:RollieEyes: :RollieEyes: :RollieEyes: :RollieEyes:.....that's MY thoughts on the "dry heat"....besides, did you miss the part about us riding in the rain and hail????......


not2fun

Yep that's right folks.....NOT GOES DARK.....

I'm now a BRUNETTE.......




OK, thats was funny....fooled ya all didn't I???

Seriously, I did go brunette. Never been before. Quite a change....not sure I am diggin it though...I will wait a little bit to see if it will stay around, but I am not thinking so....but we will see.....

WS, well he says he likes it, but my kiddies HATE it. Oh well, nothing wrong with trying something new out, and its only hair. I can change it again down the road.

As far as updates, well I still get hung up on some of the "old" things. My "expectations" got the best of me the other day.....which thankfully WS helped me out of.

WS and I celebrated our 15th anniversary Thursday. Kinda funny, since just a short time ago, WS said that 15 was a good round number for us to end on....Well, it looks like the "end" is nowhere in sight....

As for me and my personal journey through this, I am signing up for kickboxing classes on Monday. I hope that this will help me to release all the anger and hurt of all this. I think that BS's are sometimes afraid to let this anger go. Sort of like it has become such a part of us and so ingrained, we aren't sure we want to let it go. We know we don't like it, but not knowing the alternative is scary. I know it is for me.

Also, since learning more about depression (depression being anger turned inward) it scares me A LOT to let it go, because it scares me that it will become internalized again, and that is not a place I ever want to re-visit. So, I think I keep my anger on the outside so it won't go back inside.....

But that is not helping me heal nor doing any good for our recovery......

I do know that this will not last forever. I told WS yesterday, that I hardly think of DD14 situation 5 yrs ago, and that when I do think about it, the pain of that time does not come. No, that doesn't mean that it doesn't make me sad or mad that it happened, but that it just doesn't affect me like it did then....and I hope and pray that this will be the same way....

Anyway, haven't been around as much, since I started back at work. I also haven't felt very "helpful" lately as the anger has been so raw lately.....But I still keep an eye out for those I have met along the way, and still like to update for time to time to let those who were so instrumental in helping me know what is going on.....and for the newbies to see that there is hope and that the Harley's DO know what they are talking about....

And COW??? Well, I haven't given her much thought lately either....though we still have to face what to do about Oct. business trip. WS says he isn't going (which is good....VERY GOOD...), but part of me feels like "she" wins if he doesn't go and he needs to be there more than "she" does....ughhhh....something I am not sure I want to address today...

Tonight we are off to Hooter's for the UFC fights. It has become our new ritual, which has been VERY VERY good for us......I've ended up loving fight night more than I ever did in the past....and then tomorrow is FOOTBALL.......yes, "our" fall is falling back into place, which is SO much better than the way it went last year.....

not2fun

I was kinda wondering about you...

Glad to see you posted.

Not,

So are you going to try flaming red next?

Or maybe green with purple tips? :MrEEk:

Good to hear from you...

I have great hope for your recovery.

Mark

So...

What color is it gonna be next?

:MrEEk:

Hey Mark....

How's the fish biting????.....

Color you ask.....

Well, I must admit I am not liking the brunette so much. But hey, I don't regret trying it out. I will be going back to blonde in 5 weeks.....I miss my golden locks too much, and even though my WS does like brunettes, he will admit I make a better blonde.....so there is where I am at.....

Thanks for asking though....

not2fun

Hey, Im blonde.
Best thing aobut it is cos Im not truely a natural blonde, Im not dumb.
duh. I think Im not anyway

There are only two blond jokes...




All the rest are true.

:RollieEyes: :RollieEyes: :RollieEyes: :RollieEyes: :RollieEyes: :RollieEyes: :RollieEyes: :RollieEyes: :RollieEyes: :RollieEyes:

To quote my mother...

"someone's crusin' for a bruisin'"

I MISS MY HAIR.........UGHHHHHHHHH...



Good evening everybody....

Well, I don't have much to report. Well, other than I have been feeling rather bad lately. I am not sure if I am unhappy with myself and lack of progression on Plan A improvement, or if it is WS, or this whole A crap, or what. I'm hoping that it is more of a hormonal/vitamin deficiancy sort of thing and that the B12 shot I got today will help. I have been overly exhausted lately and the night sweats have been pretty bad....sooooooo hopefully the shot will help. Or at least give me a good enough pick-me-up to get back to my plan....

I do miss my hair. I really hate the brunette. I think 2 weeks is enough time to decide I don't like it. That's ok, in 3 weeks I can change it...until then maybe I will just continually wear the lovely cowboy hat WS bought me on the cruise..... .

Other than that, nothing too out of the ordinary. At the moment nothing is going on. I am still doing well at the PA stuff, doing better but can still improve on the DS stuff, and SF is going well...now the LB'S....well, that could improve drastically.

I find I am mostly still angry now. More about what went on during the A, things he did for her, things he said and did to me....the usual. I know it cannot be changed...I know it is not healthy to dwell on them...but those things still hurt. I think part of me is a little angry at myself....even though Ilove this man and want this M to work, I do think a Plan A sometimes wreaks havoc on the self-esteem and pride. I am glad I did it, I would do it again in a heart beat but sometimes that "doormat" feeling just does me in....

Oh, I did have a hard time a little yesterday. I "attempted" to get rid of the necklace. I am not happy with the prices that I am receiving for it, and a lot of places won't take it (stupid economy...). I am looking into ebay and maybe craiglist. All I know is that the thing needs to go. It is like a chain just dragging me down....Of course, then having to look at it just brought all those memories to the forfront and of course my anger at the whole thing surrounding this dang thing.

Actually, let me get this out.....

It ticks me off that she got this thing (and matching earrings and some VS crap) when they had only been together twice (in Dallas)....seriously....spread your legs twice and you receive diamonds??????....

