Happy belated birthday!

{{{pom}}} Do you have any family of your own?

I think you did wonderfully. I love it when a guy stands up for himself like you have. And I hope that a$$ has to do 100 hours of community service for what he said. I wouldn't have been able to restrain myself like you did - wow.

PS: Time to change your moniker to one of success!

It's been a heck of a day after birthday.

Exww called me to tell me CS didn't come through. I explained that it did transfer on Friday and it should be showing up in her account when the bank opens Monday and processes the payment. Mine shows it as having been sent.

We argued. She told me this couldn't keep happening. I explained that I can't make transfers of money that aren't there since I'm living paycheck to paycheck. I had $120 in my account the day before, so how am I supposed to send out $1538 when there is no money.

So she lectures me on managing my money better and we get into it since I try to explain for the 50th time how I have a negative income right now and that she isn't helping anything since she has refused to lower the amount per our order.

The rude awakening came on Friday, when she learned that my CS order will be reduces by roughly $1k. That gives me breathing room, but not much because I'm supposedly (and this is to be resolved) supposed to keep paying her in the summer when I have the kids despite the fact that she won't have them.

Makes no sense to me and I'm going to try to make my case at a later hearing, but the ruling basically doesn't change anything since I'm just going to have to save a ton of money for the summer if they're expecting me to pay her CS for kids she's not seeing or taking care of AND pay a daycare and for my kids on top of everything.

It's amazing. I'm given all this time in the summer with my kids but they take away my ability to take them anywhere or really to just feed them or do anything at all with them since I'm supposed to keep paying the outrageous amount of CS through the summer. Does this make any sense?

On a positive note:

Sally came over today and had dinner with the kids and I. Her roomate moved out of their home and she is dealing with living alone. So she was going a little stir crazy with being alone at home and asked if she could come over. So she came and helped me make dinner. We all sat down and ate together and she waited around for me to put the kids to bed. We watched Flags of Our Fathers afterwards.

I feel like we're really connecting as friends. I'm seeing her less and less as a romantic interest (because she's simply not ready) and more and more as a friend to hang out with and grow a friendship with.

Don't get me wrong. I'd love it if she suddenly had the fires stoked, but I can't expect it and don't right now. My daughter likes her and thinks she's nice.

I think it's good that she chose to hang out with us instead of being alone. She certainly could have just taken off to go somewhere or watch movies by herself.

So it was a nice night to bond as friends and I take it as a hopeful sign.

Wow, things change in 30 years. My dad had to pay $100/month for child support for me and my brother in the early 70s, and he screamed bloody murder. Of course, they bought our 2-story, 4-bedroom house in 69 for $18,000.

btw, IMO, the best marriage partner is your best friend BEFORE you get married.

You know whats weird is that she still reads your threads on here, and her lawyer too probably. Yet you manage to stick it to them by posting your POV on here, which is admirable.

Hey lawyer dude, what exactly was that comment supposed to mean??

Hey Ex-ww, We don't peruse your myspace page, so why not just leave pom alone here on MB?

Just ask Danceswithanger. That's my exww's name her on MB.

Thank tha mods for that one.

Perhaps she can post on my thread again to try and get me to argue about something to try to use it against me later.

POM, that's the most outrageous thing, for the scummy lawyer to have said to you. I thought I couldn't be shocked any more, but I am!

Ask some of our resident attorneys if there is any legal recourse you might take against him. Perhaps Mr. Wondering could help?

There is indeed a place to protest idiotic and unethical behavior. What he did wasn't necessarily unethical (by their standards) but I'm sure it will raise eyebrows.

But combine that with some of his other underhanded things and that may put things in a different light. I'm going to check.

pomdbd3,

Don't you think they probably riled you up on purpose? They got the reaction they were looking for because you couldn't control yourself.

Your temper isn't going to do you any favors - and your ex knows it.

You don't THINK when you are angry - you REACT.

You need to fight with brains not brawn in this one or she is going to win.

I understand why you reacted the way you did, I'm just afraid it works against you when you get in front of the judge and YOU are red-faced and indignant and they are calm and cool.

Everything in my case is settled except for child support. That's to be decided.

Yes, I understand what you're saying. I just disagree that there shouldn't be any consequences for unprofessional behavior.

WOW. You know she should have been offended by that HERSELF . I mean, her attorney was talking about her child as well. I would have fired him on the spot.

She's a piece of work your exWW.

Exactly.

And that is where she is going to hurt you next. Your pocketbook.



I fully believe there should be consequences also. A fist fight in the hallway isn't going to do it.

A calm, rational, response that you plan to address this issue would scare the bajeezus out of someone. You lose credibility when you go off half-cocked.

Who did the bailiff speak to? You, or them? Who was loud and disruptive?

I'm not saying you were wrong for you reaction, I'm just saying it doesn't give you any points in the eyes of the judge.

The only way HE can make a point is through your pocketbook.

We were in the hallway when the bailiff came out. She asked me to keep it down and a woman on the side jumped in by pointed to the attorney and saying that he was provoking me and antagonizing me.

The judge was in the ballpark of what I thought CS would be set at. The only big beef on my part is that he wants me to pay that same amount in the summer time when I'm supposed to have the kids full time and get them a daycare of my own.

