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I know I am speaking for more than a few people here when I say...
Will you just shut up already.
Thank you.
Carry on.
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Thank you for your opinion turtlehead. You continue to help S&D in the way that you deem fit and I will continue to do the same...
Many WSs and OPs come here asking for help to CONTINUE their affairs, for me personally, that is repugnant...I will however offer help in ENDING their affairs...I believe that is the KINDEST thing to do...
S&D...May I ask you a question? Why is what your affair partner/"husband" is doing now wrong? Maybe his new OW is in an abusive relationship and needs rescuing...Is it only wrong now because it is being done to YOU? Forgive me if that's a bit hard to swallow...You know, his first wife didn't realize that he was a cheater, thereby making her a VICTIM - his victim and YOUR victim, you on the other hand KNEW what you were getting...that makes you a VOLUNTEER, does it not? It's odd that you are shocked that what he did with you he is now doing to you...
When you expose his new affair, are you going to expose the one you are having with him as well?
I'm well aware that many here will think me oh so mean for making this post, but that is okay...I want my post to make you THINK...I want you to SEE clearly what you are doing and I hope that it provides you with the impetus to CHANGE...
Mrs. W
P.S. To those that are going to SCREAM for me not to post if I won't conform and post "pro-adultery" stuff...No Thanks...I will continue to post my opinions, just as I am certain that you will continue to post yours...As long as each of ours fall within TOS I guess we'll be okay, yes?
FWW ~ 47 ~ MeFBH ~ 50 ~ MrWonderingDD ~ 17 Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered
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I do hope S&D comes back. It would be a shame to come here in pain and desperation like so many of us have, only to be ripped to shreds well, what would be a bigger shame is for BS that are hurting over the spouses affairs being shown by certain posters that affairs can become legitimate marriage...barf. It is like counseling a former rapist in the same room as rape victims. Sorry...nope. Keep up the good work Mrs. W.
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I would recommend that you decide what you will do with WHATEVER information you find. If you find something that leads you to think there is an affair happening you should be know what you will do -
If you do not find anything that suggests an affair will you be done snooping? Will you be satisfied that he isnt having an affair?
If we are consumed with highlighting our spouses falling short, we will miss the divine mysteries of marriage and the lessons that it has to teach us. As long as a couple is married they continue to display “however imperfectly” the ongoing commitment between Christ and his church. Thus, simply “sticking it out” becomes vitally important. Just sticking it out is victory in and of itself and creates a certain glory. Sacred Marriage
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S&D...
there is no honor among thieves. You laid down with another woman's husband and now you have concern over the same thing happening to you. Is that because you knwo what both he and YOU were capable of.
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MoDaisy...
When does adultery cease being adultery? Just what is the statute of limitations on an affair?
So I am no predator, but rather a person of compassion, because I do know what waits for her on the other side of affair he11...
Mrs. W Adultery never ceases to be adultery - Every person on this board that is in a second marriage or married to one that is, every person that has ever looked at another with lust has committed adultery. I would think that the statute of limiations on this affair ended when they stood before each other and shared marriage vows. What lead them to marry should not be our concern - Is this not the MARRRIAGE BUILDERS forum? He11 does not await her or her husband if they have asked for forgiveness from the one the ONLY one that can forgive a sin. Wow, so then the affair that I had was only wrong because I didn't divorce my rightful husband and marry my affair partner???? I could just have erased it all with a marriage certificate, huh? Wow, who knew??? Wow, that is some screwy logic MoDaisy... Here I was thinking that to repent we were to "Go and sin no more"...I'm not sure that is possible when every night you go to bed with your affair partner...  MoDaisy...I think you think that I am being "mean"...Perhaps for you the highest standard is to be "nice"...The highest standard to me is to be GOOD...So if I have to hurt some feelings to be GOOD and stand for TRUTH, though I don't love doing that [hurting feelings], I will...To me, BEING GOOD and TRUTHFUL is more important than being "NICE"... Mrs. W I told you that in the situation that THIS poster described. I made no mention of your affair in that post. "Go and sin no more ....." that is laughable. We are born in sin and live in a fallen world and NOT 1 of us is incapable of sin. You can mince words however you want and you can dismiss this marriage if you decide to - The fact is, it is a marriage despite the circumstances. Was it built on faulty circumstances .... it is still a marriage. Your advice to END it is not marriage building. So then you are practicing moral relativity? As in: Sometimes adultery is okay if the circumstances are right? Sorry, I do not agree...Thank you for your opinion... Mrs. W
FWW ~ 47 ~ MeFBH ~ 50 ~ MrWonderingDD ~ 17 Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered
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Adultery never ceases to be adultery - Every person on this board that is in a second marriage or married to one that is, every person that has ever looked at another with lust has committed adultery. Hi MoDaisy, This really isn't true. To think because someone is in their "2nd Marriage" (or 3rd etc.) means they cheated on their ex-spouse to get there is inaccurate. People DO leave/divorce without cheating on their spouse. To me its warped to believe one has to cheat in order to divorce. God Bless, Jo
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S&D,
If you decide you want to salvage your marriage, please call the Harleys. Get the books and start reading, especially Surviving an Affair, Love Busters and His Needs, Her Needs.
