Mark,

Hey there,,,,hows the fish biting?????...Yes, it seems like a newly found out BS does work so hard, thinking R will be a cake-walk compared to the A. And yes, I had NO idea R is harder than getting the A to end. Of course, then the BS has to deal with the fear of A resuming and whatnot, which that in itself can hinder R when the focus is set fully on that (BTDT....).

But, like I said the times that are good (and there have been many) does make it all worth-while..... .....

And as far as DD, thanks. Yeah, it sucks, especially when we have BTDT and our M was already in shambles back then, BUT I think this time we are drawing closer together in spite of it. Last time WS withdrew from the turmoil and I looked everywhere else for support.....we handled it badly. I mean, we did do the best we could considering the circumstances, but this time around we are more aware of what can happen to US if we let this all consume us. Plus, things are different this time around. Its a lot to think about.

Anyway, my mood seems to be lifting. Mimi is so very good at letting me get the focus back onto me. She doesn't let me wallow too much..... :RollieEyes:. And she lends her wisdom in all of this stuff when I need it.

That being said, I did forget to mention something earlier. Lately, WS has been talking about fall. Now this may not seem like a big deal to some, but it is to me. In the past Fall has always been our favorite time of year together. We love the weather, the pumpkins, football, Halloween....just everything about it. And at this time every year, we would start talking anxiously about how we can't wait for it and what we want to do. We take the kids to Garden Ridge, look at the Halloween decorations, just everything about it.

Well, at this time last year, I started to get excited but WS didn't seem so. It bothered me but I chalked it up to work. I was especially excited because WS had worked so hard that summer and we had hardly ever seen him and was glad to finally get to a place where we could connect again.

Well, as you all know, that never happened. WS had withdrawn from me and the family completely by the time fall rolled around, and we didn't do ANY of the things we normally do. It was a very sad and frusterating time for me. And then of course, Nov. came and thus his A truly began (the EA side had started in Oct....).

Anyway, he is very excited about fall this year. He talk about it continuously and is making plans like crazy. This makes me so happy. Though I could let it all trigger me, but I am going to STAY IN THE MOMENT......I am just happy to be able to look forward to it.

We were talking about it the other day and going to the pumpkin patch (we go about 3 times during the season....) and I had told him that it will mean a lot to the kids, especially since we never went last year. He didn't remember that. I told we didn't and DD11 was especially upset with that. He looked kind of sad, sort of like he realized just how messed up things were back then and said not to worry, we will have a great time this year......and I for one am so looking forward to it..... ....

Anyway, its nice to see WS returning to me bit by bit......and its nice to know WS has been seeing my changes as well.....

We will celebrate our 15yr. anniversary here in a few weeks and I personally am looking forward to starting off the NEXT 15yrs on the right foot....

not2fun

Oh man....I need help....

I am nearly in full panicked mode right now.....

Here's the low down......WS is going out of town tomorrow. Yes, not the best timing or sitch, but that's not the point right now. The point is....I knew I had my snooping radar in full throttle....If they were planning to "meet" on this trip, I would know for sure....How you say?? Easy...just call the BH.

So I called and talked to him yesterday. Nope, she's not going out of town (I never told him where...). Anyway, we had quite a conversation (our first one since March....).

Anyway, he just called and said that the COW called and told him she needed to go on a trip, where you say?? Yep, same place that WS is going....

What do I do???????????

I mean I am all messed up right now.

See, I trust NO ONE...not even her H. Who knows if he would make crap up just to get back at WS, yet then again why would HE do that??? (I just do not get messed up people.....) and further more, my WS knows I talked to COW's H yesterday, so IF they were planning this, she would KNOW that we talked (apparently he said he didn't tell her we talked....). So why would she even bother telling her H she needed to go out of town???

OH ME OH MY THE LIES.............

so....do I confront WS with the info that has come to me??? and how do I handle it???

Me joining him on this trip is not an option. I just returned to work this week, and I am on thin ice still from last year. This trip is NOT a required trip for WS. He does not necessarily need to go (its a conference...just a learning type seminar), though he has gone every year and all the agents he works with will be there....but it is not NECESSARY......

So, what, when and where do I go from here???

Need help immediately, as WS will be home soon.....

not2fun

If you didn't tell OWH where your H was going... how would he know where to tell you his WW was going if he wanted to just screw with you??

The fact that you didn't tell him where your H was going and he said his WW was going to the same place has my radar SCREAMING.

I don't know what to tell you what to do.

I guess start here:

If indeed, he had planned a meet up between him and OW...

would you still want to save the M at this point?

