Hey Lexxxy, welcome back! Hope you had an enjoyable, long weekend! I did, in fact, notice you were MIA for the weekend.

Well, Ladybug got her gift from MCD, a concert t-shirt and she loves it. She wore it for pj's tonight. She also told Drac about it, but only said it was from "a friend of Mommy's".

Total Drac Darkness today again. Although he did send an email about 45 min after talking to Ladybugs. Apparently he didn't 'realize' we were back on school schedule starting this week until she told him on the phone. I did not email him about it in advance or send him any updates to the schedules since the beginnng of summer.

I looked only at the 'preview' of the email. It's a bit more friendly than 'Drac' but only in tone. I don't see anything 'extra' from H, but I can't read it all. I think it's something that can wait until morning to read (just in case he has put a read receipt on it).


LG


It is an EXCELLENT thing that he is doing better with her. It's going to take some time before things are restored, but it's better than it has been in a long time for the 2 of them.

I never really thought about their improved relationship in terms of him being more the "H", I was just glad to know he's being Daddy again.

Seems Ladybugs can't sleep, so am going to give her some cuddles.

Nite

hey Bugs, last t/j I promise...update was posted

Hi Bugs,


I think this is a very good sign...focusing on 'others' should help Drac in the de-fogging dept.

...and so is your 'delaying' reading his email, waiting to do so when you are up to it

Bugs,

and others...

The real danger is not from simply being Mommy to the kids. That needs to be the case.

The real problem is in doing so much to take the lead that you become the Mommy to Drac!

If you suggest something and he goes along, it takes his feeling of choice away and gives him a sense of being controlled. If you hint at it ("well, first day of school. I was thinking of meeting Ladybug there as she gets off the bus in the morning." And then let him make that kind of decision as to whether or not he will join you, it gives him the choice and a sense of being in control of himself. (Moot point right now, but it will happen again in some other way.)

He needs to not only see you as something other than just the mother of his children, but also as something other than his decision maker.

When you first got together you probably didn't plan all your dates and time together, he did much of that. That was what formed the original relationship and is what can bring it back for him.

You be the kid's Mommy but let him be a big boy on his own.

This was the direction I thought Mimi was headed with her comments, but I guess I missed something...

Mark

Mark,


Excellent point, thanks so much! Very astute as Drac has said before that he felt I treated him like a child at times during our M. I do not want to do that again.

I will have to say that it's hard sometimes, but being aware of it helps.

His email from last night was asking to confirm about Ladybug now being on the 'school' visitation schedule. Friendly, but factual. He also said DSS has first football practice on Sat. DSS is with me this weekend.

I replied short and sweet that yes, we are now on school visitation schedule. I asked about DSS's football, asking the time and stating that I might need for Drac to take him.

He replied with the time, to which I said that I'd need to have Drac take him and I would pick him up, and asked him to let me know what time practice would be over. I didn't say WHY I needed him to take him to practice. (the truth is Drac's family will all be at my house that day for a pool party - I am pretty sure he is aware of that)

So, I left work early to go to Grandma's to mow grass. Drac called while I was mowing, so I did return the call. He wanted to ask which latchkey location to pick up Ladybug (during the school year they are at one location, during summer a different location). He was fairly chipper. He said he'd already picked her up. He said he just knew whatever location he picked, she would be at the other one. I replied, well that's usually what happens to me.

He was getting a work 'radio' call at the same time we were on the phone. He could easily have said he had to go. Instead, he stayed on with me (old routine from our M days that I know without saying anything to hold on when I hear the radio go off ). He went on to ask me what time he could drop her off in the a.m. (he knows this already from last year). He mentioned about needing to get to the meeting. I confirmed the 'allowed' drop off time and then mentioned 'well, the bus comes at x time'.

He jumped on that and asked where she gets on the bus. He then mentioned somethings about the meeting and work related stuff. I listened, complimented him several times. He went on to tell me about having to drive to Chicago overnight and other things. I oohed and aahhh'd over his management skills - which by the way was not at all fake. I do know what a great job he's done in a very difficult situation (although it's likely not as good due to the HoFactor messing up many aspects of life).

He was very chatty and seemed a bit reluctant to get off the call, but it came to a 'natural' close.

So,,,,,,,,my estimation is that the bit of darkness certainly paid off.

I think I handled the interaction well. Breadcrumbs.

