Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our guidance forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 2 of 8 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,880
K
Member
Offline
Member
K
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,880
You believe God created the entire universe, but you don't think he can take care of your adultery, requiring you to take drastic action yourself?

Jeez, you'd think a being who willed the cosmos into existence would get a little more credit from one of his followers... rotflmao


Divorced
Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 812
K
Member
Offline
Member
K
Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 812
Originally Posted by Neak
Honestly, I don't think it matters if there is another reason.

Doing the right thing is doing the right thing. If there are additional, less noble motivations for doing the right thing, the Holy Spirit will work to convict him of that, as well.

Duped? Hardly. It just doesn't matter. Should we tell him, "Don't do the right thing because your motives may not be pure. Keep on sinning until your reasons for not sinning are all good." ?????????

Perfectly stated!

Intro, yes I suppose it is possible that this guy has a new woman picked out. If that's the case, God will not bless that relationship either. But as far as I can see, we have no evidence of that, in fact not even a hint or clue (unless there are posts I have missed.)

So, as with any other members, I am going by what I see, until otherwise enlightened. And the fact is, he has been living in adultery for 5 years, so I am glad he is ending it.

As far as "Where was God when this began?"

Well, unfortunately He was being pushed away so the OP and his partner in adultery could enjoy their sin. God does not FORCE His presence. But I have known of many cases where God spent years working on someone's heart until they finally repented and turned to Him. Hopefully that is the case here. If it's just an excuse to get involved with another off-limits partner, God will see right through that.

Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 6,986
P
Member
Offline
Member
P
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 6,986
Quote
The fact that I don't allow religion to cloud my judgement.

TJ/
I think that's exactly what's happening.

Doesn't matter though, it's obvious that any thread that mentions someones beliefs pretty much pushes your button for whatever reason. The pain comes through loud and clear. Have you looked at that?

If this post bothers you so much, why post on it? Isn't that what you said about posting to suspected BA threads?

/TJ

Most Christians who are in blatant sin choose to ignore that sin... you know... just like a wayward chooses to ignore their vows to their betrayed spouse? Doesn't mean they can't repent and turn from their ways.

Turning from their ways in this case would mean actually ending the marriage.


Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
“In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,880
K
Member
Offline
Member
K
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,880
Originally Posted by introvert
Originally Posted by Krazy71
Originally Posted by introvert
Ok....so, he gets married "in sin", but didn't think of the ramifications of it until now (when the time is convenient), and you guys are just going to jump on board and say "divorce is the right thing to do"?

I think he is a wayward in the making, but disguising himself as a "christian doing the right thing".

...and he has you all duped.

I don't really think he can be a wayward, at least in his current "marriage", which is illegitimate in my opinion.

Let's call it what it is...I like the term "affairage".

Um...he didn't say he married her when she was married. I'm assuming she got divorced before marrying him. If it was illegitimate then why did God allow it to happen?

Not that I want to start a religious debate, but God also allowed the Holocaust to happen.

I personally view all marriages that start as affairs as illegitimate.


Divorced
Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 812
K
Member
Offline
Member
K
Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 812
And I would ask that those of you who come to a Christian website (and yes the Harleys say that it is), try and show some respect for Christian beliefs. It is disingenuous for you to come here and mock Christian beliefs. It's like going to a Chevrolet forum and belittling Chevys (only worse.)

Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,288
I
Member
Offline
Member
I
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,288
Originally Posted by keepitreal
Originally Posted by Neak
Honestly, I don't think it matters if there is another reason.

Doing the right thing is doing the right thing. If there are additional, less noble motivations for doing the right thing, the Holy Spirit will work to convict him of that, as well.

Duped? Hardly. It just doesn't matter. Should we tell him, "Don't do the right thing because your motives may not be pure. Keep on sinning until your reasons for not sinning are all good." ?????????

Perfectly stated!

Intro, yes I suppose it is possible that this guy has a new woman picked out. If that's the case, God will not bless that relationship either. But as far as I can see, we have no evidence of that, in fact not even a hint or clue (unless there are posts I have missed.)

So, as with any other members, I am going by what I see, until otherwise enlightened. And the fact is, he has been living in adultery for 5 years, so I am glad he is ending it.

As far as "Where was God when this began?"

Well, unfortunately He was being pushed away so the OP and his partner in adultery could enjoy their sin. God does not FORCE His presence. But I have known of many cases where God spent years working on someone's heart until they finally repented and turned to Him. Hopefully that is the case here. If it's just an excuse to get involved with another off-limits partner, God will see right through that.

