This is my first post and I guess Im really confused. My ww has had an affair going for about three months now. I have confronted her about it and she denies it.

Well I should say she denies it one day then admits to an emotional affair the next. She goes back and forth. I have caught her a few times. The most recent is yesterday at a bar in the restroom. But she denies it.

Everytime I catch her she does more to hide it and to prevent me from catching her again. She slapped me with an ofp, witch is now a restraining order. Then the last time I caught her she called the cops, and threatened to keep me from seeing my three kids.

The man shes with has done this before with my best friends wife. But he denies it an mine believes him. I have been trying plan A, but she and him has been using my emotions to hurt me.

She is to the point where she is thinking of moving in with him with my kids. That is the one thing that I really am affraid of. I dont trust this guy at all!

She has been using mb to fined new ways to hide her affair and what to watch for to prevent me from doing anything about him. He has threatened to have me arrested if I do anything. He has alot of friends it lawenforcment.

She has all her friends and family believeing Im some sort of stalker, Im not. I just want this guy gone, and my wife back, and I dont know how to do it. There is much more but I just need some ideas. What can I do????

Do NOT fall for this pressure. Contact a father's rights lawyer immediately. Also, file an emergency petition for custody.

If you do not get aggressive, you will lose your kids.

Forget his contacts in law enforcement. They are meaningless. How do you know he has a lot of friends in law enforcement? Is he a cop? See, i was in law enforcement and would NEVER get involved in something like this...it isn't worth my job!

If he is a cop, contact the a local DA, newspaper and his superiors. Trust me, this will not look good for him.

You need a lawyer RIGHT NOW!
I mean an aggressive, take no prisoners lawyer.

BTW, HOW did you catch your wife in a bathroom? Are you stalking her?

Vets, I think you need to take note of this. Any advice given here might also get to the WW.

NO I wasnt stalking her I just was lucky or unlucky enough to be working across the street from the bar. He's not in LE he's a sales man with a lot of family in LE.

I have served WW with papers, and that seemed to wake her up for awhile. But every time I have caught her she threatens to call cops.

so, let her call the cops. Get her on tape ONE time making that threat.

IF she files a false charge against you, there are ways to fight them. She will wind up perjuring herself and will likely lose custody.

I hope your lawyer specializes in fathers rights. I also strongly suggest the emergency custody petition.

Don't worry about catching her anymore. She is not your concern. Find a way to get your kids and be done with her.

It's also good to start lining up other witnsses against her.

How did you know she was in the bathroom with a guy. Really...do you really want a woman like that back???

Blindsided,

You can only continue to be blindsided, if you react in fear. Listen to MEDC and do what he says. Protect your children first, protect yourself financially, and get good legal counsel. It is time you fought for the marriage. She thinks she can take the kids and do what she wants, she is wrong. She has already upped the bar by obtaining restraining orders, play to win.

Listen to MEDC on this.

God Bless,

JL

I'm not worried about catching her any more. The only problem I have is that all of her friends have said that they would testafy againgst me in a custody battle. She doesnt have a lawyer yet. But my issue is this stupid order she has on me. Some of her family is starting to realise what is really going on.

Speak to a lawyer about the order she has on you. IF she lied to get it, there are ways to get around things. The TRUTH is on your side. Talk to a lawyer about this, but likely you should be able to submit to a polygraph exam to prove you did nothing to harm or threaten her. That will carry A LOT of weight in front of a judge.

Has the hearing already taken place...or is it a temporary order? If the hearing has taken place, what grounds were used to uphold the order?

You need to start working a plan and hire the best lawyers you can get. Stop paying any attention to what her bf, friends or anyone else will do. People have a way of disappearing when they are called to testify under penalty of perjury.

A few tough questions for you.

Have you EVER hit your wife?

Have you ever been involved with child protective services?

Does your W post here on MarriageBuilders?

I have never laid a finger on her!! we have had some good arguments. She actually kicked me. And slapped me afew years ago. But nothing other than that. I had to settle for RO for a yaer instead of OFP.

She said I shoved her and that I was threatening her male friend. I just told him to say the H away is all. Ive only talked to him once. All he did was try to pick a fight and get me to come for a visit. But I didnt.

The only thing I can really say that Ive done is that this world is 2 cell phones short.

I'v got 50% custody now. And all I know is that my WW can only search from places other than our home. Witch I'm not allowed to be at.

