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Joined: Aug 2008
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Our son was beside himself when his wife had the A. They were so young but he loved her dearly.
The OM was twice her age,the jerk. And they all worked together,even the ex-felon MIL. We told our son to do his job as ALL of them were being watched. He said,"Watched"? We explained that,when people have a workplace A,it's counter-productive and the company is frowning on all this. He said no one was watching him. I explained that what they do is ask people he and them would not suspect. A janitor,a receptionist,a secretary. They would ask them to observe them and report back. They may even have someone that walks around just to see whats going on,especially in the cafeteria. We told him to do his job,have no words with them and he would be ok. I know it was so difficult. They would kiss and grope when they saw him,try to have words with him,leave notes on his desk. Again,we said to stay calm. It was being noticed.
When she was served at home with divorce papers,she came into work a screaming banshee. Our son said she was waving those papers,just furious with him. She asked HOW she was supposed to take care of herself without his paycheck. lol! He suggested the OM help her and she went off again. He said he just did his job and said no more. She would go upstairs and work again then come down and yell again. We told to to continue to remain calm and not fall into their little trap. They would take care of themselves.
After she was served,she really fell apart. Our son had legally left her with only her paycheck to help her. She seemed to have no concept of the fact he did NOT have to help her and wouldn't because she had the A.
Then 2 things happened that sealed their fate. They concocted this story (with the help of the ex-felon MIL who also worked there). The MIL,our sons wife and the OM actually went to HR and told them that his wife had mailed a personal letter to the OM at work and that our son had gone in the mail room,found it,opened it,read it then taped it up.
LOL! That was the best they could do? It was investigated but they found no grounds for firing our son. I mean, she mailed a PERSONAL letter to the OM at WORK? I'm amazed they didn't see how the company would take that.
But the clincher.....his wife and the OM were caught having sex at work and they lost their jobs. The MIL was caught stealing from petty cash so she lost her job too.
Like I said,sometimes they take care of themselves.lol

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Jewell - This is interesting, but I always wonder what your personal interest is with MB? You often talk about your son's situation. What about yours? Does your son know about MB? Perhaps he'd like to check this place out?


Sooly

"Stop yappin and make it happen."
"The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you."

Me 47
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Married 21 years.
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Yes,he does. It's up to him if he wants to post. I was very traumatized by several things at the time this happened. Our son has a serious medical problem,my ex-DIL did this,my H lost his job and I began having health problems.
I guess I should let go of it but it still haunts me. Our son has gone on with his life. But that year was so traumatic for everyone. I dealt with my ex-DIL but I had to really stand up to her ex-felon Mother and it took a lot out of me. I worried and worried about his well being. I found out they refused to give him rides to work just to upset me. He wasn't supposed to drive because of seizures but they would leave without him so he immaturely would drive. I would get so upset and the ex-MIL would call me and laugh over the phone.
It was pure h***.
I'll try not to talk about him so much.

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jewell, if it's helpful to you, then I see nothing wrong with it. I don't mean that. It's just not the norm for a person to come here not looking for help of some kind - either for themselves or a loved one. Do you think MB could help your son? Or you in your own marriage? There are articles here on getting past infidelity, but I'm wondering if some family counseling might be good for you and your son? It sounds like his ex wife and her mother really put your family through the mill, that you still have a lot of intense feelings surrounding this time, and it might help both of you get past it.

I did read about your son, and I think it's so great that they were able to help him. I wish him continued improving health.


Sooly

"Stop yappin and make it happen."
"The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you."

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Married 21 years.
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Jewell,

Please stay, don't go!

Sometimes it's cathartic for folks to tell their story. And sometimes it takes telling it many times to wrap our minds around the fact that people out there are actually capable of wronging their fellow humans (spouses) in such a destructive way.

As his devoted mother, you were affected deeply and also betrayed to a degree by your DIL's adultery and betrayal.

You never know who's going to read your story and be uplifted or learn something from it. Please stay and continue to post.

Jo

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Thanks....I was really traumatized at that time period. We are very,very close to our son and thought we finally had a daughter. How wrong I was. She told me that she would see to it I never saw him again by moving clear across the country. I never said a word. I knew our son loved us no matter where he was. They never moved though she tried to find jobs for them as faraway as possible.
When he was 14,he became very ill with a brain tumor,benign thanks to God. But it left him with epilepsy. Trying to raise a child who is different and trying to fit in is VERY stressful. He has had 4 brain surgeries and has an experimental implant in his brain that,so far,has stopped his seizures for almost 4 years.
Around the time of his divorce,my H lost his job of 25 years and my health bottomed out.
I had hoped to see other parents here that may need advice on how to handle such a hurtful situation.I will just do more reading then posting.
Oh,my H and I are in MC right now to help us deal with all this. Our son is remarried and happy with a girl that really is like a daughter to us. She's the opposite of the first one. We love her dearly.:)

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jewell. Please keep posting. Perhaps I didn't articulate very well. I might not have worded it quite right. Everyone has something to offer here. Everyone.

