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And to you. Quiet now. I must have struck a nerve?
"Rather than love, than money, than fame, give me truth"
Henry David Thoreau
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And to you. Quiet now. I must have struck a nerve? LOL, hardly...I just don't think you are ready to get it yet, but I sincerely hope you do someday... I wish you no ill will Intro... Prayers, Mrs. W
FWW ~ 47 ~ MeFBH ~ 50 ~ MrWonderingDD ~ 17 Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered
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ME BH 40 - FWW 39
Sons - 9 and 7
DDAY - March 18,2006
Married 10 years
Recovering
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"Rather than love, than money, than fame, give me truth"
Henry David Thoreau
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No, actually what you are doing is saying that your affair was a catalyst in starting you and Mr. W on the road to marital bliss, but because you do not publicly say that the affair was the catalyst for it...you are a "F"WW. But, because I stand firm in the fact that my marriage would still be a marriage of 3 people (myself, KMS, and OM) if I didn't do something unthinkable (like you did) then I'm still a "currently" WH. Right? Okay, so you say that your marriage is better now in "spite" of your affair...not because of it.
From now on I'll say that my marriage is in recovery in "spite" of my ONS instead of because of it.
Can I be a "F" WH now?
Have you repented for YOUR behavior? Have you asked your wife for uncondtional forgiveness for your betrayal without any measurement or regard for her previous conduct??
Though I completely understand your position, what I see is a continuing barrier to intimacy in your recovering marriage. I/we WANT you and your wife to recover from this and achieve a marriage of extraordinary care. This is hardly a 2x4.
Mr. W 
FBH(me)-51 FWW-49 (MrsWondering)
DD19 DS 22 Dday-2005-Recovered
"agree to disagree" = Used when one wants to reject the objective reality of the situation and hopefully replace it with their own.
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And do you want to recover?
ME BH 40 - FWW 39
Sons - 9 and 7
DDAY - March 18,2006
Married 10 years
Recovering
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[quote=introvertShe was a cake-eating tramp who realized her husband was moving on without her and she decided the grass WASN'T greener on the other side. [/quote]
Can you tell me why KMS would want to stay with you when you continue to call her a tramp or worse. Yes she had an affair. Yes she lied to you about it. Almost all waywards lie to cover the truth.
Is she still covering up? Is she still lying?
How about you try showing your Wife some respect and cut the name calling.
Last edited by brokenhusband; 09/08/08 01:04 PM.
Brokenhusband
Married 12 years
Me 35
DW 33
DD 12
DD 10
DS 8
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No, actually what you are doing is saying that your affair was a catalyst in starting you and Mr. W on the road to marital bliss, but because you do not publicly say that the affair was the catalyst for it...you are a "F"WW. But, because I stand firm in the fact that my marriage would still be a marriage of 3 people (myself, KMS, and OM) if I didn't do something unthinkable (like you did) then I'm still a "currently" WH. Right? Okay, so you say that your marriage is better now in "spite" of your affair...not because of it.
From now on I'll say that my marriage is in recovery in "spite" of my ONS instead of because of it.
Can I be a "F" WH now?
Have you repented for YOUR behavior? Have you asked your wife for uncondtional forgiveness for your betrayal without any measurement or regard for her previous conduct??
Though I completely understand your position, what I see is a continuing barrier to intimacy in your recovering marriage. I/we WANT you and your wife to recover from this and achieve a marriage of extraordinary care. This is hardly a 2x4.
Mr. W Very good points, Mr. W...thank you.
"Rather than love, than money, than fame, give me truth"
Henry David Thoreau
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[quote=introvertShe was a cake-eating tramp who realized her husband was moving on without her and she decided the grass WASN'T greener on the other side.
How about you try showing your Wife some respect and cut the name calling. [/quote] Because she was a tramp (past tense)...ask her...she'll tell you the same thing. When I refer to her A she is WW...when I refer to her presently...she's W. As far as your "show some respect"...I don't give respect until it's earned....she is on her way to earning it. It takes time.
Last edited by introvert; 09/08/08 01:06 PM.
"Rather than love, than money, than fame, give me truth"
Henry David Thoreau
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And do you want to recover? Obviously you are building up to a BIG post about this...just get on with it already...what's with the drama? You don't have to ask one quesiton at a time to build up...I'm listening.
"Rather than love, than money, than fame, give me truth"
Henry David Thoreau
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You are definitely one of a kind Intro.
ME BH 40 - FWW 39
Sons - 9 and 7
DDAY - March 18,2006
Married 10 years
Recovering
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You are definitely one of a kind Intro. Good. Did you have anything to ask?
"Rather than love, than money, than fame, give me truth"
Henry David Thoreau
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She was a cake-eating tramp who realized her husband was moving on without her and she decided the grass WASN'T greener on the other side. She was faced with a CHOICE when she found out about my ONS....and made it. A CHOICE she would NOT have made if I were in any sort of MB "plan". The one month of plan A (while she continued to screw OM) proves that. Intro, It proves no such thing. I’m afraid you misunderstand Plan A. Please read the excerpt below regarding this common misconception of Plan A: I am a great believer in the Harley methodology and it helped me work through a horrible situation. However, I am convinced that there is no greater misunderstanding and misapplication of techniques than in the betrayed's use of Plan A. FAR, FAR too many betrayed's seem to believe that if they stop love busting, go to great efforts to meet the wayward's needs (while the affair continues), and don't bring up OR talks or any issues, their spouses will eventually come back. While the spouses sometimes do come back during Plan A, it is my strong belief that their coming back is much more related to the natural death of their affairs than any action the betrayed is taking.
