When it's time to walk away you'll know, because you will have decided to do it.

Right now you are in pain and the episode that just happened heightened that pain for a time. It is a wish for the pain to stop that drives your desire to just let it all go, but that isn't what would happen. What would be as likely to happen would be that you would still be in pain over WH's A and maybe additional pain over regrets for not holding out longer.

Eventually you will have peace about one or the other. Someday, maybe soon or maybe not for another year or more, you will arrive at a point where you will no longer care what WH does. That is when it is time to move on.

I'm not saying don't throw in the towel and file for the big D, just don't let it be because you are trying to escape the pain of the A. That I'm afraid will be around a while yet whether you divorce and move on or sit and wait.


When it's time He will turn up the volume. You will KNOW what to do. Until that answer comes, wait for Him.

But those who wait upon God get fresh strength.
They spread their wings and soar like eagles,
They run and don't get tired,
they walk and don't lag behind. Isaiah 40:31 (The Message)

Shabbat Shalom, Queenie.

Mark

Shabbat Shalom Mark,

Ok, I'll keep listening for the messages.

Will I even hear the messages when they come or will I be not ready to hear what G-d is saying?

Why isn't he getting the D. He is the one who is so happy.

I CAUGHT CHA..you know better than this... :twobyfour:

Queenie, when I was starting on my divorce journey, a friend told me to listen for G-d to speak to me and to pay attention to the messages. She said they might come from books, friends, anywhere but to keep my eyes, ears, and heart open. And, those messages came from all sorts of places.

One night, I was driving to Florida and was going through deepest darkest LA (Lower Alabama) when I passed this little church. Nothing much around for miles. No town. Just a smattering of houses and this little church. The sign in front was lit and said, "SEEK G-D AND HE WILL FIND YOU"

Seek Him. He'll be there.

Don't worry about all those other questions....answers will come.



Dueteronomy 29:29 The Lord our God keeps certain things hidden. But he makes other things known to us and our children forever. He does it so we can obey all of the words of this law.

Miss Mimi,

Your arm needed the exercise anyway, true?

Cinders,

Thanks for the words of wisdom, you are very right. Problem is, what I hear most now is to D him and find happiness by moving on and beginning a new life with someone else.

Over and over again. I just seem to be fighting it.

Back to the prayers and guidance. :RollieEyes:

Hey Queenie,
please don't think I'm being trite, this is your marriage we are talking about but I think that when God wants you to make the move He will change your mind, or make the situation so that you will want to. Its how I gave up smoking. I knew it was a good idea, but I didnt want to. When God wanted me to, I did.
SAme for all the MB stuff like Plan B I think. I always dragged my heels then suddenly I just knew I had to do it.

Actually I am probably being judgemental by assuming God taklks to you like He does to me, but when its time, you will know.

&

I agree with Cinders... It will be from anywhere and as I said to you earlyer you will just know when the times are right Q.

G-d is just being with me, so I guess I need to keep learning, keep walking and keep trusting.

Thank goodness its' Skins and Cowboys this weekend.

Hey PM, I hope you aren't too sad on Sunday.

Hi Queenie,


... think Monsieur Mark is right on the money! :RollieEyes:

...your wanting to 'walk away' now from M may not be for the rights reasons.... if so, it will add to the pain and not lessen it...

...your pain was intense though...(think of a major turn on the rollercoaster and you were NOT holding on tight!) ....so all the more reason to go DARK DARK, and NOT hear anything about WS...and to STOP anybody who think they are HELPING by offering info. about WS...TELL them...they are NOT!

....and no, I doubt very much that your WS is 'happy'...and Mimi is right....you know better!

...so glad to hear you are doing better... THOSE moments creep up on you....so be very VIGILENT!

(((((((((((((QUEENIE))))))))))))))))

Hi Luna,

I'll say that rollercoaster was the worst in a long time. But I did get through it. I have told people to not tell me about him anymore and I am glad I got up enough nerve to say that.

I did reach out to H's aunt, best friend and another friend. I didn't get to speak to A or BF, but did other friend. It was funny, b/s his GF answered the phone and she was very uneasy about my call. I told identified myself and told her I needed F's input and help and I was no threat. I was fighting for my M.

We had a wonderful talk. He knows the man I speak of, he knows how much he loved me and was completely devoted too. It helped to have someone remember that man along with me. He is absolutely stunned by what has happened. And he is going to get ahold of BF and talk it through with him for input. I told him I didn't know what he could do to help, but prayer and help me stay strong for my H. Because, I'm weakening in my resolve and I need RLF to support me.

So, I'm glad I talked to him, he heard the love I have for my H and knows that this man I speak of once existed and that its good I am fighting for him to come home.

There is only one person left who I could talk to for prayers, but I need to leave it alone now. I got my strength built back up and feel comforted that my H lived once upon a time and maybe with enough prayers G-d will let him come home.

I agree, stay DARK, DARK, DARK... The only way for me to survive, but I also need reminders that I can fight this and G-d can win.

Queenie - Hang in there girl, and let G-d do his stuff. Remember that this stuff takes lots of time. I'm just now reaping the rewards of my trial, and it has been 5 years.

Hi Queenie,


Good!

