Daaang Bugsy!

Go, Bugs!

You all are too funny!!

Honestly, I don't feel like I really have anyone 'on the line'. I am so completely 'dating challenged' it is not funny!

I will admit that you all are correct that MCD, V, and CHICAGO (not ohio) guy have expressed interest. I see that.

Drac, well, who knows about Drac. Certainly not me. I think it strikes him from time to time that he wants to reach out to me, but he's certainly not going to admit that it's more than a passing 'friendly' thought. He's not seeing the long term connection we have nor is he in any way interested in re-connection. He's continuing to justify to himself. He will likely do that for a very long time.

Mimi, I realize what you are saying. The fact of the matter is that it makes no difference whatsoever if I am nice to him or if I am mean to him. He's made it clear that no amount of interaction or lack thereof will change his "decision" on what he needs.

He may someday say he's sorry. I hope that he does. He may someday change his mind and want to reconnect. I won't live my life waiting and wondering about that. I am not saying that I don't care. I do. I'm not saying that for now, I'd want to reconcile. What I am saying is that it won't be that way forever.

I am also saying I'm working day by day not to think about it either way. No big 'plan' is in my mind right now, other than the live my own life plan.

I know I'm likely not doing a great job of explaining it, but I have a feeling that most of you get what I'm trying to say.

I'll give it a bit more thought later. For now, I'm off to finish dinner, help Ladybug with homework, shower, and then bedtime stories.

Then, I think I'd best find out what the attire is for the fund raiser dinner V is taking me to Sat. (BTW, I think my Mom is more excited about my date than I am! )

Bugs,

Can you throw the ones you don't want over my way? I'll even consider one who really is a stalker.....

That's a BIG PLAN!
Don't cha think? Sounds GREAT to me...



I'm EXCITED about it for YOU,too!!

I'm excited too!

If you don't mind, I'll share some "dating advice".

First...date them all.
Treat as if you are just making a new friend. I mean that. Do not narrow down your field to just one. And do not settle into a new relationship with just one of them.

Chai,

I'd throw one your way if it felt like they were mine to throw! HA!

Mimi,

I guess that living my life IS a big plan - it just doesn't seem like such a big deal since it's been 'the' plan all along. Even during all of the other plans (A, B, and D), I hope that I've been able to keep most of my sanity by keeping some amount of focus on myself.

Thanks for the dating advice Lexxxy. That's pretty much my intention. It's hard, as you said before to force myself to get out there and accept dates. There's still the part of my heart that belongs to Drac, so it's hard to get past the 'feeling' that by dating I'm somehow cheating.

I've pretty much been a one guy at a time kind of girl all of my life. I never dated several guys at one time in my entire life. Playing the field in that way is something new to me. I'm not sure I'm really ready for it but the time has come. Drac's not coming back and I need to start doing some new things to get past all of that. It's hard. Very hard.

I am a bit aggravated with Drac. The other night he didn't answer Ladybugs phone call on any of his phones and he didn't even try to call her back. This just one night after giving her trouble about calling 20 minutes late.

She's detaching from him again. Ever since he started on match.com, she's known/felt that she is not the priority in his life. It makes me so sad for her. Even at 7 it's obvious from what she says & does that she sees it. Heck, he was on line last night when she was over there. You'd think he'd have the decency to wait until she goes to bed!

DSS has a football game tonight, but I won't be able to make it. Ladybug has dance class. It's just as well for my sake. I don't want to see Drac. I feel like I'm building up to a big plan FU to him about making the kids a priority and that really isn't a good idea. Not that he doesn't deserve it, it just wouldn't do any good. Any time I try to tell him what Ladybug feels/says/thinks, he ends up confronting her about it in such a way that he never hears the same from her. He doesn't get that she is not going to be open & honest with him because she doesn't feel safe to do so with him.

Other than that, life is pretty good. I seem to have regained my work focus yesterday and am hoping to roll that into day 2 today!

(I know you know this, but) What's the instinctive, first-answer response for almost any situation that comes up in Plan B?

D A R K

I'm with you on the playing the field thing bugs.

I'm not that kind of person and I'm having trouble doing it. I just don't have it in me. I can not talk to more than one person at a time. It feels wrong to me. I'm talking to a girl now and I can't figure out where she stands or if she's even all that interested. I meet other women and even saw a girl on a Catholic website I'd love to send an email too, but I can't. I'm completely loyal to somebody I barely know. It has nothing to do with insecurity or emotional whatever. I just can't talk to anybody else until I figure out where this one's going.