Then why aren't we all divorced?

Everyone here is either a "sinner" or is married to one. Why are any Christians even here if all of this is so cut and dry for you guys?


"Rather than love, than money, than fame, give me truth"

Henry David Thoreau
Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 812
K
Member
Offline
Member
K
Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 812
Originally Posted by Krazy71
I personally view all marriages that start as affairs as illegitimate.


We agree on this!

Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 6,986
P
Member
Offline
Member
P
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 6,986
Originally Posted by keepitreal
And I would ask that those of you who come to a Christian website (and yes the Harleys say that it is), try and show some respect for Christian beliefs. It is disingenuous for you to come here and mock Christian beliefs. It's like going to a Chevrolet forum and belittling Chevys (only worse.)

Thank you.


Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
“In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,880
K
Member
Offline
Member
K
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,880
Originally Posted by keepitreal
And I would ask that those of you who come to a Christian website (and yes the Harleys say that it is), try and show some respect for Christian beliefs. It is disingenuous for you to come here and mock Christian beliefs. It's like going to a Chevrolet forum and belittling Chevys (only worse.)

Did I mock Christianity in some way?


Divorced
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,288
I
Member
Offline
Member
I
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,288
Originally Posted by princessmeggy
Quote
The fact that I don't allow religion to cloud my judgement.

TJ/
I think that's exactly what's happening.

Doesn't matter though, it's obvious that any thread that mentions someones beliefs pretty much pushes your button for whatever reason. The pain comes through loud and clear. Have you looked at that?

If this post bothers you so much, why post on it? Isn't that what you said about posting to suspected BA threads?

/TJ

Most Christians who are in blatant sin choose to ignore that sin... you know... just like a wayward chooses to ignore their vows to their betrayed spouse? Doesn't mean they can't repent and turn from their ways.

Turning from their ways in this case would mean actually ending the marriage.

I attend service on Sunday...doesn't mean that every person who claims "enlightenment" after being a sinner for 8 years is all of a sudden an honest person in my eyes.

The guy is just using the ultimate excuse for leaving his wife, and has every Christian here cought...hook, line and sinker. Except me.


"Rather than love, than money, than fame, give me truth"

Henry David Thoreau
Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 812
K
Member
Offline
Member
K
Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 812
Originally Posted by introvert
Originally Posted by keepitreal
Originally Posted by Neak
Honestly, I don't think it matters if there is another reason.

Doing the right thing is doing the right thing. If there are additional, less noble motivations for doing the right thing, the Holy Spirit will work to convict him of that, as well.

Duped? Hardly. It just doesn't matter. Should we tell him, "Don't do the right thing because your motives may not be pure. Keep on sinning until your reasons for not sinning are all good." ?????????

Perfectly stated!

Intro, yes I suppose it is possible that this guy has a new woman picked out. If that's the case, God will not bless that relationship either. But as far as I can see, we have no evidence of that, in fact not even a hint or clue (unless there are posts I have missed.)

So, as with any other members, I am going by what I see, until otherwise enlightened. And the fact is, he has been living in adultery for 5 years, so I am glad he is ending it.

As far as "Where was God when this began?"

Well, unfortunately He was being pushed away so the OP and his partner in adultery could enjoy their sin. God does not FORCE His presence. But I have known of many cases where God spent years working on someone's heart until they finally repented and turned to Him. Hopefully that is the case here. If it's just an excuse to get involved with another off-limits partner, God will see right through that.

Then why aren't we all divorced?

Everyone here is either a "sinner" or is married to one. Why are any Christians even here if all of this is so cut and dry for you guys?

I don't understand the question.
We are here because we are fighting for our God-ordained marriages, which have been put in danger through poor decisions by one or both spouses.
Yes, we are all sinners, but that doesn't mean we have completely surrendered to sin. We are striving to overcome.

Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,288
I
Member
Offline
Member
I
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,288
Originally Posted by keepitreal
And I would ask that those of you who come to a Christian website (and yes the Harleys say that it is), try and show some respect for Christian beliefs. It is disingenuous for you to come here and mock Christian beliefs. It's like going to a Chevrolet forum and belittling Chevys (only worse.)

Where did I mock Chrisianity?

**edit**

Thanks for nothing MB.


Last edited by Revera; 09/24/08 08:45 AM. Reason: profane

"Rather than love, than money, than fame, give me truth"

Henry David Thoreau
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 10,044
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 10,044
No, YOU did not. Introvert did.

Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 10,044
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 10,044
Quote
Thanks for nothing MB.

c ya skippy.


bwaaaaa

Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 812
K
Member
Offline
Member
K
Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 812
Originally Posted by introvert
Originally Posted by princessmeggy
Quote
The fact that I don't allow religion to cloud my judgement.

TJ/
I think that's exactly what's happening.

Doesn't matter though, it's obvious that any thread that mentions someones beliefs pretty much pushes your button for whatever reason. The pain comes through loud and clear. Have you looked at that?

If this post bothers you so much, why post on it? Isn't that what you said about posting to suspected BA threads?

/TJ

Most Christians who are in blatant sin choose to ignore that sin... you know... just like a wayward chooses to ignore their vows to their betrayed spouse? Doesn't mean they can't repent and turn from their ways.

Turning from their ways in this case would mean actually ending the marriage.

I attend service on Sunday...doesn't mean that every person who claims "enlightenment" after being a sinner for 8 years is all of a sudden an honest person in my eyes.

The guy is just using the ultimate excuse for leaving his wife, and has every Christian here cought...hook, line and sinker. Except me.

Wow, Intro, aren't you special?! The exception to every rule! wink
How'd ya get so much smarter than the rest of us mere mortals?

Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 2,197
J
Member
Offline
Member
J
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 2,197
This topic was briefly discussed in the last Divorcecare meeting I attended. It was said that God hates divorce and that even if the marriage had this kind of beginning, it should be saved.

I am not sure that I agree with that, I am undecided.

BUT, I do think that OP and his wife need to ask her exH what amends they need to make to him. The exH is the victim here, he is the one who was wronged.

If the OP and his wife have not made amends to their victim, then it does sound like self serving whining. IMO


Me-41 BS (FWS)
DH-41 WS (FBS)
2DD's- 10 and 12
Married 15 years
Separated for 2 years after my A
Reconciled for 1 year before his A
D-day for his A 8/23/05
WH moved out 9/16/05
Divorce final 1/23/07
Affair ended or month or so later
My Story
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 6,986
P
Member
Offline
Member
P
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 6,986
Originally Posted by introvert
I attend service on Sunday...doesn't mean that every person who claims "enlightenment" after being a sinner for 8 years is all of a sudden an honest person in my eyes.

The guy is just using the ultimate excuse for leaving his wife, and has every Christian here cought...hook, line and sinker. Except me.

I sincerely hope you're wrong Intro. I guess time will tell.

If he's duping us, does it really matter? If he's not for real, maybe someone out there reading this in the same situation will get their question answered. Maybe that reader will be convicted to make things right in their own life.


Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
“In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,288
I
Member
Offline
Member
I
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,288
Originally Posted by medc
Quote
Thanks for nothing MB.

c ya skippy.


bwaaaaa

**DIT**

Last edited by Revera; 09/24/08 08:50 AM. Reason: personal attack

"Rather than love, than money, than fame, give me truth"

Henry David Thoreau
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 920
R
Member
Offline
Member
R
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 920
Please keep your posts helpful to the poster and stop the religious bashing. We don't want to have to lock this thread.

Thanks


Moderator
Revera01@aol.com
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 10,044
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 10,044
**edit**

old enough to not care what you think.

Last edited by Revera; 09/24/08 08:51 AM. Reason: removing quote from other poster
Page 2 of 8 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8

Moderated by  Fordude 

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
1 members (TALKINGNONSENSE), 460 guests, and 58 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
holderroger508, Seraphinang, ScreamArt, BibleBeliever, JhocelinDeschamp
71,917 Registered Users
Latest Posts
MMOEXP: Destruction in Throne and Liberty
by Ludwighench - 12/23/24 12:51 AM
MMOEXP: The upright turning of Madden 25
by Ludwighench - 12/23/24 12:50 AM
MMOEXP: EA Sports' FC 25 annual franchises
by Ludwighench - 12/23/24 12:48 AM
Advice pls
by SilverMG - 12/22/24 11:48 PM
Question for those who have done coaching
by Blackhawk - 12/12/24 11:08 PM
Newbie here. Advice appreciated. MLC??
by Dynamiq - 12/06/24 05:02 PM
Separation
by BrainHurts - 11/27/24 08:59 AM
Forum Statistics
Forums67
Topics133,622
Posts2,323,477
Members71,918
Most Online3,185
Jan 27th, 2020
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 2024, Marriage Builders, Inc. All Rights Reserved.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5