DD said that WH was in town this week, and I wasn't sure I believed her, but I just got an email from my atty saying that WH's atty called and wants to move this case forward. So, that does tell me he is in town. Just getting the email made me sick to my stomach.

So, I thought that since I've already paid this guy a fortune, I might as well try to move forward with him. I'm just going to lay it on the line that he needs to fight for me. If he doesn't want to then he needs to tell me.

DD says that WH is very ill, but again, I have to be careful about what she says. She says he is in town for medical tests.

I'm not sure why I feel so bad about all of this. I know that it is just me feeling that I need to do something, and still fighting the fact that this shouldn't be happening. I feel like I should be there to help him or something, so I have to keep reminding myself that this was NOT my choice and that I tried and fought for almost a year to save the M.

Cinder, you are right - sometimes you just need to let go. Maybe I need to finally do that. But can you really ever let go of it? I seem to go back and forth too much!

I just need to do what is best for me moving forward, and protect my future since I'll be in it alone now.

This is not going to be fun. Already I feel like it is Dday again. The merits of Plan B are really hitting home here. I was doing OK until that email came in. UGH...

No contact is good contact. I always have a little flash of anxiety whenever I see a message in the email-box that the SCQ uses.

I don't know about the attorney. Didn't you say you know about a lawyer who hates cheaters and would want to destroy your WH? Why not go with that one? That's my vote. (Do I get a vote?)

Sorry for the trigger. Hope it passes quickly.

CL

SD,

Yes, that is the atty I was going to call since I hadn't heard anything from mine. Now today I get the email. I'm going to talk with him tomorrow and lay it on the line - either he fights for me or I'm going to the cheater-hater guy.

I hate those triggers. Now I just want to go home and cry my eyes out.

How can you go from being in such a good mood at 6:02pm to tears by 6:04? Why can waywards do this to us?

Because we let them.

Don't. Decide you're not going to and do something else instead. What else could you do besides go home? Do something for you instead.

Massage.

A long walk in a beautiful place.

Stop at a bookstore and peruse the trashy mystery section.

Find a yoga studio that takes drop-ins.

Go to a park and watch children play.

Do something to get out of your head. Deal?

Are you breathing?

Believe it or not, you WILL get over him. I've been divorced for almost 2 years, and now when I hear from the ex, it doesn't bother me a bit. Also I have the privilege of having the OW drive by my house several times a day. It doesn't faze me at all.

T/J

OMG!!!
your a better person than me, I would be out there with a {personally censored}

T/J over

Thanks SD,

I didn't go home. I called my niece and we went to dinner. I have asked her to be my beneficiary of sorts for my store. I began to realize that if I died tonight, there would be no one who would step in and take my store. Heck, if I died tonight, no one would even know for several days because I really have no one looking out for me. Anyway, she is going to take my store if something should happen to me. My daughter isn't capable, my brother is much older and has his own issues, so she is really the only other relative that I have. So, we went to dinner and discussed the business etc. and she is going to come spend time with me there to learn how to manage it if need be.

Believer, I don't know how I'll ever put this behind me, but I guess I will in time. I'm sure this is difficult no matter how long the marriage was, but 35 years is a long time.

A wierd story that I've thought of posting before but didn't - this is regarding a lady who teaches for me at my store. She used to own a store just like mine. One day she had a dday and her world fell apart. The wierd thing is that she got married at the exact same age that I did, was exactly the same age as I am now, and was married exactly the same number of years as I have been, and owned the same kind of store. Scary. Her H left her to M the OW who was 20 years younger. Her XH has been M to the OW now for about 6 years, but she was telling me that the OW drinks a lot and comes home to beat the XH up.
Sounds like a very happy M. Anyway, she is now 8 or 9 years beyond it and is still single. She also said that it gets better. I just hope that it gets better before 8 or 9 years

Chai, I own store too, do you have a lss? i am guessing since you said you have teachers. My wh blamed the store for HIS actions. Just didn't think to talk to me. I am in the process of closing. :crosseyedcrazy: I am physically ill to go in there and haven't spent more than a couple of hours here and there in the store since I found out.

Surprised,

lss? I think I know what you mean. Mine is a lys. Are we on the same page?

Oh, I know how you feel. I almost closed too because I couldn't keep my mind on the business.

If you would like to chat, let me know.

You are so strong to keep going into the store. I lost 13 pounds in just over a week!! My ws is in law enforcement and worked nights, stayed out with his little YOUNG friend to play video games, drink and have sex, then slept in the next day while I would haul our daughter to work with me ALL day because I knew he was tired from working so hard.

Now he says he is just shocked at exactly all the hurt he caused. Me??????? WTF????? Why didn't you just leave? I saw things as just improving and improving and achieving things we had discussed. Silly me. Well he is trying whatver that means. I am bsing the definition on what I have read here, had mc with the Harley and a very good post from somone else when I asked what it meant. I still can't get that word trying to define correctly for me though. But for all intents and purposes that is what is happening. As he said once, he always did come home to me. :crosseyedcrazy:

BTW I have been knitting leg warmers for my daughter for dance for 2 years now. Can I pop over for a lesson??

