40 is nice and young.

I've been following your story since you arrived here (but haven't posted too much because you've already got a support group giving you good advice). You've come a long way from your earlier posts (and I think you know that). I've faced some of the same fears about being at an age or place in life that makes it difficult to find someone new. I think you will be surprised once you re-enter the dating world. You have a huge advantage by not having kids. But don't rush into it. Work on yourself and build your new life first.

Some of my friends want me to jump right back in the dating game & I really don't want to. It feels weird. Plus, being in Hollywood, if you're not a size 2 or 4 you are considered fat & therefore don't see much action anyway. So I think I'm safe.

The past couple of days I've been having anxiety attacks. Like I used to at the beginning of all of this. I've been trying not to call my friends so they don't freak out and start camping in my living room again.

I have a job interview with a headhunting firm tomorrow morning at 10:30 a.m. I'm hoping it leads to a really good paying job. I think the more I work, the less I'll dwell on things I have no control over.

My chiro wasn't in and I saw the other chiro. He was freaked out over how bad my lower back is and how stiff my neck is. He said he was going to put in a call to the MRI people to see if they could get the results to them quicker.

I started to feel anxious tonight and I alphabetized all of my CD's and DVD's tonight. Made me feel better. I like things all neat & tidy. If my life is messy at least my apartment can be clean and tidy.

Shouldnt you be getting your beauty sleep if you have to be up early???

I hope they find something with the MRI. I cant believe it was that bad.

Just stay calm and realize overall you are in a better spot then a yr ago.

LA

It's coming up on a year for D-day. I've found myself thinking alot about it and I've been having some meltdowns.

Did anybody else feel like they regressed or became more panicked and anxious on D-day anniversaries? The meltdowns are intense and long, just like when I first found out. I would love to hear if this happened to others & how you battled them. Cuz I just feel helpless to control them.

I think the MRI results are back. I have a Dr. appt. this next week. Maybe they can figure out a game plan to get my back, arms & hands back in shape.

I have not posted to you, but I have followed along.

D-Days are tough. I felt a lot of anxiety (more then I did when I came upon my first wedding anniversary without WH) I got really stressed, and sad feeling. I was more sad about the fact that I had to go through all of the pain and hurt of the affair, and less about the fact that WH was no longer in the picture.

Everyday it gets easier. And, I found that after not seeing WH in over a year, then being inundated with his presence this weekend, I have made the correct choice in walking away. Like you, I had no children, and I felt as though a weight had been lifted off of my shoulders when I made this choice over a year ago.

As it turns out, I am very much okay, and feel as though life could not be any better for me. (I still hate the OW's ugly face though... man, she is nasty... this is for my other thread though lol)

Take care of yourself, and know that I felt the same anxiety. You aren't alone.

Today was not a good day. I feel like I'm regressing. Where I once thought I was feeling better & more in control...not so much now.

The job hunt is not going well. That adds extra stress onto my day. I'm considering moving back to AZ. My friends there keep asking me to move back. But I don't think the job situation is any better there.

It's gonna be year that I lost my job and a few days later D-day happened. I know I'll survive, but I just wish the pain and panic would go away.

Hey Sunshine!!

You need to do something to get out of that rut. Once you start feeling bad everything in the world takes on an ugly cast. Do something nice for yourself, watch cartoons, listen to POSITIVE music...that means NO love songs!! NO Country at ALL--too much "tear in mah beer" stuff there!

C'mon, you can do it!! Smile even though you don't feel like it!! Do you have any hobbies? Do you like to draw? How about this: go to the store and get a coloring book and a BIG box of colors...coloring a pretty picture would make you feel good!! Then hang it on your fridge.

It's a soothing thing to do and the smell of the crayons might evoke childhood memories of fun times.

How about logic puzzles or other mind-exercising puzzles? Those are good for distraction. Just stay away from tv!

Hey, I'm trying to think here! If I think of anything else I'll post later.

Or, yeah...I got another quick one: I'll get you my phone number and you can help me write my history paper. I have a presentation next Tuesday!! AAAAAAARGH!!! :crosseyedcrazy:

Charlotte

P.S.) One good thing about it, my history professor is only 2 years younger than me!!

What about knitting?

My mom tried to teach me to crochet when I was little. Embroidery too. I've been doing online crossword puzzles. And I'm going to do traffic school online too.

Still looking for a job. The job situation has me more upset and stressed out than anything else right now.

I also had a horrible dream about WS on Friday night. I dreamt that his new brother in law needed to be shown around town and he called me to ask me if I would do it for him. I just remember being in such physical pain that I couldn't even scream. I woke up feeling horrible.

