You see, this speaks to a different mind set about the interactions with a WS - at least for me. I think there's a huge difference between being drawn into the drama, or drug into the emotional rollercoaster that just makes us feel beat down VS this - which was standing up and speaking the truth.

I SO love this attitude! It says come He77 or high water, I'm going to stand up and speak the truth.

It's the interactions with the WS that takes us in the opposite direction that is the problem.

Just MVHO.

Man, James, did that bring back some memories. That is EXACTLY the kind of crap that WxH would try to pull. He was always trying to adjust the schedule and then flip the weekend schedule.

Frustrating. I always wondered if he didn't READ what we had agreed to or if he just completely didn't understand.

Thanksgiving is going to be the first test since the divorce has been finalized. He has DD14 on Thursday and then is supposed to return her to me for the weekend as the holiday does not fall on a Friday or a Monday.

Your comments back to her about not choosing to live in this fashion was perfect.

I always found it mildly amusing when they get in this HUGE huff, call their attorney, and realize they can't do a darn thing. The huffing and puffing continue.....and they plot ways to turn it around on you when THEY get the children back, but legally, they don't have a leg to stand on.

I think you handled it well and continued to have a FANTASTIC weekend with your kids.

Be watchful for the "payback" and document, document, document.

Fox

Thanks Foxy.. you too Bugs. I think I'm starting to see a little more clearly what you two ladies are dealing with... the whole interactions/custody issues.

The above quote though is what bothers me.. I'm sure there will be reprecussions.. and no worries about documenting, everything gets documented.

I think my worry though.. is as vocal as DS was, and as adamant as he was about not wanting to go back home.. I'm afraid he'll say something to WW and set her off against -him-..

DS doesn't deserve it.. and I hate that he was in the middle of this, but I wasn't about to traumatize him with the cops showing up or having to take him home and dissapoint him without him having at least a 4 year old's understanding of why we couldn't go to the park on Friday.. why we had to stay close to home.. why daddy was getting documentation together in case the 'police' showed up..

It's not like I could hide any of that from him..

I'm also sure she didn't miss the comment of DS rather pointedly responding to her 'Hey there..' as I was strapping him in with a hard look and a 'Mommy.. *exhasperated sigh* it was -Daddy's- time to spend with me'..


I gently reproached him at that and told him that I didn't want him disrespecting his mother like that, and that the disagreement was between mommy and I, and that she and I would handle it.. that I love him and will see him Wednesday..

*sigh*

I hate that she's given this life to our children.. it's probably -the- most draining thing in the LB.. and the warning light has come on telling me just how low it's gotten..

James,

BTDT...have the tee shirt.

You handled this perfectly. Speak to your lawyer today and have him send a communication regarding this event to her lawyer.

MEDC

Called and spoke with the A's secretary already to give him a heads up.. she made some notes for him, and I basically said to have him call me if he wanted any more detail or there was anything I ought to know.

May or may not hear from him.. I guess.

You know I have a split custody arrangement and we never change the schedule because of a swap.

Fabulous Job James! I am very proud of you for dealing with things the way you did! Outstanding!

I think that she is trying to use her job and knowledge to see what she can get away with...sort of intimidation per sa...

KUDOS!!!!
Rin

Ayup, and the schedule doesn't change here either.

And yes Rin.. I think you're right on the money too.

And oh heck yeah it's irritating as he11 that she is trying to pull this crap with DS..

I guess what I really don't get is what good does she possibly think can come from this? Making up rules as she goes along that are -clearly- not supported by the guidelines?

Does she -really- think that I'm so gullible and stupid that I'm not doing everything I can do to become intimately familiar with my rights? Does she really think that I'm just going to let her roll me?

Why the he11 is she still trying to poke at me? She's supposed to be in her little world of happiness no? She's moved on with her life right? Why keep poking at mine?



Why can't she just leave me alone... just when I get my head on right and start making some strides in my own life.. starting to move on myself.. she has to come along and pull this crap?





From the beginning of this she's used her 'job' to her advantage.. the job -I- put her through school to get.. she gets alllllll kinds of free legal advice.. tried initially to limit my time to just every other weekend.. she's been gaming this thing from the start.. and the sad part is.. it's all about the scratch for her.. all of it..

nice thing is.. I've got a pretty clear trail of it..

And in that respect.. I imagine her 'job' might just work against her.. Judge knows she should know better and will see pretty clearly the type of 'game' she's trying to play with DS.. I'll lay it all out for him nice and easy.

There's a special place in He11 reserved for people like her, her friend, and her boss...

Make sure you lawyer is ready to legally step in when she prevents you from taking him on your next scheduled weekend. You know it will happen. Being a weekend I would have the lawyer do a prevent move and prior to the scheduled weekend formally document that she is to stick to the schedule.

Also ant schedule changes and agreements should be in written form like email.

****edit****

JUSTGETOVERIT

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Dufresne
MB Moderator

Yup.. AFAIK the contempt paperwork is already drawn up and ready to file if I call on next Friday and he's not there for me to pick up.. should still have about a half hour of open court time to get it in too.