Isn't this supposed to be fun and exciting? It sucks. I don't like dating.

Sorry for the vent, but I'm very frustrated with this whole dating thing and you're kind of in the same boat that I am.

Maybe once we get the hang of it, it won't be so bad

Honey I hear ya! Glad to know I'm not the only one that feels this way. I think part of the problem is that in some way, I really don't WANT to get the hang of it.?????

I know that V is a nice guy, but I also know it's not going to be anything long term with him. I just know it. But, I think it's good (as Lexxy pointed out) to make new friends, so that's how I'm taking it. Yet,,,,,,,,why am I only talking to him? Beats me. I'm not going to stress about it.

As Popeye says, "I yam what I yam" at least when it comes to this. I have made lots of changes since all of this started. Most of them I think are for the better. Yet, there are many things about me that do NOT need to be changed. I think my view of dating is one that I don't need to change(for now).


Thanks for the reminder SD. Yet, in so many ways these days my attitude is 'why bother' with anything when it comes to him? Most days I am ambivilant (sp?). I know I still have love for him, and yet I really don't want to care about him at all.

Dark or not, he still effects me.

He emailed this morning that parent/teacher conferences are x date and x date next month - "Do you want to try to attend these together this year?,,,,,

This is more about the 'friendly co-parenting' plan. He could have talked to me about it last night on the phone when the kids called, but he sent email instead. Keeping me in my role.

I know some of you may suggest that I give him my newest Plan B letter. I just don't see any point in it.

I don't think I want to work on trying to protect the love I still have for him. I really would like it to go away forever. What's the point of the letter if I'm not trying to keep the door cracked open a bit? And, I honestly do not see him ever giving us another chance so why continue to hurt myself by holding out false hope?

Like I said yesterday, I think I'm done with any 'plan' in regards to him, other than to limit my interactions with him for my own protection. I will retain a certain amount of darkness for my own well being.

I think I'm just going to reply that I do not think it is necessary for us to the teacher conferences together.

WELL.........

OMG!!! I JUST was quoting that very scene to a friend yesterday!!


Thanks, Chris!

I'm working on it. Maybe I can get one of my friends to give me a good smack across the face,,,,,,,,,,,,

Here's a different take on dating (at least for teens):


Here's the complete article

Princess:

Isn't the article advocating FRIENDSHIP vs. "DATING" as suggested by LEXX?

Miss Meggy,

I have to tell you that when I first read this, I became even more depressed about the idea of dating!

At first,I felt like, WOW - this is the last thing I want to do. Then I wondered how in the world does one ever find the right person if you don't date??? The part about lines and boundaries being blurred switched my thought process over to Drac - - that's totally him these days. No boundaries. Just going from one person to the other using them/being used until one or the other (or both) is used up.


I did go and read the article in context, which helped me understand where this part fit in to the message as a whole. Thanks for posting the link.

As Lexxx suggested, I am at the point where the way to look at this is just finding new opportunities for friendship. My own personal 'challenges' of the whole idea of dating are something I'm just going to have to work through.

As BC said, I hope it will get easier.

Lord knows sitting around 'waiting' for Drac isn't the answer! I still have those moments of wanting him to WAKE UP and believe in an 'us' again. Slowly, VERY slowly, my fog is lifting to where what I see in him isn't what I want.

I wish all of the feeling for him was gone. I wish I could look at him and feel nothing. Please someone tell me that will come with time!!!

Tonight Ladybug has a slumber party that I'm taking her to. I am out with the girls tonight. Am shopping with Mom tomorrow and then going out with V. Sunday is church & yardwork. I know I'll be plenty busy, which is always good.

I am struggling with letting go of Drac thoughts today. DSS has another ballgame in the morning. I'm trying to decide if I can handle another Drac interaction. I know him well enough that he's pulled back again because his social life is busy right now - and it hurts. It makes me sad & angry at the same time.

Well - busy work day, so I'll try to put that aside for now.

I'm so sorry Bugs, I really didn't mean to depress you. I had just recently read this article because we're raising our 16-yr. old nephew and I've been thinking about this subject.


I think Lexxx is right on with her advice about dating a bunch of friends. Most people let their hair down with their friends. You find out more about "who they are" as opposed to someone putting on their best face for a "date". KWIM?

Don't give it a second thought, PM! I know you always have the best of intentions!

