One day my ex was at my home and we were cleaning his Harley together. The OW actually walked over and glared at us. I told him, "Look out, here comes the warden".

Pep's idea about a family web page is GREAT!!!!!

Have already started the family website. Gave him the link 2 days ago. Told him it was a work in progress as It will take me time to get 23 years worth of history on there so check back daily to see what I've added . He said he loved it and can't wait to see it finished.

So we have 2 trains of thought everyone has been posting about contacting the other OW for my Plan B and they both makes sense. The book had a note to Greg(OM) in SAA in the PBL to Sue.

I kinda don't want to give her a heads up but would love her unravel about me waiting in the wings. Also If he does end up going to Disneyland I'm almost positive he is going to lie about it to her. I sure hope she doesn't go, I shouldn't have to mention that should I? I would hope he wouldn't do that for his son's bday(that's the reason we're going). So what do you all think let her know or don't let OW know?

Looking for new pictures to put up now....and just requested the book the Art of War. Been wanting to read it for years but now I have a reason. Thanks for that.

This can actually cause the implosion to come sooner. OW's don't know how to fight a winning war. Their idea of fighting for their A is to clamp down harder in their insecurity. They cannot keep up the facade as long, when they are trying even harder to maintain it.

Even with nothing to the OW, the A will implode in time. But by ripping all her insecurities wide open, it can speed up the downward spiral.

If your family website will do this (great idea, BTW!), you can leave it public for now, and when you go to Plan B, limit your access to "friends" and make sure he's not on that list.

It wouldn't be unheard of for him to take the OW to Disneyland. Are you staying overnight?

Not staying overnight, live only an hour away. It's for my son's 10th Birthday day and I do not want her there. I would rather have him bow out than to ruin that for my son. My children despise this woman. Should I ask him not to bring her?

So are you saying when I go into Plan B to take away his access to the family website. Right now I have it for friends with a password.

I think I'm leaning to notifying OW, I want her to gush insecurities and to start to unravel and control. He does not like to be controlled.

Hey by the way do you think sending him emails daily about stuff, is overkill? My son wants to spend his actual b-day which is Sunday with him. But since I have emailed him for the last 3 days I don't want to over do it. And do you think I can add silly stuff. We used to quote our favorite dumb comedies to each other and laugh.

No telling about waywards, but if you are not spending the night, he probably won't invite her. I just thought she might be in the hotel room. But he will most likely lie to her about it.

Personally, I wouldn't contact her. Because then he will be afraid to spend family time, and that is what you need right now, at least for a few weeks.

I'd wait.
I'd wait and see.
If he is so unwise as to bring his adultery partner to his child's birthday celebration I'd do the following:

With the family next you you
say to WH and OW

"This is unacceptable for to bring your adultery partner to our child's birthday. Your invitation to be a part of this celebration is immediately revoked because of your insensitivity and poor judgment."

Then - leave him and her standing there --- it is not a debate - it is an announcement and an exit --- then go have fun and spend a pile of $$$

No I won't contact her now, but I was leaning to contacting her about my PBL and intentions to fight for my marriage and let her know it ain't over til it's over and mention that I realized how much I still love him after SPENDING THE WHOLE DAY AT DISNEYLAND WITH HIM ON THURSDAY, LOL.

This should cover if he lies to her and says he's gone on business and should breed a nice amount of distrust between them.

Ah ha, that's great you guys are the best! Yeah I'm not going to let it ruin our day. I will wait and see.

So far at the beginning of this I told him that if I file(before i found SAA) that I would ask him to not go for our son to have visits at their house. He said we don't need to file to do that, you have full custody of them now there is no need to file and I wouldn't want him around her too. But that was then and I don't put to much stock since he now has become a liar.

Update, I told DD17 that what we would do in case Dad shows up with OW at Disneyland.

She just came in my room and said she texted him(which I didn't want her to do).

She said she was nice and he responded," Yeah and her 3 kids is that ok?"

DD17 says, "i just want to be sure she doesn't get mad at you and show up since you guys lives right there."

H says,"Johnny(fake name) does what he wants and doesn't care who gets mad at him."

Weird he refers to himself in 3rd person. And I think he's full of it.

What if this thing is a Mid-Life. Is reconciliation still possible?