If you have 50% custody right now, keep your nose clean and head low. Do not communicate with her without a witness present.

Get with your lawyer and possibly hire a PI to begin documenting how she spends her time when she has and when she does not have the kids. her servicing a man in the bathroom will go a long way if documented by a PI.

This is going to cost you some money, but I sggest you hunker down for a long fight. After getting your information together, I would go after her for full custody.

I'm not sure why you had to "settle for a RO" if you did nothing wrong.

IF she ever hits you again, call the police.

Well back again. Just looking for any ideas on how to keep my mind busy and off how much I miss my kids right now!

I'm just having a rough night right now. My oldest just called to tell me good nite and that he misses me. Then my middle boy gets on and just starts his silly laugh. And then the hardest of all is my baby girl getting on and just saying I LOVE YOU daddy.I miss you daddy over and over.

Then the kicker is when my W gets on the phone and telling me I dont know what you thought you saw( in the bar restroom) but that wasnt me. I just hung up on her then and came on.

Sounds like she's worried about what you saw! Maybe the Vets can answer this one? Can he get a RO out against the OM to have no contact with his kids for a peroid of time?

No great loss

Blindsided,

Time to stop floundering and start acting. You need to lawyer up. NOW!

50% is good. Yes, you don't see them half the time, but it's better than tons of fathers out there and by having it you're establishing precedent.

Also, a person wouldn't give 50% custody to someone that she had concerns about violence.

Believe me, the court system is use to women making false claims and grossly exagerating the "aggression" of men.

Telling OM to stay the H away is ok. There's nothing wrong with that. Telling him you're going to do something to him is different. Even then, you have to be specific.

What have you caught her doing?

You should absolutely get an order to keep the OM away from your kids.

You should also look into getting an alienation of affection lawsuit against OM.

I would also write a letter (or email) to everyone you know letting them know what is happening, what you've seen, and make sure it is professional.

No "She's a sl*t and a wh*re" vocabulary in the email. Send it out to her family and friends and explain your side of things. Post it here for review before you send it.

Get a PI.

All this stuff will cost you money, but a divorce is going to run you $10k easily.

If you can't afford a PI, get a friend. A female friend or acquaintance can do the job (go to a club where she is, take pics of her flirting/messing around).

A guy friend can do just as well and may even enjoy the "adventure" of gathering evidence.

A PI recommended by a lawyer and certified is better, though. They can testify and make good witnesses.

But you can't sit idle on a false charge and must take action immediately.

Start keeping a journal or a running log.

You MUST take action.

I have caught them in the shower. I didnt get to see them in the bar restroom but they both walked in 15 sec. in front of me. I walked the whole bar. Only 10 people in the place and the bathroom dr was locked and no answer when I knocked (twice).

I do have a lawyer. Im just waiting for her to respond. She has 30 days, 12 left. Im having trouble getting order against him. He has no record and used to be a coach and guidance counsolor.

Why he sells wine now I dont know. WW been with him since march I believe. That is when I confronted her because she didnt come home one nite. She said she was too drunk and cop friend wouldnt let her leave. OM doesnt have a cop friend!

I have found lots of stained clothes and many tampons at wrong time of month. I have also caught her on her way to his house, when I was going to my parents. The funniest thing is that she still to this day says shes not having a PA with him. Ha,Ha,Ha!

Thinking of calling his employer and telling them that he has done thins before, and has been told a number of times to stay away. He also loves to give the ladies free wine.

I have called W family, but she just told them that she hasnt been in love with me for 2+ yrs. That was news to me.

Wait a minute, she says she's not having a PA, but you caught them in the shower! How did she justify that one at the time. " He's just a really good friend that washing my back?!" Give me a break.

I didnt say a thing. I just walked away and left so I didnt ring his neck! Then I called her and she just said the same thing she's using now, "I dont know what you thought you saw, but it wasn't me". Now I guess I'm blind and stupid huh!

YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING!! Your WW is in some serious fog, Dude. Personally, I would had called her on it as soon as you found her. I can't believe she didn't freak when you walked in on her?

Why don't you just listen to MEDC?

You've caught your wife in the shower with another man.

She uses men's restrooms in bars for God knows what disgusting activity (I don't think they were playing Scrabble).

Just think what she has done that you haven't seen!!!

And you let her care for your children!?!?! What is wrong with you?????

Do EXACTLY as MEDC says!!!!