I have been cautious to advise your decision regarding hanging in or leaving. You have demonstrated great fortitude in persevering for your marriage. Doc Harley writes of the great strain that women take by plan "A"ing for the period that you have done.

May I share the following scripture: 1Cor7:15 "But if an unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A unbelieving man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace."

Please read the context of this passage. Perseverance is YOUR decision alone.

It seems to me that you and Job can shake hands in that both you and he went through trials that ultimately reveals Gods authority and purpose is sovereign.

During a period of darkness in my own life, I received great comfort through reading the Book of Ecclesiastes. I would draw you to Ecc7:14 "When times are good, be happy; but when times are bad, consider: God has made one as well as the other..."

Hey! Are you going to the air show?

Imagine,I didn't realise you were a Christian too...thanks for the scripture reference ,I will read up on it later....strangely that is one Book of the Bible that I haven't read much of.WH isn't a christian,in fact his mom is very into spirituality and so is OP...

I'm not going to the air show ..hopefully it will be on tv...I watched the movie 'FLYBOYS' last night ...loved it...

I picked up that you are a teacher...my eldest is in matric...what do you think of this new matric syllabus?

It is approximately three twenty PM now. Three quarters of an hour ago the sound barrier was twice broken within the city limits - within five minutes of each other. Our dog is keeping very close to mom (Mrs Imagine) right now.

Sonic booms within urban surrounds are illegal. The problem is that some of these aircraft battle to keep it under the "boom" limit. I tried to photograph these planes but was only partially successful. This, despite the use of prosumer equipment.

And nope, I am a lecturer. I have no formal teaching training, though long on actual industry experience.

The quality of students that apply to our colleges is pathetic. I do not know whether this is a result of a poor curriculum or a bad education system. My more experienced colleagues at the college assure me that this poor quality intake was not always so.

I actually had students that got calculators out to multiply by one. I kid you not!

No wonder the teachers in this country are leaving (pretty much like the medical field).

This week I'm going to try to put WH out of my mind as much as possible...

Last night I went with friends to local pub to hear the band..DS18 and friends came too....it was great fun.people are shocked when we say we are mom and son!!LOL

School exams are over,thank goodness..now we wait for the results...

Yes, keep enjoying your life. And let your sons know that it hurts you to hear about their dad and the OW. It is much better just to put him on the back burner and let him simmer away.

I gather from your posts that you will never be short on company. I'm glad that your esteem muscle is fit and well. Enjoy heritage day tomorrow!

Imagine,I have lots of friends and I'm actually going out more now than when WH was at home!I was hoping to have a lekka braai tomorrow but I think its going to rain....

Believer,I'm trying hard not to think about WH..but I keep remembering him saying..'its impossible for him to come back,its been nearly 2 years'....

I get quite despondent at times and think what am I holding out for...nothing is changing...

All I can do is live my life and enjoy everything else that is good in my life.

The other day one of DS18's friends was talking to me about his folks who split up 2 years ago..he said he was happy now as both his parents had new partners and were both happy.He then said"I hear theres a lot of partying going on at DS18's dads place,(said with raised eyebrows as if it wasn't a good thing) It just confirmed to me that the boys are protecting me from what goes on there....apparently they party alone!!!

Its funny... I somehow equate your WH sleeping with the pigs and the prodigal son...

Imagine I sometimes think that too....but there must be good times for him to that keep him there...

I'm feeling a bit down right now cos both the boys are at WH(DS15 has been there the whole week)..and he just fetched DS18,but he will come home tomorrow as his going to a party tomorrow night.Obviously when WH arrives at the front door,I stay far away.It annoys me to hear him so upbeat and jolly...(he has a loud voice)

DS15 came home with me from school as WH and OW were to busy getting the shop ready ..building shelving etc.I didn't know about this arrangement so I was surprised when DS15 came up to me at school..WH could have text me or something..

My sister told me a funny story about her EXH.They are still good friends and he was at her house helping her with a problem in her on-suite...
He lingered in her bedroom and stared at her bed(was their bed).He moved her stuff on her bed to one side and said"I just have to lay down on my old bed!! and he promptly lay down on his old side of the bed....crazy....

Hmmm, I've always steered clear of association with past relationships. Something like that of your sisters association with her XH sounds like it may always have the opportunity to erupt into something regrettable.

I'm not saying that this could be be so for your sister, but I'm wary to test my own limits. (I can resist anything ...except temptation!)

OT. I would like to consult you about a medical matter:
I read on one of Larry's post about infatuation and the release of PEA's that sustain this condition. Are you aware of a medicinal antidote?

Imagine,I'm sorry I don't have an answer for you....

I'm feeling angry and upset right now....
The school holidays started today,its only a week long.DS15 has been with WH for the last 9 days and DS18 has been there thursday,saturday till today.They were meant to come home yesterday but WH asked them to stay another night....obviously I was disappointed..anyway DS18 just phoned me to say WH wants them to stay with him till wednesday(half the hols).I am so upset...I hate him right now...I hate the thought that they are playing "happy families'..5 boys and the 2 of them...

