This cracked me up! I just don't see you as a Beau Beau.

Great advice given to Bugs, though.


Fox

Thanks for the great input everyone! I appreciate everything everyone had to say.

I'm glad to know I'm not the only one that has had the feeling of needing to have the love bank drained. It feels all wrong in so many ways, but yet it is what is needed (I think).


Exactly.

I'm cheering for you "nice guys", too! You deserve the best, my friend. Hang in there. The right time, the right girl, will come along.

I am just trying to be very careful for V's sake, as much as mine. He seems to be waaay too good for me to allow my drama/issues to hurt him. That's the last thing that I want; to hurt anyone else.

Beau Beau,,,,,that's what I call my sweet little doggie! It's never just Beau. Of course I've known about you sharing a name with him, , , but now we've extended it to his 'pet' name! Too funny!

Actually the proper spelling is FABULOSITY . It's the title of a book by KIMORA LEE SIMMONS..there's lots of HER in ME..my H and I LOVE THAT SHOW!! I'm not as BAD as her..but...

Bugsy:

This line:

This is how Drac feels. He can't hurt someone else, so he moves on. He doesn't really COMMIT.

Are you too good for V? If you feel that way, then you have already lost the battle, haven't you? I don't think that you aren't good enough to be with ANYBODY.

You may call yourself the "Queen of Trash" but that doesn't mean that's where you are. You are a QUEEN. And maybe, just maybe, V can live up to THAT.

Can you hurt V? Sure. You can hurt him bad. If your being honest, eyes open, and so is he, than happiness is in your future. And if you DO commit to the relationship, then pain can befall you now. And V as well. But if you short arm everything, then you will never really get there. I was that way. I was that way for the first 15 years of my R with Flamingo. Short arming everything. Not exposing me or being interested in getting really hurt. Guarding my every action.

Don't be afaid to love. You gave it to your first husband, and then you gave it to Drac. Your good enough to give it away to the next one, with all the added benefits that MB can give you for that future relationship.

LG

LG:

You and I are on the SAME PAGE now..except POLITICALLY, I think...

Mimi:

About this:


If your taking about POLITICALY with Drac, then I am ???

If your talking November, then my opinion of you doesn't change just because we may see differently on other issues. And even in those differences I bet there is ALOT of common ground. Hey, this is America. Diversity can't hurt....

(((MIMI)))

LG

Wow, Bugsy, lotsa good stuff being talked about on your thread. I'm reminded of my sitch, not that ours are exactly the same. I allowed so much damage to be done beyond the initial Dday by letting an unrepentent wayward through the revolving door. That door is closed now, been taken out and replaced with a regular ole door, just swings in. I know the Z's knock, too, and he ain't comin in. Maybe he can get himself an a$$terectomy in the near future and become a better man for the sake of himself, his son and his future partners, but I want none of it.

Anyway, just wanted to drop in and say the same ole spiel as I've said numerous times recently.

Wasn't it your mom who said "You can't fix stupid" So true, so true...

HEY!

Silent's Back!

Love this:

You little quotemeister you!

LG>>>Grinning<<<

I tell ya, I have gotten to the point that I shake my head and laugh at the Z, NOT because the situation is at all funny. NOPE! It's been h3ll on earth. The reason I laugh is because he still looks to me for help and for some sort of admiration. He's even tried offering me a fricken candy bar at football practice. NO THANK YOU! :MrEEk: It could be laced with something

Seriously, though, I laugh more out of pity. What a maroon! :RollieEyes: He had it all, the WORLD, in the palm of his hand and he's lost it all. Sure, he can have the house and be a part time dad, and galavant around doing whatever, maybe even remarry some great woman, but he'll never be able to look in the mirror and say he did all he could. He has to live with this very huge mistake. I like my reflection just fine. I gave him all I had to give--no more, no less. I knew I was done when I felt like my back was contorting. That was it for me. I had to let the love bank run empty in order to let go; I know this now.

I plan A'd and Plan B'd; the last plan I had was an attempt at recovery, followed by Plan D. I needed to know for sure, and now I do.

Hi ya, LG:

I meant on the SAME PAGE about DRAC, my friend !!

Ahhhh, feelin' the love between folks around here! Funny how dealing with the horrific effects of infidelity brings together such a diverse group of folks!

I'm pretty busy this week with work but struggling to stay focused. A friend who is on match.com told me that Drac has 'signed off' his membership; apparently she looked at his profile recently that said, something to the effect "it was fun while it lasted, but life has become too busy for this dating lifestyle. I've met a lot of wonderful ladies, and I wish you all the best in your search for romance. Remember to always be honest and don't judge that book by it's cover - you might be surprised".

We had an email exchange yesterday - there is still an email in my inbox that I'll deal with later. Long story short he told Ladybug he plans to have her during the day Fri. because she is off school. He did not tell me anything about it. I emailed him to check yesterday, as I had to send money today to sign her up for latchkey field trip if he was not going to have her. He replied that he was waiting to 'get things in order' before talking to me about it. He wanted me to take her to dance Thurs and for him to pick her up for overnight that night. Normally it would be 'my' night. It also means that she would be gone overnight Wed, Thurs, Fri, and Sat. I don't like not having her so many nights in a row. Instead of replying about what *I* wanted, I told Ladybug the plan and she replied, "No, I want to stay here that night. Daddy can pick me up in the morning"

So, I let him know what she wanted. I also told him I'd prefer that we touch base on this stuff in the future before he talks to Ladybug so that if it doesn't work out for some reason then she is not upset, confused, or disappointed.

Long story short, he is not happy about my response. I know that's the gist of the pending email,,,,,and the auto preview showed that he "just wants as much time with the kids as possible". What? If that were true then he would be taking advantage of the time he DOES have already - - which we know he hasn't been doing. Why would I possibly have any empathy for him in that regard?

