I'm sorry to say I know all too well what you mean. I do not think I can ever feel the same again about my husband, our marriage, anything. Knowing he obviously didn't feel the same way about our wedding vows as I did really bothers me, and knowing he could lay aside the fact that I exist and neglect me so he could spend him time with her, really bothers me. Knowing he didn't care how I'd feel about his sexual activity and emotional involvement with some tramp bothers me. I mean if he cared so much, how could he do it? Just thinking I'd never find out isn't good enough for me, I want to know HOW COULD HE DO THIS?! I mean if anyone has been neglected in this marriage, it's me not him, yet I was faithful. I was always high in the sex dept. so why did he go outside our marriage? They talk about Plan A, h_ll, I've LIVED "Plan A" with him since we were married! I just don't get anything. I think he's selfish and incapable of loving at least the way I thought he would love me. I think he has lied to me from Day one and conned me and I don't think there's a lot of hope. I don't even know why I'm giving him another chance. Maybe it's just the anger because it's been 3 1/2 months since D-day, maybe my anger is kicking in. I feel like I have every RIGHT to feel angry and I'm tired of trying to understand and be nice!
Well you have every right to be angry, as do I. I'm at the anger phase myself. More angry at HER than him at the moment. I'm thinking of so many ways to lash out though none of it will probably do any good. I'm mostly just hurt when it comes to my H. How he could even say "I love you" and then be with her! UGH!!
Lived in Plan A too, yet I really didn't know it for the longest time. Sometimes I feel like straying myself and taking pics for him to see me with another man. He says he is sorry and trying to make things right but it's not taking away what he's done to me. It doesn't make me forget the lies he told me over and over.
I feel like leaving him would hurt him really bad and that is what he deserves. Sadly I know it will hurt my kids most and I hate the idea of that. Sometimes I feel like staying makes him hink "Yeah, I cheated and got away with it. I don't have to pay for my actions." It's a dirty secret I hate keeping. Then the ones you do tell you feel like an a$$ around them for staying in the relationship. It just feels like a lose-lose situation sometimes.
