I go back and forth between pity and (I don't like to use this word) hate for him. I tell myself that what "goes around comes around" but I'm not seeing it right now, and I sure do want to.

I talked to my kids. That was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. But I'm glad that they know the truth.

Glad that you talked to your kids. That is a step in the right direction. How did they take it?

I guess they took it as well as could be expected. It was still horrible. They just cried. My daughter said WH had shown them pictures of OW and him on his computer. Makes me sick. But they also seemed relieved that the truth was out it the open.

Often the kids DO know something is amiss and are keeping secrets so they don't rock the boat. Good for you for talking to them! Now they know the truth of their lives.

I am so sorry for your kids, sl77. But you did the right thing!! It is horrible, horrible when you are a kid and you can SEE something is very wrong and no adult will validate that. It is good that your kids can come to you and talk to you about this. How sad and confusing for them. But this way, they will be better equipped to defend themselves from their father's immoral lifestyle. You are a good mother, sl77.

Thank you.

I'm having a really hard time with this. Now that I finally know who the OW is and that she's going to be around my kids, is sickening.

She's young and blond, of course. Who she is makes it all the worse. Now I know why WH didn't get promoted, and he said before that he "decided" to quit being a supervisor because it was too much stress, but I'm pretty sure it's because of this affair.

WH tells my daughter how "nice and pretty" OW is. It just hurts and I don't want to be here. They've been together for a long time now and I don't see it ending.

Not that I want him back but I certainly don't want to see him w/ her. I'm just really struggling and it's just very difficult.

Well, "nice and pretty" won't compensate for SKANK. This skank broke up your DD's family.

I am just curious, sl77, did you try to save this marriage? Did you expose the affair, for example?

I tried to save it, and I did expose some, but in all honesty, I had my way out and I took it. He's had numerous affairs. Half a dozen that I know of, that he's never admitted to. Apprantly his myspace page was a doozy. He took it down when an old friend found it, before I could see it.

He's VERY narcisstic. Very Scott Peterson like. Told me I should of seen it coming, and that I deserve everything I'm getting. Started making comments that made me worry and he started watching those shows about guys that kill their wives to be w/ their lovers. It was very scary for awhile.

He's an alcoholic, and ran up so much credit card debt on drinking and women that'll he'll never pay it off.

I think he went into my computer history and found that I posted here and was quite upset about what I wrote. I don't think he'll bother now cause he's so wrapped up w/ his ho and says he doesn't have internet right now. That's why I quit posting anything for awhile.

There have been 3 other men, that I know of, that have had issues w/ WH around their wives. And these are the wives of guys he's in charge of! He's their first sargeant who's supposed to be watching out for them! And that's not the half of it. There was no saving this one. My love died.

My self-esteem has taken a real hit.

GOTCHA! In that case, I am glad you got out.

DHon...

You should be sooooo glad that you are out of this.

I know how hard this has been on your self esteem, but I am telling you now that you are WORTHY.

Please use this website and this forum for your personal recovery. We are here for you.

Be VERY protective of your children. I am sure they are glad to know the truth.

Be wise. You have come to a great place for support. I am so glad you have so many people here to help you.

Remember now, you are WORTHY. And use this website, and this forum to figure out why you have been in this situation, and what you can do in the future to have a healthy relationship.

In the meantime, take care of your babies, (children), and discover yourself!!!! We are here for you.

And, you are very fortunate indeed to have Melodylane helping you!!!!

God Bless,
Love in Christ,
Miss M

Has the OW ever come w/ anyone's WH to pick up the kids? If she did, how did you handle it? WH said he was planning on bringing her at some point, and I said she'd better not step foot on my property. How should I handle that, if it happens?

That would not be acceptable. The woman who helped destroy my childrens family and my marriage would not be wise to show her face on my property. She would be escorted to the street, very politely of course, at the point of my pistol. The OW who invaded your marriage and your children's family should not be allowed to invade the sanctity of your home. Hopefully, the OW would not be stupid and craven enough to darken your doorstep.

while I agree in principle with ML, I suggest that you do nothing but handle the pick up as though she doesn't exist. The ONLY person that will look bad here in the eyes of the law, should any trouble start, is you. Keep your cool and don't do anything stupid. It WILL be used against you. Since you are divorced, you will have no right to say who or who is not around your children. You also do not have the right to stop your husband from bringing her with him to pick up the kids. You CAN stop her from coming in your house...but since she will be there with a legitimate purpose, attempting to stop her from coming on your property(driveway, etc) will not be in your best interests.

This all sucks and hopefully the ho gets run over by the karma bus before she ever sees your children again...but if not, just be smart.

I agree with MEDC. From a law enforcement POV, you don't have any rights other than you can keep them both out of your house.

Let the karma bus do its thing.

Larry

Thanks for the advice. I know there's nothing I can do about it. She will never step foot in my house. I'm getting my locks changed. WH says he doesn't have a key, but I know he kept one. And he used to come in the house when I'm at work to get the kids, or just pick up stuff they wanted. That won't be happening anymore, if she's going to be here.

These kind of situations just make me feel powerless. Oh well, just another reason affairs s@ck.

You have no legal leg to stand on but you can tell your wXH she is not welcome on your property. WstbxH's OW had some kind of fantasy that WstbxH would actually become friends with OWH and they could manage the pickup/dropoffs without her. Of course it will never happen but OWH did stand his ground and now she either comes alone or WstbxH waits in the car. WstbxH did bring OW to my house once to pick up his stuff (our DS is grown so we don't have ongoing meetings like this). I made him take her to the doughnut store, drop her off and then come back alone. I just said calmly that she's not welcome on my property and he can get his stuff when he comes without her (this was after I changed the locks).

sl77, what he is trying to do is normalize his affair and give it a false air of respectibility. He is doing this to get you to accept the affair too. He won't feel as guilty if you accept it along with the kids. ugh.. I would make sure you tell him beforehand that she is not welcome on your property and hope for the best. For me, she would not be setting foot on my property, but I understand the advice to not get in trouble with the law. You don't want to end up in jail over a skank.

Yep, I had this happen. I wasn't divorced yet, though. I had offered "extra" time to WxH as I had "taken" one of his normal days to go out of town with DDs.

He spoke with DD14 and told her, "we are on our way to pick you up."

She told me he said "we".

At the time, I was in Plan B and was not present for the exchanges. I was THERE just not without sight of WxH.

THIS time, DDs were in the house and I was outside waiting.

WxH pulled up in OW's Jeep with OW at his side.

I refused to turn DDs over to him. I told him when he left his trash elsewhere he could return. I turned and walked back into the house. I told DDs they would not be going as Dad brought OW with him.

He was PO'D big time!

He called me with OW in the car and I steadfastly refused to turn them over if she was there.

He did not return that day. At all of the exchanges since, he has not brought OW. Even after the D was final.

While I am not advocating breaking the law, it is a stand you can take if you choose to. I would think the worst that would happen is you would get a slap on the wrist telling you that you don't have the right to do that.

Your xH would have to push the issue and make a big deal out of it. Does he want to? Or will he simply drop the OW off somewhere and come get his kids?

It can be as hard or as easy as they want to make it.

My DD14 had a blow up with WxH and refuses to go with him on his visitation days. He doesn't make her. He COULD. He COULD call the cops and have them come to my home and drag her out of the house and FORCE the visits.

But he doesn't.

Fox