I have done some more reading and am convinced that although Dr. Harley would say that your marriage has little chance of surviving based on it's beginnings alone, he would also help you in any way possible to find the tools to do just that.
He himself said that if he really believed it impossible for an affairage to survive that he would just give up on them. He is convinced that there might be a WAY to salvage them so he keeps trying.
None of us here have the experience of the Harleys. Give them a try.
My XH started dating his now-wife while we were seperated, effectively destroying any possiblity of reconciliation with US. It's a debate as to whether I consider her an OW or not. They married 3 weeks after our D. In January they will be married for 20 years. If my XH or she came to this site looking for help in their marriage I would be THRILLED. And I do mean THRILLED. THRILLED because they would be taking the RIGHT approach to marriage. THRILLED because someday they are going to share grandchildren with me and the more on the track they are the better.
And this is not because my XH and I are friends. He will barely speak to me.
I can not change the past. But God tells me that HE works all things together for the good for those who love Him and are called according to HIS purpose.
WH2lE
WH2LE
BS(Me)-57
FWH-54
Married-5/26/2001(2nd for me, 1st for him)
DS-30
DD-27
D-Day-05/31/2007
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I truly, truly have always loved this man. He is the only man I ever truly cared about or would do anything for. I never ever thought about cheating on him. SD, you could always call his ex-wife and ask her how she handled him when she found out he was cheating with you. Maybe she can give you some "advice" since you guys are friends. Ask HER what the signs were when she discovered you were in the picture. Sounds ridiculous doesn't it? :RollieEyes:
Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists. Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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"So then you are practicing moral relativity? As in: Sometimes adultery is okay if the circumstances are right?
Sorry, I do not agree...Thank you for your opinion...
Mrs. W
Why can you not make your point with out putting words into my posts -
I NEVER said that adultery is OK - I never said that their affair was "right" -
Here is my words from several posts ago: "Affairs suck. Period. Why can you not see beyond that to offer this person advice on what she can do in her MARRIAGE"
If we are consumed with highlighting our spouses falling short, we will miss the divine mysteries of marriage and the lessons that it has to teach us. As long as a couple is married they continue to display “however imperfectly” the ongoing commitment between Christ and his church. Thus, simply “sticking it out” becomes vitally important. Just sticking it out is victory in and of itself and creates a certain glory. Sacred Marriage
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I truly, truly have always loved this man. He is the only man I ever truly cared about or would do anything for. I never ever thought about cheating on him. SD, you could always call his ex-wife and ask her how she handled him when she found out he was cheating with you? Maybe she can give you some "advice" since you guys are friends. Ask HER what the signs were when she discovered you were in the picture. Did you read what she said about his ex-wife: " My H tried to reconcile with his Ex even though he did not love her and she did not love him and even though she was LIVING with another man. He did it solely for the kids. It didn't work, she wouldn't give him up and she wouldn't admit to the other men she was seeing that he found out about. It had nothing to do with me. They were already separated by that time (and had been for over a year) so I guess technically it wasn't an affair on his part." In no way does this justify the affair (AFFAIRS SUCK. PERIOD). But I feel certain that his ex-wife does not care - (Based on that post).
If we are consumed with highlighting our spouses falling short, we will miss the divine mysteries of marriage and the lessons that it has to teach us. As long as a couple is married they continue to display “however imperfectly” the ongoing commitment between Christ and his church. Thus, simply “sticking it out” becomes vitally important. Just sticking it out is victory in and of itself and creates a certain glory. Sacred Marriage
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"So then you are practicing moral relativity? As in: Sometimes adultery is okay if the circumstances are right?
Sorry, I do not agree...Thank you for your opinion...
