I guess I wrote a few hours too soon. My Attorney called me this afternoon and wants to set up an appointment next week to prepare financial disclosures, since WW has been served and is in the process of preparing a response. I asked A what the proof of service date was and she said it was May 22, which we both thought was quite a long time ago. It's nice to know I can start moving to the next step soon.

Hokay, BHHFS...

I've been scouring for song titles from movies...and I've got Burning Heart from Rocky IV...and Brave Heart...and can't make the letters line up.

I need a clue. A little clue. Like what decade was the movie in, the song?

I'm rolling around my brain hearing you say you thought everyone would know right away.

Ack.

Mean, mean poster. Very mean. LOL

Is the BH for Betrayed Husband and the HFS is the song title acronym?

There is a universe of songs out there.

LA

Your post made me laugh. I don't want to give too many clues because I don't want to make it too easy. For now I will simply say that the movie came out in the present decade. Also, the BH does not stand for Betrayed Husband, that's just a fitting coincidence.

That's great, I have seen very few non-kid movies this decade.

I like a challenge, though. A few years ago, people were trying to guess what my obsessive hobby had been.

Let's see... I'll check the list of Acadamy Award nominated songs for the past 8 years...

Met with my lawyer this month to fill out the financial disclosure documents. The various separation dates made things a bit confusing (we 'separated' in October, I filed in January, she was served in May). The photo of WW that I brought to my lawyer was sitting on the desk when I arrived and it threw me for a bit of a loop, as I hadn't seen her picture in a long time.

In other 'news of the uncomfortable,' my parents attended a fundraising dinner and WW's parents were also there. They avoided each other and I felt kind of bad for my parents to have to deal with that situation. It's probably a big reason why I wouldn't want to move back to my 'hometown.' On the few occasions I've gone back to that city to visit my family/friends, it has bothered me to think that I could run into WW's family. It's also why I've stayed away from South Lake Tahoe to date.

When you're through with the divorce, do you plan to stay where you are?

It sounds like you are making some headway in this process... just sounds like it is taking a long time.

Why would you let it bother you? She's the one that cheated along with neglecting you the entire marriage. She is the one that should feel like an outcast. You did nothing wrong, and you should walk around your hometown with your head held high.

For the immediate future, yes. But not for life. I will need to advance my career and that will require going to a different city.

It doesn't bother me in that way. It's that there are people who supported the A and/or my W leaving me. People that claimed to be my friends and people who initially expressed concern for me only to encourage my W to leave me and/or divorce me.

Those are people I would prefer to never see or interact with again. I am building a new life and I don't want them to be in it. I don't want them to know what my life is like now or in the future.

I understand not wanting to be around people like that.

A year or so ago, I found an old letter that a friend of my wife's had sent her back in our Bad Old Days. In the letter, she told my wife she was sorry to hear she wasn't happy in the marriage - then she told her about an ex-boyfriend/mutual friend who had just been stationed to their duty station. She told my wife this ex-bf was newly divorced and had been asking about her - and she urged my wife to give him a call.

Essentially, she was urging my wife to start an exit affair.

Fortunately, my wife didn't ever call this guy... of course, the reason why she didn't was because she was already talking to a different ex-boyfriend. (Ultimately, she refused to have an affair with him, too, thank God.)

Anyway, I don't care to ever see this "friend" again. My wife hasn't made any effort to keep in touch with her either, which I appreciate...

I just recently moved to a new town to have a fresh start and it is the best thing I have ever done! In the old town I would run into my exes ow all the time. It was a very small town. At every turn was a bad memory. Nope, needed new scenery, plus I am closer to my family now.

I was served in February, gave my answer in March, got final papers by June. Not signed by judge yet because upon reading them I found many errors. In my exes attorney's hands right now to correct those errors and then will be sent to judge for signatures. Since there was not contesting and we already had a legal sep in place, and custody and support, it was pretty easy.

keep us posted.

Although living far away from my old friends and family can be difficult, I also consider it a bit of a blessing because I'm far away from STBXWW's family, BFF and OM. I don't have to worry about accidentally running into any of them.