My friends say I need a man to come & sweep me off my feet. That's the last thing that I need. In my head, I still feel married. Technically on paper I still am.

He's retiring soon. I need to renew my military ID. I'm gonna have Toni contact him for me. I keep tossing around if I should send him a congratulations email on his retirement. I don't know.

Awwwwwwwwww......FUGHEDDABOUDIT!!! No online!! Go get you one of those cool book/mags by Dell or Penny Press!!



Not if you are in Plan B. Believe me, I wanted to let Gray know that our dog had passed away in March through my mediator. I resisted the urge. And I'm glad I did.

Charlotte

Toni just told me today that she noticed that WS has started to refer to our stuff as "our stuff" when previously it was his stuff and my stuff. I don't know if it means anything or not. He wanted to know why I hadn't been to Tucson to clean out our storage unit. She told him that I got into a car accident and had been in the hospital off & on because of the severity of my back injuries. Then he kinda got huffy with Toni because nobody told him. She said that he didn't care when I was in the hospital before so my atty and her didn't tell him about this instance. I know it's alot to hope for, but I was wondering if maybe he is coming out of his fog. Today is D-day & I'm just trying to get through it and be positive for myself.

It will probably be weeks before I can make the drive to Tucson to go through my things and load my Jeep comfortably.

My #1 goal right now is to find a full time job so I can pay my rent.

I'm doing online traffic school this weekend. That is pretty intensive and alot of reading. So It's keeping me occupied.

Appetite is gone again. Don't want to eat. I have that lump in my throat and I so badly want to call him. But Toni would whack me in the head if I did. :twobyfour:

Is this your intermediary? You are in Plan B, you are not supposed to get this much information. "Just the facts, Ma'am."

No "what is he doing," "what is he saying," "speculating about why he's doing and saying...."

Now you are more upset than you should be.

Don't count on anything that passes the lips of a WS.

Charlotte

Yes, you're right. I have been having a bad time with all of this, this past week.

I guess he's out of the AF. I don't know if he has a job or not. I don't care. I need to find my own job and find some peace and calmness in my heart.

Today was just a super hard day. I hated today.

I never considered myself in Plan B. Plan B means there is hope and there is no hope here.

*hug*

Hon, Plan B is also to help *you* get on with your life, become who you want to be, and become ok whether he returns or not.

Why don't you give it a try? Even when it turns into Plan D, it seems the BS's are happier having gone through Plan B.

I just thought of something. I qualify as a "Starter Wife" now.

What does that mean? Was that a movie or something? I've been out of touch with the Hollywood scene for a while. I used to keep up with stuff like that. But you know what? It sure is a lot more peaceful not reading or hearing about...let me think....Brad and Angelina, Britney Spears, etc. etc. ad nauseum. LOL!!

I know you really can't ignore it too much since you are into acting. But it really is peaceful. Staying away from TV period is really peaceful!!

LOL!!

Found out today that my divorce is officially official. I am single. I think I did really good & didn't cry when I was on the phone with the atty. I now have to fill out a bunch of military forms so I can get my portion of his retirement. It's all so cold and calculated.

Got my 2nd epidural shot into my back today. Doesn't feel like it helped at all.

I have to figure out how to get to Tucson to get my stuff out of storage.

And I'm trying to watch P.S. I Love You on DVD.

You did really good, Sunshine. I am proud of you. Kept that ol' stiff upper lip. Are you British?

I'm sorry that you had to go through all of that. Just hang in there, it's going to get better and better.

I don't know when in the heck mine will be final. This year? Possibly. I'm hoping that it's in January or so, though, so I can get one more shot at the dental insurance. Unless the judge allows it to run one more year or something.

Really, nothing is going to change much for me. I will still be going to school and working toward that degree. Romance is out, no time and no inclination. The only thing different is that legally I will be single. I'm keeping my married last name, at least for now. I wanted to keep it both for the kids and as a warning to other women out there. "Watch out!! Look at how many X Mrs. X's there are!! You doan wanna eend up bein' one a dem, Sissa!!!!"

I wish I lived closer to you, I'd come over and keep you company. We could go out and have lunch or something. We're gonna make it, Gal! Stronger than ever!



And why in the Sam Hill are you watching THIS particular movie? You need to plug in Predator...yeah the original!!!! Ahnuld rocks! Or something with some good action. Die Hard. Lethal Weapon. Etc. etc. etc. !!

Take care!! And keep posting!!

Charlotte

(((Dear Sunshine Girl))) Good days are ahead but for now, I'm sure this is a very sad day for you. Just all seems so easy for him, doesn't it? Hope you get a good chunk of his pension. Take care and get out and be pampered. TT