I was offered with pregnante with DS#1 to be a hostess at a gentlemens club wearing only a nightie :0 I was like yeah right whatever.

Yes I know G-D will help guide and be there.Just some challenges he gives is hard.

I have to try and work on myself for my DH. He loves me now but I want us to continue to recover but right now till I give him teh full A I think we are at a stand point. No we arent fighting or LB's we are spending time together and talking Matter of fact hes painting my toe nails...shhhh dont tell anyone!

They say the challenges are what builds character. Personally I am done, but G-d is the director, not me.

Painting your toe nails? Ok, I'll keep your secret shh.... but you have to get him to PROMISE to teach my H how to do that when he comes home.

I could get the best toe rubs, but painting them. I can't imagine that.



TMTS, I'm restless and wide awake. These are the nights when I miss you the most. Where are you dude? How is recovery going?

Well because of challenges I have alot of character LoL...

Sorry couldnt stay awake last night any longer and basically shuffled off to bed when DH finished up. Today is going to be a looonnnggg day I do not get off of work till 10pm Only day off so far this week is Monday but I am going to see if I can work something out come Thursday since DH is off on another road trip...

I have been having headaches for atleast 4 days now I so need to set up an appt with the drs.

Good morning,

I figured as much. You do sound so tired and worn out.

How is your diet? Not for losing weight purposes, but that can help with headaches.

Oh its horrible... Not gaining or loosing right now. I need to get that in order better. Pretty much eat when I eat. I think yesterday was the first day I ate decently in awhile. So yeah that could be a factor just seems with the way my hrs are that things runs into each other.

How is your morning going?

I fell back asleep because I didn't sleep good last night.

I can see you are off on your day.

Shabbat Shalom, Pretty...

I'll be thinking about you.

I went to drop the babies off at daycare and getting ready for work in a bit.

Shabbat Shalom to you to Queenie

We were invited to a BBQ on Saturday night. So after work I will be going over there.

There you are.

Have you eaten anything. Do you eat protein?

You will be able to sleep though, right?

I had two small coffee cakes this morning and of coarse drinking my coffee!

For lunch I have a lean pocket and dinner will be whatever when I get home tonight!!

I have been doing those instant carnation breakfast drinks and a protein bar in the mornings.

Lunch I want to start my salads and fruits back up and for dinner something light but not over powering!

Oh I slept last night about 1am to 9am this morning. Thats what my schedule usually is. Except weekend DH lets me sleep in

Why do we block out memories we dont want? And when we need to remember we cant?

Hi Queenie,

Thanks for replying to my post.


uhmmmm..interesting...I always thought Alanon was only related to alcohol abuse by another member in a family.... because it sounds like something a BS could use, too, only difference is that the drug of choice is OP!

Sounds like you are doing the best you can and working so hard...keep doing what you are doing, Queenie, and one day, without even realizing it, you will get to the 'other side'.... (at least, that's what I tell myself!)

You know, Luna, my heartbreaks for SL and the pain she is going through. Some days I just feel like I can't do this anymore. But I don't know what to do instead. What are my options, giving up and losing hope or waiting it out and just existing.

Yes, I am building a life. An life empty of sharing it with someone who cares about you, whether you live or die. A person who laughs at you because they see you are silly. I hate days like this when I can't get out of my head.

It is something we can use because that's exactly what is happening and we have NO CONTROL over this. It truly is the same thing and the pain is exactly the same. But the betrayal, well I think this is something beyond comprehension.

I'm so trying my hardest to move forward. You and I have the same years as married, do you really believe we are going to recover from this one day?

You are such a sweetie, Queenie.

Don't you worry about me. I'm gonna be just fine. Just a little dip, and I view it as such. This is when I learn the most, ya know. It's always good for peops like you to remind me that I'm not alone, so a most gracious thank you to you Queenie.