THAT I can't do. No matter how they paint it, I can't do that.

I've suggested a solution which I hope makes everyone happy, but it will be up to the ex.

I got it, pomdbd3, I understand your frustration and your indignation.

If you are looking for your ex to agree to anything, though, it's probably not a good idea to act that way. Justified or not. She will defend her BF AND her attorney, especially when you lay into her.

I completely understand why and I can't say I wouldn't do it myself.

It was enough of a commotion to have a bailiff sent out and that can't be good for you.

I just think you should watch your temper, IMHO.

I did let the judge know what happened and what the commotion was about.

I also let him know this was a very unproffessional man.

Or very professional if your profession happens to be scumbag divorce lawyer. He probably knew exactly what kind of reaction he was going to get from you.

I'm with Fox. Gotta keep that temper under control. Breathe.

I like yoga a lot, by the way.

Yes, I understand about controlling my temper. It's not like I tackled the guy. I raised my voice at him and asked him what the he** that was supposed to mean. To be honest, I can't even remember exactly what I was saying because my adrenaline was kicked in so high.

I spent the rest of the day fuming and trying to cool down.

My mom says she's going to be with me at all my hearings from now on to prevent any further stuff like that from happening.

Heck, I might have to stop HER from letting the very short, angry latin woman explode on him while she "protects" her son. Nothing like a Latin Momma Bear yelling in Spanish to make the scumbag scurry away. The idea is kind of funny, actually.

I also have to say that the attorneys I've dealt with have been decent people. My attorney is good. The kid's attorney, though biased against me for whatever reason, struck me as striving to be fair.

My ex's other attorney is good and reasonable as well. My former attorney is too.

So this guy is in a category of his own. Don't know where to put him.

There was something that happened during the waiting that did break my heart. I had several people come up and ask me if I was an attorney. I was dressed in a suit and looked the part.

This spanish speaking lady showed up for a hearing and she didn't know where to go and was lost. I helped her out as best I could.

She asked me to translate for her and it broke my heart to see what happened. She was maneuvered into a divorce by her ex husband, who kept her son and lawyered up. She's a lady without resources or the knowledge of what is available to her to get help and she had no representation.

She had a court order in hand telling her that she had to pay her ex husband money each month for their son and she was in tears. She didn't understand how she could have 2 of the 3 kids and have to pay him money.

I couldn't help her more and it broke my heart.

I'm more determined now than ever to seek that law degree and help people like her, regardless of ethnicity. I want to become a defender of betrayed spouses and possibly reform the law to restore fault in divorces.

Sally was triggered this weekend.

I think I handled it ok, but come here for some advice.

She called me a few times this weekend, asking me if I wanted to go to the local fair with the kids.

I had plans with them already so I didn't.

She went and ran into a booth setup by her exH. She saw some old mutual friends of theirs, which triggered her and upset her. It was a couple that they use to hang out with and the H works with her exH.

She ran into her former friend's wife and the OW in the super market and saw them hanging out together as she use to hang out with her back when they were married.

This upset her, of course, and was a trigger. She officially divorced in April, and seperated back around September a year ago. She has no kids with him.

She was understandably upset.

I didn't know about any of this on Sunday night. I invited her to come over to join the kids and I for dinner, which is when she mentioned her trigger and that she was going to another friend's house instead.

I told her I understood.

I later texted her and said:

"SOB never deserved u.
I hope he gets a raging case of VD and his nuts fall off. Keep your chin up! That's not a Christian thought, but it would be funny."

I later texted, "I'm sure Friend has a few more things to add about the cheating adulterous [censored] SOB [censored]."

She texted back with "THANKS!"

And said her friend had her choice words as well.

I ended it with, "I have plenty more for the POS. Hell has a special place for unrepentant adulterors. He'll be asking your forgiveness in a few years."

I know it always felt good to me to hear very good friends going off with a few choice words about the ex. Is this the same case for women?

I always call my California friend when I need to hear a rant about the ex. She always comes through.

But can't say that the same satisfaction would come for women, since I don't know if that's the case.

Is it?

How should I handle it if I ever run into him while hanging out with her? (There's a strong chance of this)

I figure I'd shake his hand and thank him for letting such an incredible woman be available again. I'd let him know he must be kicking himself but that his mistake gave me the chance to be with someone so incredible.

I would then grab her hand and walk away.

I'm sure she'd play along with it, but wanted to run it by the fellow betrayed ladies on this forum. How would you respond if a male friend of yours did that?

POM, not sure how all women would feel about it. But a conservative Christian woman might be put off by the language.

I don't know about others but there is no language harsh enough to describe my WstbxH and his OW. I actually get a warm fuzzy feeling when I hear someone else refer to her with insult or profanity. The less close to me they are, the warm-fuzzier I feel. (i.e. even complete strangers can see what a %$#^ she is).

keepitreal,

I very very rarely curse. So it means that much more to her when I do since it is so rare.

She's a Christian, but not super conservative. I've heard her throw a few expletives around, but not that many. Just enough to not be unattractive and that fit in the context she was using it.

So how do you handle meeting the friend's ex?