Or would that be the last straw?

Would it be back to plan B?

If indeed this is true... what does that mean to you? If it means it is immediately over, then I would find some way to find out if this is true without telling him you know... (not sure how)... and then just ditch him and run. And I don't think you'd be wrong in doing that at this point-- in fact, I'd probably advise that.

I think if you confront, he's gonna deny.

Are you SURE you didn't even INDICATE where your H might be going to OWH?

Can you send a friend to check it out?

Is this car-riding distance, or plane distance?

Have you talked to him about not going-- and how did he react to that?

Sorry, a lot of questions in a row. Most importantly, if he was planning on meeting up with OW-- what does that mean for your M?

One more: refresh my memory. Was OWH your ally through this before- or no?

((((N2F)))

Stay strong.

E.

TELL HIM THE TRUTH!! THAT YOU SPOKE WITH THE OWH AND WHAT HE TOLD YOU!!

LET YOUR HUSBAND CONVINCE YOU THAT IT'S A LIE IF IT IS....

IF HE IS TRULY REPENTANT, YOU WILL BE ON THE SAME TEAM...

AND HE WILL SAY HE'S SORRY THAT YOU ARE HAVING TO CONTINUE TO DOUBT HIM, ETC....

let him know if he goes, he can keep on going.

I also think you should assume he was going to meet her unless he proves otherwise.

If that is what he was doing, divorce him. You don't need this anymore.

Too many red flags.

I don't believe for a minute that OW's H is making this up.

Personally I would hire a PI in that town and check.

If you confront hubby, he will deny it.

I wonder what the OW told her hubby what the reason for the trip is?

Ahhh.....There's my peps....


Well, I told WS about my conversation with COW'S H. Then I let him know that if he were to go on this trip, then I would be done. Ultimatium??? Selfish Demand??? I think Not....just a definition of my boundaries.....I did do this in a calm matter of fact tone....

I know some of you didn't think I should do this, BUT the truth of the matter is yes, I do not need this drama or chaos. I am not going through the hassle of just showing up or hiring a PI. I am past all of that. So, I let him know what was on the up and let him make his own choice. If he wants this marriage like he's been saying and even showing, then he could stay home. If he changed his mind or God-forbid still cake-eating, then he can go.

No he didn't take it well. Mostly because he hates the drama and he is still wanting this to all "go away". Thinks he is being punished, will lose money....basically all the same things I have heard before, BUT I stood my ground.

To me, yes, he is still foggy BUT his actions for the last 3 months have been much different than before.

Right now, he is out riding the motorcycle, getting his aggression out and cooling off. While I comptemplate how the next few days are going to be......

I do think that there hasn't been any contact though. He knew yesterday I talked to COW's H and surely they wouldn't have been so stupid as to think they could get away with this.....BUT then again, I have seen stupid done MANY times through all of this....anyway, its no longer my problem.

This burden has been lifted from my shoulders.....

not2fun

Mimi,

You know that some days I doubt this. And I know that he is still foggy on occassion. But its like I told him, I do not trust her, I do not trust her H, and I do not trust him. All I can do is trust myself, which is funny because in all honesty, my gut has not been going off lately. Sure I was uneasy, but really no bells or whistles going off.

And this is where I am. I still want this M, I still want to work on it, BUT I can walk away at this point knowing I have done all I can.

He has done some great things. He has improved in certain area's. He's even been darn right amazing at times....but then this has been a MAJOR TRAUMA for me. And I can look at myself and say "good job".

May not get the outcome I wanted, but then I have learned you don't alway get what you want.......

He knows what is at stake. He may not like it.....he may not like the hassle this has brought on....but this is a consequence of the A.

Don't worry girlfriend....I am doing beautifully so far. I was actually more worried about everything coming out bad and RE-ACTING instead of acting. I didn't....I did GODDESSLY good.....

not2fun

The MAJOR TURNING POINT for US was when I STOOD UP just as you did...


I am so PROUD of YOU..

And HAPPY for YOU in finding YOURSELF...

You have GROWN soooo much...

Thanks....that means a lot to me. Though, and you KNOW this, I still have A LOT of growing to do......

I have to say, I feel better for handling it this way. I discussed with someone about "showing up" unannounced, BUT that is not what I wanted to do. I am not the police nor his warden.

I do feel for him. Like I said, I do think that there has been NC and he felt blindsided by this. BUT again, not my fault...just another consequence.

Yes, I felt like he was throwing a WS hissy-fit, but I think that was partly do to the fact he is still foggy but also because he was blindsided.

