I agree, Kayla.

Thanks for adding and sharing your perspective!!!

It's hard not to WANT IT for EVERYONE!!

I know Mimi - we can want it, but Drac is at large and in charge of this relationship working out. Not Bugs.

Bugs can only change what's within her realm of influence to change - and Drac moved himself outside of that realm a long time ago.

The only indication that Drac would wake up is when she had a friend at Ladybugs ballgame. But the minute he found out, no - she still wants Drac, Drac's looking at match websites...

I have a feeling Bugs is going to be like Believer - finding that fulfilling relationship outside of the pain of the life Drac has chosen. And then he'll wake up. But Bugs love bank account will have drained the final dregs, and closed long before Drac is ready to become a renter or a buyer.

Agree with you again, Kayla...

Is why I was thinking DARKNESS is the BEST OPTION if she wants to RECOVER...cause of the withdrawals from HER love bank ...

A few days or weeks ago I was even suggesting for her to venture out..

I can't say... for sure... but I think even I would be pursuing other relationships if my H was like Drac...

ME or NOTHING is where I think I REALLY was before he came back...

But HE KNOWS that I've ALWAYS been GOOD (or BAD) about being able to CUT PEOPLE OUT of MY LIFE FOREVER once I make that FINAL DECISION...

Hi Bugs,

Waiting to hear your thoughts on the interesting input from posters in the last few pages.

I think you have done a good job of showing Drac that a reconciliation is possible...and he now needs to want it just as much as you to give it a chance....

so, yeah....I also think the ball is in his court... that you are best to continue on with your life under the protection of Plan B... and avoid being hit by the BS fog! :RollieEyes:

Good morning!

I am taking advantage of waking at my 'usual' time, but without the pressure of a workday morning routine to finally post!

Let's see,,what has been happening? First, I haven't given Drac the letter. It is one that I want to deliver in person or snail mail. Not email. Like a typical Plan B letter, I want it to be written on paper that he can hold and read more than once if he chooses.

Thursday night I was feeling like I was starting to come down with a cold, so I went to bed very early to get some rest. It actually worked!

Felt great when I woke up Friday, but by noon, I was on the down hill slide. Unfortunately, I had budget conference call for the afternoon. DSS needed to catch the bus for football on Saturday at 7 am. That is 3 minutes from Drac's house,,,, 25 minutes from my house, I emailed Drac and asked if it would be better for DSS to stay there Fri night so that he could sleep in,,,IF Drac could take him to catch the bus. This was the first 'communication' other than one or two necessary words in the last week.

Mr Chatty CakeEater replied immediately. Told me how he'd been sooo busy this week. He had planned to email me earlier that DD was possibly getting a cold. He was feeling bad,,,,been sick,,,worse at night w/chills/vomiting,,,,,and that YES that was a good idea for DSS. He would take him to the bus Sat. morning. He even threw in some things about Ladybug not wanting to clean her room and some other stuff. He'd told Ladybug he & I would talk about it.

I replied that if he was sick, I could take DSS if he needed/wanted.

His reply came sometime later, starting with an apology for it taking so long to reply because he'd been in a meeting. He said he thought it best for him to take DSS. He then went into telling me he was meeting a friend (who I know) at a base ball game (if he felt up to it), told me all about the friend having been in poor healthy, and it's the first time they'd had a chance to get together in a long time. He specifically asked if I was going to DSS's game.

I started my conference call right when his email came in, so it was 4 hours later (YES< a 4 hour call without even a bathroom break!) before I replied that we had a set plan, and yes Ladybug and I would be at the game.

Sat. morning the phone rings as Ladybug and I are on our way to the game, but running a bit late. It's Drac letting me know that there aren't enough bleachers and that if I hadn't left yet to bring a chair. I said thanks and said we'd be a bit late.

A few minutes later TM from Drac that the start of the game was 30 minutes later than we'd thought.

Ladybug and I arrived. Spotted Drac sitting on the bleachers at the end of a row. Ladybug went to him. I stood back at the back edge of the bleachers with my chair. Game hadn't started yet. Drac gets up, walks back to me to say hello.

He explains what's going on. Turns out it was a 'tournament' of sorts. Multiple teams playing against each other round robin for a quarter. Most wins total wins the "Jamboree".

He then asks to setup my chair for me. Takes it and sets it right next to his spot on the bleachers. We watch the first game, cheering them on to a win. During which, Drac often leans down to me to make comments about the game/players/people around.

We then have to move to a different field for round 2. He makes a point to carry and setup my chair. I take a break at the ladies room while Drac & Ladybug move. I arrive at the new field where Ladybug is in my chair & Drac is sitting on the grass next to her. I stand behind, as I can actually see better. Drac then comes and stands right by me. Conversation ensues about all kind of subjects, many times he leans in very close to speak quietly so Ladybug isn't listening in.