Good luck with your niece learning the ropes (pun intended even as stretched as it is!!) The economy is really hitting the independents hard. I have found with gas prices though they are less willing to drive farther so do come in because of proximity!!

Surprised,

Oh, I lost weight too. Was down to about 102 lbs at one point and looked dead. Lots of days I stayed in the back and couldn't go out front. I had great employees who covered for me.

I relly didn't have much of a choice but to keep the store going. I had signed a new lease last year and had business loans outstanding. WH walked away and has not given me a dime towards any of it. At one point I had a full time job, so I was paying someone to manage the store while I worked.

Since I moved the store sales are up, but I've still had a rough time financially because I can't really get enough out of it right now to live comfortably. The busy season is coming, so I hope to do well through the winter. My lease is 3 years, so I'll hang on until June 2011. I'll decide then what I want to do.

I'd like to know more about your store and situation. Do you have a thread started here?

I'm in the Midwest. Are you nearby?

If you are working with the Harleys, you have a good chance to recover. My WH thought it was all hogwash.

SD,


Glad to hear that, SD!!??? :crosseyedcrazy: this might not make you feel any better....but hearing this makes me feel ...normal :RollieEyes: ... I was too ashamed to admit this before...thinking I wasn't!


CL, I am glad to hear you didn't....it would NOT have been the best thing for you to do!

...SD certainly seems to have a handle on the list of alternatives (the least being BREATHING!)... Thank you, SD.

I see you are working really hard at doing the best you CAN DO given your circumstances... and your 'regular' contact with SCQ!

...your kids may be too young to be able to appreciate what you are doing for THEM...so, just so you know, that is obvious to many of us here.

Sorry for the t/j, CL!

Luna,

No problem - having your thread T/J'd is like having everyone over for a cyber party.

I'll provide snacks....

It gets much better. And I know you were married almost your whole life to him. But you will have a good life. It won't be the one you planned, but you had no choice in that. It will be wonderful nonetheless.

What I regret now is spending so much time being sad. But I don't think there is anyway around that.

Believer,

Thanks so much for your posts. I trust what you say because your age and situation were so close to mine. Not sure how long you were M to your XWH, but I think it was a long time.

I think the thing that I have the most trouble with is facing life alone at this age. I so admire you for moving through it in your 50s and finding happiness again.

Make that 60, my dear.

It wasn't my choice, and is so completely different than I thought my life would go. We reaside 8 kids together. Although I do work, I've always been more of a domestic, enjoy being home kind of person. I think that is why he married me. I loved cooking, keeping the home, doing for the kids. All of that is gone now.

You will do just fine, and chances are excellent that if hubby doesn't return, you will remarry within three years. That is what the statistics say. There are all kinds of good people out there who desire a good marriage and loving partner.

Chai, her is a link to my thread My Thread Meet me there for drinks if you want!

Yes I am down to 116lbs but have been going to the gym since this all started so it looks lean not scrawny as it started to in the begining.

Financially the store has taken a huge it. I was always in the black after the first year, in business 5 now. I have lost about 8k due to this whole mess. That does not include all the wild spending we did at the begining after dday. I was always the frugal one and I know he likes shopping so we went on some real doozy sprees. About 10k in a month!!! That does not include a new time share in Cabo.

As for the store I am in a lease until Dec. Monday I will call and see what they will do to negotiate to let me out. I know they do not want to take me to court for 4 months rent and I also know that although it is a large company it is not a chain so the vp is real and understands the real world. She is someone I can talk to just haven't had the ability to do it yet.

Someone has been running the store for me but based on the monthlies, she is clueless. Mind you I did just "drop out" and left her on her own. If she can not negotiate a lease at the expiration of mine she can not keep the store. Then the final prob is why she may not be able to get a new lease, she has poor financials. That leaves me concerned with her ability to pay me. She will not be walking in with any money and I will finance her. She could really run the place down in just a couple of months till there is nothing left to salvage and I am out in the cold.

Tough decisions that I shouldn't be having to face. I am really pissed because financially and retirement wise I just feel this has set us back about 5-8 years!! Before I was set to retire in 10 years but now that is all up in the air!

Hi Chai,

I'm stopping by to send my love and say hi. I know things are pretty rough for you right now and it doesn't seem like you are getting any let up. Don't know what that's about. I do know that when I am struggling I find it's because I am not working hard at my relationship with G-d and he is seeking me more.

I am swamped at work getting ready for school, so as soon as that is over I'll give you a hollar.

{{{{{{{{{{Chai}}}}}}}}}}}}

LYS

knitting

I think I get it


currently I am medicating by knitting small small booties for the NICU at a major hospital here

I needed mindless project for knitting and this is almost totally mindless