Plan A serves one narrowly defined purpose only. Its purpose is for the betrayed spouse to demonstrate for the wayward spouse the behavior he/she is capable of should the wayward ever decide to return to the marriage. That's it. It does not and cannot be used to: 1) win the spouse back from the OP, 2) recreate love from the wayward while the affair continues by meeting emotional needs, 3) unconditionally demonstrate love and self-sacrifice from the betrayed, or 4) create guilt within the wayward. Please read on. Link: Plan A I’m sure no one here wishes you anything but happiness in your marriage, Intro. But what I think most are trying to say is becoming a WS by having a RA as a Plan to reach marital recovery isn’t a strategy anyone should follow. I would venture to guess there will be much more mistrust on both sides of your marriage now where recovery could be that much harder and longer. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone. There’s a long time member here named LOR who experienced a RA. She and her husband went round and round and round (no exaggeration) when it came to true Recovery because of her RA. Maybe she’ll chime in if she reads this. God Bless, Jo
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The only question I had was, And do you want to recover?
Nothing else to add.
ME BH 40 - FWW 39
Sons - 9 and 7
DDAY - March 18,2006
Married 10 years
Recovering
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She was a cake-eating tramp who realized her husband was moving on without her and she decided the grass WASN'T greener on the other side. She was faced with a CHOICE when she found out about my ONS....and made it. A CHOICE she would NOT have made if I were in any sort of MB "plan". The one month of plan A (while she continued to screw OM) proves that. Intro, It proves no such thing. I’m afraid you misunderstand Plan A. Please read the excerpt below regarding this common misconception of Plan A: I am a great believer in the Harley methodology and it helped me work through a horrible situation. However, I am convinced that there is no greater misunderstanding and misapplication of techniques than in the betrayed's use of Plan A. FAR, FAR too many betrayed's seem to believe that if they stop love busting, go to great efforts to meet the wayward's needs (while the affair continues), and don't bring up OR talks or any issues, their spouses will eventually come back. While the spouses sometimes do come back during Plan A, it is my strong belief that their coming back is much more related to the natural death of their affairs than any action the betrayed is taking.
Plan A serves one narrowly defined purpose only. Its purpose is for the betrayed spouse to demonstrate for the wayward spouse the behavior he/she is capable of should the wayward ever decide to return to the marriage. That's it. It does not and cannot be used to: 1) win the spouse back from the OP, 2) recreate love from the wayward while the affair continues by meeting emotional needs, 3) unconditionally demonstrate love and self-sacrifice from the betrayed, or 4) create guilt within the wayward. Please read on. Link: Plan A I’m sure no one here wishes you anything but happiness in your marriage, Intro. But what I think most are trying to say is becoming a WS by having a RA as a Plan to reach marital recovery isn’t a strategy anyone should follow. I would venture to guess there will be much more mistrust on both sides of your marriage now where recovery could be that much harder and longer. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone. There’s a long time member here named LOR who experienced a RA. She and her husband went round and round and round (no exaggeration) when it came to true Recovery. Maybe she’ll chime in if she reads this. God Bless, Jo I know what plan A is, but at the time I was in a (although a bit modified) plan A mode, I didn't even know about MB. Nor did I know about her infideltiy. I fell for her lies and thought she just needed some "time to think...find herself, (enter babble here)". I was all over meeting her EN's, but in hindsight I was lacking in the other areas. Too late now. And, quite frankly, I wouldn't have done all that other stuff (or met her EN's) if I knew the truth. When I did get the truth (from OM I might add)....she got plan "get the f#ck out". She asked for another chance...I am granting her one.
"Rather than love, than money, than fame, give me truth"
Henry David Thoreau
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Nevermind. I see you missed the point entirely.
Prayers for you and your marriage.
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Nevermind. I see you missed the point entirely.
Prayers for you and your marriage. No. I clearly stated that I didn't know about MB or what plan A was at that point in time. Did I do a plan A?....not entirely. You explained what plan A was...I told you what part I did....what part(s) I missed. If I missed your point...explain what I missed.
"Rather than love, than money, than fame, give me truth"
Henry David Thoreau
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Cake eating tramp! I like that term.  But sadly this is your wife.... She will always have a little bit of that "Cake Eating Tramp" quality within her now.
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She will always have a little bit of that "Cake Eating Tramp" quality within her now. You couldn't be more wrong Stella...If his wife becomes truly repentent she will be a totally changed woman... Mrs. W
FWW ~ 47 ~ MeFBH ~ 50 ~ MrWonderingDD ~ 17 Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered
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Cake eating tramp! I like that term. But sadly this is your wife.... She will always have a little bit of that "Cake Eating Tramp" quality within her now. If the day comes when I don't remember the "cake-eating tramp WW"...according to Dr.H, I will be opening myself to ending up on the other side of an affair again. I will NEVER forget that person she was.
"Rather than love, than money, than fame, give me truth"
Henry David Thoreau
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