Dear Flick,
This is the most difficult letter that I’ve ever written in my life.

I have been doing a lot of thinking in the 3 weeks since you ‘came home’. I have finally come to some conclusions.
I still have feelings for you that range from great affection to love. This surprises me considering the amount of hurt I have felt during the last 6 months. I guess this proves to me that I did have a large love balance with you. It is because of these feelings that I still have that I have come to realise some things.
I would like to retain these good feelings and memories of you, I do not wish to grow to hate you.
So despite the fact that really I do not want to do this, the sensible part of me dictates that I have let you come home too early, too easily, and have not stood up for myself. I have allowed you to cross boundaries I shouldn’t have. I have a strong commitment to my marriage, but not at the expense of my self worth. I want to stay a joyful person.

I want you to know that I am truly sorry for my part in creating the environment that helped to make this affair possible. I pursued my career without understanding my primary responsibility as your wife. I deeply regret that I did not give you the time, attention, and affection that you desired to be happy. I hope that one day you will forgive me so we can create a new future together.

Over these last few months, I have been learning what a marriage should be and I’ve tried to show you this during the times that we’re together and I have learnt alot. It’s like a light bulb came on for me and I think I know what’s needed to make our marriage a happy, loving and supportive place to be. I have made so many changes. I believe I have shown to you that I can and am willing to make these changes. But the biggest thing I have learned is that there isn’t anybody or anything as important to me as you are. I truly believe you are the man I asked God for, and that He sent you to me. However, every time I see you or talk to you now, my heart breaks because I want so much for things to be different. I want more than you are willing to give to me right now.

I am confident that we can overcome our problems and that we can start a new life together meeting each other’s needs so that we can both be happy. Even if it involves moving away from dairying so that we can spend more time with each other, and enjoying our two wonderful girls, spending time doing new things together and with friends, making memories.

I’ve tried so hard to stay connected to you even under extremely difficult circumstances & I treasure every contact that we have. However, this situation has become too excruciating for me to endure. Knowing that you want someone else is tearing me to pieces. This is unbearable. Also I know you are still seriously grieving Fred. I want to help you with that, and be supportive; it was a very sad time for me too. I regret that we both couldn't have been of more comfort to each other

So I’m asking you to please understand that I need to protect my feelings for you so that if you decide to give our marriage a real chance, I will still love you and want to try again. The only way I can think of to do this is to end all contact with you until OW is no longer a part of our marriage and you are truly willing to work on it. This kills me because this is not what I want. I haven’t made this decision to punish you; it’s to protect my feelings for you and our chances at a real reconciliation. If I carry on like this, there will be nothing left. I almost sent you a letter similar to this after Rarotonga, but you said you wanted to come home. I should have done it anyway. These last 3 weeks have been very bittersweet.

Please do not call, e-mail, or text unless you have permanently separated from OW and have decided that you want to work on rebuilding our marriage with me. I don’t want your relationship with the girls to suffer more so I will be as flexible as possible with visitation of them, however you can’t have contact with me during pick up and drop off times. I would also like any of the regular communications between us to be handled through a mutual friend or relative of your choice, such as your mum, Nikki or Vikki D***

It is not that I don't want you in my life, I want this more than anything, but I want all of you… and I want you all to myself. Sharing you is just too painful. I hope that one day you will decide to come back so we can begin again. I want to grow old with you.

Love Lil

My name is Lildoggie , I am WH wife.

I am writing as part of a recovery plan that I am in regarding this situation. I am not writing to stir or for revenge. My other reason for writing is to help you gain a better understanding of the facts of this situation.

WH and OW appear to have started a relationship of sorts around New Year while both were employed at the X. This turned into a physical relationship around the middle of February. I was aware something was not right but had put it down to WH recently finding out about his father’s health, and the stress of waiting to see if Xwould be keeping him on as a permanent member of staff. As all marriages have up and down times, I believed it would pass.
I discovered the affair after 3 weeks of suspicion on March 9th. It came as an immense shock to me as WH was still living with myself and our children and had not indicated that he was unhappy in the marriage, just life in general. The children and I still love WH and wish him to become part of our family again. WH has indicated that if it were not for OW he would be prepared to return home and work on our issues. He did not move out from home until I discovered the relationship.

While WH has been living in city and caring for FIL, we have been in almost daily contact. He spent a long weekend here shortly after moving there, and I have had 2 one-week stays with him. We have discussed many things. I now believe we have no insurmountable problems, they can be fixed. During this time we have frequently been intimate. I need to tell you of my continuing love and desire for reconciliation with WH. When you get this letter WH, the children and I will be on a family holiday in country x

I understand that OW has bi-polar, something that can make a person emotionally and mentally fragile. I do not believe that OW and WH relationship is in OW best interests. I realise that she is a consenting adult, but I think that you would wish to see your daughter happy and settled. Unfortunately, I now find WH being sometimes untruthful to me, so it is probably both to OW and me. If he is not being entirely honest in what he tells me, I wonder what WH has told OW, or if she is now set up to be badly hurt.

My parents too, wish to see me happy. I wish to see my children happy. We have a 16-year-old daughter and an 11-year-old daughter who is mildly disabled. It breaks my heart to see them feel they need to comfort me. I also grieve to see them losing faith in their father’s love.

I am hoping that you will discuss this letter and the points and issues I have brought up with OW so she has a better understanding of what she is involved with.

I am happy to give you my contact information if there is anything you wish to discuss with me. Otherwise, I am very sorry that this letter is necessary.


PS. Keeping with openness and honesty, I will be emailing a copy of this letter to WH for his perusal after the holiday.

Dear all,

I am sorry for the impersonality of this email, however I was quite distressed to inform everyone the first time and I find that repetition has not made it any easier.

WH and I are once again separated.

While he has been in England he has not upheld the one concrete boundary I requested of him, he has continued to contact his affair partner. Indeed, I have discovered he never stopped contact, even when he came home.

I find myself having too much self-respect to be dragged into another intolerable situation, and so have requested that until he can completely separate himself from her, that he removes himself from his family. The girls are already hurt and confused by his behaviour, they do not need to be exposed to more.

I am still willing to reconcile and work on our issues, but it would appear he would rather fix the relationship with her. I feel that I have worked hard to get us to this point and am disappointed by this outcome.

Again, I am sorry to be the bearer of bad news. I would like to thank all those who have supported me with prayers and a friendly shoulder.

Love Lil

So main focus of my 2 week Plan A is show him lots of love and changes right?