Ah, that would be a negatory.

I working on just not hating myself.

Loving myself would be the next step.

I'm not giving up. I'm just facing the demon and asking G-d for help.

Come on, Queenie.


What's this supposed to mean? WORK ON LOVING YOURSELF..period...

HATING yourself is simply NOT ACCEPTABLE...period...

You are NOT ALLOWED to HATE YOURSELF!!

YOU'VE GOT TO WORK ON THIS DAILY, IF NOT HOURLY!! GOD doesn't want you to just sit around and WAIT for HIS HELP!! It's NOT MAGICAL!!

Of course not. That would be what healthy people say.

But Mimi I am an addict when it comes to food. Sometimes I just don't even realize I am in to the food until it's too late and then I can't stop. This isn't about HIM. It's about me, my pattern and a life long one at that.

Before alcohol and drugs, there was food. Then I got clean and sober, then I was in a dry drunk and for so long I have worked on myself, but as time goes on, as WH continues to just be gone the self-hatred took over and I am eating again.

I'm an addict, I am working on recovery from this. I won't give in, and I won't do it on my OWN.

NEVER SAY THAT YOU HATE YOURSELF AGAIN..EVER!! Just STOP saying it!!

I am off to my AA meeting to get a does of healthy thinking.

Well from sickos.

But nevertheless. I am not just sitting around doing NOTHING waiting for the magic pill from G-d.

I am working on it. I am going to eating addicts anonymous and surrendering to G-d.

I think you are fighting change by talk. I'm sorry if it seems like I'm being hard on you....

So how did you lose all that weight before?

Mimi,

You know I love you, you know I respect you. I'm asking you to understand it's part of the addictive mind and disease. My food has taken me by surprise, I'm not taking it sitting down, but I'm not in recovery yet.

Understand I am fighting as hard as I can and doing the best I can today.

Self-hatred is part of the food deal. When I get back from AA or tomorrow, can we continue this and help you understand if possible it's not something I do on purpose or can just stop. It will be a long recovery process.

But I am a GODDESS, my HEAD IS UP, CHEST OUT and I am fighting with G-d on my side.

That my friend is the million dollar question.

I was so absolutely destroyed I didn't want to eat. I wanted to die. And then I started getting healthy, and my natural instinct is not to be in that state.

I want you to be hard on me. But I also need you to know I am not avoiding, skipping or laying excuses. I am an addict with food and this is absolutely the fight of my life.

I thought when D-day happened and I lost all that weight it would be better, but it wasn't. And this is by far the deepest battle for G-d with me.

But fight it I will and work hard i will but mostly I will surrender to G-d and ask for help because I can't do it alone.

Hi QUeenie (JT waving from the soggy north)

Just wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you and praying for you. I'd love to meet you again. Send me an email.

HI ya Queenie, just wanted to say a few things...
1. I love you
2. you are awesome
3. I love you
4. I admire your strength to fight against you addictive nature. And not only that but to recognise it...not try to hide it.
5. I love you
6.I can never thank you enought for your emails when I was in a bad way.
7. I love you

Where's the woman who encouraged me to write to her one night, speiling every cuss word I knew to help release the poison that was building up in me. And not only that but help me see that I could laugh at that venomous diatribe.

Did you know I have saved that conversation and on the days I could just scream and bang my head against the wall I read it?
I am still impressed I knew so many bad words

And the ones the good jewish lady knows

just joking

I am still praying for you, and loving you, and I KNOW that God has something truely amazing to do in your life

Queenie

Queenie, MY DEAR!!

Don't you think that you can run down TWO TRACKS at the SAME TIME?

I don't know too much about FOOD ADDICTION..but do know about SELF-HATRED.

What helped ME the MOST with that is changing my MINDSET, making an effort daily to maintain WORK on my MINDSET.

I was serious as can be when I told you to REFUSE to allow yourself to say that anymore..I used to say it too, all the time, "I HATE MYSELF" but I absolutely REFUSE to allow that GARBAGE from my PAST to interfere with my PRESENT LIFE...

YOU can MAKE a DECISION to CONTROL YOUR MIND..you know, SHAKE YOUR HEAD when that thought comes to mind..ACT AS IF YOU LOVE YOURSELF..and you will soon BELIEVE IT...

PRACTICE..PRACTICE..PRACTICE...

Morning,

Stick with me here. Let me get a little information for you to read and see if that helps. I don't disagree with you ultimately, I just am not there today. But I am working very hard. BRB

Welcome to EAA/SANE.