Stoopid.

I have more than enough work today to keep me busy, with a really important conference call this afternoon. I'll spend most of the morning preparing for that. Maybe I'll have time to read his email later. Maybe I'll reply or maybe not.

Not a pirority.

Besides work, I have a 'girls weekend' coming up at the end of the month to get ready for. Chicago - Michigan Ave - - Look out!!

Want to start out by saying.. that I'm in no way saying that you're in the wrong..

I totally understand the concept of enforcing the rule when the little one wants to stay at your place that night.



At the same token I can also empathize with his frustration at not getting what time he wants with her.

That doesn't excuse the fact that -he- chose for his life to be this way, and I think that's what sets him apart from guys like me who have uttered that exact same line. You've even told him that he can correct that choice.. but so far hasn't had the a$$terectomy required for it... and appears to be real short on time to figure it out.



Just keep doing what you're doing Bugsy.. remember when it comes to dealing with him to make sure you're doing right by Ladybugs, and if you're unsure.. pray about it and try to consider what the Lord would have you do.

We're all behind you 1000% whatever you decide to do..

I just despise all this.. for the kids especially.. so unfair to them.

Bugsy

Thanks for the support, guys!


Honestly, I COULD empathize with him on this too, IF he took advantage of the time he already has with her. He doesn't. For the past couple of months, EVERY weekend he has had the kids, he has left them with a sitter at least one of the nights. So, to complain about one overnight doesn't hold much water with me.

So,,,,,,,,,,,,that's done and over with. He picked her up this morning.(late) He's totally reverted to strictly email and text messaging with me. Seems he's giving me the Plan B. Works fine and saves me effort.

I'm swamped at work which is good for keeping my mind occupied (for the most part). Am having dinner tonight with V. DSS has his football at 9 am tomorrow. I need to go to the mall tonight to pick up a heavier leather jacket for my Harley Fall Color Tour ride tomorrow afternoon. Sunday, am spending the afternoon with V. So, a pretty packed weekend.

Oh, i also have to figure out how to get the spark plug out of my mower,,,,,,it's not starting and I'm sure the spark plug is bad. It's one of the few minor type repairs that I've never done before!!

Dad would normally take care of it but he had a defibulator (sp?) put in on Monday. He's home & everything is going great, but he's not up for mower repair just yet!

Hope you all have a great weekend,,,,,,,,,,,my phone is going crazy!! Trash calls,,,,,,,,,,

WOO-HOO!!! Good for you!! I'm JEALOUS!! LOVE that PLACE!!

Hi Bugs,

Catching up on your thread... this caught my eye!


It's been a few days...just wondering if you still feel this way.

I was hoping that with PLAN B the Lovebank doesn't HAVE to get drained....and, seeing that WS is not interested in making effort in M recovery.....along with Plan D, just allows BS to consider a NEW relationship...

It does sound, from your experience and others like WH and SL, that this may not be so?

...just wondering....is an 'emotional' disconnection, or loss of respect, or whatever it takes to drain the Lovebank, a requirement to make ROOM for a new R to thrive, or would it just make it easier somehow?

....my mindset right now, being in Plan B, is to consider WS as I would a 'stranger' (actually MORE), as I maintain STANDARDS as to a life partner re committment, openness to personal improvement,etc..... and once I go ahead with Plan D... I see it as widening MY options, and decreasing in a major way the possibility of M recovery, and WS/S becoming less of a DESIRABLE candidate (should he ever be interested!)

...as I would like to think that this way, unless I am in a NEW R, should WS be OPEN to M recovery in the future, I would like to have SOMETHING in my Lovebank so that I would be willing to consider it...

...if not, it would not be the first time that I have had to REVISIT my beliefs :crosseyedcrazy:

Luna,

For me, it was not necessary to drain the lovebank in order to consider a relationship with another man or to move forward. It was, in my case, a natural consequence of continued false recoveries and what amounted to abuse.

In my case ONLY, the Z had/has a long way to fall, and I'm just not willing to stick around anymore or put my life on hold in any way. Some people will not want to attempt recovery because they cannot fathom that it's not impossible. I sometimes feel like I got buried alive underneath it all.

I would suggest to keep on keepin on in your plan B. You have all the tools to make a go at a really great relationship when the right guy comes along, and if you stay in Plan B, you can avoid more damage to yourself.

If this means that months or years down the road you are more willing to attempt recovery with a repentent and ready WH, then so be it. If not, you can move forward and thrive.

Just my humble little opinion.

Yes, I know, SL... your last false recovery was very painful, and I am so sorry... know that I do keep in mind your experience and those of others to help me stay on track...


After Plan D, I intend to maintain Plan B because WS is NOT someone I wish to KNOW...until such time as WS convinces me that he is out of the fog, realizes the damage done, takes responsibility for it, wants to learn how to be 'considerate of others', and, of course, OP is no longer in his life (....without necessarily attempt M recovery...as it might be too late for that!)

...because contact with a WS is not to be RECOMMENDED...very bad for your physical and mental health... :crosseyedcrazy:

Sorry for the t/j Bugs!

I still to THIS day can comprehend not having H in my life, but I have to agree, as long as H stays WS I won't have anything to do with him and that simply breaks my heart because I still miss my H so much.

How ya doing Bugs?

When I discussed this with Jennifer, she told me that Plan B should stay in effect out of respect to your next partner. E.g., if you have to discuss kid stuff, you should do it in the presence of your new partner.

The ex should always be viewed as a threat to a new relationship.

I'm also with you guys in with respect to the ex if they're still wayward. As long as the SCQ is still wayward, she's dead to me.