Ok, somebody please educate me if I'm wrong or off track here, but my advice to you would be that under no circumstances should the OW come to Disney with WH while you are there for your DS's b'day. None. Nadda. Not up for negotiation. Either he comes alone or doesn't come at all. Period.

There are 2 major reasons why I see this as wrong. (1) In his view, you are basically accepting OW and his relationship with her. Even if you switch to Plan B a few days later, he's just going to think you crazy and unstable - one day you are fine with her, the next day you aren't. I didn't get to apply MB to the stage that you are at, but I don't think there is anything in any of the plans that advises you to spend time with the OP. Not only that, part of Plan A is not enabling the A. This goes beyond enabling it and steps into endorsing it.

Reason (2) - and I've been at this one - seeing your WH and OW together is the most painful thing in the world. There really is only so much you can possibly be expected to accept without cracking. If you think it's hard to meet ENs and stop LB'ing now, try it in her presence. Honestly, this is a set up for failure of your Plan A - and by reason #1 above, will sabotage your Plan B even before you start it.

Tell him now - up front, in advance that she and her children are NOT welcome at this family event.

Again MB vets if I'm way off base on this, I'd truly like to understand why. My WstbxH and his invested a great deal of energy trying to get OWH, myself and our families to "accept" them. It was clearly very important to them.

Thanks Tabby,
Oh no way is he coming. I was advised a few posts back that if they show up tell him his invitation is revoked and walk off. That's what I informed DD17 our course of action would be and if you read my last post, doesn't look like he is going to do that.

He's planning on bringing OW and her kids to your son's birthday celebration at Disney???

Believer's idea to replace the family pics with pics of you and the kids doing things *he* likes to do - classic! If he says anything about being "left out" you can sweetly and brightly say that there's nothing you'd love more than to have him come home and dedicate himself to the marriage, to have him be a part of the family again. Then change the subject.

Pep - you nailed it on the head.
I'd tell him before the party that the ow was not invited and he could not come if she was with him. Then, should he have the audacity to show up with her, I'd make the declaration that they must leave and, if necessary, I'd call security to escort them away.

I'm hoping he's not. I think he meant "yeah right and her 3 kids too" as kinda a joke but maybe I'm being naive.

Either way I'm ready and prepared.

Gonna work on Picture's today!

Oh I'm so glad I'm not the only one who sees the OW's presense as a bad thing at Disney.

Something to prepare for - my WstbxH insisted on bringing OW to my baseball games (we play in the same league). He told me I should be over it by now (this was starting 3 weeks after d-day) and that it's a public place and she has every right to be there. I told him I didn't want her there and he was cruel to bring her there. We went through this argument nearly every week - OWH would tip me off when she was going and I would counterstrike. I fended it off for a while last year, though he did bring her to a couple of games but she stayed off in the distance. I'm sure she was afraid to come down to the diamonds where I was. This year she did come right up to the diamonds but stuck to his bench and avoided me. Everyone else in the league would warn me that the "tramp" was there and at one point she complained to OWH that *I* am spreading stories about her at baseball because nobody likes her .

Anyway, be prepared for the public place - she has a right to go if she wants excuse. If you have to use Pep's speech, make sure you have a backup plan so as not to ruin DS's b'day.

Perfect advice, Pepperband!

IMO, do not even mention OW to WH ahead of time, simply be prepared to follow Pep's most excellent advice.

Mentioning her will give her too much importance.
Telling him he can't bring her will set his back up and increase his belligerence.
Assuming he is so scummy he would bring his mistress (even though he could be) will take away Admiration EN units.

It's just far better to be prepared and deal with whatever actually happens, instead of borrowing trouble. Not that I thought you were.

Maybe I'm wrong, but I would interpret his text to your daughter as a sad attempt at humor. I don't think he plans to bring her, but if he proves me wrong you know what to do.

Being older, I think there is danger that your kids will also want to get too caught up in your Plan B. You'll have to guard them against that. They don't get to Plan B him themselves, at least not if a judge gives him any custody. They also need to be sure not to pass on any info about how you're doing.

It concerns me a little to see the (understandable) enthusiasm they are entering into this with. It's great that they have hope now, and so should you, and it's sweet that they want to help. You may need to make an extra effort to have them keep their noses out of some things.