In case you missed this, I think it's a great question and I'd love to see your response.

The guy is a very smooth talker and is extremly controlling of her. It's almost as if she is afraid of him. When she calls and he's not around, we get along great WHen she calls and he's in the room, she's brutal to me. Plus, last time I was at the house, he threatened to kick my A$% and he had her call the cops on me! WHen I walked to my car, he told her to get the keys out of the ignition since she was closer to my car than me. It was almost like he had her on remote control.

What is so odd is he has her convinced that she can not exist without him. He told my sister in law this. He has her convinced that she can get a full time job after being out of the workforce for 6 years, operate her business so it is bigger and better than it was before (she lost money every year) AND take care of the kids plus keep the house. The two of us could barely keep up!

On Monday, we are going to meet again to go over the finances. Basically there is no way we can pay the mortgage and my apartment. I might also have my attorney talk to her attorney and lay out the situation. Since we've already filed for divorce, right now we have to do everything to protect the family assets and us living in separate places does nothing to protect the assets.

B

How can you let your children around this 'man'?

Are you afraid of him physically?

I've had a lot of people threaten to kick my [censored]. They were just threats. Everybody's a tough guy until they have to back it up.

Do you have any friends that might 'convince' him to leave?
Maybe when he is off property on an errand?

shock

"she dropped a bunch of honey's and sweeties in the conversation."

Classic WW play: Throw the BH some crumbs so you give her want the OM wont.

WW buttered you up. Then lets you know that "WW is taking some of her students to a horse show this weekend but doesn't have any money to show herself"

Why are you willing to pay for anything as long as WW is spreading her legs for the OM?

Is your name on the deed for this horse farm. Get a lawyer to have him thrown off your land.

Time to end all finacial support for your WW. As long as your WW can live on the farm she will not give up the OM. Also as long as your WW has the farm the OM will not give up his meal ticket.
So the farm has to get sold. People can always buy another farm.

Do you want your wife?

Then you will do what you have to do. In this case cut off money so see loses the farm.

Farm gone, the rat OM will jump off the sinking ship.

Why are you supporting the OM to a life he is a custom to.

It's your money, house, farm, and WIFE the he is USING.

No you want to give the WW more money to keep her happy screwing the OM.

If you are worried about the OM then have someone with you. If he were to assault you along with his current assault on his own father that he has a bench warrant on....he would be in jail for quite awhile. Might be worth it!!

Find out from your lawyer what the ramifications are for not paying or reducing your part of the payments for the farm. Simply not paying...could result in the wife getting the whole thing if her laywer can play it that way. Just implying you no longer want it.

What is the status of the restraining order preventing you from the farm???

Restraining orders are dropped - legally I can go on anytime I want. RIght now, she is REALLY feeling the financial pinch - I just got off the phone with her and she said she might apply for welfare and food stamps (good luck since we are still married and do not have any formal separation agreements in place). Anyways, she is starting to feel rock bottom.

As for him assaulting me, the thought has crossed my mind about taking one for the team.

Yep! And by caving this further confirms to a WW how "ineffectual" the BH is. BH usually thinks by "being kind" that his shares have gone up. Wrong.

Maybe it is time to raise the ante and announce a plan to sue OM for alienation of affection. This doesn't have to go to court but it does put further pressure on WW and OM. It will become more apparent that they're not going to make it in the long haul.

I am a bit concerned that a case for abandonment could be made against you if you extend your absence. Check with the suits.

SB,

Again sorry for your dreadful state of things. Does she have no sense of money or finance, what the hades is wrong with her. From the sounds of things she had an ideal life, spoiled as a child?

Do you think she has a sense of inferiority to you and needed to commiserate with this loser.

Thats one thing I can't grasp is her lack of concern for the bottom line. Financial timing wise couldn't be worse either.

God Bless
NJ

I don't know about your state, but in California, a separated spouse CAN get welfare. What happens then is that the other spouse will have to pay back all of the money.

Some updates. Picked up the kids Thursday night for a long weekend - I'll drop them off at school tommorrow. Nice conversation with the the WW at the drop of point.

I received a call yesterday from the OM father's fiance. Evidently, the OM WAS arrested on 10/4. That would explain why the WW was really nasty when we met on the 4th face to face to go over finances. The arraignment for this this is on the 15th. Tommorrow, I am going to the courthouse to file a summary to get him evicted. Since there is no formal lease, I can pretty much kick him off for any reason. Also, for the value of what he is getting from the barter arrangements he has with the WW, I filled a 1099 form with the IRS as well. BTW, the taxable value for the third quarter comes out to about $17,000 which means he is on the hook for these taxes as well.

