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#2143970 10/17/08 09:21 PM
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First off, I know a lot of you here on the ones who have been cheated on. But, I am sad to admit that I am the one who had a brief fling just a couple of weeks ago.

My husband is deployed to Iraq and has been gone for 4 months. We have been married for 10 months. There was a great emotional distance between us before he left. He rarely initiated sex and often withdrew to play online video games and the XBox360. I felt like I couldn't compete. We didn't have the emotional intimacy I craved and I honestly thought that once he was deployed things might be different. I foolishly thought that maybe he would miss me a lot and start emailing me and we could rekindle some of the passion of our dating. But, circustances somewhat out of his control forced him to not have internet access in his room. However, they have phone booths and internet cafes. I have only received a handful of emails and a once weekly phone call.

I started thinking selfishly and posted an ad for Strictly Platonic on Craigslist searching for a male friend. Duh! Yeah, I know, I was just asking for it, wasn't I? Well, one of the guys I replied to turned out to be a leach....he was attentive and available to shower plenty of attention on me. Because of this, I allowed myself to fall into the habit of talking to him and he started talking sexually. I didn't resist. I was froze. Of course, I have missed that aspect so I guess I liked it as well. I tried to find help to fighting off the attraction, but I live 9 hours away from my family and have only a few friends here in TX. Nonetheless, he came up with a reason to come over to my house: said his electricity was out. He touched me like I hadn't been touched even before my husband left.....and I melted. At first I didn't feel guilty....I was numb....empty.

I immediately told my husband and it is over. My husband is broken and is threatening divorce. I understand how he has a right to be mad, hurt, and want a divorce. But, the thing is...I only wanted my husband to pay attention to me. I was dying for his affection and attention. I don't want a divorce. I just wanted to work through our problems....that's all I have wanted for the last 4 months.

I am not looking for sympathy, I just know that we both had a hand in the problems of our marriage...and it seems that I have been the only one fighting....I may have cheated and I know that is wrong and it is a mistake I will always have to live with, but I feel like my husband has been 7000 miles apart for more than the last 4 months of his deployment!!!!!!!!

courtgos #2144762 10/19/08 10:21 PM
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 Quote:
I may have cheated and I know that is wrong and it is a mistake I will always have to live with, but I feel like my husband has been 7000 miles apart for more than the last 4 months of his deployment!!!!!!!!

....sorry....my H is Always away for months at a time...not much sympathy here for you from me.

He wants a divorce? Can you really not see why he would?

Read the articles on here....the ball is in his court..but you will have a long slow road ahead of you.

Good luck.

courtgos #2144769 10/20/08 12:15 AM
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Sorry to hear you are here. But welcome. You have come to the right place. You might want to have this post moved to General Questions 11 in the Infidelity forum. You will not get much traffic here. Just click on notify and as the Mods to move the post.

 Quote:
I immediately told my husband and it is over.

You did the right thing by ending the Affair.

There are lots of folks on here that can assist help. It is a good thing that you are looking for help. Unfortunately you have chosen a painful road. You may be able to recover and improve your marriage. An affair is often precipitated when emotional needs are not met.

Have a look for the emotional needs questionnaire and you will get an idea of what it is about.

I would encourage you to read the articles on the forum, but the more experienced folks will likely suggest you getting a copy of His Needs, Her Needs and also have a look at surviving an affair.

Your husband will be pretty choked up by now but this may act as a wake up call for both of you. It sounds to me like you both may be younger. Do you have someone like a pastor from a local church you can talk to? Or is there a base chaplain who you can contact?

Good luck and God Bless


Me 58 BS


courtgos #2146260 10/22/08 08:53 AM
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Request to move your thread to the infidelity forum.


BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011




Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.

We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
courtgos #2345370 03/30/10 12:54 PM
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Did not mean to post

Last edited by Gack1; 03/30/10 12:55 PM.

Me 34
WW 30
Abandoned Feb 17th 08, D-Day Aprl 27th 08.
Returned home Jul 7th, OC born 12/30/08
The FOG is clear, and we are in recovery.

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