Yeah, there is already a Queen of the Sippy Cups around here. Wouldn't want to step on any toes.


Fox

Well.. I didn't harp on the fact that the cup was spillproof...

Don't I get credit for that?


*sigh*


I think my anxiety level is rising.. coming up on the last couple of weeks of 'firsts'...

08/07 will be our 4th wedding anniversary..

08/17 will be a year from the day she left me..

Then there's DDay + 1 year..


God I just want this month to be over...

You do not have to be FRIENDLY, you have to be cooperative, flowing BOTH WAYS (with a pinch of civility). That's it. If you wanna have a friendly relationship, go for it. I just don't believe you can rely on your WW to get on that bandwagon. Now, cooperation is something that we all can do. It's not easy, it can be stressful, but it's what we parents have to do.

As for the Ddays, I've lost count, they are spread out throughout the year, so it's either be stressed out over them all or learn to self soothe when those stressors come about. For me, I like to do some work, accomplish something. Then I will have some champagne and float in the pool or watch a good movie.

that's basically my weekend. I'm gonna get the lawn mowed, clean up the flower beds, vacuum the pool and do some house cleaning. Somewhere in there, I'll sleep.

yep.

I suppose the 'friendly' point I was trying to make earlier.. really is something I'd like to have.. I just don't see it ever happening so long as she is actively wayward and has to maintain the facade that I'm some monster of a guy.

Happy Monday everyone..

DS and I are spending the week together this week so my updates may be few and far between, but I wanted to basically let those that check up on me know that I'm doing well, feeling pretty good, and I'm sure a lot of that stems from having my little guy around.

Sending love and prayers to all my amigos and friends here on MB.

James,

May you and DS enjoy every single moment you have together this week!

Oh, btw, about you being a 'monster',,,,,,,,Maybe Cookie Monster??!!! Sharing your cookies with DS and making him giggle that special giggle only kids his age can do!

Have a great week!

Hi Jamesus,

I am glad your doing better, me to. Hang tough, its all for a reason.

Hmm.. maybe get that oatmeal cookie recipe out again this week.. that'd be something fun to do one night at home with a movie or a boardgame waiting between batches..

I really don't have a plan this week.. so it's just going to be 'normal' stuff... which I'm glad, because there's been so much going on around here to do/see with DS and DD that I'm kinda feeling a bit run down, and feel like it's starting to become all fun and games with me rather than exposing him to the real 'everyday stuff'... but then when I only get to see him once a week and every other weekend.. I tend to try to make the most of it and have all the housework/boring stuff out of the way in advance.

As for cookie monster.. DS's giggles the other day came from him prodding me to sing the Elmo's World theme song.. with my band's singer sitting in the passenger seat..

Yeah.. major loss of 'cool' points but that giggle is infectuous.

I'm kinda more of a Grover anyhow.. dude always had the best hats.

Heya DF.. really glad to see things looking up for you.

I certainly hope it's all for a reason.. I've given up trying to make sense of it, and just cling to the hope that one day I'll look back and be able to see how God's plan was working in my life towards something better.

From Melody Beatty in Letting Go.

Sometimes, to get from where we are to where we are going, we have to be willing to be in-between.

We are moving forward even when we are in between.

Today, I will accept where I am as the ideal place for me to be. If I am in-between, I will strive for the faith that this place is not without purpose, that it is moving me toward something good.

{{{{{{{JAMES}}}}}}}}

Have a spectacular weekend with your children. They are very blessed to have you.

((((((Queenie))))))

Thanks for that.. it's certainly an interesting way to approach this period of time.


Your boys didn't look too bad last night by the way

LOL, I wasn't going to say a word, though I did talk to Smartie over the weekend. She told me I would hear from her...

I didn't get to see it yet as I was taking DD up to the hospital, and in fact to keep things light I looked over at her and mentioned the game was on. She held up both her hands and said, daughter hospital or Redskins game...

We had a good laugh over that.

I'll watch it tonight...

And you are welcome...

(((((Queenie and DD)))))

Yeah.. that'd be a tough choice.. but knowing my DS he'd work something out, using his toddler cuteness special ability to get the Colts game on in whatever room he was waiting to be treated in

Wow.. what a spectacular light show God put on last night.

Might be a little slow today folks, didn't get a whole lot of sleep. Between the close lightning and thunder, and a little guy getting a bit upset over it all, it was a rough night.

Oddly though I'm in extremely good spirits.. amazing what a couple of hours of cuddling and comforting my little man does for my soul. It's nice to know that I am still DS's 'safe place'.. that even despite the loud thunder and such that gives him the absolute willies.. within a few minutes of curling up in my arms he was sleeping soundly without a care in the world.


