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If you have glitter on your hands, maybe you can massage some onto his back where he can't see it. laugh

As usual, I get here in time to be redundant. Yes, OW is cracking down, it made him mad but he couldn't tell you that, so he pointed all the blame anywhere else he could think of besides where he knows it belongs. No biggie, and you handled it well.

I don't know much first-hand about holiday Plan B's, unless you count Cinco de Mayo, lol. The second time around, I was hoping to get things tied up before our anniversary, which happened by a hair.


A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb



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LMAO!!! I can hear you now!!! Load and clear!

Ewe...{{Muahhhahaahahaha}} grin I like the perfume glitter thang! YES!!!! lashes Almost went for the hicky last SF(I know seems so 8th grade LOL) But a girls gotta do what a girls gotta do. Hicky yeah? Neah?

Hmm, I should get some of those scented oils that kinda stay on the skin then be sure to some how hug it off on him. Hmm can you say lip liner!!!!! Man why didn't I think of this sooner.! Brilliant! Need to start leaving my calling card and it says sorry Ho HO HO -he's taken LOL! :twobyfour: Oh sorry did my inner dialog sneak out again LMAO :crosseyedcrazy: J/K

So I just sent an email acted like everything is just peachy because I AM THE LIGHTHOUSE AND THERMOSTAT AND I HAVE NO EXPECTATIONS!!!(now counting backwards from 5,4,3,2,1 you will awake feeling refreshed and like a lighthouse hee hee hee-J/K)

Email to H said: "hope you got some rest you seemed like you've been really tired lately, thanks so much for fixing the bathroom sink and the truck brakes. (Admiration!) We all missed you today, hope you can forgive the kids for being upset they just wanted their daddy. Reminder for plans for this week: Were gonna carve pumpkins on Thursday, trick or treat Friday, DS football game Saturday and Sunday weigh-ins for DS playoff season. Your welcome to stay on the couch Saturday if Sunday weigh-ins are too early. Let us know if your able to come out anytime sooner than Thursday, have a really great day tomorrow and feel free to call anytime if your bored. {{hugs n kisses}} G'night"

Howz them Plan A apples! Doesn't look like we'll see him until Thursday but hopefully most of the weekend. We'll see.

I'll let ya'll know what he says about the email, if he responds at all.


Me-39 H-38/Married 19years/DD18 & DS10
Dday EA/PA 4/23/08 Left home 5/08/08
Moved in w/Sea Hag 08/01/08
Read SAA Sept 08 Plan A 10/03/08 thru 11/15/08
Plan B 11/15/08-currently
01/18/09 Plan B crack w/phone call restating PBL
01/31/09 Planned brief contact
02/15/09 Delivery of Planned 2nd PBL
Filed for D Dec 2009 Recovering well!
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Good idea, I'm gonna be getting something on him! Glitter, lip liner, perfume, if there's a will there is a way, but I think he's doing his own laundry. He's mentioned it a few times so I'm not sure she'll see it. Maybe a nice lil fingernail scratch or something. Sorry all is fair in love and war am I correct?? LOLOLOL


Me-39 H-38/Married 19years/DD18 & DS10
Dday EA/PA 4/23/08 Left home 5/08/08
Moved in w/Sea Hag 08/01/08
Read SAA Sept 08 Plan A 10/03/08 thru 11/15/08
Plan B 11/15/08-currently
01/18/09 Plan B crack w/phone call restating PBL
01/31/09 Planned brief contact
02/15/09 Delivery of Planned 2nd PBL
Filed for D Dec 2009 Recovering well!
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laugh

I'd prolly say no to the hickey, it's a bit obvious, right? I mean, he'd notice you doing it, right?

I wouldn't do the fingernail scratch unless you've been known to do it before.

But one thing you could do, just on a hug, is have some perfume or a smudge of make-up on your fingers, and when you hug you can rub your fingers on the back of his collar. Where he won't see it if he looks in the mirror.

There was a BW here who found glitter on her WH's underwear. Not good for her, but something you might like OW to experience. I'll let you figure out how to get it there. whistle

I love reading your thread BTW. Every time I see you've updated, I say a little prayer that I hope it's good news.


me - 47 tired
H - 39 cool
married 2001
DS 8a think
DS 8b :crosseyedcrazy:
(Why is DS7b now a blockhead???)
(Ack! Now he's not even a blockhead, just a word! That's no fun!)
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Just a warning, I gave Flick a hicky very high on his thigh when I knew he was going to see OW a couple of days later, she retaliated by giving him one on his shoulder that I could see.
Hurts both ways, do take care of yourself.