All schedule changes have so far been conducted by email.. I have everything printed and filed and ready to go.. I'm ready.

Thanks for the suggestion though, it's a good one.

WOW, I can completely understand your angry and resentment here...and you certainly have the right to feel that way...I think it's just more of the process for you...grieving...

I can also understand the feeling that the WS has taken forward us that "WE" are stupid and ignorant...I felt like I dealt with that for many years and sometimes I still feel like I deal with that...

I don't think that we will ever know why they thing the way that they do...I can only assume that it's more of the WS mentality...I mean come on the cheating, the lies, the need to be right on their part...I think the question in my mind, because I think that it their thinking was there all along, is why did I put up with it for so long...

so, okay, you have allowed her to push your buttons, and you have stuck to your guns, what else can YOU do to change that? How can you improve to prevent this from getting under your skin again? Is it a matter of an attitude or POV change on your part? To know that you can only expect more of this type of thing in the future and that this type of behavior is the normal...

It's hard to live in the solution rather than the problem...I certainly have my bad days too! All completely understandable...

You're getting there James...you are on your way man...this is not a step back but another step forward...feel proud that you have come this far and have done this well...You're doing great, really you are!
Rin

Rin

Thanks for the vote of confidence Rin.. and yeah, it's just taken me a few days to get there.. get this out of my system.

I realize that my biggest problem is that.. well, I'm a programmer and a problem solver.. it's what I do all day, every day. I'm a habitual person, and I like my routines.. just the way I'm wired I guess. Change isn't something I handle well.. I resist it probably more severely than most.

I can change myself.. reprogram myself, so long as the logic is sound. I've been able to analyze and see more clearly the flaws in my 'programmed' logic that I've operated under for a vast majority of my life.. at least the entirety of my dating/relationships, and I've worked very hard to 'reprogram' some of my thinking to cover those logical errors.

But honestly.. the 'output' I get from WW anymore just errors out completely, and it's frustrating because I -want- to understand.. I -want- to be able to process the interactions with someone I care so deeply about.. but the fact is, bad data in causes the whole system to go casters up..

I just needed a few days to 'reset' and get myself back on my new normal operating parameters... I'm good today.

I'll see DS tonight unless she pulls something.. so that'll help as well. I plan on going dark again to protect myself, and I'm not going to get drawn into an argument with her.. if she wants to be angry and spew forth.. I'll let her.. I'm just going to have to work hard not to let it corrupt my system.


Ok.. geekspeak over.. hope I haven't lost too many of you.

Love and prayers to all.
J

Ah, sounds like you have a case of I WANT WHAT I WANT WHEN I WANT IT!! Have you stepped into my shoes here lately?

You didn't lose me! I got you man! and like you I want to understand the thinking too...anyone's for that matter, it has to make senses to me...which can be a downfall because I read into things...

Has gotten me in trouble once this week and I had to make amends for that...completely my fault, my stuff!

Just do yourself a favor and don't kick yourself...you are indeed a work in progress...I have to remind myself of that...

I doubt very highly that she is going to pull anything with your visits. She most likely spoke to her lawyer and got straightened out. If not and she decides to be a queen B, then that will bode well for you. Since her position is so unreasonable and would result in her taking time away from you, well, I imagine that will look pretty lousy to a judge when you two get into court (when is that???).

If I were in your shoes, I would be hoping that she pulls some stunt. In the long run, it will work in your favor. Give her just enough rope to hang herself.

Now if this ain't the money shot right here..

Rin, I'm horrible about this mentality, and it's one of the logic flaws that I've spent considerable time on a rewrite, and you know what? It's still not perfect.. I catch myself falling into this -way- too often.

Problem is.. in my day job I'm the -victim- of this mentality far too often. And what's my answer every time? 'Hey man.. sometimes this stuff takes time. On the surface yeah, the request is pretty simple, but you gotta be careful and make sure when you're messing with how this program thinks that you do it right.. sometimes it's not always straightforward.. or else you end up messing up lots of other stuff by fixing one little thing somewhere else.'

I seriously need to start taking my own advice at times.


You're spewin the truth today Rin.. I'll get there eventually, have faith in me.

Right there with you MEDC.. As for the court date, we still don't have one, or a mediation date.. Right now I'm holding to see what happens with this proported move into Wonderboy's pappy's house..


Geez-o-Pete.. I have changed a lot over the past year..

I am shocked at how long it is taking to get this resolved. Something doesn't seem right. Arr you sure your lawyer is competant?

Well.. he's an old salt, matey.. but I think 'es jus waitin for 'er to set 'erself up onna plank so we can send er to da briney depths o Davey Jones' locker..

Ahem..

Yeah.. dude knows what he's doing.

I know it's taking forever.. but there's reasons.. good ones.

I hear you...but remember all of those good reasons are also allowing the status quo to become more and more of the norm. Judges are hesitant to upset the apple cart....IMHO, your lawyer is risking an awful lot.