That raises a good point. Kids and Plan B.

We have no legal filings at this point. He has stated in the past that he won't make my son come around her, but you can't trust them either. So for now they are full time with me.

So what are some tips for dealing with Kids in Plan B. Also, what details beside financial and visitation should I include? I just don't want to forget anything and come out of the dark. Saw some posts where people had to come out. Don't want that to happen.

My understandings that we will communicate via out mediator for everything.

As usual, Neak has some good advice here...

Thanks, V4G.

Regarding Plan B, I really like Plan B addendums. You have the main letter, a love letter, that doesn't get bogged down in the nuts and bolts of how this is going to work. Really, nothing more than one sentence naming your intermediary. Then you have additional papers that list any needed info about children, finances, business, contact info for the intermediary, or whatever.

My new Plan A goal is to make it to Halloween, only 2 more weeks past what I first set. I actually feel better not being so upset at him although I know I have been told not to expect much and even to expect mean stuff. I'm ready to let roll off like water off a ducks back or so is my plan(Lord Jesus help me)

Via email my H just said yes to my invitation to coming with the kids and I on Halloween evening, being sure that he mentioned that he just wants to be there for son{{hint hint}}. And then he said he will also attend a very small party at our home on Sunday the 12th (sons actual birthday) with 3 of our closets church friends.

He will be here late tomorrow afternoon to do the chores and work on the car. We asked him to join us for dinner and he accepted. He said he would do half the chores tomorrow and he will come back Sunday. He asked daughter what time should he come and we said about 1 and he's welcome to join us for lunch after church before he gets here and he accepted that too. I'm Plan A'ing as hard as I can my mentors.

This is my thought, can I personally give him the letter before he leaves us on Halloween? Then while he drives home I will call OW and give her my intentions to her voice mail. I will wait until her voice mail answering machine picks up to leave a message and will not talk to her in person. What do you think?

Wow, as long as you can make it that long, it sounds great.

If you start getting tired partway through but still want to make Halloween, you may need to pull back a little. But really, that sounds very punchy. Good for you!

I think thats a great idea. You have a great last night with him as a family, and as he takes his leave, look at him with all your love in your eyes, say I had a wonderful evening and give him the letter. Do your OW bit and then stay completly out of contact.

That will be his last memory of you.

Once again, I'm not a vet and didn't make it this far myself. But please reread this thread from the beginning. Your WH is cake-eating and you are spoon feeding it to him. Sure, you want to get a brief Plan A in there - I understand this. But the longer this goes on, the more this is going to hurt you and the more convinced he'll be that you are supportive of his A. Plan A is supposed to be temporary. You are so far past d-day - you are torturing yourself!

I can see your point on the cake eating, but since I have had hardly no contact with him for the last 5 months and the contact I did have was lashing outs via email from him and miss communications I feel like it's necessary to me to do a short Plan A so at least when I do go dark he'll have something good to reflect back on and maybe give him a reason to want to reconcile.

If I do Plan B now, and being he re-wrote a lot of marital history and justified his butt off, he will have nothing to reflect back and have a reason for and see no changes in me either. Does that make sense. My goal is Oct. 31st. If for some reason it is too painful to go that far, then I am not opposed to bumping the Plan B up a bit.

I think your Trick or Treat surprise plan is rockin'

Oh great I'm feeling pretty good about it. We'll have a nice time trick or treating I get to give it to him with love and since he and the OW live an hour away, it gives me time to call her voice mail and leave the message, it's perfect.

I'll be working hard all weekend and week Plan A'ing. I'm nervous but determined more than anything. Gonna pray, give it to God and stay focused on my objectives. No LB'ing and meeting those EN baby!!!

Did my last post make sense about why I feel I need to go til October 31st, even though he may be cake eating a bit. What do you think. I guess my view is how much more can he cake eat he already moved in with her and has been sleeping with her whats 30 days.

Maybe I repeat myself, but cake-eating is not the problem. Cake-eating is a good thing, as far as it goes. It only is a problem if the BS is too weak to cut off the deliveries from the bakery wagon when it's time. I have every confidence you are strong enough and will follow through.

Yes, the A has been going on a long time, but you weren't doing a Plan A during that time. As long as it doesn't become too much for you, your timeline is perfection. 3-4 weeks puts you right in the scoring zone. You'll know if you run out of wheaties before then, and even if you don't know we'll be telling you.

Proceed as planned - great idea!

I agree, I think your plan is sound and getting things on track. You don't want to go out with discord if you want to R the M.

Yes exactly. If Neak is repeating herself it bears repeating. Your D-Day may have been a long time ago but your Plan A has only begun! Going to Plan B without having done a good Plan A isn't good.

