Hey there, Queenie!!

How are you?

Hi Mimi,

I'm good. Trying to NOT CONTROL, LET GO, and MOVE ON.

My HEAD's UP, CHEST OUT and I'm working on my stinkin thinkin.

I'm not UNIQUE, but I am SPECIAL, because EVERY ONE is SPECIAL.

I'm trying to look at what's blocking me from moving on and I think the spoiled brat attitude, along with fear, laziness. But I can change my ways and learn to recognize and keep walking forward.

My favorite player, Art Monk is about to be inducted into the Hall of Fame and I am so happy for him. He is amazing, and deserves this.

How are you? I miss you.

Queenie,


Yes,,, not only CAN you change, but don't forget to look back and bask in the positive changes you have already made!! That always helps boost me on when I face another difficult step forward.

Enjoy your last few days of vaca,,,even if the sun isn't cooperating!!

Hi Queenie,

LOL on the "spoiled brat" attitude. I'm living a little of that myself these days. I too was used to the good life and now have to make every penny count. On the one hand, it's been good for me, on the other I HATE IT. I can't shop like I used to, which is something I've always loved to do. UGH

Hope your weekend is a good one.

Talk soon....

Hi Queenie,

hows it going? Your looking very pretty
Have a great day!!!!!

Queenie...

How was your weekend? Mine went pretty good I think. Achieved one road bump and moving foward as I see it.

Cant wait to chat it up for a bit! Busy day here though. Need to fold laundry, the ugly B word *bills*, plan the kids back to school stuff and get ready for my work week. DH left this morning for El Paso so I am solo for a week.

Hi Bugs, Chai, Lil, and Pretty,

I hope you had a great weekend. Thanks for checking up on me. I am doing ok. Not GODDESS great, but that's just this morning and I still have my prayers.

Last evening ended interestingly. I got a call from my DD who said I needed to get her to the hospital because she might be having an appendics attack. It was a half an hour until I needed to get to AA meeting to make coffee, so I got everything all taken care of.

Smartie, this is for you. It was a half hour BEFORE the Skins-Colts Game. (Hi James and Smartie)

In the car I was trying to keep my DD occupied, but she really wasn't having much pain so I knew it wasn't her appendics. Her BG came along and as soon as he got in the car I could smell the POT on him. POT was my drug of choice.

So we got there, and she insisted that I go into the examing room with her where I found out she quit taking BC pills over 6 months ago. UGH... I nearly died. I believe I handled it pretty well.

I did tell her BF to keep his you know what you know where in no uncertain terms. I am very upset by this for a few reasons. One of which is Plan B doesn't matter because he is DEAD. The other is my DD went through this a year ago. She got pregnant and made her choice. She feels guilty over it - please no debate on this, and I believe is trying to fix the situation by getting pregnant.

This is her life, is the sole bread winner in her apt, 2 boys dealing drugs for income live there as well. She simply doesn't get the mess that would create. One of them is BF, and he had NO JOB. My DD doesn't have a family that will take care of her or the baby, heck I am barely taking care of myself with the two boys. Still NO MONEY.

The social worker believes my DD is crying out for help, but I don't know how to help her. My sponsor doesn't believe its a cry for help and she just frustrated me last night, plus I was exhausted, tired, hungry and lonely. The deadly sins to an AA.

My sponsor felt like I was making too much about me, but she is happily married and just simply doesn't understand the loss of not just my husband, my best friend, but the father of my children. A up until a little over a year ago I had a complete partner, well at least until the A and now NOTHING.

I'm not sure how I am going to handle this. I'm just looking to G-d for his will of me and the knowledge to carry it out because that really is all I can do.

I hope you all had a great weekend. It's sunny today and tomorrow, my last two days of vacation, guess what I am doing.

((((((((Queenie)))))))

I dont wanna go thru that when my DD gets older Just heartbreaking to a point. She shouldnt need to feel the void she needs to get her life in order married then bring in children. Anways off that subject.

What do you think your DD is doing? A cry for help?

You sound depressed or at least down for the most part today. Enjoy your last 2 days of vacation and soak up some rays I know if I had a pool I would be doing that now!

The BBQ was nice. I got there late only cause of work and well we stayed till about 1am. The kids were worn out. LoL. And they enjoyed it as well. I work pretty much this week. Thank goodness my mom is going to help me with the evenings since no one to watch the babies at night.

Today Ethan gets a shot at the drs .... Gonna have to reward him with ice cream afterwards!

My DD is crying for help because she is PISSED and MISSES her DAD. She understands more than anyone what this loss is, she gets this is a MONSTER and not her dad and she won't grieve it. She handles it like the rest of the kids who are just like their DAD, push it under the table, and forget they are there.

So she acts out in dangerous, destructive ways which is the exact same way their dad deals with stuff when in pain. I.E. the A.

