Jamesus,whats the name of the book you read? My DS18 smokes and is a real addict..he really wants to stop but battles....

Here in S.A smoking has become quite anti-social but people aren't really looked down upon.I have heard that in the states if you smoke you are seen as coming from a low-class sort of lifestyle.Is this true?My sister-in-law and her family lived in Virginia for 3 years and both her and her hubbie smoked.He was a naval attache over there.

It's called 'The Easy Way to Stop Smoking' by Allen Carr

He also has books on drinking and eating disorders, but I've been told that they aren't nearly as effective.

Honestly this is the perfect book for the person who has tried 'everything' to quit. He doesn't beat you over the head with statistics, or berate you for smoking.. it's difficult to describe any other way than he exposes the trap of smoking for what it is, and shows you the way out.

There's no pressure, no tapering off, none of that.. as a matter of fact he instructs you to continue smoking normally while you are reading the book (which honestly can be concluded in a couple of sittings for the average reader).. and at one point in the book actually instructs you to light up to illustrate a point.

Honestly it's been amazing.. It's just like this morning, it crossed my mind after breakfast, and a particularly triggering piece of mail from my lawyer.. 'Man.. I need a cigarette about now..' and almost immediately my mind went into it's new reflex mode of saying 'No you idiot.. all you -need- to do is the dishes.. now get to work.'

It's a great book.

Maybe I should urge him to write one on 'The Easy Way to End your Adultery'..

Misters Smith and Wesson could help.

:RollieEyes:

:MrEEk:

Hi Mark,

You are so right and in fact during my prayers last night and this morning I was thinking that I need to start my gratitude list again.

It's been awhile since I appreciated what all I really do have in my life.

Three days and my food has been clean. I have lost 5 lbs. Woohoo, but I have to get it out of my mind its about the weight loss. It's about forming a healthy relationship with food.

t/j..


Mark...IT IS really THAT simple! Thanks.

Hi Queenie,


You got it, Queenie. Keep up the good work.

Hey! I know them guys! They're friends of mine...

I'm also familiar with the Remington family...

And the Glocks...

And the Benellis...

I am friends with the Colts but would love to meet Les Baer.

Who would be considered the best of friends and how?

I just found out from DD that my OS is selling drugs to make money for the household because we are so broke.

I'm not quite sure how I am going to walk through this, but I do know that I could use a little prayers to not go off half cocked.

this is what my DD wrote. "not long okay. dont hate on him okay he is just going through things and trying to find out the best way to take care of you. he feels that he is the man of the house and needs to take care of you okay, you and ys. so please dont go at him like he is totally doing something wrong problem solve this out with him okay. i love you i'm going home i will talk to you tomorrow.

If anyone has walked through this, I could use some suggestions or help right now.

Yes, I went through it and am still going through it.

Put a Stop it right now before he ends up in jail or himself an addict. Queenie, you shouldn't even have to ask for help on this - you KNOW what to do. It is a sure path to destruction for him and for you, and you know it.

The answer is soooo simple - have him get a real job. Even if he has to dip fries at McD's, it is a law abiding job. If he continues to do what he is doing, both you and he can expect many, many more bad things to happen. Guaranteed. I could list them all, but you know them.

Hi Queenie-

I know the thought of the conversation you will have with OS is going to be tough. I've been thinking about it all afternoon since I read your post and have a few thought to share-I know you won't mind.

First of all, tell him you are aware that he is selling drugs and, although you understand he wants to help out because of your family's financial situation, this isn't the way to do it.

If he asks how you found out, tell him "That's not what's important right now."

If he guesses it was DD, say "She cares about you and doesn't want you to end up in jail-or worse."

So...got those bases covered.

Then, I would let him know that you understand he feels like he has to be the "man" of the family-but doing something illegal like this isn't what a man does. He needs to find some way of helping out that brings honor to your family, not the possibility of him being incarcerated and completely unable to be available for his brother.

Let him know that there is honor in working at an honest job.

But, you also need to let him know that if he continues to do this, you can't have him in the house because it puts you and YS at risk.

I hope this is helpful. I'm praying for you.

Hi JT and Chai,

I knew Chai you have been through this over and over again. It breaks my heart that our children get caught up in this stuff, but I also know that they are silly and make bad choices.