How am I supposed to stay dark and shut myself off emotionally when this happens.I am in tears right now..I know I'm been selfish,thinking of myself,but I feel like I am losing out in this situation cos they are a family over there if you know what I mean..The boys get on with each other and I picture them as one happy family.....

I just needed to get that off my chest.....

You know what they say...

When life deals you a lemon, make lemon juice. Call sis and friends, have a party.

Can friends come stay with you?

Thanks Imagine....I just got off the phone with a friend and she was going to invite me round tomorrow night as its her sons 18th birthday(my DS18's best friend).
I'm supposed to be working tomorrow night..will try swop out...Her son still has to speak to my DS18 about tomorrow night.We will see what happens.

I'm feeling better now.....might phone my sister and perhaps we can go out for a bite to eat as she doesn't have her kids with her...

Imagine you are so fortunate to not be experiencing the betrayal of an affair in your life.....I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy....it has such a ripple effect and so many people are hurt and affected by it.i.e WH has shunned one of his sisters who he was closest to BTW...cos of her reaction to his affair..whats so ironic in that, is that this sister and I never really got on that well.She was very much like an interfering mother-in-law....her brother was the apple of her eye...now she has also been hurt by him and she is the only one in her family that supports ME!!! Her and her family stayed with me and the boys when they came down to the cape...not WH.

The more time your sons' spend with your hubby, the better. Sooner or later, the [censored] will hit the fan. You can count on it.

I reflected on this too...(great minds maybe...)

First off, I thought that the larger company would draw on their economic resources but realized that thank to impending loan, this would be resolved.

Secondly, I wondered whether close proximity of the lads would aggravate any restlessness. Possible, but also more probable that they will keep themselves occupied and out of parental (and I do mean each to there own parent) hair.

Thirdly, I felt that idle speculation by H&P in this direction means she has too much time on her hands.

Anyway H&P, your guys are not rejecting you, they just need peer interaction. Don't forget, you are the "cool mom".

Believer,I wish I had your foresight..I get the impression that they are getting on fine now..but I so hope you are right.

Imagine,your 3 points are valid....the boys seem to play computer games against each other most of the time,hence getting on well...
Previously,when DS15 has been cheeky to OW,WH hasn't interfered and I don't think he will in the future either cos his relationship with DS15 is too important to him and it has been dicey in the past since he moved in with OW.

idle speculation is my worst enemy...I can't help it!! I know its not good.....
Its such a helpless feeling when they go to their dad cos I feel like cos they boys,they have more fun with dad......

I went with DS18 last night to his best friends 18th for supper.I am good friends with his folks and we had a good time.This is the boy who told his dad about WH passing out drunk and not being able to finish braaing the food.His dad bought up the topic with me and said that my boys are just protecting their dad by not telling me about these incidents...and I mustn't take it personally.They still don't know that I know what happened.He knows my WH well and he said he was shocked when he saw the OW ..said she belonged in the centrefold of the Farmers Weekly magazine! I think he expected her to be a bombshell!!

It did make me realise that I must stop assuming things are a bed of roses in fantasyland.My problem is that I'm a very LOGICAL thinker..

((((HUGS!))))



BBWAAAAHHAHHAAHHHAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHEEHEEHAAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!!!

I fished a bit with DS15 and told him that I knew that WH was still drinking heavily.He said they didn't tell me cos they didn't want me to "hold it against him"..
I told him that I was only concerned that WH didn't treat my boys badly.He said that he goes to bed if dad upsets him...but that WH was ok with them.He said that WH and OP ARGUE AND FIGHT sometimes when WH is drunk!...

They know now that I don't want to know info about WH....

WH's lawyer phoned me today,wanted me to sign the loan.I told him only when I get a signed copy of ceded policy will I sign....simple.He tried to tell me that there won't be any risk to me but I let him know in no uncertain terms that I was no fool.It irritated me that he took me for an ignorant fool...I think he actually felt foolish after I had had my say.When he phoned me at work I was swamped and I didn't feel like [censored]-footing around a smooth-talking lawyer.He softened quite a bit when he realised I was no idiot....
He told me that none of the banks were prepared to give WH a business loan...so his only option was to take a bond on the house.Maybe I should change my mind and not sign.LOL
I told him that this was WH's last stand at making a success of himself as he and OP had been fired from his previous job cos of affair!!!Lawyer was very surprised to hear that...ok so I lied!!...couldn't resist......

WH just bought DS15 home...he has been with WH 11 days.I often wonder how WH feels when he leaves here knowing his boys aren't going back with him...I'm sure OW is relieved to have WH all to herself......

Well I'm glad to have DS15 home..he is always a bit unsettled for a while .....I feel sorry for him having to divide himself between 2 homes.