I read you are on your own for the week, but I am glad that your mom is going to be there. Is there anything I can do?

I will at least go relax and just sit still and wait for answers to come to me.

I have prayed and given it to G-d. Now I just need to wait for answers on what my role is, if any. I hope so, my DD needs me but in a healthy way, not to fix it, ridicule, reprimand even though I want to just flipping SHOUT...

I'm glad you had fun yesterday. It's important to have fun in our lives, isn't it.

Just keep me in your thoughts that I will be patient with the kiddos. Especially when I am very tired.

I wish I knew what to say about your DD. I wish you could get her to some counseling to help talk about her grief. I will keep you in my thoughts and hope you are guided in the right direction.

Yeah I am hoping to have a full weekend off and we are going to go camping with this darn humidity. ACK lol. But the kids have been asking to go camping and DH and I need the break from the city life for the weekend. That or we were thinking if we could afford it drive to either Dallas or Tucson AZ.

Try to talk to G-d this week and pray on where he wants you to go. Let him LEAD you and your family.

I can just wait for the answer for her.... not much else as I need to be careful and use my new learned tools in life.

I read this the other day in my meditation book. I really enjoyed it.

From Melody Beatty in Letting Go.

Sometimes, to get from where we are to where we are going, we have to be willing to be in-between.

We are moving forward even when we are in between.

Today, I will accept where I am as the ideal place for me to be. If I am in-between, I will strive for the faith that this place is not without purpose, that it is moving me toward something good.

Awww Queenie. Whoever said life would get easier when they became adults? That's the big secret... there is no guarantee that it will!


It hurts to see our kids hurting, especially when they won't talk about it. But once they're adults, the best we can do for them is to be there for them when they ask for advice and to let them learn from their own mistakes. I'm still having a rough time with this one myself when it comes to my youngest DD.

But the cool part PM, is that we can come here and find comfort with others who understand and are with you as you learn to let go and allow them their mistakes.

However drastic.....

The true meaning of love..... letting go....

I think I HATE love... you know what I mean... the feelings UGH...

Hi Queenie,


Thanks for the thought, Queenie. I like this.

It makes me feel less like a 'sitting duck'!

I have heard about the book and think I will try and get a copy.

Hi Luna,

I have many of her books and have enjoyed reading them all.

In-between, I really don't like this place, but it HAS a purpose so I should probably look around and see what the purpose is.

Last day of vacation... bummer.

It's a mini-heat wave so I am off to the pool for the day. And then my 2nd job.

I went walking 4 miles. That was hard for some reason, but I got through it.

Prayers to all of you....

Hi Queenie,


Good.

Take care.

How was your day today?

Queenie,

The secret isn't accepting where you are as much as understanding where you are going.

Dave Ramsey talks about how when you are water skiing they tell you to look where you want to go because you end up going where you look. If you look down, that is where you end up.

In bull riding riders are told the same thing, look ahead, not at the ground. If you begin to look for a place to land when you fall off, you will fall off.

In Psalm 23 David talks about going through the valley of the shadow of death. It wasn't where he wanted to be and he wasn't accepting of the place he was. Rather he looked forward to where he knew he was being led. His hope came not from acceptance but from faith in what God had promised.

When Abraham was told to go up the mountain with his son and sacrifice him there, it wasn't acceptance of losing his son that caused him to have faith, but rather was the knowledge that God had said that his descendants would become a great nation and a blessing to all mankind.

Hope comes not from accepting where you are but from believing you are going somewhere better.

The wilderness is a miserable place, but when your goal is a promise of God, it becomes merely a part of the journey.

A country and western song of a couple years back became my theme song...

When you're goin' through h3ll
Keep on movin...

Faith isn't being accepting of where you are but being content with what God has promised. It is where He is taking you that matters. It's knowing that where ever He takes you is the best place you can be...even when it isn't where you wanted to go when all this began.

You don't have to accept the valley of darkness or be content with where you are as long as you know that God is with you and is taking you through to the other side.

Not because you know where you are going, but because He knows where He is going and is taking you along and that is a safe and wonderful place to be.

Hope is not in where I am but in the promise of Jer 29:11. Whatever He has planned it is good for me, even best for me, though it might not be what I had picked for myself.

But I don't know what He knows or I would be Him.

And I'm not...which is why I can trust His promises.

Mark

Thanks Mark, I do understand what you are saying. I talked to my business associate who is very spiritual and actually walked me along this very same thinking.

I should be grateful that G-d is with me and I'll be ok and just relax and let him have the wheel.

So, here I am back at work. And it's 91 degrees outside. Off in 15 minutes and heading to the pool.

Hi Pretty, how is your week going?

Just saying Hi!

Mark gave you a beautiful post and wonderful advice. I can't really add to it.

Maybe just to also remember to try to see yourself as G-d sees you!!

Stay cool!