Long story short, this goes on all morning and includes a few opportunities to touch and share some laughs. Games are over (DSS's team WINS the whole thing!) and we head to the parking lot. Drac says he'll 'walk us to the car'. We were parked further, so I stopped so he could say goodbye to Ladybug and then breakoff to his car. I stood back while they said their goodbyes. He asked my plan (was I picking up DSS at the school, could I give his friend a ride), and then told me his plan for the rest of the day (working at work event to help out), including details about what's been going on with the event, etc. I confirmed we'd get DSS & his friend and reached in my purse to get my keys out. As I look up after getting my keys, he is drawing near with arms open to Hug me.?!?

So, nice hug. The First Hug in over a year. The first time he's initiated any physical contact with me whatsoever in over a year.

What surprised me most? Not the hug, but the fact that I didn't

Ladybug and I headed to the car. She turns to me and says, "This reminds me of old times. Like when you guys were together." I didn't really comment to her about it and she didn't carry it any further.

So,,,,,,,,,,,,we went on with our day. We had a birthday party for a friend of mine. He was having his 39th 30th birthday party. Yes, for those of you who may be match challenged, he turned 69. Long story short, he's what is best described as an old hippie who loves to have a party. Lots of friends, food & music. The kids had a GREAT time, even though they were almost the only kids there. Neither of them wanted to leave.

Now there's been all of this to describe what HAS happened. I know you all are wanting to know what my plan is for what happens next.

First, let me be totally honest. My head/heart are not over the moon about getting a hug from Drac.
Was I shocked? Yes.
Do I think it has anything to do with my quasi-Plan A treatment of him all day? Yes.
Do I think it has something to do with the Total Goddess Look I had going on? Yes.
Do I think it means he's thinking about coming back? Nope
Do I think I made Deposits in his love bank? Absolutely
Do I think it is as Lexxxy suggested, that I've given him things to compare to the HoNoMo that are in my favor? Yes

Do I think he will cake eat if he can? Absolutely

Do I think he's more of a freeloader? probably

Do I think that if I give an ultimatim now it will be rejected? Positively

Do I think the way I wrote my letter is an ultimatim? No, I think it's more as LG describes. Drac might not take it that way, but that's up to Drac.

Do I think more deposits are necessary before the letter? yes

Do I have concerns that the attempt to deposit in his bank is depleting his account with me? Yes. But let's be honest here, little things are also making deposits back (I know the danger of giving TOO much credit to him on minor deposits)

Is his account with me in danger of running out? Sure it is.

Did Steve give me a timeline for being open or doing Plan A actions? No, it's totally my call on that based on what I know MY limits are for MY well being

Have I thought about checking in with Steve? yes, but I am not able to do so right now If things seem to 'require' it, I hope to be able to afford it in a couple of weeks

I know everyone is concerned first and foremost with MY well being. I wouldn't continue to post here if I thought otherwise.

I think for me, right this minute, it is a day by day situation for me going forward. I don't know what will or won't make a difference with Drac in the long run. Will he see that he wants me AFTER I've totally moved on? Perhaps. Perhaps not.

For now, unless I get into being totally absorbed by him & his actions (or lack of), I'm good with taking a while longer to see about making some deposits in his bank before giving him the letter. The letter will be delivered. It's only a matter of time.

I'm not reading anything into his actions today. I'm planning on getting my kids up. Going to church. Seeing my mom. Going furniture shopping. Making a nice dinner. Having a great week.

Bug's love life will work itself out. I don't have the inclination to worry about it right now.

I am hoping to stay in this emotional place for a long while.

Do I worry sometimes that I've become a total whack-job when it comes to Drac? Sure - but only when I think too hard. I don't have the time or energy to think too hard about it today!

SOUNDS LIKE A GREAT PLAN TO ME!!

Keep your BARRIERS up/ARMOR TIGHT, though...like you say above..work on not getting "ABSORBED". It did seem a few days or weeks ago that he had you CHARMED!! Keep your THINKING CAP ON!!

to you Bugs. This has to be agonizing at times. I agree, stay Dark, although I think that when contact happens as it just did, Plan A is in order. I hope that little encounter leaves him wanting more contact. And I do agree - he is the ultimate cake-eater, so tread lightly.

Don't know what else to say other than I think you are handling this with the utmost grace. You are my roll model......

We are all cheering for you Bugs. Like most of us, you've been through h3ll and deserve something good to come your way.

Hi Bugs,

Ditto....to what Mimi and CL said.

I am glad that you KNOW that Drac can turn on the CHARM.... and that you intend to stay alert and check and see if 'intent and actions' are consistent with his 'words'...

...one of many here cheering you on!

The kids and I had a good day. Church, lunch, then home to relax. Ladybug is still fighting that cold, so we skipped furniture shopping. DSS mowed the grass. Then before we knew it, the time had come to take DSS back to Drac's.

I'd made a big pot of homemade chicken soup and we did't even put a dent in it. Ladybug suggested that we take some to Drac, so I said ok.

I stayed in the car as usual. I made a quick call to ck on a friend when I notice out of the corner of my eye that Drac is walking up to the car.

He has DSS's school pictures. He explained how he didn't get what he'd ordered, but he was getting the entire disk of pics so we can print what we want to from it.