You can bet there is ZERO TOLERANCE for sellings, using etc or drugs in my home. I am a drug addict, my sobriety is on the line.

JT, having said that I asked him point bank. He said he isn't doing it. There is no way I can prove it as to be honest I am not seeing the benefits of money. However, I left it be absolutely clear that I had my eye open, my ears glued and that if I found out he was selling drugs, that he would have to leave my home, leave the car and find somewhere else to live.

I thanked him for trying to be the man and take care of the family, but I explained that we were doing ok, we still had a roof over our head, food in our stomach and for the most part doing ok. I explained that he is taking a huge risk of getting us thrown out of the apt, and that I could lose his brother to his father if he wasn't careful.

I left no room for my expectations. I stated my desires, my needs, calmly and cleanly.

The last thing I wanted to do was make a drama out of this, but go in strong, with faith, and G-d helping me find the words.

I don't know whether I believe him or not, I didn't give him the chance to keep telling me know, I just layed it out and left it on the table.

He's in G-ds hands, and all i can do is pray that he stops before I find out. Or possibly I was wrong. It's out, clean and not movement of negotiations.

Not one drugs, not for me and not for this drug addict.

Thank you so much you both for your input.

GREAT!!

thanks Mimi

I may be a push over for a lot, but my sobriety is NOT one of them.

Queenie,


Good going!

Thanks Luna...

So today was so awesome, thank you G-d. My son's not only joined me for dinner at the table with my friend, but they went to services tonight with me. It was the most amazing thing when you think about it. Two teenage boys, pleasing their mom by going to services on a Friday night because I asked them to and they were doing ok, and loving to me.

I gotta tell ya, if he is selling drugs, he isn't doing a very good job of it, he is broke. :RollieEyes: Takes after both his parents on that one. Unfortunately we always smoked away our profits or snorted them. Not good business practice.

Shabbat Shalom, Mark and Pretty

My old rabbi, who is a man, much older and tends to be way more political and religious than we are used to. We started Breishit this week, commonly referred to as Genesis. He did a wonderful job of explain the order of why G-d created man after animals. He spoke about how animals were to inhabit the earth horizontally, but that even though people were created to inhabit the earth, they were destined for the vertical as well as horizontal.

He went on to explain about how Judaism is in its essence order and morals, etc and that we are like light in the world standing for order and morals. He talked about how people want to anniliate the Jews because we are the light to the world and that they want to have their own order that isn't necessarily what's best for everyone.

I often hear it's said the Jews are the chosen people. It's not that we are special, it's that we have an obligation to uphold things. I'm still processing what he said. And I'm glad he will be there tomorrow so I can talk to him more about it.

Mark if you are checking out tonight any thoughts?

Sleep well everyone, may G-d be with you and guide you as you rest your souls for tomorrow.

Shabbat Shalom, y'all. And for the non-Jewish friends who drop by, Hi!

I totally agree, for the non-Jewish who stop by, have and AWESOME weekend.

When I look back at my recovery I remember how I DREADED weekends. I wanted to just die and not face the world. With G-d hand, your understanding and PATIENCE, I see that slowly I AM building a life of fun without WH. I dont DREAD weekends anymore, in fact they seem to be way more filled up and I cherish Sundays because I can stay at home with my boys and just watch football.

It's so hard when you first come here to believe that life will go on, it's different for sure, but it still goes on and if you seek G-d he will guide you slowly to what he has planned for you. My hardest part is WAITING for the answers.

I don't dare ask for patience, but I do ask for perserverance, clarity of his vision for me, and the willingness and strength to get up each and every day and be of maximum service to him.

When I think about how I could have dramatized what was going on with my son, it's amazing the growth in this gal . I felt the pain, I felt the excitement of the drama, and I prayed and asked G-d to help. It's not like it's something immediate, but over the course of the moment, hours and now days, I took care of it how G-d lead me. What happens is in his hands, but I feel very at peace if that makes sense. I don't HAVE TO FIX this, G-d is taking care of it.

WOW, I HAVE come a LONG WAY...

HEAD UP, CHEST OUT, SMILE ON, and LOVE FILLED UP IN MY HEART for the day.

Happy Saturday EVERYONE, may the sun shine not just outside but in your HEARTS.... and know you are loved by so many people.