HAving said that, Jayne suggestd I put a pair of my knickers in his overnight bag once. I seem to also remember her suggesting that I ring OW's parents and ask if she had been tested for STD's recently now WH and I had resumed marital relations rotflmao


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Okay hickys and scratches got voted out! I will be sure some make up gets on him. Wouldn't it be great to have it on the front of him so she see's it right away!

I don't think she does his laundry but i'll go for clothing and skin, but you sure can't hide scent. And If I'm wearing it the whole time he's here during the visit, he won't even notice if i get it on him as I hug him when he leaves! Perfect!!


Me-39 H-38/Married 19years/DD18 & DS10
Dday EA/PA 4/23/08 Left home 5/08/08
Moved in w/Sea Hag 08/01/08
Read SAA Sept 08 Plan A 10/03/08 thru 11/15/08
Plan B 11/15/08-currently
01/18/09 Plan B crack w/phone call restating PBL
01/31/09 Planned brief contact
02/15/09 Delivery of Planned 2nd PBL
Filed for D Dec 2009 Recovering well!
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Was that me??? flirt

I forgot about the retaliation. Yep, don't do it if you think you might get bit back.


me - 47 tired
H - 39 cool
married 2001
DS 8a think
DS 8b :crosseyedcrazy:
(Why is DS7b now a blockhead???)
(Ack! Now he's not even a blockhead, just a word! That's no fun!)
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I think it hurt because he let her, he admitted he liked being marked by two women, I told him he had just had the equivalant of being p*ssed on, is all grumble

But also it was unexpected, if T2L expected the possibility....

And yes it was you, should I find the post and link it? laugh


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I forgot to mention this to you guys, so funny I just remembered it this morning when i was sharing it with someone.

Thursday when he was here at the house, he sat on the couch and I was in the kitchen and I throw my hands in the air and gleefully shout i've made it 6 months! He looks at me puzzled and say for what, I respond today is exactly 6 months to the day that my life changed and I made it and then I smiled! It was a good confident moment. Ya think that was ok to say in front of him?


Me-39 H-38/Married 19years/DD18 & DS10
Dday EA/PA 4/23/08 Left home 5/08/08
Moved in w/Sea Hag 08/01/08
Read SAA Sept 08 Plan A 10/03/08 thru 11/15/08
Plan B 11/15/08-currently
01/18/09 Plan B crack w/phone call restating PBL
01/31/09 Planned brief contact
02/15/09 Delivery of Planned 2nd PBL
Filed for D Dec 2009 Recovering well!
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Ya think that was ok to say in front of him?

Totally.

It shows that even though you don't like it at all, you don't quit breathing when he's not around.


I never had to take the Kobayashi Maru test until now. What do you think of my solution?

O'hana means family, and family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten.

My Story

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Kids had planned to go to Regan Library so they were disappointed.

I'm pretty sure we live in the same general area. I live 4 miles west of Universal Studios. If you need a back up intermediary, let me know.

Pep

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Oh very cool! Yeah I live in the same city as the Regan Library. We are very close, I'm going to taking a salsa class in North Hollywood tomorrow off of Lankershim, small world!!!!

Well I have mutual friends that have offered, I thought it would be easier for H if it was someone that he knew. What do you think? I wonder how many people used friends or relatives that spouses new and how many used people spouses did not know.

I actually have no problems and may consider your offer. I just don't want to piss him off more but him having to go to someone he doesn't know, what do ya'll think?

BTW I was wondering if everyone would post some of the PB conditions they used. Just curious.


Me-39 H-38/Married 19years/DD18 & DS10
Dday EA/PA 4/23/08 Left home 5/08/08
Moved in w/Sea Hag 08/01/08
Read SAA Sept 08 Plan A 10/03/08 thru 11/15/08
Plan B 11/15/08-currently
01/18/09 Plan B crack w/phone call restating PBL
01/31/09 Planned brief contact
02/15/09 Delivery of Planned 2nd PBL
Filed for D Dec 2009 Recovering well!
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I found the post on my thread that lists mine.

Quote
Just for review, here was my original list of boundaries.


Quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

1. Complete NC, and if contact occurs he must tell me. He thinks this will be easy, but when he gets up I will point him to Dr. H's articles on here so he can be prepared for the reality of temptation when it happens.

2. Honesty - total and complete. I told WH that if there was anything he wasn't ready to talk about yet, to just say that and we would come back to it later, but he has wanted to talk about everything so far.