He also had 2 shirts in his hand. I had asked him at the game where I could buy booster shirts for DSS's school. He bought one for Ladybug and one for me. He was wearing one. He even commented on the one that he picked for me,,,"it was the last one like it, and I thought they were really cool" (tie-dyed, and yes it is pretty cool).

I asked if the tags were still on ours so I'd know what I owed him. He replied, "you don't owe me anything". I was shocked, but simply said, "thanks". I noticed the size sticker still on his shirt, so I reached out and touched his chest to get it off.

I could tell he, too, was fighting a cold & mentioned it. He said yes, it was hanging on. Ladybug said, "well that chicken soup should help." He replied, "yes, I think it will. Thanks"

He gave Ladybugs her hugs & kisses. I was still sitting in the car, so he reached out & tapped the side mirror saying, "You have a good night".

So, another friendly co-parent exchange is how I'm going to view it. Not going over the moon or being charmed off my feet by the fact that he went out of his way to buy something I had so casually mentioned. I will acknowledge that it is certainly a change.

So, we are home. Ladybug has a friend over for about 30 minutes, then it's time to get ready for another week.

Oh,,,,,,,I had a voice mail from a guy I met a few weeks ago. He lives in Chicago. He's a friend of a friend of mine. Our 2 friends have a 'thing' for one another, so we spent a lot of time talking one night. Nice guy. No sparks for me, but he's really nice. He left a vm saying he'd heard I was going to be in town in a few weeks, and his dinner invitation still stands.

So,,,,Hey 2 guys possibly interested? I don't know what to think about that. So, I'm not going to think about it much. I'll just smile & enjoy the ego boost!

I mean how could a GOOD MEAL and NICE CONVERSATION hurt anybody?

Just wondering...

It's not like you're married or ANYTHING...

T/J

Mimi, would you check in on VL22, her WH is trying to negotiate her out of planB. Thanks

Hi Bugs!

Hi Jean! Hope VL got the help she needed,,,think I'll ck that thread after this.

Mimi,

I think perhaps there's something missing from your first post? Sorry, my mental telepathy powers are not working today! :crosseyedcrazy:

I have an idea of what you were thinking from your second post, but want to be sure.

Actually, the FIRST POST and the SECOND POST were unrelated although I used the SAME ICON...

FIRST POST...I was SMILING...about what I had read...

SECOND POST...I thought about it for awhile and came up with..Why not have a GREAT DINNER and CONVERSATION...especially in CHICAGO!!

Go Bugsy!

Your strategy seems well thought out to me.

Thanks SD.

I don't know how well thought out it really is, but I do know that giving less thought it it overall has me feeling pretty darn good.

He emailed first thing today about daycare payment he forgot to give them last week and asking about signing Ladybug up for dance. We had a couple of exchanges about those topics, all cordial.

He later sent me an email with a video/song. Something rather 'patriotic', nothing really personal, but he did send it only to me and it wasn't forwarded. I told my friend, he cut and pasted into a new email so I couldn't see where he got it from and he addressed it only to me so that no one else would know he sent me anything nice or friendly! ha!

Whatever.

I am suffering from a disappointment at work, so most everything else isn't on the top of my list today. I am losing an account, but I had no control over the way it went down. A different rep worked with my account's corporate office and they chose a different firm. Now I'm the one having to show a substantial loss of business! GRR! I hate it when that happens.

I think I'll go get Ladybug early and we'll go get a manicure/pedicure. That will make us BOTH feel better.

THAT'S SO CUTE!! Be thankful you had at least ONE little girl!

Today is my Baby Boy's Birthday..he's 22!

Wow, how time flies!

Hug her and enjoy her..what a BLESSING!!

Most excellent. I'm trying to figure out how I can work in a massage today.

I don't really know whether it's a great strategy or not, Bugs, but it makes sense to me. You understand and accept the risks. You're doing what seems like the next right thing to do.

I say go for it.

Oh Bugs, I used to be in corporate sales so I feel for you. I've had many a verbal beating over something like that. Like you really didn't try your best. UGH.

You are doing great, so keep on going....

Late yesterday I got a call the my nephew's baby daughter had an accident resulting in a fractured skull. She was flown to the nearest Children's Hospital.

I was a wreck. She's not even a month old yet. We lost her uncle just a year and a half ago. Her parents are getting married in 3 weeks. With my parents recent health problems, it just seemed overwhelming.

Praise God she seems to be ok. No swelling or damage that they can detect. They are doing some further tests today, as during the x-rays they found she has too much fluid in her cerebellum (sp?). This was actually pre-existing the accident.

We are looking at the whole thing as "Everything happens for a reason", as had it not been for the accident, they would not have found this extra fluid. It may or may not be something that needs attention. We hope to know something later today.

I did email Drac as a head's up in case I needed to go there. It's about 4 hours away. I simply said my nephew in the email. He responded asking if it was specifically 'his name'. I replied that it was his daughter, not him. Nothing back from Drac. No note or comment of concern. So much for the care/concern that you'd even give a co-worker or a stranger for that matter.

I'll be honest. I expected more. So, it was a good/timely reminder about expectations & not to have any!

So, please keep Lila in your prayers.