I was just wondering if you've read the concepts and see anything here that might be helpful to you? And also, in retrospect of your son's situation, what would you have done differently for your son? Do you feel there was anything he or you could have done differently to change the course of his marriage?


Sooly

"Stop yappin and make it happen."
"The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you."

Me 47
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Married 21 years.
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Originally Posted by jewelldy
I had hoped to see other parents here that may need advice on how to handle such a hurtful situation.I will just do more reading then posting.

Jewell:

I went digging for some veteran members posts that were parents of BS and WS. There have been several of those type folks. But I don't recall any recent new members.

I couldn't locate their posts because our search function is belly-up right now. frown

Hi Soolee:

I hope it was okay I posted what I did to Jewell. I wasn't trying to imply anything by it. I know you're a very respected, caring and supportive member.

Best,
Jo

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Jewell,

Thanks for sharing the story about what happened to your son. I couldn't have come at a better time for me. It fit the bill to a T.

I forwarded it to a guy that I "just" broke up with to let him know "what goes around comes around". He's been a jerk to me in many different ways over the past 2 months and I just finally had enough!

Maybe it was ugly of me, but after the way he started treating me, I really don't care. He needs counseling (been told by the counselor what his problems are) but says he doesn't have the money. I just told him that if he had the money to go out and buy the things he did (not necessary items - for fun items) then he had the money to go at least part-time counseling. That it just wasn't on his priority list of things to put his money into. (It would only cost him $27.00 per visit - he spent $150.00 on stuff he "wanted" just this past Friday - so the money is there).

Anyway, I just wanted to let you know what it gave me. It made me feel good to see that someone that deserved what happened - got it!

Thanks,
RMW

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"Hi Soolee:

I hope it was okay I posted what I did to Jewell. I wasn't trying to imply anything by it. I know you're a very respected, caring and supportive member."

Of course it was okay. smile You know, as I was responding to her, I had a feeling I wasn't articulating quite what I meant, so it gave me an opportunity to clarify. Have a good night.



Sooly

"Stop yappin and make it happen."
"The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you."

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Quote
I went digging for some veteran members posts that were parents of BS and WS. There have been several of those type folks. But I don't recall any recent new members.

Here is an "oldie"!

hug for you Jewell, I've lived the nightmare as a parent of a WS (son), while standing by my DIL.

The OW in this case has been relentless trying to contact the last 3 years. My son and DIL decided to work on recovering their marriage 3 years ago. When nothing else worked the OW put her claws into my son's half brother who was just out of a long term relationship and VERY vulnernable!

Guess what? She managed to get pregnant, then got the half brother to marry her and just had the baby in July of this year. Now she has the same last name as my son and accepted into the ENTIRE paternal family of my son.

When I asked my DIL about no contact (I bought her SAA, she knows what it is) she wrote me back and said that "my son wanted to have a relationship with his brother, his only brother". How my DIL can break bread sitting across the table from someone who terrorized her marriage and our family is something I can not comprehend, nor go along with!

Now I'm the one being "plan B'd" because, as is written on this website and SAA, I agree with the Harley's "NO CONTACT FOR LIFE". I'm now being mocked by my own daughter and the OW on My Space regarding no contact. Plus there are group photos posted of one big happy paternal family!

This, in my opinion, is being spearheaded by my 81 year-old ex-father-in-law as "forgiveness". He has also gone silent on me since I emailed him Marriage Builder information on no contact.

We haven't seen the grandchildren since the beginning of August, three of which live only 4 blocks away.

Nice huh?




Last edited by Ragamuffin; 10/15/08 02:35 PM. Reason: more info

I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant. - Robert McCloskey
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I'm glad my post was of some help.:)
Ragamuffin,I can't even begin to feel your pain. We have no grandchildren yet but I'm sure she would have kept them away from us.
Your daughter should be ashamed of herself. But believe me,what goes around COMES AROUND. We played our cards close to our chest. Whenever she and family and friends would taunt our son and us,we said not one word. But I knew her h*** was on it's way. They teased our son,taunted him,left notes on his truck and desk,called us and hung up. We just kept saying to stay calm.
It's sad,what is happening to you. It defies reasoning,doesn't it? But,since the OW is a proven cheater,she won't be married long.
It's a fog people go in. My son told me that,when he caught them together,he actually told the OM he'd see him at work Monday. That was because our son was so confused.
I will pray you get to see your grandkids soon. Just try to stay calm. What goes around DOES come around. Don't read their MySpace pages. They are using that as a tool to hurt you.
I'm so sorry you are being so emotionally abused.:(


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