3. Open-book policy - it was pretty close already, with me having complete access to his bank account and all emails, but there were several privacy fences up; one around his cell phone (or so he thought), and one around his IM. He knows I will be watching those closely.

4. Accountability for time - he offered to take me with him everywhere, and failing that to check in with me often and let me know what he's doing. In addition, he no longer cares if I access him on the GPS.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------



[And he had already taken care of #5, the marriage counseling.]


For the sake of comparison, here is the new, improved list of boundaries that were to govern recovery #2, if there was to be a recovery #2.


Quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

What It Will Take

· Another letter to Gargamel, explaining that you will not communicate with her again—ever. No loopholes. No contact for the rest of your life. Period.
· In this letter you will also let her know that she has until the end of July to find alternate employment. I agreed to let her work for us on a temporary basis, and that time has long since passed. [We shortened this time period to last only until the end of the payroll she was currently in.]
· Become completely honest. Our marriage will not survive further deception. This not only includes not lying to me, but means not giving me a false perception of something, as you tried to do with the phone calls. No lies, no evasion, no covering, just the full and complete truth.
· Commit to weekly marriage counseling with me, whether by phone or in person. After all this trauma, we need every possible advantage in order to recover our marriage.
· Keep in close touch the way you have been. I am willing to do the same to reassure you.
· Resign from [the job where the A began]. Your phone calls began again just after you started to work there for the first time since breaking up with her.
· Every possible precaution must be taken to erase her from our lives and make contact with her so difficult that you would have to make great efforts and great deception to even make it possible. This includes, but is not limited to:
o Trade cell phones using the phones from you, [and several other employees], and do not give her the new number.
o Give me your current cell phone (instead of [the one I have now]).
o Block her number from your phone.
o Get caller-ID-blocking blocked so there are no blocked numbers on the phone bill.
o Block all of her email addresses from all of your email addresses.
o Delete her from every possible contact list you have.
o Get rid of anything she has given you, cards, memorabilia, anything at all. (The tools will be paid for, and belong to the company anyway.)
o If you have to schedule her for the short time she remains with our company, institute employee numbers instead of names. [By now the sound of her name is so unpleasant for both of us that we refer to her as A Certain Person so we don't have to name her directly.]
o She will not hold any position in the company except [the one she now holds], and that only through July 31 at the latest. [He had previously been trying to get me to give her more assignments, such as scheduling all the employees. I will try to remember to say more about that later.]
o I will continue to deal with all money issues relating to repaying her loans to you. I will let you know once the money is all paid off, but other than that don’t bring it up. You can believe that I will pay it off as fast as humanly possible.
o Do not mention her in the context of the present. She has no more part in our lives. That means you don’t ask how she is doing, if I have mailed her check, or anything current. It is as if she is now dead, and has no place among the living. (The only time her name will ever come up is in dealing with something affair-related.)
o Tell me immediately if there is ever contact of any kind. If you are honest about this, we will simply find a way to prevent it from happening again through more precautions.

If this agreement is broken, at that point the only way I would even think of continuing to be married to you is if we move out of state, far from this area. (Carson City is not nearly far enough, Westby might be.) And, to be very blunt, depending on the level of dishonesty, especially in the face of all these precautions, I might very well decide to end things at that point.
You need to have some glimmer of how badly this recent episode has hurt me, in spite of how calm I have been in talking to you about it. After I compiled the list of phone calls showing just how many times you had called her, and had her call you right back, and exactly how long you talked each time, I walked quietly into the bathroom. For a little while I thought I might just throw up, but instead broke into hysterical, wordless sobbing. I have no idea how long I cried, but it was a long while.
I will not let this continue. There will be no accidents or second chances. There will be no excuses, and no reasons for any type of contact, at any time, ever. No matter how much trouble it might be to put these things into place, it is little enough to prevent the kind of agony I have suffered, and am still suffering now. I will not risk being hurt like this again. I love you enough that I am willing to try one more time, and I hope and pray you will decide to take that chance.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------



Whatever else you might think about it, there is no arguing that the second list is far more comprehensive than the first. I also made it very clear that if thought of further precautions, they would be added to the list at that time.

Please take this very much to heart: you can never have too many precautions.

Well, maybe you could, but you'd have to try really hard. Don't neglect this little stuff. The Bible says it is the little foxes that spoil the grapes. Because of how repentant AJ had been at the beginning, I underestimated the hold the A still had on him, and just didn't think all that was necessary.

It is far better to do it right from the start.


A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb



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Originally Posted by Trying2live
I actually have no problems and may consider your offer.

