If he's willing to stay on the couch Sat nite, then yes yes yes let him stay.

I'm hoping you have the opportunity for at least one or two more good interactions once you get back from Disneyland, during the last couple days of your miniPlanA.

Regarding the OW, I strongly recommend a letter if you can figure out any way at all to get it into her hands. Is there anyone at all who would take it to her, maybe at a time your WH is with you so you KNOW he's not there? A phone call is over so quickly, has the potential to be explosive, and will be very upsetting for you. A letter is more impersonal for you because you can work on it here and sound very calm, and since she has it in writing she can read it over and over until every word burns into her brain.

WH would need to get his letter before seeing her, so there would be some technical details to work out, but it's so important to let OW know that just because you have implemented NC with WH, you have by no means given up. It freaks OW's out to think of you there, just waiting for them to screw up. And yes, I would mention Disneyland, but in an offhanded way. "Last week when WH went to Disneyland with me, I realized all over again how much I love him. I am not giving up on our marriage. Your tawdry affair is going to fail, and when it does I'll be right here." Or something like that. A copy of the PBL is great, too.

Hey Neak, why do you recommend sending a letter to OW? Is this part of the MB way? I just don't see how it would be in any way helful.

I received most excellent advice to do so.



Maybe somebody knows offhand where to find the quote from SAA. If not, I'll look for it when I get a chance.

The only other contact the insignificant and unimportant OP should get is the NC letter.

For the two weeks that you're going to remain in Plan A--

1. NO EXPECTATIONS!

Also, Pep's famous "Carrot and the Stick of Plan A"

The carrot of Plan A

Meeting your wandering spouse's emotional needs.

Making "home" a warm and inviting place to be.

Placing emphasis on what has worked in the marriage.

Showing consistent self improvement in areas where previously lacking.

Stop lovebusting behaviors.

Communicating with a calm reassuring voice and relaxed body language, even in the center of a verbal storm created by the infidel.

Becoming the person any reasonable spouse would want to come home to.

Remaining open to the possibility of recovery.

Offering forgiveness and understanding.

The stick of Plan A

Exposing adultery where it matters most. Exposure that takes the form of a swift and sudden unexpected tsunami of truth.

Not apologizing for exposure or speaking the truth in a kind yet direct way.

Directly communicating the hurt and devastation that the affair has caused.

Not accepting blame for the infidel's choice to become adulterous.

Let the consequences of adultery and infidelity fall freely upon the heads of the adulterous.

Establishing boundaries that disallow the affair to effect children of the marriage, financal security of the marriage, and otherwise ruin innocent bystanders.

Standing up to infidelity as a beast that must be slayed for the good of the family.

Be COMPLETELY ready for Plan B before you jump into it. Have everything thought out and written down, so all you have to do is pull the trigger.

Hi Tabby,
I was recommended to do this but I ended up doing it via OW's parents as I didnt have anyway to contact her.
It worked beutifully. OW went off her rocker at (then) WH and he came home within 24 hours. Granted it ended up being a false recovery but it did give me 3 weeks to do a brilliant plan A so when he went back to her it was very short lived, I was way better by comparison.

So Mimi called the OW? Sounds easier than finding someone to stake out when she would be home and giving the letter to her and being sure my H isn't there since they live together.

Does she work? You could sent it there.

I'm not sure if she works, I'm assuming yes. But she was a co-worker at the same company my H worked at back in February, but she quit, then I found out in April.

So I really have no clue to where she works. I know my H isn't going to tell me that's for sure.

I do have there physical address, but like I said it sure would be hard for everything to line up...H gone her home etc.

That's why I thought calling would be ok, I could possibly block my number and wait til she lets it go to voice mail. I don't know.

A message she could listen to over and over would be a good second choice.

However, before you give up entirely, look at the numbers your WH has called during business hours. There is a chance he may have called her at work a few times, though probably not much.

If you are going to call, have a short script ready. You want to be smooth and confident.

So either way what should this letter or call to the lovely OW include in it?

Another idea is assuming he works, getting it delievered to her while he is out. Shame you don't have her email addy or something

Well I might be able to con her ex fiance(yes she was engaged). But I haven't talked to him since I exposed to him back in April. I don't know how he feels about her so I'm not sure he would go for it or if he feels loyalty to her at all.

Hi lil! *wave*


As painful as the false recovery was, I think the second chance to do a good Plan A greatly improved your odds.

I like what neak, pep and lil are saying. That carrot and stick stuff is really good stuff.

Why don't you just sent it cerified with a return receipt with the "for addressee only" box checked?

Did someone mention this already? I'm behind.

I mean, it's the same one you are giving him, ain't it? I was under the impression that that's what we were supposed to do, just send the Slag-like women a copy of the PBL that we gave to WHs.

I never gave Slag a copy of my PBL. I can't remember why at the moment.

Charlotte

He may be watching you closely for your responses...maybe he isn't sure he CAN come home, he's not sure where he stands with you ultimately. I would really Plan A to the best of my ability for a short time anyway and then go to Plan B. They're right, "little contact" is not a substitute for Plan B. He needs to know when it happens that it's YOUR terms what it'd be like if he didn't have you. I can imagine OW will not be happy with his spending time with you and that could be when things begin to unravel for them. Have a great time (try to appear that way) and then go to Plan B afterwards.

Well I could have it to where only she can pick it up but I only know here 1st name.

Well I'm hoping that she get's mad at him spending time with us, BUT and thats a Big BUT, what if he tells her he has to be gone for business and she never finds out about it?

That's where it would be great to put it in a letter to her, my intentions. Kinda like, "OW after spending all of Thursday with my H it made me realize how much I love him and am by no means done with my marriage blah blah blah"

Dang!!

Well, just knock on her door and staple it to her forehead. That'll get the point across. TWO of them, as a matter of fact.

Charlotte

OMG!!


and do tell her your spending time together T2L. Would you like to see the response OW gave me when she got my letter?

I included a brief cover to OW with the PBL. It may not apply, but I'll post it anyway as a springboard for ideas.


Ok, so I coulda done much better now, but it all comes with experience. Too bad it was wasted in a way, since by the time she got this he had dumped her flat.

Even though there was a false recovery, there was never any doubt from that point on who he would ultimately pick.

It is my firm opinion that a clarion call of victory just at the moment they think they've won sends shivers up and down an OW's spine. From that moment on, they never rest easy again. Their suddenly magnified insecurities lead them to love-bust all over the place. The Affair Implosion Clock starts ticking down.

Mwaaaaahaaaahaaaaaaaaaaa.