I've sent a spreadsheet with the state of our finances to my attorney - on Wednesday he is going to present to her attorney that the only way to keep up the payments on the farm is for the OM to move out and for me to move into the downstairs master bedroom.

So, it looks like the legal heat is going to be turned up very high on the OM. He'll have the following to deal with:

- Child support judgements
- 2 felony arrest warrents
- Eviction hearings on my end
- Possible trouble with the IRS since he hasn't filed an income tax return in several years.

Overall, it looks like the OM will probably bolt pretty soon - he can't duck the child support anymore while he is at my place since the courts now know where he is.

B

Bump

Quick update

I was unable to get to the courthouse today to file the restraining order against the POSOM (and that is insulting to pieces of #$$%) because of Columbus Day. I'll do that tommorrow.

The WW stopped by my apartment this afternoon to pick up Amanda Panda (DD3). We hung out for a few minutes - I know she saw my Library of Reading (SAA, HNHN, Love Busters, Not Just Friends, Divorce Busting, After the Affair) because she kept looking at my coffee table instead of looking me in the eye.

I know she doesn't think I know about the arrest - I'll drop that bomb after I file for the protection order. My lawyer thinks she painted herself into a corner - if she fights the restraining order, it looks very bad if we go to custody. We shall see very soon where here priorities lie...

B

Man oh man what a tough day today. Today was DS 6 birthday. I called the WS at around 6pm to talk to DS. She was on her way home from a job interview - she wouldn't be home until 8pm and the kids go to bed at 8:30pm. Therefore, the DS was home with the POSOM on his birtday.

I came real, real close to firing off a very nasty email but ended up having my sister talk me off the ledge so to speak. If you know you are going to be late, I felt she should have called me and I would have taken DS and DD out for DS's birthday instead of having him spend it with the POSOM.

SB,

That's a real tough one. I know how tough that is.

Make his birthday special when you see him next time. He'll remember.

I'm sure it wasn't the happiest birthday for him either.

It gets better with time.

Looks like you lost an opportunity to get back into your own house. You had two hours.

Correct me if I am wrong. I thought you stated there was no longer a legal reason for you to be outside of your home?

Is that true?

[/quote]

Looks like you lost an opportunity to get back into your own house. You had two hours.

Correct me if I am wrong. I thought you stated there was no longer a legal reason for you to be outside of your home?

Is that true? [/quote]

You're right - would have had a small window but I was so angry I didn't think of that until after the fact.

Anyways, the POSOM had his arraignment today. Not sure what he plead but if he plead guilty he would have been sentenced to probation, fined, take a mental health evaluation, drug and alcohol counseling as well as anger management.

No word from the WW today - usually she calls or emails at least once a day. She's probably mad that her boyfriend is in hot water and is mentally blaming me for it!

I'm sorry you have to live this. No one should have to endure it.

What's the status of the restraining order?

We're pulling for you.

SS

Talked with my attorney yesterday - no dice on getting POSOM out of the house on a restraining order. Since there is no physical evidence the kids are in danger, the order has little chance of going through. GRRRR

Now, I am going into a dark plan B. At this point, everytime I speak to her I am extremely angry or frustrated so I need to cut of contact with her to save myself. What I'm doing is no longer paying the mortgage - yes I am putting the house in jeopardy but with a likely bankruptcy filing, I won't be doing much more damage to my credit anyways. Think of it as a big game of chicken.

Also, I will pay her the child support based on what the courts calculate- that way I can't get in trouble with the courts. Financially this will be beneficial to me as well.

For child visitation, I am going to push for one week with me, one week with her. That way I am also showing the courts that I recognize time with both parents. BTW all of this was suggested by my attorney.

So, I have a lot to do in the next couple of weeks including my plan B letter - I'll post a draft of the letter once I finish it.

B

Aren't his court appearances a matter of public record?

Find out when they are. When he is gone move back into your house.

Or, stake out the house and move in when they are out.

Am I missing something?

It's YOUR house!

When they come home call 911. Have company, friends, family, there with you. When she shows up with him have the police escort him out!!!

If she wants him, let HER leave!

It is absolutely tragic that a man may not be able to access his own property for fear of repercussions from an interloper.

This appears to be a violation of property and personal rights at the most fundamental level.

This kind of demented legal practice must surely demand that a citizen "go to the mattresses" for solutions.

I would love to see this guy dosed with enough bluestone to give him ED for life. Then discredited in the equine and commercial world. I think he has earned it.