Hi Cinders, according the my lawyer and case worker at DSHS, there isn't much I can do to WH until 6 months, then he is in contempt of court and possibly facing jail time.

So I just have to somehow hang on for about 2 1/2 more months. The I can go on the attack and make him accountable.

Right now I need to trust G-d. Which interestingly was the topic at my AA meeting tonight or rather step three. Made a decision to turn my will and my life over to the care of G-d as I know him.

The last one who spoke said the most profound thing. I'm sure I'll butcher it, but the gist of it was, as an addict/alcholic being in control of my will or life is almost as dangerous as having the fox watch the hens. Maybe normal people don't get it, but it certainly hit home.

My mind is out to destroy me, by taking control, my will etc back from G-d is the worst and most dangerous thing I can do. I'm not trustworthy, because I don't believe in me the way G-d does. That's just today.

I'm sure no surprise to anyone else, but I obviously when I get into these self-pity modes I am not trusting G-d and taking back control. Big no no.

This too shall pass, my pitty potty, I'll find my strength, my faith, my trust and I'll get back to the business of learning and loving myself.

But its day two that my food has been clean, I'm going through withdrawals and I am giving myself a pat on the back because even though I keep falling back, I get up and ask G-d for help.

So you can bet, when the time hits, I will have that WH's sorry a$$ back in court getting the money that is agreed upon so I can take care of his children.

And OP, can just kiss my grits and enjoy her trips to the food bank.

Queenie

I think what you need to do is go out and have some fun. Start dating again. Go out and find a man who will love you. Why would you even want your WH back at this stage? Why is your self-esteem so low as to think that he deserves you after everything he put you through?

You deserve better. Please stop making him the focus in your life - he doesn't deserve it. I'm only saying this for your own good. There are lots of good men out there. You really have done all you can.

All the best

You know myfamily, I think the same thing often these days.

Truth is I am still M and so dating probably isn't a good idea.

I'm learning that I deserve more, but one has to remember that this is how I have been treated for almost my entire life so I don't necessarily know any different.

You know that part in the bible where the Jews are set free but they only want to go back to Egypt because slavery is all they know.

I love my H. I just have to see if I can give G-d more time because there is a good man inside of that WH that would hang on for me and I have to just trust G-d it isn't time yet.

I have come so far in not having him be my focus, I think that the last strings are hanging on and my heart is just not wanting to cut them yet, so more grieving, more learning and understanding that this is my process and I am working through it the best I can.

As a servant of G-d with trust in my future. Remember he has plans for me, plans to prosper. I just have to keep walking in faith.

I do like the suggestion of dating though. Gotta be honest.

I was talking to the ministers where I go to church yesterday - I had a meeting there and stepped into the office to say Hi since I was the first one there for a weight watchers group. Anyway, I told one of them that one of the reasons I don't really date, though divorced, is because I have to be the mom and 70% of the dad. There isn't time for dating.

Well then, I am mom and 100% dad because he NEVER takes them, well truthfully they DON'T want to go there.

So I guess dating is out for me. Oh darn, so close.

Hi Queenie,

I am glad to see that you are doing better the last few days.

(((((((((((QUEENIE))))))))))

Hi Luna,

I am doing much better. I seem to be on that infamous wave that's going back out to sea and more calmer. I don't feel the need to fix things today, but just put one toe in front of the other.

My food has been good today, day three and I am very grateful to G-d. But I am getting hungry, might grab a few potato chips for snack or rice crackers....

I'm feeling better about my decision about lacrosse. I think my ego was really tied up in this, but it's just maybe time to stop, take care of me and my children and leave the rest to G-d.

I'll check your thread to see how you are doing.

Just stoppin in to spread some love Queenie.. very proud of your progress..


Oy do we walk the same paths... over and over again sometimes..


I think I'm starting to look forward to the D though.. so I -can- convince myself it's ok to date again.. there's a few prospects out there, but then you start wondering if you're capable of making good decisions again..

*sigh*

It's always something hon.. but in God's time and in His way.. we'll get to where we need to be, at just the right moment.

Keep the faith!


j

Hey James,

Smartie and I were talking about you last night on the phone. She should be posting soon, we have had too much fun in her world.

I actually seem to think many of us are walking the same up and down path very nearly to each other.

I look forward to what G-d has in store for us.

I wish he would hurry though....

Hmm... should I be afeared?

NAW, we were talking about what an amazing catch you would be when this is all said an done.

How's the quitting of smoke coming along?

Hi Queenie,


Yep...that's about where I am, too!

Hi Luna,

Then we walk together..... toe by toe....

Luna

smoking turns your nose into a dual exhaust system

Well that should help give him loving supportive incentive to quit.

This goddess is not hanging out near dual exhaust. SHIVER ME TIMBERS!!! Besides, as a non-smoker, I know for a certainty that smokers stink. Literally. So do their cars, homes, clothes, pets....you name it.

I'm allergic to the stuff. Found out when I was 11 and they skin tested me to find out what my allergies were. Tobacco is one of them.

Without offending any smokers I agree with you.

I could NEVER date anyone who smokes. My mom died of lung cancer and it wasn't pretty. Whenever anyone who smokes comes into our office you can smell it a mile a way.

I'm just grateful AA meetings are smoke free nowadays.

Actually my H hated smokers too, but I understand crack ho smokes and he even stops home and buys them. HOW GROSS.....

:crosseyedcrazy:

As for the quitting thing.. I've never been good at quitting anything, but I read this book a while back, and once I finished it, I was done.. no withdrawl.. no cravings.. nothin.

I didn't quit.. I didn't 'give it up'... I just escaped the trap.

Easy peasy..

Smoking won't send you to he//...

It just makes you smell like you've already been there.


Queenie,

You brought up how the people were saved from slavery and wanted to return to it because it was all they knew...

(see Numbers 11)

But really what they wanted was the things they no longer had. It wasn't slavery they missed but the things they had given up to be free...

They missed the garlic and leeks and spices...

They remembered all the good things of the past and none of the things they once hated because they no longer had the bad things but had lost what they thought was good...

They felt this way because they were focused on what they no longer had rather than the miracles going on all around them on a daily basis. They grumbled about having to eat the same thing every day and missed the miracle of God's provision for them day by day and hour by hour.

God was in their midst and they saw only what they didn't have...

Like Jacob said when he spent the night outside of Luz and renamed the place "The House of God"...

God was in this place and I did not know...

Remember what He has already done and what He is doing...

Focus on what you have and not on what you have no longer...

Think of all you have found rather than what you have lost...

Mark

Not to threadjack here.. but I love reading your posts Mark. You have such a wonderful perspective on things, and whether you realize it or not, have been a wonderful instrument of God here, keeping many of us focused on the right things, and nudging us back onto God's path when we put a foot or two wrong.

You're certainly someone I give thanks for, and will likely continue to for a long while.

Thanks for being here.