Hey B,

I'm not sure I am getting the message from you. Is the suggestion to keep waiting. I get you are reaping the rewards of the trial. Do you wish you had held out longer and not gotten D?

Hi Luna,

As hard as it is, everyone is right. Have NOTHING to do with WH and staying dark is just the safest and healthiest to be.

I'm lonely and want physical attention and I know that's running me. It's been so long since I have been touched by someone who wanted me and that was and continues to be my most important EN.

I have consulted my rabbis about a D. Just for information sake. I have to laugh as in Judaism best, there are two differing opinions and I haven't heard from the student rabbi yet. One rabbi says that I can't date and one says that I can as long as SF isn't part of the relationship. While I am able to get a legal D, in Jewish law it is WH that needs to begin proceedings. I was married twice, the first time in Reno and the second time under the chupah. I have a ketubah (marriage contract) between us and feel that we were married in Jewish law, however my H's conversion didn't take place until after we were married. So I need to look into whether I am bound by Jewish law or not.

I don't know what I am looking at this except, I'm beaten down from my IRL people. NO ONE supports my decision to stay married and buy into the statistics.

Actually that's a lie, there are three people. His friends and his aunt. They know the man I talk about, but the reality is my H doesn't exist and hasn't for years.

I could just use a little pep talk, I'm not stupid and that A do end and these WH come back to their families, because NO ONE buys it.

I was doing a little research on getting a Jewish divorce.

Wrong. A secular, or civil, divorce has no religious validity in dissolving the marital ties of the Jewish couple. In other words, a civilly divorced couple is still married according to Jewish law until a Jewish divorce has been granted; that is, Jewish law will consider the parties still married until such time as distinct Jewish religious legal proceedings are performed. In order for a divorce to be complete, thus severing all marital ties of a couple, a Jewish husband must issue his wife a get. [I would like to see a translation of the get].

Since the writing of a get is a complex and delicate matter, a Jewish divorce must be conducted by experts. "Those [rabbis] who are not well-versed in the intricacies of marriage and divorce may not participate in divorce proceedings" (Kiddushin 6a). The get proceedings may roughly be broken down into the following nine steps: (1) The parties appear before a rabbi learned in the laws of divorce, a scribe, and two witnesses; (2) The husband requests that the scribe write the get for his wife, which the scribe then proceeds to do using a special quill pen; (3) The husband declares that he is giving the get of his own free will, and a similar declaration is made by the wife concerning its receipt; (4) At this point, the get is then signed by the two witnesses; (5) The parties are again questioned as to whether they are giving and accepting the get voluntarily. The husband must state that he will never in the future cast any doubt on the validity of the get; (6) the husband takes the get and drops it directly into his wife's cupped hands, stating: "This is your get and you are divorced from me, and are permitted to marry any man"; (7) She then places the get under her arm and symbolically leaves by turning and moving several steps away; (8) the divorcée then returns and the get is taken from her by the officiating rabbi who tears the get crosswise; and (9) finally, the divorced woman is given a receipt to prove her divorced status, and the process is over. The reason that the get is destroyed right before the end of the ceremony and not given to the divorcée to keep is so that no other man may use the get to claim that he has divorced his wife; it is always possible that another man will try to change the names on a get to meet his own ends, so the rabbis instituted this practice and instead give the woman a receipt of her divorcement from her ex-husband. From the Jewish religious standpoint, once a husband issues his wife a get, it completely severs his marital relationship, even if they are not civilly divorced. This is a rather simple process, but the fact that only a husband may issue a get may lead to all types of conflict between a divorcing couple.

There is NO WAY I would be able to survive this. NO WAY or walk through this and come out whole. And WH would know that, especially since I don't want to be separated.

The only out I possibly have at this point where a D is the only thing I need is that WH conversion date was AFTER we renewed our vows under the chupah. In a way I hope Jewish law does not apply in this case and I was never married to him in Jewish law.

Queenie:

What do YOU want, regardless of what OTHER PEOPLE think or say?

If YOU want to DIVORCE, it's YOUR CHOICE, YOUR LIFE.

If YOU want to hold on, the same...YOUR CHOICE, YOUR LIFE.

Why do OTHER PEOPLE matter?

This is YOUR LIFE...

Are you speaking of SF or PHYSICAL AFFECTION? Wouldn't SF be a long time coming in a NEW RELATIONSHIP anyways????

Both actually. I haven't been on a date in over 30 years, I have no clue how long it takes.

Seriously, I just want to be with someone who desired me or touched me in a male/female way. It's been 2 1/2 years since someone touched me as a woman.

As for what I want. I want this to be over. I want to know what to do and G-d is being pretty quiet these days except to tell me how flippin hard it would be to be completely D.

Hi Queenie,

No advice, just and something I read today that reminded me of you...

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...it's about learning to dance in the rain"

Queenie,I can so relate to all that you have described about how you feel right now...
Its scary that we can be 100% ok for days and then suddenly someone or something said knocks you flying backwards.....

In my situation,the boys going between me and WH causes me lots of bad moments...
Hang in there....

That's a LONG TIME, Queenie. You think/feel your H has been GONE for THAT LONG..emotionally if not just physically????

It's OK for you to MOVE ON, you know???

If that's what YOU WANT to do..

That's SUCH a LONG TIME...