No - it adds to more pain for ZORA.

But it's understandable. Given what she had to work with from you.

Wow, not very often I find myself shaking my head because someone doesn't get it.

I am shaking it now. You are really pushing peoples buttons because you want an answer to something that does matter.

Fix you, and the rest will fall into place.

"You are blame shifting as any wayward will."

I am shifting no blame. I accept FULL BLAME.

I am going to work the process and hope.

That does not mean I dont care about her. I care so much.

I though you may want to look at this as She is now wayward and in a fog but sorry if I wanted to help point that out.

I guess that makes me a bad person? What hopeful husband would not point that out?

I will stop hurting her and never post here again.

If one thing I said makes he say , wait, maybe I am making the exact thing Silver was doing then it was worth it.

I have no regrets posting this.

I do get it, I know I am a mess and need lots of recovery and help.

I really do, I dont want to be that person she hates. I just care too much about her to go down without pointing out that the mistake she is making is EXACTLY the one I made and I am now lower than low. I dont want that for her.

Sorry for caring.

SW, Zora let you know that "SnowBunny" was a problem in your marriage. You let her know that in no uncertain terms, her feelings on that were irrevelant. She was your "friend". Ya just gotta know, some people, when they are done, they are done. Maybe Zora is done.....I recall when I wasn't much younger than you all, that when I finally started dating after my divorce, my XWH, jumped stiff legged. If he couldn't have me, no one could!! I got a Doberman.....end of that chapter. Don't make her get a Doberman. Man up, stop blaming her, and let her see the "real man" in you, if you want her back. Sad to say, if
my XWH had even "manned" up, the bridge had already been burned.
Zora may be thanking God for unanswered prayers, as I do today.
Sorry, Man. GF

SW, you DUMPED her and she is getting on with her life. And based on the foggy bullcrap I have seen here from you, I would agree with that path. Your "hope" does not entitle you to abuse her further.

You're good. I'll give you that. But we are people who have survived and continue to survive the worst possible pain in life.

Don't you dare think we don't care that you are willing to possible save your M.

You may not get it today, but one day, when you really stop and think when you have NO MARRIAGE, think back and remember there were very caring people on here who wanted to help you.

I sent her a NC letter, the one you posted.... Ther has been zero. Not since then...I said I HAVE to work with her for the time bing but already applied for jobs and will get out as soon as humanly possible. I will not help her one bit, my boss and the guys working for me will take care of any issues she has. I will walk the other way when I run into her in the hallways,.

GF,the prayers were answered, it was just NO. At least today.

Pity Parties are no fun. And you're throwing a big one.

We do want to help YOU Work on YOU.

We're not going to buy into your distractions.

I want help I really do. Im sorry if I was mistaken, yet again, I just see the path so clearly like a rewind of my mistakes. That is all I wanted to point out.

Im done. Thank you all for you help and support.

Zora, I am sorry to hurt any more. I never wanted to hurt you, It never was my intention, I hope you end up as happy as I want to make you. Please forgive me and pray for me. I will be praying for you as well as myself.

Silver,

What are the changes you could make in you?

Assuming you mean when I look at myself, what things am I unhappy with and would like to change?

If that is what you are asking then off the top of my head...

1)I have a hard time admitting I am wrong
2) I have a hard time expressing my emotions
3) I have a hard time giving in, even when I am wrong.
4) I have very low self esteem because certan things.
5) I have always been too friendly with females and this destroyed my marriage.
6) I am overweight
7) I gave up on my faith until recently. I was always faithful,but never practicing catholic. I changed that already I just need to stick with it.
8) I have a hard time letting go of the past. I draw on it to argue in the present to make people feel guilty. I did this to zora for years and it was wrong.


thats what I got for starters.. Im sure I can come up with more but those are enough for starters.

At the risk of pointing out something obvious we won't go there.

When I started with Plan A, I had to look at myself and seek those things in myself that needed to change. I had to create a new me so that I could ensure that there would not be a revisit of the old marriage.

this is your part. What can you begin to do. I am not getting in the middle, but I am unclear, you have written a NC letter with your OW? If yes, then you begin to accept what you have done and start changing yourself, look at what you wrote and start seeing what you can do differently.

Are you familiar with AA?

I am. I do have a problem. I will go to meetings.

I think I drank for the same reasons as many, depression. I dont know when to stop when I am depressed.

I plan on changing those things...

"At the risk of pointing out something obvious we won't go there."

What? - Its not obvious to me....

Let's leave it there for now. I promise you we can come back when you are willing to look at just YOU...

Ok, now I was just fishing about the AA thing, not because of a drinking problem. I am clean and sober 21 years, so you have a drinking problem?

oh gottcha, /slap silverwind

I Dont know. When things are good, I am fine. I can drink socially. But when things are bad, and that has been alot the past years, I dont know when to stop.

I drive when I shouldn't, drink too much expecially at home when I know I dont have to drive, and alone was I am scared.

So far I am clean and sober 6 days. I dont plan on drinking anytime soon, I need a clear head and soul for what lies ahead.

I am off to an AA meeting. It was one of my lifelines to live today.

If you are bored tonight, go to AA website and if you are up for it, go take the test on drinking problems. You don't need to give anyone but yourself the results.

I'll check back with you later.

You are doing good Silver. Keep to your side of the street and trust the rest to G-d. You'll do alright.

OK

Its hard to see, it really is. I dont see how I can recover every from this. I know I will be ok, but never i dont know what the word is, not feeling like we had the world in the palm of our hands and we just could not reach up to snatch it.

I know I am not totally to blame it takes 2. We both made mistakes and still are.

Its just so sad to realize if at any given time we both focused our incredible effort and passion for each other this would have been such a differnt life for us.