In fact, it was a good read for me in the context of my kids. DSS is 14 and ready (I think) to start giving more time/attention to girls. I am nervous about the coming years with a teenage boy! Especially in light of the rather very loose supervision Drac seems to be giving him over there. All I can do is provide the best example & guidance possible when I have time with him. Unfortunately, as time goes by, it is very likely that I will have less and less time with him. That's just another good reason that I pray for him every day. God is with him even when I am not.

Ladybugs,,,well she's been about the boys since day one! YIKES!!

IMO, you are EXEMPLIFYING the reason for PLAN B for those who want to RECOVER their marriages...

The more contact you have with the WAYWARD H or whatever DRAC is..the more withdrawals from your love bank...

I think that's what's happening...

I'm totally clueless about the DATING ISSUE...

BUT...

I THOUGHT(?) that dating IS about being FRIENDLY with different folks..gentleman callers, that is...I THINK(?) that's certainly what I would do..and I would try to put my BEST FACE on for ANY GUY..even just being FRIENDLY..but you know me...I like the opportunity to be GIRLY GIRLY..what's the matter with a girl getting some guy attention...time to go put my makeup on for today....

Yes, Mimi, I agree that interaction with Drac does lower the love bank. As I mentioned, I'm not sure if I care about that one way or another these days.

Right now, yes, I would like to have the chance to reconcile with him. At the same time, however, I am ready to move on and feel some resentment to the fact that I still have love for him which continues to hold me back from moving on.

As I said before, I have always been the type of person who never dated multiple people at the same time. If I was interested enough to date someone, I gave that my full attention. Having continued feelings for Drac has kept me from stepping out into the dating world, as it just doesn't seem right/fair to the other person for me to be seeing them, while still emotionally tied to Drac.

So Saturday, for the first time in my life, I stepped outside of that comfort zone and went on a date with V. I had a nice time. It was a casual, low pressure situation. It was a fund raiser for Ducks Unlimited. Silent auction, dinner, and then live auction. His Dad is also a member - he was in attendance with V's son, too. So, I did meet them and some of V's friends. They were all very nice.

V called me on Friday several times, but we didn't get to talk until later than evening. He wanted to tell me that he'd felt like he was keeping a secret from me and he didn't want to keep any secrets, but it was a difficult subject to bring up. Long story short,,,,,,,his Ex has the same first name as I have! ha! It's not an extremely common name, so it's really rather funny. It made for interesting introductions to his friends Sat. night. No one said a word, but I could see a little tick in their eyes.

So, it all went well and we will be seeing each other again in the not too distant future. His son told him to let me know that he is playing a football game Thursday night in my town if I would like to come. I thought that was very sweet.

I'm not over the moon and looking to make this into a 'relationship' right away. It will be what it will be or not. For now, it's nice to know I have someone who is interested in spending time with me.

Gotta run - - am already behind at work.

Morning!

I am working from home today. Not feeling 100% as I am battling a kidney infection (Yuck).

Yesterday was kind of cruddy. Conference call with my boss and the VP of my dept. The VP is very confrontational and always seems to go out of his way to make you feel stupid. Whatever answers you have for him are never good enough. I guess I didn't do a very good job of masking my frustration, as I got a call from my boss at 5:15 last night giving me a 'coaching' session on how I should have been better prepared and that I shouldn't sound so short - - it made me sound like I don't care.

I am very frustrated with the whole thing. I am hoping for a better day today.

I was at my office yesterday and the phone rang with an intercompany ring - I went to answer and saw Drac's name on the display but before I could pick up, he hung up. He didn't call back. Then right before 5 he sent an email - just some political forward to me and 2 other people.

We haven't talked in over a week, other than my telling him to let DSS know I was at the football game on Saturday. That took all of 30 seconds, and he told me Ladybug had left her clothes bag when he dropped her off on Sunday.

He hasn't been on match.com for a week now.

I'm wondering if he's 'found' someone or if he's just been too busy. Actually I've tried very hard NOT to wonder about it, but I still do. A work friend tells me he's on a bit of a downward slide right now. Doesn't seem to be on top of his game when he's around which is unusual for him.

I'm not sure what I really think or feel these days. I enjoyed my date the other night, but V is turning into someone who is just a bit too needy for me right now. Nice guy but I'm not ready for a relationship - seems that he is. I'll have to find a way to let him know nicely where I stand with it. I don't want to hurt his feelings. There's just no way at this moment that I'm at the place to let anyone in - - - there's still too much space taken up by Drac.

For this moment, I'm going to really focus on the job for a few hours and see if I can't knock out a bunch of stuff that's been hanging over my head. That should ease some pressure and help me feel better.

Hope you all have a great day.