I mean come on...I don't get jewerly every 2 times we do the deed.....

Not to mention...he had already been "caught" at that point (this was after I found the emails...)...

I know water under the bridge....it can't be undone now, but man some of this stuff really does hurt.

ok....well that's better...kind of....a little....


Anywho, I read on here somewhere about a happily recovered spouse who stuggled a lot in that first year of recovery. She wanted to throw in the towel on some days even. That made me feel better...to know that these emotions are normal in recovery. That's what seems to be lacking here...being able to find what is normal emotions in Recovery....

not2fun

Actually, a quick question about this necklace thing.....

When I was trying to "unload" it yesterday, WS called. He could tell I was unhappy and I told him what was going on. I did make the comment "I'm just cleaning up your mess". Bad....bad.....BAD...

Anyway, WS offered to get "rid" of it for me. He would sell it and give the money to me. Should I take him up on this??? Part of me says yes, because it is such a turmoil for me, but then part of me says no, because I have a deep fear of him giving back to her somehow. I don't know why I have that fear considering he had it for months when he could have given it back to her and he didn't....He said I could have the money to do as I wish with.

We did scrabble a little over it, but WS wasn't having none of that. He apologized again for the A and the what it did to me, then DEMANDED that I go get a pedicure and not to come home until that was done or he would just send me back out. Can't complain there.....he is trying....hard. And I love him more and more for it......

So any opinions on the necklace?????.....

not2fun

If this necklace is causing you so much distress, does it REALLY matter how much you get for it? What difference will the money make in your life? What difference will getting rid of it make?

If the issue is the money, keep seeking more.

If the issue is the necklace, don't worry about the money. Just find it a new owner.

Which is more important? Bucks in your purse? Not having that reminder around?

Who cares about the money? I personally would throw it in the river. It's tainted and I wouldn't want some unsuspecting woman to wear it not knowing the history. I know it's just a thing, but sometimes I wonder if "things" can carry or pass on evil stuff. Nah, probably not... but just in case.

Precisely!

Not, do you covet the money? Do you want the money? Is the money the issue?

Or, is the issue the hostility you feel toward the necklace and its background.

If the issue is the money, that's one thing. Get all you can.

If the issue is the necklace and the betrayal it represents, get rid of the sucker. Sell it for whatever and then give the money to a good cause. Or, if you have the case in which the necklace came, consider donating it to an organization that can sell it as a fund-raiser.

You don't have to do the selling. You don't have to give it to h. You could give it to someone (either a person or an organization) where it would do some good.

I say..TAKE CARE OF IT YOURSELF..by the MEANS that will give YOU the most JOY and PLEASURE...

((((my girls))))

Thanks for the replies. Ok, at this point I hate what it represents. And it has become its own burden unto me. So, no, I don't care what I get for it at this point....

Cinders, I LOVE the charity idea. No I don't have the original case, BUT I bet they would take it anyway....I actually thought of selling it and then giving the money away, but you elimated the whole having to sell thing...THANKS... YOU DA GIRL...

P, I know throw it in the river..Mel would have said flush it down the toilet (we've had this discussion before...not about this but about someone else who had a similiar problem). The only problem with that is my "money" conscience. Remember "Titanic"? Well, I think I am probably the ONLY female that didn't like that movie. ESPECIALLY THE ENDING....Why would she throw in the ocean?? Who would KNOWINGLY throw millions of dollars out to sea??? The granny HAD to have been off her rocker.....Anyway, this necklace is worth something ( ), maybe not millions, but a few hundred, which the saver in me just can not do. I agree that it is yucky and the history of it is "tainted" BUT maybe, just maybe some lovely young lad will buy it for his blushing bride....

Mimi, You and I have talked about this before. I agree to do something that will give me great joy. You suggested before to get myself something wonderful, but then I thought that I truly would not be able to enjoy it knowing it was bought with tainted money. At first this is route I thought I would go, sorta like he spent this money on her, I got it and I will spend it on me since that is where it SHOULD have been spent in the first place. Anyway, the idea of charity did come to me the other day when I had this and Cinders gave me a great idea to kill both these stones at once.....

So, I am off to find a charity to give this too.....it makes me feel better already.....

Thanks girls.....not2fun

Lots of organizations have fund raisers. Find one and donate it. Get an appraial, maybe. And claim it as a charitable donation on your income tax.

(My son has gone to two different schools which have auction/fundraisers. It's a big ticket fundraiser for lots of schools around here. One year, one of the schools auctioned off a Suburban AND a Harley. One year they auctioned off a registered Labrador retriever and a custome built dog house - built to the buyers specifications. I think that school even had a diamond necklace one year.)

I HATED THE MOVIE, too!! Lots of different reasons, including my PHOBIA of DEEP WATER...I mean a REAL PHOBIA..Antyways...

Mimi.....your my girl...."Titanic"=


Well, I am donating the necklace to a charity that helps raise guide dogs. Its actually not my favorite, BUT the do have a silent auction coming up, SOOOOOOO I tried them first since I knew my chances were pretty good.

And the best news of all?????

I get a tax dedution for the whole amount that he paid for it.....so something GOOD comes the charity and to me out of something that is soooooo wrong.....

anyway, thanks for the help all.....

On a good note, WS called yesterday and while we on the phone he got another call. It was another agent from around here who was having a crisis with the restaurant she was doing her seminar in. She asked WS to call COW'S company to hold her next order that she had just placed (this agent doesn't know anything about the A....) and WS told he was sorry but that he couldn't do that for her. He would help her some other way if he could but that he could not call COW'S company....so yeahhhhhhhhhh....WS keeping the NC and giving that priority over business and helping someone else out. I am sooooo very very happy.....

not2fun