You know Mimi, your statement about control has been sitting with me.

The only thing I can think that I am doing different is not going to as many AA meetings lately. Hmmmm

Think this addict needs her butt in meetings for survival.

I was also EMOTIONALLY ABUSED throughout my childhood..except I haven't suffered from ADDICTIONS..except for to cigarettes...and I stopped smoking 16 years ago...

What helped me was PSYCHOTHERAPY...it took YEARS...

You can do that in conjunction with AA...

I really think you need yourself a GREAT THERAPIST!!

Need a job?

I don't have money and my insurance won't pay for it. I checked.

How many years by the way and good for you. I quit smoking 23 years ago..

Think of all the money we saved for our therapists. :crosseyedcrazy:

I went back to my SAME THERAPIST once discovering my H's affair and realized that I was able to COPE with the INFIDELITY better because he had already helped me with alot of my earlier issues. During the infidelity, he was mainly offering SUPPORT and reminding me to use the SKILLS that I had gained in therapy. The therapy really was the basis of me developing self-esteem.

I agree...

I'm not laughing about it either or being coy. I do agree. To the average person, what WH has done in the manner he has done it would have pushed the average person to say enough, I'm done.

Not me. I keep on taking it and allowing for it to still be a possibility while I continually think that I could have stopped his behavior.

Any sane person would know they haven't. I've come far... Give me that. I'm still fighting, but I agree....

I wish I had the money

You might want to find a NEW JOB...cause YES, I was able to use my HEALTH INSURANCE...BOTH TIMES...kill two birds with one stone..get away from that AWFUL BOSS who certainly isn't helping matters...

You were blessed to have that opportunity.

Because of my poor choices monetarily, that's just not a choice for me. But I keep getting up even when I knock MYSELF down and beat myself up.

I don't know, maybe the fact that WH isn't around to do it, I've picked it up.

I'm not being funny, just thinking aloud.

I certainly could look into this and see what I come up with.

I make over 17.00 bucks and hour, none of my health insurance is taken out of my check and minus the therapy, it's actually very good. I get a wapping bonus check at the end of June that helps me tremendously and I am home for my children almost at the same time.

My gas is almost nil as my commute is 6/10 of a mile from work. So I need to take some of that into consideration, but you might just be right and I can certainly ask G-d for his input.

I'm heading to a meeting. I am excited to hear what G-d has in store for me.

I've never heard of health insurance that doesn't include coverage for some sort of counseling.

That's lousy.

Are their any community mental health programs....possibly funded by your state or county.

Hi Queenie-

I'm not sure if your contract at work has this, but lots of school districts offer an Employee Assistance Program where you can get a certain number of counseling appointments for free. Mine covers 5.

Gosh, I'm full of helpful information tonight. What's up with that?

It covers 3 free visits. But nothing else. If it's determined you are suicidal then you can get more. Personally I don't want to be that bad off.

I'll check into it Cinder. Not sure what might be available.

Wow, JT we must have been posting at the same time.

I only get 3 visits and I have already gotten them this calendar year. I stopped going because I couldn't afford it.

My food has been clean this morning which is very good. I emailed my food plan to my sponsor for the day, which is another positive step for me.

This is the lastest news that I have received. I'm not upset, just absolutely stunned that he continues to do this.

speaking of that .. I saw your crack addict.. she is heavy very ugly.. pot marked face.. she was wearing black slacks and high heels that hid her mid belly fat.. along with a sweater that showed off about 4 inches of her fat stomach at a lacrosse tournament yesterday..not a pretty sight

yes very unbelievable she had long stingy hair and not a friendly face at all.. know just walked by her and was trying to remember everything about her so that I could tell you today... I know WH saw us but didnt say anything.. not lovey dovey at all.. I just dont get the whole high heel thing on the lacrosse turf...

we gave her the stare down for ya

oh no she was sitting all by herself on the bench.. no one around her

she looked away and wasn't very friendly.. she was just plain ugly

I am going through something with the lacrosse board that has me in knots, total knots. Lacrosse has been something that has brought me such enjoyment in life and it's a part of my children's life. I have been on the board for so long. I heard that WH knows about the trouble going on and asked someone about it. He said since he has all this time on his hands he should become a coach. My world, why does he need to be in my world?

Hi Queenie,

Just read the last few pages of your thread...and want to offer my support. You are getting good advice already and you seem to know what you need to do.

Sounds like you are faced a bit with the challenge I also struggle with sometimes, how to get from KNOWING to the DOING.

The only answer that keeps coming up for me is....taking it ONE DAY AT A TIME.

QUEENIE

Thanks Luna,

I'm really trying.

Ok, so this is how my day has been going, hopefully all of you are having a WAY much better day.

Turns out if I could come up with 800.00 I can hopefully stop my car being repossessed, and maybe even deffered for one or two months. Thank you G-d.

I tried to go to a friend who offered once to help me out financially. She said yes, but then said no. So I was left scrambling for cash. I went to the bank, that was a journey in itself, I did break down crying, but what's worse I found out my son has spent all his college money. UGH...

So after having to come back to work, get another check, back to the bank get cash, went to store to send western gram I was 2.99. I have NO MONEY.... And I started crying AGAIN. One of the store clerks lent me the 2.99 and I got the Western Gram.

I have decided to resign from lacrosse because actually I don't even know how to put it into words, but I think it's best today. G-d wants me working on ME. Cleary as I sit here and read what I am writing, that is the overwhelming message I am getting. Be a mom, take care of myself and build a new life.

So, so far so good on my food. I changed the menu of what I was eating, but have done good.

I am very grateful to G-d for keeping my food clean today at to this moment as that's all I have.

Whew.... what a Monday....

If you think h may have said that just talking out loud, don't worry about it and stay on the board if you wish. If he actually acts on it, you could then resign.

What does Queenie really want to do?

Sometimes, I think satan lets things happen to tempt and try us.