Morning! Hope everyone is having a great weekend.

Let's see,,what's up with me? Nothing special. Yesterday I was up early getting ready to have the Drac family over. Kids were a big help and we were ready & waiting when they arrived.

A great time was had by all. Talking, swimming, eating,, a mini 2nd b-day party for a cousin. Drac called about getting DSS early, as he had to take him to go get cleats before football practice. He got here, DSS came out back to say he was leaving. Ladybug went out to say hi to Drac, as did Drac's uncle. I went out last minute to ask what time to pick him up. I was in swimsuit with see-through coverup on. Drac had backed into the driveway, so when I walked out, I could just see Drac in the side mirror. I asked what time to pickup & he replied he didn't know, he'd have to call me and then he whipped out of the driveway really fast.

I figured he was 'mad' because HIS family was over. He has a thing that he thinks they shouldn't be involved with me as I am no longer family. They disagree - they consider that I will always be family. Whatever.

Practice was to start at 5:30. Drac finally called just before 7 to say pick up at 8. He sounded friendly, and not upset as he has in the past when I had contact with his family. Apparently there were a lot of kids and it was a bit of a cluster to get things organized. He then said he had DSS's gym bag and that he'd take it to hid house for me to pick up after I picked up DSS. I found that a bit confusing, and asked, "Aren't you staying to watch?". He replied, "No, there's really no where to sit and they keep changing fields. I'm taking off from here". (lettting me know he was going out ). I said fine, bye.

He called back a few minutes later saying he'd found DSS, told him where the gym bag was so that I wouldn't have to go by the house for it. He explained a little bit more about the setup of practice.

So, family left at the same time I did to go get DSS from practice. Practice ran over quite a bit so we got home really late. Both kids are still asleep - it was a pretty big day for them both. They each called Drac while in the carr last night. He was obviously out somewhere, but hard to say where. Ladybugs heard a baby scream in the background when she was on the phone with him.

I started to obcess about where he was/who he was with a bit. Then, I reigned those thoughts back in. I just am SO ready to have that one on one, face to face talk with him. Going along this way feels too much like being designated to 'just friends' and I don't like that at all. Yet, I know part of the process (especially for Drac) is becoming friends again. I just don't want it to STOP there. I can't/won't have a 'friends' realtionship with him - it would hurt too much.

So, church this morning. I am outta town tomorrow and tomorrow night for work. Back on Tuesday. Tuesday night is "meet the teacher" night at school, where parents come in and they ask that you leave the kids at home. I am 'thinking' that this would perhaps be an opportunity for that face to face with Drac??

I do not want to be the one to ASK for that face to face. I think it has to come from him. So, as I am not positive he knows about it, I think I will email(?) him something like this -
"I am not sure if Ladybug's papers Wednesday night included information about the Meet the Teacher Night. It's Tuesday at 6:30 pm. Teachers are available from 6-7, but they have a formal teacher meeting starting at 6:30.
As it say specifically, no children - just parents, I have made arrangements for Ladybugs for the evening. See you there?"

Thoughts? Suggestions?? I want to let him know that I WANT to see him there,,,,,,,,,,,,let him know that Ladybugs won't be there and then leave it in his hands. It's a nice opening (I think)??

Hi Bugs,


...I agree, Bugs....I think this is where a BS gets the strength to stay DARK... because the alternative would hurt even more!



Bugs...you know Drac best...do you think he is wanting to or is ready to have a face to face yet? ...because if not, it seems to me that it's creating some 'expectations' for both Drac and yourself... no matter how well you 'cloth' your message, it could still be received as Bugs taking the lead and Drac not meeting expectations, and a potential disappointment for both of you...

... I have been know to oveanalyze...but since you asked! :RollieEyes: ...so, those more experienced with the art of M recovery may just have something totally different to say about it...can't wait to see

Hey Luna,


Thanks for your thoughts - - I have reviewed what I wrote, and see that it could be taken as setting expecation.

I can't speak for Drac to say one way or another if he is ready for the face to face. I believe *I* am ready. I feel like that most of the work I've done this last year as been in preparation for that face to face. I feel like the way I handled last week's phone conversation is a very good indication of my being ready/able to handle such a conversation.

Drac does need to take the lead, though, to instigate it. So, some modifications of that email are in order.

Perhaps more like this -

"I'm not sure if the note was in Ladybugs bag on Wednesday when you had her - Parents only (no kids) Meet the Teacher night is Tuesday, with 2nd Grad teacher meeting at 6:30"

Drac is a smart enough guy to figure out the rest on his own (as in 1. Bugs will be there 2. Ladybugs will not be there 3. Good opportunity for that face to face )

I need to remember some of the lengths he went to when he first pursued me. He is more than capable of figuring out 'opportunities'. For goodness sakes, look what lengths he went to for the HO?!? Sorry, I couldn't help but have that thought,,,,,,,,,,,,

He knows that I am open to this talk - I've TOLD him. Not much more for me to do in that department,,,,is there??