Oh, Lawdy lawd, don't I know it. My advise it to get outta yo head, sweetie. Scat! Literally, if you have to put on some jazz and scat, then do it! Dance, sing, laugh, cry, scream, but get outta that head. Let it go for a night--just BE for today. You can always get back in there and overanalyze another day.

Everytime you begin to analyze something from the outer limits, like a WS perhaps, just shake it off. I'm doing it as we speak. (Mimi would be happy to hear me say you gotta shake it off, because it's a quote from her girl Mariah--well she's not Mimi's child, but you get what I'm sayin'!)

This whole weekend will be me shakin' it off

Much love to you Queenie

Yes, I do, Queenie.

All of us here experience similar feelings...the loneliness, the loss, the regrets, the frustrations, the powerlessness.... and more so then usual when dealing with a WS.

...do what you can to put in place that which will also enable you to experience .... empowerment, pride, joy... plan B, taking care of yourself, sharing....

...but for now, here's just a BIG cyberhug from me to you, QUEENIE, because I think you need one!

(((((((((((((((((QUEENIE)))))))))))))))

Regardless if your WH come back or not YOU will make it through. Lets hope with WH at the end of it!!! Just like YOU made it thru your 12 steps. YOU have done what you can right now for your children.YOU are learning and doing your best by G-D. YOU can make it happien Q. Just keep positive. Yes there are going to be down days. And there will be great days! YOU are a strong women just like all the other ladies here. Everyone has one thing in common right now here. WE all want to work on our M. We are just at different levels. From the short time I have known you Q you have been very strong and I continue to see you grow every day.

((((HUGS)))))

Shabbat Shalom Mark Thank you for your sermon. I felt better after reading it. I hope your evening is going good!

Boy, isn't that the truth. Some of those feelings are the hardest to deal with. It's just a process that doesn't happen over night and as much as we want it to all go away it won't for a long time. Unfortunately we have to go through it, because there is no way around it.

Hang in guys. I'm glad that I found all of you to go through it with me. Not sure where I would be if I hadn't found this place.

CL,


This thought makes me shudder... TOO dark a place for me to go!

....many times, it's been MY lifeline...

...and it gives me once again a chance to remind the BOARD the importance it has in a LOT of people's lives...

...although it's hard to do, CL, it becomes important to embrace those feelings...they are a part of us...they are wanting to help us 'get back on track'....I try and see them as 'messenger' and their presence/intensity as a measure of how far I have come!

...just 'ignoring' them won't work (in fact, it makes it worse, like little kids that need to be 'heard' and won't drop the ball until they are).... BS needs to work at creating a safe enough environement and reassuring them they are being taken seriously so they won't need to 'come up'...LOL!

...given the 'magnitude' of the BS experience....unfortunately, this process takes a lot of work and time and FAITH....and why every «little victory» in the right direction..COUNTS...LOL!


...sorry if it sounds like I am not making much sense and...

...to Queenie for the t/j!

Some of us have a hard time remembering things. As I get older I see myself simply forgetting things that once would have been easy to recall.

There are many things that I have set out to remember and some of those I can recall many years later.

There are somethings that I remember simply because the were unforgettable.

But have you ever tried to forget something?

Let's see how this works...

Don't think about what I just said.

Made you think about it, didn't I?

It's like when the judge instructs a jury to ignore what someone just said in the courtroom.

Yeah; right...

The only way something can be relegated to our non-current memory is for it to be replaced by something more current. Even then it remains, but if we TRY to ignore a memory, it will remain forever...

So CL, and Queenie too, you have to go out and replace those bad thoughts with something better for them to remain in the background. If they come to the foreground, it is because you are not doing something else.

Our task switcher can really only do one thing at a time. There is no multitasking. We only think one thought at any given instant. So if we do something that requires us to think, we will not forget those bad things, but won't be thinking about them...

But we can intentionally replace things in our thought cue with other thoughts by choice. So when we have that stinkin' thinkin' show up, we can choose to think about something else, but it needs to be something that requires thought and not just something we can take for granted.

