Either your W or the OM will have to leave the job. I think you could use the OM's fear against him, but I'll leave it to you to work out the details .

bwhaaaaaaaaaaaaa

spot on!

This fella's got a pair, yanno (unlike myself )

Pep <~~~ a female warrior

Y'all sure know how to cheer a guy up! Thank You. Looks like the NVG's(Night Vision Goggles) are getting new batteries!

On a serious note....Should my plan A be to:

1) One of you has to quit your job or transfer to another shift.
2) We BOTH seek couselling.
3) See a doctor. I'm really concerned here!
4) Try to rebuild our marriage.

I also think if she really wants to move, she needs to set a date. It is not healthy for me or the kids or her for that matter to keep flipflopping all the time. Thoughts?

As we acknowledge and tip our caps to the great wisdom and awesome value of free anonymous internet advice .... here it goes anyway ....

If the A is really (really really) over .... your marriage is on the lip of recovery .... which is worked slightly differently than Plan A - but has many similarities.

1) One of you has to quit your job or transfer to another shift.

Another shift is not good enough. Contact with OM could happen accidently, or accidently on purpose.

In my opinion (free, and worth every penny) - your WIFE should quit - to get a fresh start - away from people who may know or suspect she's been fooling around with someone at the office. Reputations are important - and especially a woman's reputation at the office or workplace. People will and do gossip. Your lovely beautiful darling wife will feel "cleaner" and "fresher" starting over.

2) We BOTH seek couselling.

Believe it or not, my response is , "no". (with a rider)
Here's the rider: if one or both of you has a diagnosed or a suspected mental illness - please seek individual counseling (IC). If you are both normally neurotic (like the majority of us) you do not need IC.

I recommend marriage coaching. A trained marriage coach can guide both of you with behavioral changes necessary to enrich and deepen your love and commitment for each other. If you are both of the same faith (or close enough) - I recommend religious marriage coaching.

Everything changes if either of you has a chemical addiction. Let me know.

3) See a doctor. I'm really concerned here!

I am assuming you mean for an STD check.
Yes. BOTH of you go. BOTH of you get checked.
It may seem humiliating at first - but far less humiliating than an oozing lesion (yuk). I am a nurse practitioner, I do this sort of checking every day. Believe me when I say it is routine for the person doing the exam.

Say: "We both want to be reassured we have no STDs. Neither of us has symptoms. Please rule out everything you can rule out at this time."

I always appreciate it when patients are clear and precise with their request - details are not necessary unless there are symptoms.

4) Try to rebuild our marriage.

Ha! concise and precise.
Pick up the Harley tools.
Use them.
You use them first, modeling for her.
Read SAA aloud with your wife.
Discuss what you've read every 3-4 pages.
HOLD her in your arms when she cries (with your mouth SHUT)
If she cries HOLD her in your arms (silently)
If she looks sad, offer to HOLD her in your arms.

(this is what is known as broken record)

Do NOT initiate sex with her for awhile - if she offers - HOLD her in your arms - and say "I want you so much."

Then let nature lead you (this is - naturally after the trip to the doctor)


If things go well for about a month - and there is no contact with baby boy - invite her to post on MB if she wants. If you think there has been contact - keep this forum a secret (if possible).

Pep

foxtrot

New job needed for WW.

Thank Y'all for the replies. Here's an update.

Talked calmly to the wife last night and she wants to try things on her own. She wants to get an apartment and try the single life. As I said earlier, she is having a midlife crisis. She wants to see if she really loves me before we can start over. She has had a really bad childhood and I suspect this has something to do with it. She even admitted that it does to an extend.

My gut feeling is that she will probably never really come back. She still wants to be part of my life as well as our sons. I hope and pray that she will find her back but I must detach from her to begin my own recovery. I don't know how this is going to turn out, but I wish her the best. I will go and talk to a laywer next next and start the D proceedings. This is really hard on me as a love her deeply. It will no doubt take me along time to heal from. My sons are also hurt by this no doubt. I am trying to make things as normal as possible for them. I had a great talk with my pastor again today and he believes GOD is the process of cleaning out her heart. We both believe this has been inside for awhile and she needs to clear it out.

I have tried all that I can to help her but she will not cooperate. She has her mind made up. I am respecting that.

Thanks again for your input. Please keep us in your prayers.