Personally.....I think she KNEW he was going to be there (long story.....)since this is an annual trip for him and she wanted to try to re-start this. Only she musta missed the message that I am way more smarter now than before.

I knew this trip was coming up and I knew where to get the best info. No need to check the hotel. No need for a PI. Just call her H.

Now, about COW'S H. Yes, there is a small chance is screwing with me to get back at WS. Cruel??? YES....but he would still like the chance to get at him. Can't say I blame him.

But again, this is all theory and right now, I DON'T CARE. I am concerned about MY marriage and what is happening today.....well and maybe tomorrow......but what was it I learned on here???

I CANNOT CONTROL WHAT HE DOES.........

it's all good.....but sometimes, dang these lessons are hard to remember...

not2fun

I have more to share but not much time TONIGHT...

BUT, I think at YOUR POINT in this, your APPROACH was the best...

STOPPING a FALSE RECOVERY..RIGHT IN THE TRACKS...

Good afternoon folks.....

Well, just an update for you all. WS cancelled his trip. Now, he is trying to get ME to go on it, because he really doesn't want to miss this conference. That still remains to be seen.....

oh, and COW sent me an email.....stupid stupid stupid COW....doesn't seem to have any more sense than a real cow...I may post it on here later,,...but right now I am kinda PO'ed about it....

Yes, she apologized.... :RollieEyes:, even she knows that doesn't help things... :RollieEyes:

Then she politely let me know she talked to her attorney and if I EVER do anything with those WONDERFUL pictures of her to cause her or her family any more harm, she will have me prosecuted and sue me.... :RollieEyes: :RollieEyes:......

Then she apologized again..... :RollieEyes:

Should I reply??? or just let it all go???....haven't quite thought it out. Part of me would like to, BUT then again she isn't worth the toilet paper I wipe my butt with.....

well, anyway, this is how it all went.

not2fun

She's not worth the first letter you would type to her.

Rise above her, don't bother answering (but don't put any stock in her silly threats either... what sort of pictures do you have that she's so concerned about?).

You don't want to start a p!ssing war with her-- which it sounds like she's trying to do.

You don't want her involved in your life in any way-- don't encourage it by responding. You and I both know that if you respond to her, she's gonna have to respond again (to have the last word).

Keep your head up-- as Mimi would say-- and just let it go.

Just imagine, she's probably checking her email every 5 minutes waiting for you to reply (she knows she got your goat with her email...)... don't give her that satisfaction.

You are better than her N2F. Don't stoop to her level and get into a p!ssing contest with her (even if that's not your intention, that's what she wants and is trying to steer you there...).

Don't respond. Doesn't sound like there's anything worth actually responding to in there. What could you possibly say to her? There's nothing more that needs to be said. Let your actions speak. Let your action (of not responding) tell her she's not even worth typing a single letter to her.

E.

I agree with not responding to her. That just gives her more power in your life. Just ignore her.

and she would most likely win.

She obviously has issues. Do you have the ability in your state to sue her for alienation of affection?

You said it.

Your better than she is...and you just know its gonna grind her that she gets NO response

Stooopid COW. Don't even bother replying to this nonsense. She must be really worried about being outed as the slut she is.

How 'bout...

"She isn't worth the toilet paper I ALREADY wiped my butt with?" Because fresh toilet paper is VERY valuable, ya' know?



Charlotte

She is very worried....exposure was never done on their end. Her H has kept this all private for them. Also, been told by her H and others in the past that she is a very VINDICTIVE person. Anyway, all this was brought on because evidently her H recorded our conversation (not necessarily buying that one either...) and I kind of freaked them out and they "perceived" this as threats. What their lawyer must of forgotten to tell them is that you can;t use that recording as evidence since it was done without my knowledge. And no, there is no AOA laws in Fl. Now, that being said, either she wanted to scare me a little (didn't...but did WS) OR she is trying to goad me into a pissing war so the threats would be documented somewhere. I don't know....don't care...not gonna play.....

Besides, two can do that especially since her H sent WS a threating email back in may.....and we still have it (can't say I blamed him though).

Personally, I think this is all messed up and stupid. OH, no, her H is not necessarily my "ally", since he recorded conversations between them from the time he was exposed to until the cruise.....and he knew about WS doing business with them again immediately, but yet he never told me.....so, no, he is not my ally...but we are also the only people who can truly tell the other about trips.....

Now, enough about them,....BECAUSE, they are not my concern. I have enough to deal with, without all of that. I hate that snooping and checking up on WS are all part of my life now......and I am at a bad stage anyway, so.....

not2fun