The next 2 days MAY be VERY interesting. I have Goddess wear all picked out and need to head up to get it all packed.

I will try to post updates as I can throughout the meetings IF anything of interest happens. I intend to conduct myself 'as usual' - as the Goddess of Environmental Services! ha! (that sounds a bit better than Trash Queen) Plus, I will have the spotlight for my presentation Friday morning.

I have lots of contacts/friends at this meeting. Most that Drac knows, but many he does not. I will be my usual social, charming self - moving among the groups and having a good time. Drac will not be a focus for me. If he wants to interact with me, he will have to COME to me. I won't be going to him.


Keep those prayers and helpful hints coming - I think I may need them!!

I recommend going so far as making it DIFFICULT for him to find you...

You were meeting the CONVERSATION NEED today, BTW...

Real quick post before going into my meeting - -

This a.m. when leaving the house, I see Drac's truck down at Ladybugs bus stop, so I drive down. I park on sidestreet from Drac, get out and go see Ladybug. He's in the truck, but gets out and comes over.

I am the Goddess this morning, and am bending down to talk to Ladybug giving Drac a great 'view'. He asked about her lunch account and said he'd given her cash. I said I could write a check if he'd like. He said that would be a good idea. I went to the car and wrote a check (sitting with Goddess legs in good view). I came back, gave the check, hugs & kisses to Ladybugs and a look to Drac, who said, See you in a while. I went to my car and left. He was going back to his truck.

Well, gotta run. It's going to be interesting, me thinks. How about you?

Remember YOU ARE A MOUSE and he is the PUSSYCAT...

I tawt I taw a Puddy tat!

EXACTLY!!

Bugs,

Thanks for showing me how to use the icons! I think I got it now. Looking for the "Go Bugs" icon....

Does that work. It's always good to see someone doing well.

OOPS! you used that one.

However I think that's a good choice.


And I am glad we have a happy dance one....or does that icon just need to go to the restroom?

Thanks for the laughs guys - it's breaking the tension a bit!

I am playing the mouse,,,,,doing my thing but not with any care/concern his way. It's a small group, so it's not too easy to do, but I am pulling it off without it looking like I am 'avoiding' him in any way.

I had to tell you real quick about the morning

The meeting started off with an exercise. Everyone had to do a timelijne of their life, and include highlights (good & bad) as a ‘get to know you’ and ‘get out of your comfort zone’ exercise.

Now this was a total surprise to me & at first I was very nervous. What do I say? The lowest point of my life was the divorce. How much do I share with Drac right there in the room? I just said a quick prayer and did it.

I went before Drac and I said that the highest point of my life was meeting/marrying Drac (although I did not mention him by name, everyone knew who I was talking about) and I added the highlight of having kids. The lowest point was getting divorced. In my ‘presentation’ I said that getting divorced was the worst thing that ever happened in my life, but “life goes on”.

Drac went right after me. His highlights were having DSS, then meeting me. He described told the story of how we met for the first time, “She was under my desk hooking up my phone when I walked into my office”. Obviously, jokes/comments were made but in a ‘fun’ way (remember, I know most of these folks and have for a long time). He then went on to highlight our getting married and having Ladybug. He then noted leaving our workplace to go to that other company as the LOWEST = he said it was the worst decision he ever made & life really fell apart. He learned many things including that money isn’t everything. He said, “as you know, I also got divorced”. He went on to talk about being invited back to our workplace & how he said he’d ‘do anything’ for the boss. I commented, “including getting under his desk to hook up his phone”. That got lots of laughs.

When he finished, Drac said he was going to go throw up. He was literally sweating during all of this.

It was really nerve racking, but I made it through.

I gotta get back to the meeting, but just had to come out to post this!

I can't imagine having to do that! ESPECIALLY right now!

You did GREAT, girl!

Fox

G-d works in his own time and mysterious ways.

He has plans, we just don't know them.

Nausea, heartburn indegestion

Upset stomach, diarrhea .........


Ok, that's what he looks like he's doing, or either the Macarina.

I think he looks like he has to piddle.

Probably felt like he was standing in front of judge, jury and executioner, since you guys both know a lot of those people.

He sounds less and less foggy to me, recognizing that one of the highlights in his life was meeting you.

I wish he had been the one to speak first. We would have learned a lot more. It was a lot easier to say what he said going after Bugs.

Yeah, I agree. I was thinking that too.