Hi Cat,

How are you doing today?

Catgirl you have posted to me before in the past so I know your situation...so sorry to hear about your H.That is my biggest fear,that he marries her....and OW sharing our surname.

Lets hope that it won't last..statisticaly it shouldn't.

Queenie,

I'm doing the same thanks. Still feeling like sh#t. Lost 6 pounds since the weekend. Can't eat, and if it does, it comes right out if you know what I mean! This is exactly how it was back on D-day. I feel like deja vu all over again!

Went to IC today. She said I am giving ExH too much power. Use that on me! Yeah I know all of that. I know the millions of tears I've cried will not bring him back or break them up. I know I have to concentrate on me etc., etc.

Right now though, I really wish I was dead.

I went to a lawyer today too regarding ExH not paying etc. Told him the sit. He said it is very, very, very, slim that it will last. He sees it all the time. Why do I think they will be different and it will? I truly think it will...
He said he PROMISED me and said it like 4 times, that I would have the last laugh. Wish I could believe it.

I guess what I want and I know this is SO RIDICULOUS, but I want someone to tell me, it won't last, he will be miserable, he will see the pain and destruction he caused him family and come crawling back and then I can have that choice to say go to h#ll or not. I want OW to cheat on him, so he feels what I've felt for 3 years. I just want to know that he will get his and in the end, end up being alone without anyone as she would have left him for somone better. Yeah, I know, I wish I had a crystal ball.

But as much as I know that's not possible, I still want it. I'm such an [censored]!

Hope,

Yeah it sucks that that wh$re now has my and my kids last name! I really havnen't been on the boards in awhile, I was doing alright and then this. Yeah statistics said the A wouldn't last either and it did. I don't believe them anymore...Hope you are hanging in there.

Cat

Here's the thing, Catgirl.

What typically happens is they DO crash and burn BADLY.

But, it usually only happens AFTER you don't care anymore.

Life is so weird.

Can't tell you how many times I've seen that happen. The BS comes here after a few years and tells us "yeah, my ex-H and OW/Wife are divorcing, it's ugly ..... she/he cheated".

But the F-BS is no longer emotionally invested in the sitch AT ALL, so doesn't really care anymore. Some even express a small level of sympathy for their EX.

Go figure.

This Buds for you Cat,


I'm telling you.

WE ARE GODDESES!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GOT ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Catgirl,
You said something really sweet to me on another thread so I really sat up and took notice when you expressed how much you're still hurting (hurting again?) after all this time.

I'm so sorry.
Be good to yourself.

True, but you cannot know the turmoil within.

I'm a FWW. I divorced my first husband after my A. Not to be OM but really fogged out and full of justification.

I just wanted to let you know that while outwardly he may look like he's happy eventually he'll crash and burn inside- if he had any heart at all.

I hurt everyday over the guilt and the things I've done to my kids. I don't wish I was still married to him because I'm married to someone else now (not OM) but I still feel awful for what I did.

I've asked for forgiveness and he won't give it to me, which is his right and I understand it. No matter what he did to me he still didn't deserve what I did to him.

Hope I don't get tomatoes thrown on me for popping in to this thread to say this but I truly wanted to let you know it can happen. He will hurt over this- at some point. You may never ever know or see it but he will.

I say that because you seem like a great person and I cannot imagine that you'd be married to anyone that wasn't a great person. Of course WH is not a great person now as he's been abducted by aliens. I hope you see where I'm going with this.

Coachswife,

Just curious. Did you try to save your M after you realized that you had made a mistake?

Queenie,

Thanks! I don't feel much of a Goddess now though!

Turtle,

Thanks for your thoughts. I did pray for your dog and remember St. Francis of Assisi is the saint for animals. Say a prayer to him. Maybe he'll help...

Coach...

No tomatoes here, thanks for being honest. It's good to hear from the "other side". I "did" think ExH was a good person, but after all of what he's done, not even the A, but how he's handled my kids and all, I wonder if I really knew him at all!

Just having a hard time today with coming to grips that he loved her enough to marry her, and the love that should have gone to me is now hers!!!

Reality setting in really sucks!

Hi catgirl, I’m sorry for your pain.

Here are a few more good scriptures:

Proverbs 23:17, 18 (NCV) “Don’t envy sinners, but always respect the Lord. Then you will have hope for the future, and your wishes will come true.”

All of Psalm 37 is good, but just for starters, 1 - 7 “Don’t be upset because of evil people. Don’t be jealous of those who do wrong, because like the grass, they will soon dry up. Like green plants, they will soon die away.

Trust the Lord and do good. Live in the land and feed on the truth. Enjoy serving the Lord, and he will give you what you want. Depend on the Lord: trust him, and he will take care of you. Then your goodness will shine like the sun, and your fairness like the noonday sun.

Wait and trust the Lord.”

The version I have is the New Century Version. Max Lucado is the general editor. I was told it was translated as closely from the original languages as possible. It's a little easier to understand.

The Bible really can bring you comfort and guidance. Hang in there.

God bless,
Rose

Thanks Rose,

Just confused with this one, I guess this is what I don't understand...

*Enjoy serving the Lord, and he will give you what you want. Depend on the Lord: trust him, and he will take care of you.*

ExH and OW don't even go to church or hardly believe...serving the Lord... as it states above, yet they got what they wanted and are being taken care of!

