"I don't know why you said I might have scared Turtlehead off"

1. You kissed her butt EXTREMELY

2. You made it sound like you had a personal relationship with her. This is only an anonomous message board.

3. You buttered her up EXTREMELY like a stalker would or an unstable person.

4. There is no reason that you would change your marriage so drastically or imediately merely by someone's posts on a message board. Or the fact a faceless poster appeared to care. So you are being quite phoney...

5. Your story is implausable. And now you are trying to act as if you actually KNOW Turtle. That is scary.

6. Turtle may not be bothered by any of this but I would be.

" I tried changing the thread title but couldn't find a way. "

You can change the title but the gist and meaning of your posts and your "interesting story" still comes thru.

A pig with lipstick is still a pig.....after all.

Show your wife what you said to turtlehead...As a wife myself, if I read that my husband had written anything like that to a female I would NOT like it...It felt creepy to me-inappropriately familiar and intimate...This is something that you should look at brwmb...You have inappropriate boundaries with members of the opposite sex...I can see very clearly how you got into the affair with the OW...It is very important that you see this too...

Reading that stuff to turtlehead from you makes me suspect that you derive your own value through others and what they think of you (therefore you feel that you need to give others that you like that kind of admiration because you automatically assume that they need that as well - this is a NO NO with members of the opposite sex when you are married!)...I do understand this, as I was an "admiration junkie" for years myself...Soaring or plummeting based on the opinions of others...Does this make sense to you?

Don't get me wrong, admiration is a legitimate need, but it can't be what you use to determine your own self worth...You need healthy boundaries...

Mrs. W

Yup. My feeling as well.

See what I mean by cynicism and judgmentalism?

Your statements are full of false assumptions about my motives.

"Thanks" was my motive.

Turtlehead, sorry if I scared you off. Didn't mean to. Just meant to thank you. That's all.

Well alrighty then...Just keep doing what you have been doing, that has worked out so nicely for you thus far...sigh...

Mrs. W

Btw, just saying "THANKS" would have been an appropriate way to interact with turtlehead...

Mrs. W

Ok, let's concede and start from the assumption that your motive was to "Thank Turtlehead".

The way you went about it is creepy and too intimate. And too much buttkissing. Now, if you do not see that and see how you come across, and have insight into your own personality, then it is no wonder you have problems with people.

but then, you know that.... right?

You know what REALLY galls me here? That you'd like your wife to be in contact with OW to "teach" her how to have an "emotional bond" with you...You've even got your wife convinced that she needs to do this!!! Instead of seeing YOURSELF as the PROBLEM!!! Because brwmb, make no mistake about it, the problem lies with YOU...Sure, you and your wife share in the responsiblity for the state of the marriage PRE-AFFAIR but ONLY you, good sir, have any responsibility in this ridiculous [fake] "emotional bond" w/ OW that you keep harping about.

Then when anyone comes in and points out just what in YOU might be the problem you call it "judgmentalism" and "cynicism"...Which, you should note, that that, in and of itself, is you being JUDGMENTAL...

When you are ready to get serious about looking at yourself, let us know, we'll be here...

Mrs. W

Mrs W, don't get your panties in a bunch. My belief is that this posters whole story, the whole line of bull, is fake.


What man wants his woman to meet another man? No man! Everything seems fake to me.

I hear ya Stella ...Hopefully if he isn't fake something will get through and his poor BW won't have to endure more of what he is shoveling...If he IS fake, then perhaps other lurking WSs might just get something they need out of the posts on his thread, which may motivate them to do the right thing...

Mrs. W

Hi Stellakat, I guess you're right, .... sort of. I honestly did not think I was coming across too intimately.

Interestingly, I only seem to have problems with people on THIS forum. I get along great with most people in real life and people on other forums. It's puzzling to me that it is only THIS forum that I seem to rub people the wrong way. Many of the posters here make me feel the problem is ME. Maybe I got started off on the wrong foot with the original post and never recovered. It seems that it has been mostly downhill ever since. There have been a few people on here who genuinely seem to care, and Turtlehead was one of the most caring. I think it was the HUGE contrast I felt between her posts and many of the others that led me to want to express heartfelt thanks.

It just seems that no matter what I say here, it gets shot down. It's like I have a permanent case of "foot in mouth" whenever I'm here.

But thanks anyways for explaining it to me.

Well yes brwmb, the problem IS with you - surely you don't think the problem is your wife, right? You are the one that had the affair, so that makes it pretty obvious as to where the problem is...I know the problem lies within you, because I too am the one that had the affair in my marriage...I've walked that road, taken the 2x4s, learned and CHANGED...We are asking you to look at YOU...Are you ready to do that?

Mrs. W

What an interesting turn of events.

If StellaKat's posting style offends you, put her on Ignore.
(I picked her simply because your post was a reply to hers)

If everyone's take on this offends you, it's time to ask yourself why "everyone" is so hard on you. Re-read the posts line by line, without a defensive reaction, and asking yourself if there could be a kernel of truth in what they have said. Line by line. It's too easy to dismiss an entire paragraph. Consider the sentence. Why did the person take the time to write that to you?

You respond to men and women in very different styles here, and it's logical to assume that extrapolates into real life. I think you would benefit from examining carefully the language (verbal and non-verbal) you use with women vs. men.

Re-read what you wrote to me, since it's caused such a ruckus.

If you find yourself making ANY excuses, such as "But I only meant..." or "That was just innocent..." or "It's just a figure of speech..." or "She took that the wrong way" then it's time to practice new communication skills with women.

Whether or not you "mean something" with what you say is not the point. The point is how it could possibly be construed by others.

If you're serious about changing at this point, maybe it's time for you to make an entirely new thread. Personally, I would recommend linking the old thread both for honesty and convenience.

If you proceed with your own changes, and in one year go back and re-read what you originally wrote, you will be hard-pressed to believe you could have said something like that.

Bwhahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa




Are you that used to being enabled? LMAO!!!!!!!!!

People on this forum are very difficult to fool aren't they. Guessed you picked the wrong forum to give up honesty eh?

You ARE the problem son - and you picked the wrong forum if you are looking for enablement of your foggy thinking.

You are the only one responsible for how you feel. Stop blaming everyone for YOUR feelings.

If you feel sad, who is responsible? Your wife?

If you feel happy, who is responsible? The OW?

Why is it how you feel everyone else's responsibility but your own?

Man up and start taking responsibility for yourself. Its what adult people do.

God Bless.

Jo