Any comments from the gallery before I send the email?

IMO, do not send him an email about the PARENTS' NIGHT. That's HIS RESPONSIBILITY to know about that. Remember how we said not to MOMMY Drac...I think that is a LOVEBUSTER..even if INDIRECTLY.. with you assuming that he can't know these things on his own...


EXACTLY....


He needs to do ALL OF THE WORK on setting up a meeting....

Mimi,

With younger kids, it is not a given that there would be a way for Drac to know about Teacher's night as notification comes by way of papers sent home with Ladybugs from school.

If that paper does not come home with her on the one night per week that Drac has her, then he would not be aware of parent's night.

It is sometimes hard to determine between communicating appropriate information and giving him the 'mommy' treatment. Yes, his choices put him 'out of the loop' on being here with the family and seeing the notes from school every night - but there is a required amount of communication that is required/necessary on my part when it comes to Ladybug.

An alternate would be to let her give him the paper when she sees him at DSS drop off tonight.

most schools have a web site now - with a calendar

check it out

if your school has one - send Drac the link and be done with it

Pep

Bugs:

Simply: YOUR trying to force the "one on one"

Drac had two evenings to make a "one on one" happen and did NOTHING.

Send him the info about the "meet the teacher" if you want. HE destroyed that happy family and that reason for you to forward everything. He just misses out. Sorry.

But hoping he puts 1, 2, 3, together ain't gonna happen.

When Drac decides to go 1. 2. 3., you will know. Not until then.

He laid the ground work for that meeting.

The phone call. The jokes. The emails.

Even the event producer set him up.

But he didn't make any efforts.

The ball is in HIS court. Let him play it or not.

LG

I AGREE WITH LG!!!




This will work...also Pep's idea..

Someone once told me that a woman who does the work to make a relationship ends up in a lonely relationship...

Make him do the work - especially the first steps Bugs - talk is cheap. You know his agenda is friendly co-parenting. And it looks like with a few cheap words you can be bought for that position...

Just saying... He ain't done nothin yet!

I think this is a good idea. It keeps the personal touches of an email out of the equation. And FWIW...this is about Ladybug and school. I disagree with the others who think he should not be informed about this.

But that's just me.

Charlotte

Let ladybug communicate that information on the next kid exchange.

Be less available, more dark.

You need to readjust your expecations.
You are anxious and ready to move ahead.
He isn't even close to being partner-material.

He's gotten his fix, and he's retreated to decifer the new information he's gotten. He's not sure of his next steps and he has a lot to figure out.

You're grasping at this one comment that was made about meeting one-on-one. You're taking that to mean that something needs to get scheduled. And your expectations are that this is going to happen soon.

To him, it was just one thing said amongst many other things. His head is swirling with everything.

You are on a plan....step 1 - check, step two - check, now step three and then step 4. So you are impatient for the next step and you are trying to manipulate it into happening.

He's sketchy. He doesn't have a plan. He didn't know what the outcome of that big conversation would be, and he's flying by the seat of his pants. He's reassured himself that you are an option -- now he doesn't know what to do about it. He in NOT in a hurry, and he doesn't want to make a WRONG move. So he's a little bit paralyzed on what to do next.

Give him time.

Start thinking in terms of having this "talk" in a month, instead of expecting it to happen any day.

AND I know how it is...

You got your own DRAC FIX at the meetings...

And so you are left LONGING for HIM again...YUCK...

You will need to go through some form of WITHDRAWAL..

I understand..

Just pointing this out to you...

Yep - - and this was the conversation I had with myself on the way to drop off DSS!! Definate withdrawl for me.



So, in light of seeing that I pulled in to Drac's place in Plan B mode. The kids & I had the tunes jamming in the car. I turned down to say bye to DSS, and the kids got out.

I could see when I pulled up that Drac was working in the garage. He had both his dad's truck & his suv in the drive, so I was only able to pull in part way, but was shielded very well from view.

Kids got out, I cranked the tunes back up and appeared to be doing some texting while I waited. I did not even look up until Ladybug was getting back in the car. I was looking to the back of the car pulling out & saw that Ladybug was waving to him, but I didn't give a second glance.

I also didn't send any information on the Meet the Teacher night. Pep's suggestion was perfect. I have used the school website often, so I had gone on it before going to Drac's - my plan was to merely note the address on the meet the teacher paper that I have.

When I got to the website, the front page had the information all about it AND it said specifcally that detailed information was sent home the first day of school. Drac had her that night so I knew for sure that he has this information already. No need for me to do anything. So I didn't.

