But see, she is going to be with OM anyway. Going into plan B is not going to change that. If he stays in Plan A a little longer, he will a) have a longer time to demonstrate he is willing to meet her needs and is an attractive option and B) cause huge conflict in the affair with his ongoing presence.

The longer he can stay in Plan A, the more effective his Plan B, because she will have something TO MISS. So when he does go dark, his missing presence will cause conflict in the affair becasue the OM will not be able or willing to meet the needs that were met by the BH. That will cause problems in the affair and she will begin to RESENT the OM and start lovebusting.

The key thing here is to execute the most effective Plan A possible before going into Plan B. that is a critical step.

Have you read Surviving an Affair? Particularly the story of Sue and Greg..

just wanted to point out that she has not moved out. So far the talk of separation is just TALK. And talk is CHEAP with a WS. Only ACTIONS count.

Thank you, MelodyLane. I actually did not mean to add my thread to an existing one. I'll fit that...thanks for the advice.

CAZ3

ML

I confess that I do all my reading off the site articles. Consequently I'm not familiar with that example. Hitherto I have not urgently needed SAA for my own marriage. Fall in love stay in love would probably be a better purchase for me.

This point does emphasize the need for OP to get a copy.

UPDATE

WW has applied for an apartment in our area. If all goes according to her plan she will be out in 4 weeks. Her plan is to immediatelly have the OM move in with her.

I am still going to stick to my plan of being friendly, confident, polite, and respectful when I get the chance to interact with her. Even after she leaves I will continue to do so when I get the opportunity. And because of the children and family events I will get a fair share of times where we will be together without OM.

Question, talking to her the last couple of days she seems to be very reasonable about most things, but it is obvious that her priorities revolve around being with OM. Is this typical of people that are still caught in the infatuation of the affair.

Also, for all those people who have expressed their opinion regarding the children. I appreciate your opinions but as I have said 2 seperate lawyers have advised me that is a losing battle. I am not willing to put the children and our extended family through a court battle. While I have a great concern about the welfare of the children, we have agreed to split custody. That unfortunetly is a closed topic for us at this point and is the best of a bad situation.

In light of that if there is people that can help me with my ongoing Plan A?

TSM

Have you exposed to everyone possible?

Does your 6 year old know she has to move out of daddy's house to be with mommie's boyfriend?

Don't let your WW do that to your kids.

You need to be the man here. Who really cares what it costs to keep your children safe?

Spend every penny necessary to save your children from living with some bum who sleeps on his brothers couch.

Maybe that POS OM needs a little 'talking to'?

Didn't the brother try to help you once? Can you take advantage of that?

"The bottom line: the most dangerous person in a child's life, the person most likely to abuse a child, is his mother's cohabiting boyfriend. Not the biological father. The feminists and their political allies have driven biological married fathers out of the home. Feminists have convinced women that marriage is dangerous to them. The opponents of marriage never seem to take responsibility for the fact that the main alternative to marriage, cohabitation, is much more dangerous to women and their children."

You must find a Fathers Right's atty right away. The meanest SOB you can find in your area. Use google to find one near you.

Personally I would burn through every last cent to protect my family. Scorch earth policy.

Do not let this hamper your Plan A. Let the atty do the dirty work. Because you are a father - you are at a disadvantage.

Dig up information on the OM - protect your kids and use the information you find.

Have you exposed ?

OM living around little girls - not good. Stand up for your family

The behavior of WS towards BS varies across the spectrum, depending on how they can compartmentalize their emotions. Some infatuated WS pretty much shun the BS, and want nothing to do with them. My FWW was just the opposite. She lied at one point (or was it two?) that her affair had ended, was loving to me, we had SF, talked about vacation plans, renewing wedding vows, etc.

All the while banging OM behind my back. She was the epitome of cake-eating.

While your WW's highest priority will be OM, hopefully, over time and successfully carrying out Plan A, your priority ranking will increase. Who knows, maybe in a month or so, she might be interested in cheating on OM with you. Like I said, it all depends on how well they can compartmentalize.

The children need to be with you definitely. Any other perks that she gets with you should be ended. The children she has a right to, but you don't have to be present. Use a go-between for visits. Plan A & Plan B are identified here on the Marriage Builder's website.

Dr. Harley's book Surviving An Affair is an excellent resource to read.

The "fog" should wear away quicker if she lives with the OM. The reality of who he is will shine through in a live-in situation and the fantasy will be met with reality. Plan B is meant to show your WS the futility of her decision. She will lose so much by leaving. Logic should kick in eventually.

nm. I will post separately.

At the very least, get a background check on the OM. See if he has a record. If the offense is violent in nature, you could possibly get a RO for him not to have any contact with your children. You protect your kids AND put a cramp in WW and OM relationship.