For those of us here with wee ones, and my friends that can remember their grown children being so small.. take heart.. you are the safe place.. the shelter in the storm.. the one they turn to when life just doesn't seem right.. it's an honor and a priviledge IMO to be my kids' Dad.

Wow.. life feels almost normal for a couple of days.. though I do have a bit of looming anxiety over tomorrow..

DD got her braces off last night, and went straight for the chewing gum. We had a nice dinner at a local brewery that serves FABULOUS food. Then we came home to bathe the dog and the kids played outside while I cleaned up the garage a bit.

It had really been a good 8 months since I cleaned out the mancave, and I've got my workout equipment back in readily usable fashon rather than having to clear things away which has hindered my 'urge' to lift lately. Was planning on having the beach bod all ready to go this past spring, but I'm still feeling a little soft despite being 40 pounds lighter than I was this time last year. Making a resolution to start working out every morning before going to work and see how that carries out.. maybe by Christmas I'll look good in that speedo again.

The neighborhood kids came out around dusk last night, so I let DS stay up a little later than I probably should have, and as a result he was a bit grumpy this morning.. but it was cute seeing him chase after his sister and the girls down the street, wandering through the garden and picking cherry tomatoes, washing them off with a hose and eating them fresh... man were they good.

So, it's a taste of what I'd consider -normal- life.. but DSD and WW are missing from it, and I'm feeling that pretty acutely today as our wedding anniversary looms tomorrow. I'd gone around and around with myself as to whether or not to get something, even a small something for WW.. maybe a single rose left anonymously on her windshield at work.. no card, note or anything.. but I think I'm just going to let it go and keep my focus on spending time with the kids.. not even going to email or acknowledge it at all..

Feels kind of like when the first 'anniversary' of my father's death when I was a teen.. but it's the death of something that could so easily be resurrected.. so there's the self blame of maybe if I'd done something different.. and then the realization that even if I had.. it probably wouldn't have mattered.

So, while I'm feeling 'normal' for the first time in almost a year.. I'm still feeling a bit hollow without two of the people I care most about in the world missing from that 'normal' life..

Can't help but wonder though if she'll even think about it tomorrow.. that's not a good thought to be stuck on either.. gotta find a way past it.

Good plan. Why set yourself up for more hurt? Spend the day "celebrating" the great possibilities that life holds for you in the future. You've come through the fire and you're a better man and father for it.

I dunno PM.. it's -real- hard to keep that outlook up..

I know my life will be better.. somewhere inside I know it.

It's hard to keep that in perspective though when you feel like something important is missing.

I'm not sure why I have the urge to -do- something for WW tomorrow, only that it exists.. to her the M has been over from the moment she walked out (if not before that).. to me, it ain't over till it's over.

It also eats at me that she -told- her father that I'd forgotten our anniversary last year, and that DSD had to remind me.. which is completely untrue.. but to her it's the truth.. so if I do nothing am I feeding her justifications?

I dunno..

does it even matter at this point?

Gah.. I hate the little 'depressions' that come with this crap..

It's Chuck E Cheese tonight with the kids.. DD's earned some points from her orthodontist that she wants to use there, and I know she and DS will have a blast playing games and eating really horrible pizza..

Gotta get my Dad hat on though and shake this funk before picking DS up.. I know it's not good for him to see me so sad.

James,


For goodness sake do NOT get us started on another speedo discussion!!! I can't take any more talk of that and pig snot!

As for the anniversary, I really understand. My anniversary was Sunday. I, too, wondered if Drac remembered. It is a tough day, but for me, I just did the best I could to put it out of my mind and I focused on the kids that day.

I did anything and everything to keep my mind off of the date. I did really well until we were headed to dinner that night.

The bottom line is that there is no magic advice I can give you. I can tell you it will get better. You will get through the day.

To acknowlege the anniversary to your WW would accomplish nothing - - it may help your need to 'do' something, but you know that it would result in further hurt for you in the long run. She would either not acknowlege it, would out and out reject you, or she will turn it around to be something 'wrong' that you've done.

You don't need a WW, you need a W. Your WW is not that person right now. I'm so sorry.

You DO have a great life ahead and some beautiful children with which to share it. Focus on your blessings and know that you are in my prayers.

My advice: just enjoy the day with your kids. Don't do anything anonymous for your WW. She doesn't deserve it, doesn't want it, and it doesn't help you in the long run.

Probably best if you don't acknowledge the day at all, but you could always make it Random Acts of Kindness Day and go out of your way to do something nice for, say, 5 people. Or give something to charity.

Keep on truckin.