Now with school schedule in play, and the meeting overwith, I have no need/reason to see him at all for some time. He will be picking her up from latch key and taking her to school during the week. He'll only drop off on Sun nights at my house and it's easy for me to stay outta sight. Only possibility I can't avoid is if he does appear at meet the teacher night,,,,,,,,,,but I'll cross that bridge if I come to it.




That's a lot for me to try to get my head around,,,but I am trying. I am VERY much thinking that now he's admitted being wrong and wanting "things they were when we first met", what the heck is stopping him from DOING something to make it happen???!!

I know it's TIME & patience and getting back to MY life that is important right now, but gee whiz it's hard not to just want to kick him in the butt!!


How about thinking in terms of the way I thought before last week's conversation? Like when I had little to NO expectations? Hard to do with everything he said ringing in my head, but it's a more peaceful way of life.

Actions, not words. You all, and STEVE warned me specifically about this - - Please keep reminding me!! Don't give him credit that isn't due him!

Gotta get Ladybug ready for bed. Then pack for out of town tomorrow. Then, try to sleep without dreams.

Oh, just a little funny - - In the car there was a song that has the Ho's name in it. I turn it off when it comes on. Ladybugs asked why I don't like the song and I told her. She told me that "Daddy doesn't like that song either, because he doesn't like the ho anymore."

I laughed out loud. I said, well it would have been nice if he'd figured that out a long time ago.

Not so funny part to that story is Ladybugs telling me that she didn't want to hurt my feelings, but she rather liked the Ho, "she was nice". I calmly explained to her that while I am sure that the ho did nice things for her when they were around each other, that doesn't mean that she was/is a good person. Good people do not date married people and they do not break up families. The Ho wasn't a nice person when she broke up our family and that no matter what she did or said after that, it wasn't showing her true self.

I know it may seem harsh to some here(well probably just new people), but it is a very important truth my daughter needs to understand so that SHE will have the knowledge and truth to seek out and have healthy relationships in her future. I wasn't heavy handed about it (I never am), but whenever the subject comes up, I face it head on with the facts. I never want her to think adultery is OK.

Nite all.

One quick thing before I go pack - I went downstairs to get Ladybug in bed and she tells me, "Daddy's on Match.com".

WHAT??

I tried to be very casual "Oh is he? How do you know that?"

She saw him on his computer - I guess when she was over there Wed. night. She went in and he said he was busy, go play. She said he was typing.

I about puked.

So you KNOW that I had to go on there and check. I have never been on a dating site before, so I don't know much about them or how best to search. I put in just enough specific info about him that he should have popped up, but he didn't. Maybe he was just looking around and didn't register (yet).

Oy,,,I feel ill. Darkness is peace. Gotta get dark.

Bugs,

Just a reality check here. The Ho just left, and so far he has called you and is looking on Match. And, he admitted he can't be alone. Be careful please.

My brother is on his 3rd marriage because he can't be alone. When one is over he immediately is looking for something else. Almost frantically. What do they say? When you are a hammer everything looks like a nail? Or something to that effect.

Anyway, you get my drift. SLOW DOWN. You are a wonderful person who doesn't deserve anymore hurt by this wayward....

A BIG to you Bugs.....

What she said...

Hi guys!

I'm not only slowed down, I am at a complete stop! :crosseyedcrazy:

Grapevine at work (yet to be confirmed in any way) is that Drac was checking to see if *I* was on match.com? Whatever.

Church is doing a picture directory & I want to have my pic done with the kids. Unfortunately, the only time avail is Wed night when Drac has them both. Had to email him. I kept it to the facts. Surprisingly, I got an immediate reply that said "book it. We'll make it work". Guess I should be thankful for the quick reply vs the hours it used to take to hear back.


Just doing my own thing for the week w/work, etc. Got enough on my plate without wayward silliness taking up so much of my time. I am not even concerned right now about the meet the teacher thing tomorrow. If he is there, he is there or Not. Either way *I* will be there in my standard Goddess style.

Gotta get to work,,,,,,,just checked into the hotel in Chicago and have lots to catch up on already.

CHICAGO...ahhh..LOVE IT THERE...I was at the ART INSTITUTE in that PHOTO...

Atta girl Bugs....

I also love Chicago - especially Michigan Ave and all of my fav stores - Crate & Barrel, Nordstrom, Niemans,.... Whoohoo!

Back to that same ol place... sweet home.. Chicago!!



Have fun Bugsy.. glad to hear you're getting back to your peaceful place. I wouldn't pay too terrible much attention to the scuttlebutt at work, but given the quick response and that he's... well.. bending just about every time you ask him these days.. it encouraging.


Keep your wits about you..

Oh... and have a pie from Giordano's or Gino's East for me..

Man... I gotta make that 4 hour drive again sometime..