The HARDEST thing to accept it's G-ds time, NOT OURS...

Trust G-D. He will take care of you, even when I didn't believe it I acted as if. I wanted to die once upon a time, I really did.

Mine left me for a crack addict with hep c. He hasn't looked back once, but I TRUST...

It was ALL I had....

Jeremiah 29:11

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

I survived on this one.....

Hi catgirl – Your xWH and OW didn’t necessarily GET what they wanted from God, they TOOK it from you. Like Melody was saying earlier, they exercised free will. If your xWH was a nonbeliever, there are also scriptures about being “unequally yoked.” You wrote earlier about talking to clergy. Clergy or a Christian counselor might be able to help you find and understand applicable scriptures more efficiently.

Meanwhile, back to the good old King James Version of Psalm 37:4. That translation says “Delight thyself in the Lord; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.” I have heard it explained this way: God puts the desires into your heart that are best for you. When we surrender to his will, our desires can change.

Rose

CatGirl,

During my then-Husband's affair he hadn't left me. And the OW was furious and desperate to get him to leave me.

The OW told my husband "God won't give you your future until you accept it".

OW translation: to follow God's will and accept his future, my husband needed to leave me and be with her.

He left me. He divorced me. AND he married her.

Now mind you, for a time I was angry at God because I thought she got what she wanted from God even though I knew in my heart and faith it was WRONG. Even though it was SIN. Even though it nearly destroyed me.

But I have come to realize that God gave both OW and my H free will. A free will to SIN and a free will to even claim to know God's will and use it in the most preverse way to get what they wanted. When in truth, God had nothing to do with their sinful choices and her evil conniving ways.

God never abandoned me CatGirl, He has always been here watching over me. Just like He is with you.

Jo

Psalm 77 (The Message)

1 I yell out to my God, I yell with all my might, I yell at the top of my lungs. He listens.

2-6 I found myself in trouble and went looking for my Lord;
my life was an open wound that wouldn't heal.
When friends said, "Everything will turn out all right,"
I didn't believe a word they said.
I remember God—and shake my head.
I bow my head—then wring my hands.
I'm awake all night—not a wink of sleep;
I can't even say what's bothering me.
I go over the days one by one,
I ponder the years gone by.
I strum my lute all through the night,
wondering how to get my life together.

7-10 Will the Lord walk off and leave us for good?
Will he never smile again?
Is his love worn threadbare?
Has his salvation promise burned out?
Has God forgotten his manners?
Has he angrily stalked off and left us?
"Just my luck," I said. "The High God goes out of business
just the moment I need him."

11-12 Once again I'll go over what God has done,
lay out on the table the ancient wonders;
I'll ponder all the things you've accomplished,
and give a long, loving look at your acts.

13-15 O God! Your way is holy!
No god is great like God!
You're the God who makes things happen;
you showed everyone what you can do—
You pulled your people out of the worst kind of trouble,
rescued the children of Jacob and Joseph.

catgirl,

When you look at your Ex and his OW and you think,

"Look, they don't go to church. They are sinners who got what they asked for, they got what they wanted, and God gave it to them."

You might be thinking ahead of yourself, and trying to think ahead of God.

I say that because none of us knows what the plan is for them (or for us, for that matter).

Right now, sure, from where you sit you may very well think they are getting what they wanted.


Maybe God knows what they needed in their lives, and He gave them that so that they each would learn what it is they need to learn. Maybe they each need to learn and understand what it is to live in fear that their spouse will commit adultery. Maybe they need to learn what it is to live with distrust every day, questioning the motives and words of the one person it is that we are supposed to be able to trust. Maybe they need to learn what it is to lie awake in bed and have remorse, regret, and to experience the burning need to make amends for a terrible wrong and not be able to do that.

Maybe God has plans for them to learn from their mistakes by reliving them, or by fear of reliving them.

Maybe God has plans for them to have a happy marriage, and regret every single day that they did the wrong things in their first marriages, knowing that those marriages probably could have been happy, too, if only their own stupid behavior would have been different and righteous - for them to know that they should have done things differently, and that there is no way to fix or un-break what they have already broken.

Maybe God planned for them to get married, so that they could constantly answer the question, "So, how did you two meet?" with an awkward pause and consideration of having to lie about it.

Maybe God has given them their lives together so they wake up every single morning to look into the face of the person who led them to compromise every fiber of their moral being. Maybe this is a plan for them to have that kind of mirror into their own souls each and every day for the rest of their lives.

Sure, from where you are today, you might think God has given them what they WANTED.

But maybe God has given them exactly what they DESERVED.


SB

SB,

That was amazing. Thank you and please know how much you are missed.

Queenie

Thank you

We can trust Him because of what He has already done.

We only know what we want, but He knows what is best for us.

His desire is not just for us to be happy but for us to be like Him.

He will comfort you...

Com = with

Fort = strength or power (same word as the word in music FORTE, with POWER)

He comforts...

with HIS power...

HIS strength.

He is WITH us when we are at our lowest.

He is WITH us when we feel our worst.

He is WITH us when we feel helpless.

He gives us comfort...

HIS strength...

Not our own.

He cries when we cry...

He wants YOU to be whole...

He loves WH more than you do...

He cries for WH too...

Mark

Cat, Please grab the wisdom and comfort of Mark's words.