List the projects you want to get done. Visualize a piece of paper and envision yourself writing them down. Change colors of ink every other line or practice your calligraphy skills along the way. You don't have to use projects. You can make up your shopping list. Just choose to dwell on some other topic that requires concentration. The bad thoughts will return, but the more you can think about other things, the less they will intrude and one day, you might make it all day without even having them in the front of your mind...

Mark

Hello,


I agree with Mark...and I actually COUNT on this....and thoughts can come and go VERY quickly...

From experience, I have found that 'acknowledging' a thought/memory at the FACTUAL level, when it has the least impact, rather then ignoring it, and LEARN to quickly, CONSCIOUSLY, CHOOSE another thought, BEFORE reaching the unpleasant EMOTIONAL level of the thought/memory in question, that with time, we get better and better at doing it... and supposedly one day, we will be able to say...

«Yeah, WS had an affair and it WAS very painful at the time... please pass the butter»!

I can't remember, but there was an article circulating about this very topic and PTSD (which is where I probably picked it up the idea)....

I will try to find it... it's worth the read... and it discusses the very concept Mark talks about...I remember finding the info. VERY ENCOURAGING INDEED! ....it provided a PLAN on how to deal with unwanted unpleasant THOUGHTS, charged with, let's say, NEGATIVE energy!

Luna,

What a gift from G-d that total strangers who would have NEVER met in our other lives are totally annilated by one common thing which brings us together for probably the rest of our lives in some cases. At the very least during the darkest times.

I go there because I want to REMEMBER how important this place is and the promises I make to you all so I can keep moving forward. And that means you Mimi. I haven't forgotten my promise and I WON'T.

Hi Pretty, Chai and Mark,

I so need to see your words of encouragement and thank you. Mark your wisdom never ceases to amaze me. However, being a school secretary I would argue the non multitasking. I don't know how I could do my job without it, BUT I understand your point.

My frustration is this money issue. I am a spoiled brat and honestly want stuff handed to me. I'll own up to it. I won the case in court and my selfishness thinks that WH should just fork over the money and make my life easier, after all he did this. But that's just insanity and I have to learn to take care of myself. I was learning to do that before he started taking the money away. I was getting pedicures, manicures, going places, creating fun in my life. But now I am stuck, it's the 2nd of the month and I have maybe 50.00 left after allowing 100.00 for food and gas and bills, and that still doesn't include my cell phone bill.

So the princess in me, and yes princess because it isn't so regal isn't pissed about struggling. I've done if for a few months now and it's lost its "newness". But I'm too scared, too lazy, to whatever to just go out and create money for myself. But I have changed that, I am signing up a new distributor and having a health expo to get people on my retail.

There is without a doubt a ying yang in me. I go a couple of steps forward, and farther away from WH, doing just awesome and then I stop and take steps back because I don't want to move away from him. So I just have to keep praying and stay closer to G-d on this one.

My plan as much as I don't want it, has to be building a life fore myself and my children where I can take care of myself and I am this silly spoiled brat who wants to be taken care of. I have ALWAYS been taken care of and now it's my turn to fight my way to take care of myself so I can be proud of my accomplishments.

Feelings, I hate them. But you are so right Luna, they are here to teach us something and stubborn me keep procrastinating at the lessons trying to find a softer, easier way and there just isn't.

I am strong, I have a deep strength and commitment to my children and my M. I am struggling to find that commitment to myself, but each day I ask G-d for guidance.

What a journey indeed.

I loved your sermon as well Mark. This GODDESS with her HEAD UP, CHEST OUT, has been cleaning her apt, getting ready to go back to work. I ran a few errands and is looking to grab Torah for awhile and read that Psalm along with the torah portion for the week and just be frickin grateful for what I do have, because I am one blessed person.

I bet it wouldn't hurt to go back to writing my gratitude list and remembering to thank G-d for all those blessings, because it really could be worse.