Really dont see why answering these would even matter or change our situation, but to amuse you.

We were both in our mid/late mid 20's.
Met at the gym.
I was not in a relationship.
I did not know the X.

schoolbus,

Why I waited 2 years? Because I was being passive. Tried to ignore the problem. The problem persisted and has grown big enough that something needs to be done about it.


What do I want to do? I want to do what is right in Gods eyes. I want our guilt to go away. When I stand before God I want to know we resolved this situation according to his will.

Understood. And that's a good thing to do when struggling with things, spend some quiet time with the Lord. Then, as you have, come back to discuss things you still are not sure about, with fellow believers. Listen to the "arguments" or "advice" or "interpretations" of each, and compare those to what God has revealed to us in His Word.




Just know that others will try to help you with your questions and ultimately it will be YOU and your wife who will have to consider it all in the context of your relationship WITH God, not with us or with other believers.

If you want to take "time off" and you happen to be in the middle of a discussion, just say so. Everyone KNOWS that "alone time" is a key ingredient in working through difficult issues.




Okay, now you are to what appears to be the "heart" of your struggle. So let's take a little time to begin to consider these issues, not to reach a conclusion of them, but to consider them in light of what God has said in His Word. If it's appropriate, we can even quote or reference specific passages in Scripture from time to time, to avoid a mere "opinion" sort of thing.

First things first. You are correct that God does not allow marriages between siblings, at least not since some time after the Fall. You are correct that God does not allow marriages between family members, i.e. mother-son, father-daughter. You are correct that God does not allow homosexual marriages.

You are incorrect about God not allowing adulterous marriages. Those sorts of marriages are "not good," in so far as all adultery IS a sin, but they are allowed all the time. Adultery is a sin, and all sins should be avoided. That is what God created, a sinless marriage between Adam and Eve (and by the way, there was no one else for them to even be "tempted" by in way of adultery), and "not sinning" is what God wants from all of us. But we DO choose to sin because of the inherent sin-nature in each of us as "fallen" creatures.

God also, for example, tells people who ARE believers that they should not be "unevenly yoked" (married to) to an unbeliever. But God also tells believers how they are to behave as a married person even if they choose to ignore God and marry an unbeliever. Is "ignoring God" and doing what "I want" a sin?

CAN any of our sins be forgiven by God? If they CAN, what must we DO in order to "obligate God" to forgive us of any or all sins? CAN a believer sin AFTER accepting Jesus as his/her personal Lord and Savior? If they can, CAN those "new sins" be forgiven? If they can, what must a believer DO in order for God to forgive not only the "past sins," but the "new sins?" To put it another way, is there ANYTHING that we can do that "justifies" us in the eyes of God so that we merit His forgiveness?

Now, you raised a question wherein you made the assumption that a homosexual marriage and a marriage that began in adultery are the "same." The assumption is invalid because homosexuality is an abomination to God and MARRIAGE is specfically between a Man and a Woman. I know, the secular world doesn't like that fact and is trying hard to get everyone to "think" that marriage means ONLY a "committed relationship" regardless of the sexes of the participants. But that's just more of Satan's old bag of lies, especially the one he started with that "God didn't really mean what He said." Don't believe that for one minute. God meant EXACTLY what He said, and He has NOT "changed His mind."

So what about committing adultery and what about a couple who began a marriage by committing adultery, either as affair partners or by marrying someone who was divorced for some reason other than adultery in their previous marriage (really only applicable to the spouse who had remained faithful anyway)?

The Scripture is CLEAR. IF you commit adultery by marrying someone NOT "released" from a previous marriage by virtue of "maritial unfaithfulness," you are still MARRIED. The operative word in that warning is "if you Marry someone...."

Hence, you ARE married. YES, a sin was committed. So now we are under the issue of how DOES God forgive sins and IS that forgiveness TOTAL or only "partly complete and still requires some 'action' on our part to make it complete?"

What do you think?

I'll stop here and give you time to reflect on those things, think about it some, and offer your responses before going into more discussion.

God bless.

what are you basing this on? Surely not David as Uriah was killed and therefore David marrying Bathsheba does NOT fit this circumstance.

ForeverHers,

I'm under the belief that God forgives fully but something does need to be done here on earth to make it right with him. Otherwise we can just keep doing whatever we want and keep asking for forgiveness.

My wife refuses to try contacting her ex and asking for forgiveness.


God was not pleased with David and Bathsheba and took their firstborn, so a price still had to be paid on earth. I also dont believe they would have married or stayed married if Uriah had not been killed in battle.

Then do everything you can to save your mairrage! Pop out some kids, be a good father, pray for forgivness. You are already in this situation, committing another sin will not concell out you or your wifes erlier sins, it will just be another.

I want the pain that I feel from my wifes adultry to go away. I want the guilt that I feel from not meeting her needs, from not seeing the signs and doing everything I could to stop it from hapening. And most importantly, I want it to have never happened!!!
But you know what?
Just becouse we want somthing, wether we diserve it or not, does not mean we get it.


Then repent for your sin! Ask the ex-husband for forgivness, ask god to forgive your mistake, and try and make your mairrage work.

Notice I didn't say you and your wifes marriage, I said YOUR MARRIAGE. You cannot repent for her, or make up what she has done for her, she has to make her own peace with god.

Then you wife is not trully remorsfull of her adultry, you cannot repent unless you are trully remorsfull, if you dont repent you cant be forgiven....See where I am going with this?

You contact the ex-husband
You apologise to him
You beg him for his forgiveness for your part in the distruction of his marriage.

You do what You can do to repent. You cant make her do anything, and doing somthing else that god hates (divorce) will not wash away your sins.





I just like to have all the information.

Pop out some kids?

ARE YOU KIDDING ME??????


Its hard enough to raise kids in a good marriage. Kids are suppose to solve our problems???

I'm sorry but that is some of the worst advice I've been given so far.




In terms of contacting the husband, I've tried doing a search on him and came out empty handed. I know he moved out of state soon after their divorce, then he supposedly returned back home, at this point we have no idea where he is and I dont know any of his friends nor family members.

Negative. I was saying work on your marriage, fix it, then do that if you want. Children will of course not fix anything (and may make things harder). I have simply awlays personally belived the purpose of marriage in gods eyes was to start a familly eventually.

I bet you know someone who does, perhaps someone he was married to?

Yes, but like I already said, she doesnt want to contact him.

And she probably doesn't want you to either. But if you think real hard, I bet you can remember some details about him that she told you. Like his parents and siblings names, where they lived, etc, etc. If you want to find this man, you can do it.

I remember her telling me his parents passed away, he has a brother but I have no idea what his name is. His last name is pretty common so that makes it so much harder to locate. Her sisters also dont know anything about him, since the only info they do have is whatever my wife would tell them.

Honestly, I've invested quite a bit of time on this last week and no luck.