you have recovery ahead of you. A few questions though... Why do you want to recover your marriage if you lied to your husband before you got married and while you were married? You clearly displayed some behaviors that showed you did not care for him. Being a former BH (now am divorced from my former WW) I can tell you that finding out about one's partner affair is the most traumatic experience one can ever go through. Your world is shaken and even your ability to relate to other people diminishes. It is the biggest type of abuse you can inflict on someone. Why instead of being here begging for advice you look at yourself and answer the following questions in an honest way... "Why did I feel that it was ok to betray my husband before I got married and after I got married? Why did I think that it was ok to abuse him psychologically? Do I think he is not worth it? Do I think I can step over him and be ok with that?"" Think about it. After reading your posts I got that impression. You are here begging for advice so he won't leave you. You are afraid of being alone. You do not want to deal with the guilt. Think about those questions. You are pointing out at deeper issues within yourself. It does not matter how much you work on Plan A or B or D or what we tell you here. The only way to change what you have done is to have an honest talk to yourself. Change yourself and everything around you will change. Good Luck.