You're doing great. I really like holding on through Halloween if you are up to it. The better the Plan A, the better your chances. Once you go to Plan B you don't have another chance to Plan A.

Just saw this on the "NO CONTACT MEANS NO CONTACT" thread:

Thanks. I feel better about my decision.

I have a super strong support system with my church. As I said before we were(I still am) associate Pastor's and I'm a worship leader(funny think your immune but your so not), so I have access and support like you wouldn't believe. If I feel at any point I am cracking and losing love I'll go to Plan B.

Right now I feel focused and strong where as the previous 5 months I was just getting. Now I feel like I have a plan in effect and it's helping me feel stronger and not like I'm just making and surviving through each day.

I'm going into this expecting nothing from H and if anything expecting him to pull away and say and do poopey things. When that happens you all can bet I will be jumpin on here and venting or crying to you all.

Well house is spotless, gonna make something he loves for dinner tonight while he does chores and doggonnit I am going to be confident if it kills me and I have to fake it til I make it.

5-6 hours to countdown folks.....

I swear I've not seen anyone grasp the plans more quickly and thoroughly than you have. I think you have the strength and gumption to implement them well, too.

Plan A, baby - hold strong until he leaves, even if he does and says things that cut you to the quick. If he says something insane just be pleasant and then change the subject.

NO RELATIONSHIP TALK. If he starts it, just tell him you'll be open to discussions when he's no longer in contact with OW.

When he's gone you can come here and dump/vent/cry. That's what we're here for.

Ok ya'll just jumping on quickly. He's been here since 3PM. He's done some chores. I'm doing good guys. We are talking haven't done that in so long. Making eye contact haven't done that in super long. He had dinner with us. Said it was good you made my favorites.
Play a few rounds of a board game with me and the kids. Is sitting on couch watching Iron man with kids. it's 8:30P.M. Hope he falls asleep so OW goes crazy, but he could of told he is away on business. Who knows. Just wanted to tell you all I'm making you proud.
Will jump on later when he leaves. He'll be back on Sunday for lunch after church and fixing a few more things.

Back in a bit!

You're doing GREAT!

Remember, no LBs and no relationship talk!!! And no talking about OW - no questions, no insulting her, nothing that will drive him to defend her. But you prolly already know that.

You're really doing terrific!

ETA: Here's hoping you don't come back online tonight cus he's still there!

Well darn he didn't fall asleep. He just came in and said goodbye, I was in my room on the computer giving him some one on one time with the kids.
I said thanks for doing everything. I'll see you Sunday. He says well maybe tomorrow if I can drop by son's football game.
Then he says why the sudden change? Why did you decide to let me come over and do the chores. I just looked at him and grinned and said It's just one of those things that's hard for us to understand each other. I just trying to hold my head up that's all.
He says are you ok? I say yup. He says I know it's hard for you(gee ya think? I mean your only going home to the OW) and I just nod and he says but I think it's important for me to be around the kids. What do ya all think about that?
Boy is he in for a shocker. Not gonna be around for much longer.

Should I have given him a hug for the chores when he said goodbye and I thanked him?
Is kinda a bummer that he didn't stay or fall asleep but overall I did what I have been trying to do for 5 months. I feel ok with myself for conquering my fear. The fear was him, but I don't know why. It's like I bore his shame and it made it hard for me to look at him and talk to him I just wanted to run. Plus he was so darn mean the first 3 months it was insane the hate email i got. But I made no mention or our relationship or the OW.
So do you think I got him thinking at all or is he just cake eating. I mean we made no physical contact just very light conversation at dinner and little bit during the board game. I hope he feels like crap going back to her but thats probably wishful thinking. So I'm thinking my goal is a hug sometime this week end what to do guys think?

That was just golden! Doesn't matter how he reacts overall, and tomorrow he may be a jerk again, then nice some more. You're getting through either way.

A hug next time would be nice.

Even if he doesn't come over tomorrow, he wanted to. That's important.

He felt comfortable tonight. For once he didn't have to suck his stomach in and pretend to be someone he's not. He could just be himself, and relax with his FAMILY.

It doesn't matter whether he is thinking vs. cake-eating. Even if he's not thinking right now, he will have pleeeeeeenty of time to think later.

Great babble line when he asked why you were doing this. It's good when your answers almost but don't ~quite~ make sense, cuz then they have to try and think. It's hard, but so good for their shrunken wittle noodles.

I am so impressed by how you've just stepped up and gotten this going. No promises now, but you're an excellent candidate for a pretty short Plan B, so don't put off studying up on recovery and having a plan ready for when he caves.