We welcome all who are interested in healing from eating and body image disorders in all forms. EAA is made up of overeaters, anorexics, bulimics, undereaters, binge eaters, grazers, exercise bulimics, etc. Most of us have negative relationships with our bodies, and our body image is often distorted. As our disease progresses, we come to measure our self worth by how we feel about our bodies. Therefore, most of us are consumed by feelings of inadequacy, desperation, and shame, since we can never measure up to our own unrealistic ideals, or those of society. Even talent, skill, education and accomplishment could not lessen our misery.

Whatever form our disease takes, we share a dangerous obsession. We are all addicts, in bondage to our own minds, oppressed by our compulsion. In EAA we find a different way of living. The only requirement for EAA membership is the desire to stop abusing food and our bodies. Because we must deal with food daily, we believe the only lasting solution to our problem is an inner transformation from working the 12 steps of EAA with the help of a sponsor.

The Fellowship of Eating Addictions Anonymous

EAA is a fellowship of people recovering from all aspects of eating addiction and body obsession. The only requirement for membership is the desire to stop abusing food and our bodies. We believe that our disease manifests itself in a variety of ways including: bingeing, purging, grazing, starving, obsession with: our bodies, weight, diet, muscular definition, etc. In our experience what, how, how much or how little you eat is irrelevant to the disease progression. What is important is that we have a warped relationship to food, and to our bodies.

Since food is but a symptom , we do not believe lasting recovery can be based on any particular plan of eating. It will only be achieved by a thorough working of the 12 steps. The honesty we develop through working the steps leads each of us to a manner of living, eating and relating to our bodies that allows us to be fully participating members of society.

Most of us suffer from self hate, and find there is little support for a healthy relationship with our bodies or with food in the wider world.

In EAA we uncover the tools to deal with both our addiction as well as the unhealthy messages we may receive about food and appearance. Our disease kills more people than any other addiction, due to its connection to various serious diseases. It handicaps many others emotionally, spiritually, and physically. We believe that for us food is a drug, our obsessions are manifestations of addiction, that our disease is a life and death issue.

Who is an addict?

Most of us try to deny it, but deep down inside we know. No matter how much or how little we eat, or what we look like to others, we feel compelled to practice self destructive behaviors with eating, dieting, exercise avoidance or compulsive exercise. These risked our health, and destroyed our self esteem, our relationships, and our lives. For us these behaviors become our drug.

An addict is a man or woman who has become trapped in a pattern of compulsive behavior from which they cannot break free alone. Few of us will seek help before the cost of our addiction becomes undeniable and unbearable. Some of us are forced to seek help by partners, friends or family members, others realize that their behavior is becoming life threatening, and after years of slow suicide, we are ready to try anything.

Only when we become willing to surrender to the recovery process, can we halt our downward spiral.

We are addicts.

In EAA, we believe we are addicts, and that like all addicts, we are powerless over our addiction. Our obsessive behaviors concerning food and our bodies are the ways we use to feel numb, comforted, high or in control.

Though we prefer to deny it, we are no different or better than other drug addicts. Our disease, may be more subtle and and it is often sanctioned by society. It is, however, a deadly addiction.

Members of our fellowship focus on staying out of our old destructive patterns. We work at developing a healthy conception of our appearance. On our own this is impossible, since many of us are full of self hate, and excuses. With the help of the fellowship we find the spiritual growth and emotional healing that facilitates these changes. In EAA the definition of clean food is an individual issue - we are individuals, and what works for some, may not work well for others.

However, in recovery we do not binge, purge, starve, or graze. We do not restrict or feast at mealtimes. We adopt a proactive approach, going to whatever lengths we must to find recovery, then we cling to it doggedly. Recovery does happen, but it doesn't happen by accident. If we want to be free from a lifetime of self destruction, we must surrender to deep internal change. With the help of our network, we define a clear, healthy bottom line set of behaviors conducive to maintaining our recovery. We share the nature of this spiritual plan with others we trust as a way of developing an honest relationship with ourselves, our eating, and with others.

Surrender doesn't come naturally to addicts, but relax, no one will tell you what you have to do. We are here to offer you the way out that we have found.

And finally....

Why are we here?

We only come to EAA when we realize that our relationship with food, and to our bodies is insane, and that without help, we would continue to destroy ourselves through our addiction. When finally we are ready to leave behind our old approach, we are able to give ourselves to the principles of recovery. We come together to offer and seek support. We find that we gain more than we ever imagine. Instead of rigid attempts to manage our addiction, we discover a life of freedom, joy and balance.