Hey LIL,




I am very proud of my GRACIOUS ability to rank up there with the foulest of mouths. I love it when I have free rein to let my mouth run. But, not so lady like is it. However, its a cheap thrill and I always feel better.

I am doing ok. G-d is telling me its time to deal with my biggest ADDICTION. Because once that is deal with then G-d can do some deep healing work with me.

I feel like I hang onto WH because I don't believe that there would ever be anyone else who would love me. Now come on, even I know that's a stretch, but i actually believe it. He is the one and only person.

I need to face ALL my demons of ADDICTIONS, then G-d can safely bring my h home.

It sounds like you are doing pretty good. I'm so happy for you.

You've got mail....

okie dokie artichokie

You and I soooo have the SAME SENSE OF HUMOR...I LAUGH sooo often at stuff you say...

Ah, did we have a little memory lapse Miss Mimi.

You are my mentor, in fact we have an anniversary coming up soon. One year you have been working with me. I hope I have done you proud.

Queenie,

I just wanted to stop in to give you a bit of encouragement. Look how far you have come! You have grown and healed so much!

while I understand the need to continue to grow, heal, progress with dealing with our continued needs, don't forget to look back with pride.

I know that I am very proud to see how far you have come. Look at how much you give to others here!!

Just know that even though I don't get to post much, I think of you and keep you in my prayers.

You are doing great!

You know what you need to do, Queenie. I fully support you doing EAA.

But like I said before, you CAN add in other stuff that won't conflict with that process..like using POSITIVE SELF-TALK DAILY...


You dont' HAVE to BELIEVE this. You can CHOOSE NOT TO BELIEVE THIS. Journal how come this is a LIE!! It doesn't make LOGICAL SENSE!!

Hi Bugs,

Nice to see you here. You have so been busy and are amazing. I'm so inspired by your walk and strength. I havent helped enough, in fact I think I have avoided being on here because I wasn't getting what I wanted. But that's being selfish and part of my disease. You are right I have grown in spirit, strength, understanding in spite of not having the one thing I want, my husband home.

Not sure why G-d keeps saying no, but that message continues to come loud and clear. He knows something that I don't or am unable to admit to myself. Fortunately G-d has given me a new addiction to occupy my time with and to heal from.

Thanks Mimi, you know how I NEED you and ADMIRE you.

I have never had ANOTHER relationship with any other man, but my husband. WH didn't just leave me, he threw me away like garbage. He has made basically no attempt to recover or even entertain coming home. As hard as I try, I just keep thinking that it's me and who would want someone where the husband left her for a crack addict with hep c. I don't want to go there, I just am saying this is where it starts for me.

How can YOU make ASSUMPTIONS about OTHER MEN?

I think we would call that a Disrepectful Judgement.

Ouch!!!!!!!!!

Mimi,

If I am learning to love myself, I would like to consider that I really don't have a healthy sense of what love is.

Can you, me and anyone else who wants to join in on what love is NOT. I have this sense of what it is, but I am willing to consider I am WRONG.

So what is love NOT.

Queenie,

Yes it is a DJ. What I fail to understand though, is that despite how far you have come, you choose to continue to fall back to seeing yourself that way. Why?

You are letting your WH's actions define who YOU are. That has to stop. YOU are the one who should be defining who you are. You and no one else but God. And He sees you as infinitely beautiful and deserving of love in every way. He loves you with absolutely no reservation. Just as you need to start loving yourself.

See yourself the way God sees you. Love youself the way God loves you.

WH's abandonment of you is horrific. I know because I also felt like a piece of worthless garbage for a while. But that is not WHO we are. That is how they treated us because of who THEY are. It says more about them than it will ever say about US.

What about this thought - instead of YOUR version of what happened, people look at your sitch and say, "WOW, what a loser Queenie's WH is. What kind of jerk would be so stupid as to throw her away for a skanky crack ho?!! Queenie is SO much better than that!"

Change your perspective. Change your life. It works. You've done it before. Do it again.

Why? Because right now my food is driving me. And it's out of control and when it's out of control that old self-hatred comes out.

However, I am fighting by surrendering and asking G-d for help. So it can only get better. I had thought my food had changed, but I guess I was wrong. I'm not beating myself up, I'm just

Bugs you are so right, there isn't ONE person in real life who looks at this any other way that WH is an idiot, etc. Just like you say.

What I have simply not be willing to go to is that for years my H/WH has abused me emotionally. He is by far passive-agressive, manipulating and controlling. I know Mimi, you don't like to label people, but that's who he became years ago. He admitted, he just couldn't stop. He was so injured as a child. He loved me, I have no doubt, but he hurts so deeply inside and has always been self-destructive. We aren't talking just about a WH who is in a fog, but a man who has lived in a dry drunk for years, has no recovery, is in an active addiction and hurt all those people around him.

I am not secure enough, love myself enough to say wait a minute, I am better than this and I deserve better, so I let it happen and it destroyed me before and after the A. I carried around so much guilt because my disease was in effect and I was NOT the wife that I could have been. I let WH action, rejections, hurts drive me and I became someone who I wasn't and that is why I hate myself. If I had been stronger...etc.

does that make sense?

Queenie:

For some reason, you seem afraid to REALLY focus on WORKING ON YOURSELF. Yes, Queenie, you have come a long ways and we are real proud of you..but, IMO, you continue to be way too focused still on him..despite knowing how SICK he is.

Why would you WANT a person as SICK as he TODAY?

What would you have?

If he showed up today, the SICK MAN that he is NOW, what would you have?

Why do you want to continue to BLAME yourself?

You only have TODAY. There's NOTHING that YOU can do about the PAST.

Just like you told that other guy, the focus NOW needs to be on YOURSELF..

YES, LOVING YOURSELF!! Why are you so AFRAID of THAT?

What's keeping you from saying, I want to fall in love with myself?

NONE OF THIS MATTERS ONE BIT..This is HIS STUFF..HIS JUNK..NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS..OUT OF YOUR CONTROL!!

I DON'T KNOW..

But I am working on IT.

Consider this my journey today.... To LOVE MYSELF.

Actually I do know, but it doesn't really matter, not in the scheme of today.

So I'm learning to love myself, it just doesn't come natural. OK And it's a battle within myself. I'm not running, I'm just not sure how to.

So what if it doesn't come NATURAL? Take it as a LEARNING EXPERIENCE..learning HOW TO...

OK

Back atcha!!