Mrs. W
Why can you not make your point with out putting words into my posts -
I NEVER said that adultery is OK - I never said that their affair was "right" -
Here is my words from several posts ago: "Affairs suck. Period. Why can you not see beyond that to offer this person advice on what she can do in her MARRIAGE" Because to me it is not a marriage but merely the continuing of an AFFAIR...Why can you not see that? Mrs. W
FWW ~ 47 ~ MeFBH ~ 50 ~ MrWonderingDD ~ 17 Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered
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Was it built on faulty circumstances .... it is still a marriage. For me and in general, I would never describe a marriage built on others' indescribable pain and loss "faulty circumstance". It deminishes the significant life changing loss those poor innocent folks experienced which includes innocent children. God Bless, Jo
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I truly, truly have always loved this man. He is the only man I ever truly cared about or would do anything for. I never ever thought about cheating on him. SD, you could always call his ex-wife and ask her how she handled him when she found out he was cheating with you? Maybe she can give you some "advice" since you guys are friends. Ask HER what the signs were when she discovered you were in the picture. Did you read what she said about his ex-wife: " My H tried to reconcile with his Ex even though he did not love her and she did not love him and even though she was LIVING with another man. He did it solely for the kids. It didn't work, she wouldn't give him up and she wouldn't admit to the other men she was seeing that he found out about. It had nothing to do with me. They were already separated by that time (and had been for over a year) so I guess technically it wasn't an affair on his part." In no way does this justify the affair (AFFAIRS SUCK. PERIOD). But I feel certain that his ex-wife does not care - (Based on that post). MoDaisy, Why would you believe the words of an ACTIVE ADULTERER? ETA: The words about the OM's betrayed spouse no less...The rationalizations and justifications for their affair... Mrs. W
FWW ~ 47 ~ MeFBH ~ 50 ~ MrWonderingDD ~ 17 Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered
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I do not agree that it is the continuation of an affair - They are married.
If we are consumed with highlighting our spouses falling short, we will miss the divine mysteries of marriage and the lessons that it has to teach us. As long as a couple is married they continue to display “however imperfectly” the ongoing commitment between Christ and his church. Thus, simply “sticking it out” becomes vitally important. Just sticking it out is victory in and of itself and creates a certain glory. Sacred Marriage
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Was it built on faulty circumstances .... it is still a marriage. For me and in general, I would never describe a marriage built on others' indescribable pain and loss "faulty circumstance". It deminishes the significant life changing loss those poor innocent folks experienced which includes innocent children. God Bless, Jo You do not know if this affair caused anyone pain - It did cause a loss of 2 other marraiges but you do not know 1 thing about the other people.
If we are consumed with highlighting our spouses falling short, we will miss the divine mysteries of marriage and the lessons that it has to teach us. As long as a couple is married they continue to display “however imperfectly” the ongoing commitment between Christ and his church. Thus, simply “sticking it out” becomes vitally important. Just sticking it out is victory in and of itself and creates a certain glory. Sacred Marriage
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MoDaisy,
Why would you believe the words of an ACTIVE ADULTERER? ETA: The words about the OM's betrayed spouse no less...The rationalizations and justifications for their affair...
Mrs. W
IMO she is as active an adulterer as anyone involved in a second marriage -
I have no reason to believe any thing other than what she states - She isnt talking to her husband. She is talking to "us" and she didnt have to tell us anything about their past.
If we are consumed with highlighting our spouses falling short, we will miss the divine mysteries of marriage and the lessons that it has to teach us. As long as a couple is married they continue to display “however imperfectly” the ongoing commitment between Christ and his church. Thus, simply “sticking it out” becomes vitally important. Just sticking it out is victory in and of itself and creates a certain glory. Sacred Marriage
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I do not agree that it is the continuation of an affair - They are married. Well all WSs that come here will be so happy to know that they can legitimize their affairs [in your eyes] by simply providing a certificate of marriage... Unbelievable...Does your wife know that you think like this MoDaisy? She ought to... Mrs. W
FWW ~ 47 ~ MeFBH ~ 50 ~ MrWonderingDD ~ 17 Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered
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You do not know if this affair caused anyone pain - It did cause a loss of 2 other marraiges but you do not know 1 thing about the other people. Seems you might have left your reading glasses at home, MoDaisy. Please re-read where I cleary write "in general". God bless you and yours.  Jo
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Was it built on faulty circumstances .... it is still a marriage. For me and in general, I would never describe a marriage built on others' indescribable pain and loss "faulty circumstance". It deminishes the significant life changing loss those poor innocent folks experienced which includes innocent children. God Bless, Jo You do not know if this affair caused anyone pain - It did cause a loss of 2 other marraiges but you do not know 1 thing about the other people. Seriously, you MUST be kidding!!! Do you even read the stories here? The pain is palpable... There is none so blind as those who refuse to see... Mrs. W
FWW ~ 47 ~ MeFBH ~ 50 ~ MrWonderingDD ~ 17 Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered
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