It's been nearly five weeks since I met with my lawyer to fill out the financial disclosure forms. Haven't heard anything since then.

It's been nine weeks since I last met with my A and filled out the financial disclosure forms and I've heard nothing in that time. I went to the court records office to look at what had been filed. I found the response that STBXWW's attorney (who is based in my city) filed and it was dated July 18. I thought it was a bit ridiculous that the response was filed so late (57 days after being served). I also got a laugh to see the box checked to "Terminate the court's jurisdiction to award spousal support to Petitioner." Also that she wants me to pay her attorney fees. Hmm, she takes off with the entirety of the savings and wants me to pay for her attorney fees... right...

I'm getting very frustrated by the lack of activity and not having any clear idea of when this will be finished.

Why didn't your attorney contact you about this? Her attorney filed in July, right? It's mid-September now...

Wow... I know you want to get this over with so you can start on the rest of your life... It stinks that it has to drag on for so long...

When my attorney last contacted me, she knew that the response was forthcoming. That's why she brought me in to fill out the financial disclosure forms. I have no idea what's next nor when.

My attorney received my STBXWW's financial disclosure documents earlier this week. She'll be mailing me copies next week so I can look them over before I go in and work out a proposal letter for a MSA.

My attorney also thought it was a bit odd that STBXWW has requested that I pay her attorney costs. Also that STBXWW provided no pay stubs for proof of income; but since neither of us is requesting spousal support, that doesn't really matter.

It's a relief finally knowing what the next step is and when that's going to happen. I'm a bit baffled as to why it took STBXWW nine weeks to get the financial disclosure documents done (and eight weeks to file a response after being served). If she's trying to drag this out, I don't know why.

Maybe she doesn't want a divorce?

But then she'd be trying to contact you to work things out, wouldn't she?

Never mind...

I met with my attorney Monday afternoon to go over the financial documents that STBXWW filed. There was some weird stuff that has us both confused. She says she's making less money than I am now, but didn't provide any pay stubs for proof. She valued our household possessions at about $9K even though it's probably more like $2-3K, yet couldn't give an estimated value of the car. She says she's paying a few hundred per month in medical bills that are not covered by insurance (she never once saw a doctor while we were married). And, of course, she wants me to pay her attorney costs. My attorney is going to find out if some of these things are just mistakes.

Most likely, she and her attorney didn't talk that much, and he's making a claim on her behalf that's based on prior divorce cases he's been hired 2 handle.

Another possibility is that he's just plain s2pid. My SIL hired a s2pid lawyer when she sued us a 2ple years ago, didn't pay him enough 2 do a good job of representing her. Such that when we got the complaint, our lawyer was able 2 prepare a defense and settlement offer that we used in mediation. The mediator (retired judge) must have told them that their favorite outcomes weren't tenable, because when we all met 2gether 2 discuss a settlement, they had absolutely nothing left from what they'd prepared - literally, no documents 2 support their case at all.

I'd make sure that you and your lawyer are fully prepared, including making sure you bite the bullet and consult with him when you need 2. Be wary of the fees, certainly, but don't wind up unprepared 2 save money.

Get the car and marital property appraised, insist on pay stubs and copies of medical bills (provide your own, of course). But I doubt very much that you're responsible for any of her expenses after the moment you separated. Certainly not after the moment you filed.

-ol' 2long

I'm new to this site. I'm in California and if everything went perfectly, the divorce should only take 6 months.

However, for people like me, it could take an unlimited number of years.

My husband filed in the middle of 2005 and I still haven't gone to a single hearing. We separated all our assets and had our own written agreement, but now he denies the whole thing and it's as though we're starting all over again.

$100,000 in attorney's fees later, just on my end, he is unemployed, has paid no child support or alimoney, even though he used to make 3x my income. The last time he saw the kids was about a year ago. I got all the debts, because I didn't want my credit ruined by trusting him to pay. He is portraying himself as so pitiful, it's disgusting.