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Joined: Aug 2008
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Originally Posted by Suzet_H
CrushedJim, I don’t buy what your W is saying… If your W was not yet involved in an A and learned the hard way I would believe this, but since she had an A and as someone has said earlier, experienced it first hand, I can’t see how she can still have this mindset.

She has felt this way for as long as I have known her. Well before the A, I would try to explain to her that men would basically say/do whatever they needed to to get what they wanted. She is a person who REQUIRES an emotional connection before anything sexual could ever happen. She cannot grasp the concept of sex because it feels good. She had the emotional connection with the OM. She admitted this much. We have had discussions about "sex without feelings" and she just does not understand how someone can do that.


Change the changeable, accept the unchangeable and remove yourself from the unacceptable.
Joined: Sep 2007
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Quote
She is a person who REQUIRES an emotional connection before anything sexual could ever happen. She cannot grasp the concept of sex because it feels good. She had the emotional connection with the OM. She admitted this much. We have had discussions about "sex without feelings" and she just does not understand how someone can do that.
CrushedJim, I can understand your W’s thinking about this since I can’t grasp the concept of just having sex without any emotional connection/feelings too and because of that, especially the thought of a one night stand with a total stranger is a total foreign and ridiculous concept to me personally. However, your W has been involved in an A and at least she should have learned how one-on-one interactions with the opposite sex can eventually lead to the emotional connection/feelings that starts an A… She has proven that she is vulnerable to that type of interactions with the opposite sex and after the pain she has caused you, herself and the M, she should at least have the desire to never be in that type of situation again and protect herself and her M by having strong and healthy boundaries with the opposite sex… Even if she really believes a person is just a “friendly and nice guy” she should still stay away from that type of interactions to protect herself from her own weaknesses and vulnerabilities…to protect herself from developing an emotional connection/feelings with another man ever again… Have your W ever communicated to you what exactly she has learned from her A and wrong choices of the past?

Joined: Jun 2008
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Originally Posted by bcboy5440
In my experience you are on a very slippery slope with this. It can be totally innocent at first but then the relationship can start to develop and then one party can be vulnerable to an EA.

Why take the chance of introducing problems into the marriage?

I agree 100%!!!


Me46
FWH42
Married 19 yrs
EA 4/07 - 4/08
(Confirmed by polygraph that it had not gone PA)
Dday1 4/13/08
Dday2 8/8/08
S26
S16
D10
Trying to Recover
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 1,530
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Originally Posted by CrushedJim
Suppose H is interested in jogging but W has no interest. Is it ok for H to go jogging with a female acquaintance?

Ha. This is how my affair started. I started bike riding with my friend's spouse. I never had any intention of it turning into anything. Unfortunately, it did. Bleeechhhh.


Married 23 yrs
WW-46
Me- 47
DD18
DD11
Dday #1 - Oct. 8 2006
Too many other D-Days to remember
Joined: Sep 2008
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Originally Posted by CrushedJim
What is the appropriateness of H's and W's having friends of the opposite sex?

Suppose W is in school and has some time between classes. Is it ok for her to have coffee with a male classmate in a coffee shop in the area?

Suppose H is interested in jogging but W has no interest. Is it ok for H to go jogging with a female acquaintance?

W and I had a discussion about this topic tonight and we have very differing opinions.

Never allow yourself to be alone with someone of the opposite sex like that. It's dangerous. You have to have strict boundaries. My H had female friends all the time. he had a affairs with 2 of them a dn at the time said he had no intentions of it ever happening but it did. Protect you marriage.

Ask yourself what's more important, hurting a friends feelings by saying you can't hang out with them alone or hurting your marriage with an affair. Because it CAN happen.

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