You can get my email by contacting dufresne.mb@gmail.com

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I was still trying to figure out who JustUss is, then they went and added all the other mods, too. Sigh.


A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb



Neak's Story
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Re intermediaries, I got stuck and ended using MIL. I don't recommend it, it put an aweful strain on our relationship which is still there where as previously we were closer than my own mother and I.

Recovery condition....
Steps to Recovery


1. Write a no contact letter that I see and I post stating something like you love me and your family and the affair was a huge mistake. You intend to work on the marriage and want no contact with her for any reason for ever.
2. An apology.
3. Full disclosure as required. This should not be for long, only till I have understood everything.
4. Read Dr. Harley's basic concepts, more than once if necessary
5. Abide by the MB principles.
6. Give me all passwords to your accounts and accept for a small while I will need to feel I can check up on you for reassurance. This will not be for long.
7. Change the incoming text tone on your cell. This one is a bit silly but I have come to hate that particular tone to the point I sometimes fantasised blowing away the cell with the shotgun
8. Apologise to the girls, and make plans to spend time with the as they state in their request lists.
9. Change your status to married on your facebook and bebo pages.
10. Remove her as a friend, disown her pictures, and discard any and all gifts and pictures you have of her.


When he came back for the 2nd recovery these were backed up by some EP's he and I wrote and he posted on MB. Oh yeah the second recovery had one additional requirement.... start a thread on MB and post to it at least twice a week. Now he only has to once a week, but still seems to wiggle his way out frown
Still at least for those early days it did help alot and even when he does post and read now I notice slight improvements.


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Get some of that Patchouli oil stuff - that stuff clings for weeks! We had an engineer at work who wore it and you could smell it a week after she was in the conference room.

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Here's today's update.

Well I took all your advice acted like his lil attitude over the kids being upset yesterday didn't even happen.
Sent him that email thanking him for being my personal handy man and what a great job he did and I could have never done that myself, then verified all the plans for the week and said call me if your bored.

So he emailed me back and said I'll call you with all the answers. He called at 1 PM. At 1st he said that he was frustrated over everyone being upset, so I say no one was that bad kids just wanted daddy, you know how kids are, I took advantage of the time to take a nap, did you get some rest? Then he verifies plans ready for this, He will be with us Thursday evening for pumpkins carving, Friday for trick or treating, Saturday for son's games(mentioned he could stay the night), and back Sunday morning to take DS10 to football weigh in in the morning, lunch after church and hanging out for the day! Can you say Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday LMAO! I hope OW gets pissed! I had also asked him to take a Saturday off so he got the 8th off and were going to do a day trip with the kids!!!
So gots lots of stuff planned the next 4 day, even a few {{quick close your ears}} naughty things which I told him about (BTW this is a 180 for me).

Thanks for all your conditions guys its really really helpful! Be back in a bit gotta go get DS10 from practice....


Me-39 H-38/Married 19years/DD18 & DS10
Dday EA/PA 4/23/08 Left home 5/08/08
Moved in w/Sea Hag 08/01/08
Read SAA Sept 08 Plan A 10/03/08 thru 11/15/08
Plan B 11/15/08-currently
01/18/09 Plan B crack w/phone call restating PBL
01/31/09 Planned brief contact
02/15/09 Delivery of Planned 2nd PBL
Filed for D Dec 2009 Recovering well!
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Wow. Good job.

Remember, no expectations. But it sure seems promising to me.

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First of all, you handled his frustration over everyone being disappointed in him with MUCH more finesse than I could have managed, and I have a long fuse and tons of self control. I bet your inner dialogue was screaming "Of COURSE we're disappointed, you've abandoned us and you're IN AN AFFAIR!!" but you were cool as a cucumber. I am in awe.

Originally Posted by Trying2live
Then he verifies plans ready for this, He will be with us Thursday evening for pumpkins carving, Friday for trick or treating, Saturday for son's games(mentioned he could stay the night), and back Sunday morning...


HE suggested that?
You might want to start figuring out what the requirements are for him moving home, in case he wants to "stay over" more and more and then just move on back. No expectations, just getting your ducks in a row, like you have done with the Plan B letter. Contingency plans, nothing more.

Quote
So gots lots of stuff planned the next 4 day, even a few {{quick close your ears}} naughty things which I told him about (BTW this is a 180 for me).

First of all, congrats for breaking out of your comfort zone and familiar behavior. If he responds positively to this 180 behavior of yours, then you need to keep it permanently.

Sounds like things couldn't be going any better.

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